Nov 5 2009 That Can't Be Good For His Knees: DS Player

This man, who could be any of us (BUT TOTALLY ISN'T ME, I SWEAR) was caught playing a demo Nintendo DS at Wal-Mart on his knees. DS'er, on his knees *snicker* ENOUGH -- this is not the time for your pervy laughter! This IS the time to take up a collection and get this poor bastard a DS. And, if there's anything left over, Rogaine and a spray tan.

World Of Walmart [peopleofwalmart]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who once got caught taking whippits in the dairy isle AND WHO CAN BLAME HIM?!

Sep 19 2009 That's Classy: Truckvette Spotted At Walmart

That has got to be the fastest looking truck I've ever seen. And I saw a truck shot out of a cannon before, so I know. Still, needs truck nuts.

TRUCK-VETTE [peopleofwalmart]

Thanks to Alan, who once drove a truck to the moon and did donuts in a crater. Bitchin'!

Aug 29 2009 Classy: This Video Game Shopper At Walmart

That's not even a shirt, that's a baby blanket with a hole in the middle. This guy: because Lego Star Wars can't wait for decency.

Walmart Gadget Shoppers Sometime Look Like THIS [gizmodo]

Apr 20 2009 HOLY NOMs!: Jesus Appears In Kit Kat Bar

On Good Friday (OLD, LATE, BLOW ME GW!) Jesus revealed himself in the form of a half-eaten Kit Kat bar. Because, well, the son of God hates Twix. As you can see in those deliciously crispy layers, the Lord's face looks eerily similar to that on the shroud of Turin (Sunday school, son, TA-DOW!). However, the divine bar is not without it's hell-burning naysayers.

Other witnesses were less impressed. "It looks more like Darth Vader," said one.

Really -- Darth Vader? Now why on earth would Darth Vader appear in a damn Kit Kat bar? The man only likes dark chocolate. Get it, because of The Dark Side? I don't either. No, you're the Nutter Butter!

Sweet Jesus, his face is in a choc [thesun]

Thanks to Richie-Con-Carne and ash, who both agree they should replace communion wafers with Kit Kats.

Apr 1 2009 Own A Plastic Box Of NYC Trash For $50

Nope, not April Fools either. Real boxes of "hand-picked" trash from the streets of New York City are available for $50 from greedy garbage tycoon Justin Gignac. You can also get limited edition boxes from Yankee Stadium or New Year's Eve for $100.

I sell garbage. I scour New York City streets picking up trash. After filling bags with subway passes, Broadway tickets, and other NYC junk, I carefully arrange plastic cubes full of the stuff. Each box is unique and won't leak or smell. The cubes are then signed, numbered, and dated, making them perfect for anyone wo wants their own piece of the NYC landscape.

Apparently Justin has already sold over 700 cubes in over 41 states and 19 countries. So, somebody start selling them for $10, and maybe I'll buy one. People buying trash off the streets of New York City, that is just amazing. Well, like the saying goes, "one man's trash is another man's free needle". I'm gonna try shooting glue!

Hit the jump for a close-up of a cube.

Continue Reading " Own A Plastic Box Of NYC Trash For $50 "

Feb 17 2009 Trailer: The People Vs. George Lucas

This is the teaser trailer for a documentary called The People Vs. George Lucas which discusses such hot topics as Jar Jar sucking major outerspace nadage and Han PEWing first.

Slated for release in 2010, 'The People vs George Lucas' delves into the impassioned feelings and opinions expressed by fans and foes of legendary screen icon George Lucas, and the many debates surrounding his legacy. Don't forget that you can still send us your own films and interviews until September 30, 2009!

Oh you're gonna get a film alright. An adult one. Starring me. And a cardboard cut out of Jar Jar Binks. Playing baseball. I will be pitching.

Youtube

Thanks to Brian, the man behind puppet Palpatine, who makes an appearance in the movie.

Feb 13 2009 I Swear, People Google The Weirdest Things

People really search for the darndest things. Using Google auto-complete, you can see just how screwed up people out there on the web really are. And yes, these are the same people responding to your singles ad. Typing the words in bold will result in the following:

• 883,000,000: Why do I have no friends.
• 7,570,000: Why do I have diarrhea.
• 4,170,000: Why do I have so much discharge.
• 7,120,000: Why do I have to pee so much.
• 230,000,000: Why do I have gas or so much gas.
• 456,000: Why do men have nipples.
• 6,000,000: Why men don't call.
• 8,380,000: Why men lie.
• 4,980,000: I want a new drug.
• 114,000,000: I want a wife.
• 783,000: I have one testicle.
• 21,900,000: I have one more drink.
• 12,400,000: I have three breasts.
• 320,000: I have three testicles.
• 1,580,000: I have three girlfriends.
• 42,300: Why Luke Skywalker is an idiot.
• 1,610,000: I would like to buy a hamburger.
• 286,000: I would like to extend you an invitation to the pants party.
• 818,000: I think im pregnant.
• 442,000: I hate Indiana Jones 4.

Neat. Now do some Googling of your own and post the funniest results in the comments. And also, a current picture. Are you really as pretty as I imagine?

Google Proves Humanity Is Sick and Sad, Yet Absolutely Hilarious [google]

Jan 25 2009 T-Mobile's Dance Spectacular Commercial

This is a recent commercial from T-Mobile that is almost identical in execution to this stunt (the second video), except there's like a billion times more dancing in this one. Basically a bunch of confederates (damn you, the north!) are walking around in a train station when they bust out in dance and get all wild up in that bitch while onlookers go "what the f***?" and a couple old people question if they remembered to take their medication. Good times. Oh man -- can you imagine if you were just been passing through on your way to catch a train? You'd have missed it. Then been pissed.

Youtube

Thanks to Jon and Mr M, who did a dance number in the middle school talent show but got booed off stage so they set off a stink-bomb in the back of the auditorium.

Dec 13 2008 Woman Leaves Berlin Wall For Garden Fence

A 54-year old woman who was married to the Berlin Wall for 29 years is now cheating on the iconic landmark with a local garden fence.

Mrs Berliner-Mauer (Berlin Wall), who has been diagnosed with a condition called Objectum-Sexuality, claimed she fell in love with the wall when she first saw it on TV as a child. She began collecting "his" pictures and saving up for visits. On her sixth trip in 1979 they tied the knot before a handful of guests.

"The Great Wall of China's attractive, but he's too thick - my husband is sexier."

While she remains a virgin with humans, she insists she had a full, loving relationship with the wall.

WTF! Sadly, since the destruction of the wall in 1989, she hasn't been back to visit her lover and has "shifted her affections to a nearby garden fence."

Wow, cheating on the Berlin Wall with a common garden fence -- that's like leaving John Holmes for The Geekologie Writer. HIYO! Just kidding, I'm hung like a, well, it's not really long enough to hang. :(

Woman married Berlin Wall [ananova]

Thanks to Megan, who wanted to marry the Sistine Chapel until she met me.

Dec 11 2008 Wrong, Just Plain Wrong: The TwoDaLoo

The TwoDaLoo is a toilet made for two. Just the thought of it disgusts me.

The TwoDaLoo is billed as the world's first toilet two people can use ... at the exact same time. It brings couples closer together and conserves our water supply all with one flush. The TwoDaLoo features two side-by-side toilet seats with a modest privacy wall in between. An upgraded version includes a seven inch LCD television and iPod docking station.

Oh yeah, because a "modest privacy wall" makes it all okay. WTF! Available now for wholesale, the units cost $1,400 apiece and the minimum order is 12. So yeah, you ever shit out in the open with 23 other people before? *sniffle* God, I miss college.

Product Page

Thanks Tali, like they say: a family that shits together, uh, starts to look at each other differently.

Nov 6 2008 Fail: Drunk "Businessmen" Break Horse Statue

Police in Saratoga Springs, NY are looking for the asshats in this video for breaking that poor fiberglass horse after repeatedly trying to mount it in their drunken stupor. There were three people involved, two males and a female (obviously a lady of the night).

Catone said police officials are tracking down the hosts of two functions held Saturday night at the Saratoga Springs City Center. The three people in the video are "very well dressed, and look like they just came from a party," Catone said.

The vandals, two men and a woman in their late 20s to early 30s, are seen walking south on Broadway in front of the real estate office when the two men attempt to mount the artwork as the woman snaps pictures.

Wow. If I could count the number of times I've done stupid shit like this, well, I wouldn't be such a drunk.

Spa police searching for horse vandals [timesunion]

Longer, uncut video here and here.

Thanks to Julian, who once tried to escape a crowd of pursuing women on one of those coin-operated horse rides. He didn't make it far.

Oct 23 2008 Man Divorces Woman's Avatar In Online World, Woman 'Kills' Man's Character

Jesus, women. Am I right? Am I left? I am left. Some guy divorced his online wife's avatar in "Maple Story", a Korean virtual world similar (but not really) to "Second Life", and she, in her resulting anger, killed his character.

A 43-year-old Japanese piano teacher's sudden divorce from her online husband in a virtual game world made her so angry that she logged on and killed his digital persona, police said Thursday.

The woman used login information she got from the 33-year-old office worker when their characters were happily married, and killed the character. The man complained to police when he discovered that his beloved online avatar was dead.

Guy was so broken up about his dead character he called the police and had the woman arrested.

She was charged with illegal access onto a computer and manipulating electronic data, police said. If convicted, she could face a prison term of up to five years or a fine up to $5,000.

This just goes to show you: people are crazy. Especially women. Can I get an amen? "AMEN!" Thank you, bitter divorcee. Say, this reminds me of a funny ex-wife story -- she's a freaking bitch!

Angry online divorcee 'kills' virtual ex-hubby [msnbc]

Thanks to Heather and Anthony, who do all of their living in the real world.

Sep 3 2008 Untooned Michael Jackson

Done in the same style of untooning as Mario and Jessica Rabbit comes Michael Jackson. In celebration of his 50th birthday, Photoshoppers set out to create a non-surgically enhanced Michael Jackson. As you can see, he looks like a handsome, middle-aged black man. And not a, uh, Geisha girl.

Michael Jackson Sans Surgery [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Tyson, who only believes in one kind of facial surgery -- boobs.

Jun 17 2008 Tornado Picture Taken By A Crazy Woman

When I see a tornado I think, "holy shit, I'm gonna die and I haven't even seen a real-life boob", definitely not, "let me grab the camera and snap a couple shots." Well last tuesday, Lori Mehmen of Orchard Iowa did just that, and this is the result. Not sure if she was planning on documenting her trip to Oz or if she just had a death wish, but either way she ended up with an amazing shot. Thankfully, no one was injured in this particular tornado except some green hag that had a house fall on her. Yeah, and when nobody was looking I ganked her shoes. Later suckers! "There's no place like the strip club, there's no place like the strip club..."

UPDATE: So it turns out this isn't a tornado after all. It's just a "very picturesqe supercell with a pronounced low hanging meso". HA! -- "pronounced low hanging mesos". I've got a pair of those.

Why You Should Carry a Digital Camera At All Times [gizmodo]

Thanks Melissa, you want to help me lift this house? I want to check the body for jewelry.

Jun 6 2008 OMGWTFNOBBQ?: Cannibal Banquets

A "Cannibal Banquet" is gross and involves eating a sort of fake human.

Here's how the Cannibal Banquet works... a pinata-like "body" is carefully crafted, then stuffed with edible goodies in a red sauce. More "sauce" is somehow embedded into the outside covering - "skin" as it were - of the body so that it will appear to bleed when cut into.

What.The.F***? And I thought the Bread Head Bakery was an assault on good taste. This cannibal banquet is a fullblown wack attack. I'd still try it though. Save the neck for me, Clark. Ooh, and a breast.

Hit the jump for worthwhile before and after shots (don't worry, the beaver is pixelated in traditional Japanese porn fashion).

Continue Reading " OMGWTFNOBBQ?: Cannibal Banquets "

May 22 2008 OLED Phone Will Stick Out Of Your Pocket

That is one looong phone. It certainly brings new meaning to the phrase "long distance calling" doesn't it? No, it doesn't, and that didn't make any freaking sense. If you thought it did you should see someone. Like me -- I love crazy people. So what we have here is the "NEED", a two OLED touchscreen phone by designer Tamer Koseli, whose aim was a "no frills" design.

He argues mobile phones are basic multimedia gadgets, far from their traditional aim of communication. He wanted to create a device with no superfluous features. That's right, you won't find a MP3 player, video capabilities, or even a camera.

Now call me an evil genius, but I'm pretty sure having two OLED touchscreens isn't a "no frills" feature. Honestly, that shit is frilly as hell. I mean, you write the damn number you want to call and it dials it? I think that's a little more superfluous than, oh I don't know, punching numbered buttons. That said, what in the hell kind of number is D544 B7B 3...? Do you think it's one of those phone sex things? I love those. I don't even need to talk to a real person, the automated part at the beginning is enough for me.

A bunch more pictures of the thing after the ring-a-ling-a-ding-dong. God I need help.

Continue Reading " OLED Phone Will Stick Out Of Your Pocket "

Apr 10 2008 Skirt Mousepad Cover Is Disturbing, Fetishy

I don't even know what to say about this. It's a jean skirt that you put your mouse and mousepad into. That way when you're computing it looks like you have your hand up a skirt and you're clicking around like a crazy person. What in the hell are the matter with these people? Whoever makes these things is freaking nuts. I mean, come on. A lightweight polyester-blend I could understand, but denim? Ridiculous. And sick.

Another picture of the thing in use after the jump.

Continue Reading " Skirt Mousepad Cover Is Disturbing, Fetishy "

Apr 8 2008 Best Infomercial Ever, I Mean That, EVER

Now we've seen a lot of awesome freaking commercials here at Geekologie, but this one may take the cake. It's for the $600 Beamz Laser Music System (Beamz Lazer Muzic Zyztem was already taken). It's basically six lasers, and anytime you break a beam with your fingers/hands a different sound is triggered. You positively HAVE TO WATCH the entire 3:00 video (after the jump). Now I've been known to set up a camera and film myself doing stupid things before, but never have I ever looked this ridiculous. It's almost too much to bear thinking these people are real and can wake up in the morning and face themselves in the mirror. That said, the laser thing they're playing is the awesomest freaking thing I've ever seen.

MUST SEE VIDEO after the jump.

Continue Reading " Best Infomercial Ever, I Mean That, EVER "

Feb 29 2008 Skywalker Bike Would Hurt/Kill You To Fall Off

The 12-foot tall SkyWalker TallBike is way up there. A little too far up there if you ask me. I know several kids around town that have five and six-feet tall bikes, and even those things seem ridiculous. This one is so tall it has a ladder system built-in so you can actually get on the thing. And apparently they're rugged.

According to Koolkat, the 12-foot SkyWalker is so strong that it can easily take a 500-pound pilot, a little trivia fact that makes me imagine a Fantasia hippo driving one.

Sure I believe that it can hold a 500-pound rider, but what I want to see is a 500-pounder that's crazy (and nimble) enough to get up there. And could you imagine someone crashing and falling off this thing? That would be pretty awesome wouldn't it? Yeah, it would. How awesome?

A. So freaking awesome!
B. Bad to the ass!
C. Gnar Gnar Gnarly!
4. Pow Pow Powerwheels!
G. Huh?
F. Dude, that's not right, it could really hurt somebody.
G. I am so f***ed up right now, somebody please put on some music.

If you answered D. "I once saw a guy try to grind a handrail on rollerblades but fell and busted his sack open and one of his balls unraveled onto the concrete" then you are 100% correct.

Another picture and video of the bike in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " Skywalker Bike Would Hurt/Kill You To Fall Off "