Oct 10 2009 They're Good For Something: Dead Fly Art
Dead fly art: it just makes sense. Now I don't really want to go into the kind of person it takes to collect dead flies and glue them to a piece of paper to make "art", but suffice it to say they're our kinda person. Plus, I really dig the final results. Well, except for the moth in the last piece -- didn't see that one coming!
Hit the jump for a whole bunch more.
Continue Reading " They're Good For Something: Dead Fly Art "
Feb 5 2009 The Pocket Shark: Not Mightier Than A Sword, But Could Still Put An Attacker's Eye Out
The Pocket Shark is a $7 pen that doubles as a weapon thanks to its rugged construction.
For starters, it's made from the glass-reinforced plastic, Grivory, the same tough material we use in our NIGHTSHADE SERIES (of knives), and features walls that are 4 times thicker than similar markers. This means it's built for impact and, in a self-defense emergency it can become an efficient Yawara stick for driving off an attacker. Plus, the screw-top cap will stay in place and won't pop off like a regular marker's cap would when you strike a percussion blow, or when obtaining joint locks or submission holds.
ZOMG! One minute I'm thinking, "yes, that marker does looks sturdy", and next thing you know they're talking about "percussion blows" and "submission holds". Well, I guess as long as the cap doesn't come off while I'm braining some poor sap. Hey, Superficial Writer -- come check out this pen trick I just learned!
UPDATE: Jesus, who the hell brings nunchucks to work?
Pocket Shark Isn't Your Average Marker [ohgizmo]
Thanks to Mikey, who may or may not be a pocket pool shark.
Oct 14 2008 Condometric Gives It To You Straight (Or Slightly Curved To The Left, Ladies?)
The Condometric is a condom with convenient measurements along the side so your partner can point and laugh and you can feel inadequate.
Condometric is the first prophylactic that measures and shows off the penis' length. Condometric helps us flaunt what we've got. It's about believing we can handle whatever we wish to take on, regardless of size.
Haha, 6 whole inches -- I'm perfectly average! What? Centimeters? Goddamnit.
Condometric [likecool]
Thanks to Lindsey for making me feel like Timmy Tiny Dick.
Sep 8 2008 Questionable, But I'd Still Buy Some And Wear Them Around The House: Star Wars Condoms
If you can't tell from the picture, these are knock-off Star Wars jimmy jackets, cleverly named Star Condoms. Apparently they were purchased somewhere in Asia and, HELLO, I'm wearing one. "A long time ago in a galaxy for, for away..." Awesome. Just a heads up though: don't buy condoms with misspellings on the box, it indicates poor quality control. Seriously, the one I'm wearing doesn't even have a tip. Hmm, I hope I don't catch anything from this keyboard.
Star Wars Condoms [theswca]
Thanks to Toni, who I think will agree with me when I say that the only good sex is safe sex. With dinosaurs. Oh shit, and ninjas.
May 2 2008 Use Whatever You Want For Clock Hands
Well, you can't really insert anything you clock fetish pervwads. Just things that are relatively small, cylindrical, and lightweight. But everything that meets those criteria is fair game. Like, um, severed fingers (I recommend using a thumb and middle finger -- 3 and 9 o'clock will be hilarious!). Seriously though, this thing is pretty clever. It's really got me thinking about what time it is. Which, right now, is time to find two more things to post about. And then -- then it's time to mow the lawn and shower. But after that -- well, by then the wife will be home and it'll be time to play video games and tune her out while she complains about her day at work.
Several more pictures of the thing and what you can do with it (use twigs!) after the jump off. And yes, I posted this to make up for that coat hanger timepiece from earlier.
Apr 22 2008 LEGO Star Wars Pen Set Is Questionable
I love LEGO and Star Wars, so one would think that I'd find this LEGO Star Wars pen set ($25) bonetastic. Well that is not the case. But mostly because I have a problem with the advertising.
Each of these pens are a completely personalized writing instrument, since you use the included LEGO pieces to build a favorite Star Wars character, then add your choice of colors and shapes. Set of three includes Yoda, R2-D2 and Darth Vader.
Anybody else have a problem with that? "Completely personalized"? To me it looks like you can only choose whether Yoda has a gumball machine or a silver ball bearing on his head. To their credit though, you can build my favorite character with the set, Darth Yoder D2 -- he's got Vader's body, Yoda's head, and R2's robotic schlong.
Star Wars Lego Pen Set - Lego, Star Wars And Stationery [tfts]
Thanks to Melissa, who has never let me down like this product has, for the tip
Mar 3 2008 I'm Sold: Smencils Are Scented Pencils
Remember the Mr. Sketch (great name) Scented Markers that first introduced you to the wonderful world of huffing? I sure do. Damn that grape was out of this world. Well, if you loved them as much as I did, you know about the risk of accidentally marking on your nose and getting pegged as a huffer. Enter Smencils -- the pencil version of scented markers. They cost $10 for a pack of ten different scents, and are totally worth it. Now that doesn't mean I'm going to buy some, but it does mean I'll steal some and rubber cement them up my nose.
Thanks to Kelly, who always smells great, for the tip
Dec 12 2007 Pencil Bench Is, Get This, Made Of Pencils
The Pencil Bench is a bench that has a seating surface made of 1,600 pencils. Which is a lot. All the pencils fit into holes in the bottom so you can remove and use them if you desire. It's made by Boex 3D Creative Solutions and will set you back $2,450 -- a ridiculous price for a few pieces of wood and a shit-ton of pencils. You could make this in an afternoon. I bet they didn't even use the pencils with good erasers. I bet those are the ones that smear your writing instead of erasing it. God I hate those things. And while it may support Mr. 28" x 32" in the picture, what about a full figured model like myself? What happens when I set all of my 42" x 28" down on that bitch? I'll tell you what happens -- a bunch of cheap pencils get rammed up my ass. And then I'd have to get my girlfriend to pull them out for me like she did after that time I begged her to stick a Coke bottle up there aliens left a bottle in my ass during an abduction.
Pull Up a Pencil and Have a Seat [yankodesign]
Oct 29 2007 Aromatherapy Pens Encourage Huffing
Swiss Aromatherapy Pens are pens that have a liquid reservoir and rollerball on top (in upper left of photo), so that you can dispense smelly goodness onto your writings, or seal envelopes without using your mouth. They're $50 apiece, and come in scents like rose, mint, grapefruit, eucalyptus, lavender, orange, and ginger. A refill pack containing all the scents costs $28. These things remind me of those Mr. Sketch scented markers I used in grade school. Which, incidentally, turned me on to a life of huffing. Speaking of which -- I think the guy at the hobby shop is getting suspicious I buy all the model airplane glue and no model airplanes.
Aromatherapy Pens Probably Not As Satisfyinig As A Sharpie [ohgizmo]
Sep 25 2007 World's Largest Pencil Video
Why put the roof on a house when you can build the world's largest pencil? That's exactly what these construction workers thought when they made an 18,000 lb., 76 ft. long (functional) writing instrument. It allegedly represents 1,900,000 small pencils and took two weeks to make. It's basically a tree that's been painted yellow. I need to get my hands on that bad boy, because I have a ton of oversized checks that need depositing.
World's Largest Pencil Video [techeblog]
