Oct 28 2009 Haha, Sucker!: Bugatti Veyron Gets The Boot

MORE: car , chump! , damn rich people , expensive , funny , haha! , law enforcement , my maserati does 185 , parking , rich fail , sports car , that's what you get! , the boot , this makes me feel good , you're doing it wrong

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I like making fun of ridiculously rich people because it makes me feel better about not knowing where I'm sleeping tonight. Take this Bugatti Veyron owner, who thought he could park his land-jet wherever the hell he wanted. Think again, Richie Rich! But seriously, you'd think somebody who can afford a $1.2 million car could also afford to hire a band of mercenaries to hover above the thing in a helicopter and scares off parking enforcement with a little friendly fire. I swear, no class.

Bugatti Veyron Illegal Parking FAIL [totalprosports]

Thanks to Asbo, who only parks his van in front of schools. No, that's not creepy.

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Aug 18 2009 Kid Showing Off His Parallel Parking Skills

MORE: awh , buck-a-curb , car , cute , driving , future , good job , i like , impressive , kid , L337 , lady killer , nice , parking , pfft -- i could do that , skills , video , vroom vroom , wow

This is a short video of a future stunt car driver showing off his parallel parking skills to all the neighborhood ladies (6 and under only, please. Cougars need not apply). Impressive, little guy, but can you, oh I dunno, PERFORM A THREE POINT TURN?!? Because I can't, I failed the driving test four times. The GW: Driving without a license since '96.

Youtube

Thanks to NEWS TIP!, who may or may not understand what you're supposed to put in the 'Name' box.

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May 5 2009 Sap Cap Is Actually A Weapon In Disguise

MORE: beating stick , better than nothing , brain , fight , hat , hats are fun , james bond , lead , ouch , painful , parking , personal safety , secret , sock puppets , sock stuffer

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The Sap Cap is no ordinary headwear. Oh no, the baseball hat actually has a pocket of "unique impact material that is 110% the density of lead and will not rust" sewn into the back. Granted it's no Oddjob razor hat, but may do in a pinch (also: your clumsy ass would probably cut your own arm off with an Oddjob hat). Just remove the cap, hold by the brim, and proceed to brain your opponent. Now call me old fashioned, but I still prefer a sock full of quarters. Not only is it a lethal weapon, but you can also pay strangers' expired parking meters. But not too many! Lest you find yourself wielding an empty sock. Which, as I'm sure you all know, is only effective for beating yourself. BOOM SHACKA LACKA!

Sap Cap turns your hat into a deadly weapon [dvice]

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Feb 25 2009 Even Parking Meters Are Out To Get Us

MORE: apocalypse , body parts , broken , cars , cheaters never win and neither do i , feeling stabby , knife , parking , robotic bastards , robots , sharpie , stabby , trickery , tricky , washington dc , whee! , wrong

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Thought you were safe from robotic parking meters? Think again. Apparently the clever little bastards are pretending to be broken, then, once you've limped away without feeding them, auto-correct themselves and POW, parking ticket.

How is this possible? One explanation, according to DDOT, is that 74 percent of D.C.'s 15,453 meters are designed to self-correct, but are also "at the end of their useful life." So a person who parks at a meter displaying a "fail" message may return an hour later to find a working meter flashing zero time and a ticket on the windshield -- a process that may repeat several times a day.


"It was a news flash to me that we had this huge number of meters that are self-repairing," Ward 1 Councilman Jim Graham, chairman of the public works committee, said Thursday.

First of all, I think it's time for a new Ward 1 Councilman. And secondly, I live here in DC and just write BROKEN in black Sharpie across the glass of all parking meters. Law breaker or handsome vigilante -- you decide. But if you decided law breaker you should reconsider. Because -- you see this? No, down here. Yeah, the knife in my hand -- It's got your spleen's name on it. Well, it will. What's your spleen's name? Okay, now what'd I do with the Sharpie?

Parking Meters Out to Destroy the Human Race [nbcwashington]

Thanks spudtheimpaler, you in DC? We should drink beer together.

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