May 11 2009 Child Safety First: The Stroller Trike
The Taga Stroller Trike allows you to get some exercise while at the same time getting those pasty leeches of yours out from in front of the television -- and into traffic! HONK HONK, BEEP BEEP!
Taga isn't the first pedal powered vehicle with space to load up the kiddies, it does put add a few new levels of convenience to the way you schlep your offspring around.
For starters, it folds up so you can fit it in the car trunk for trips out of town. Then there's the wide range of attachments, including setups for two kids, covered seats for rainy days, and shopping baskets. You can even adjust the length of the Taga depending on what load you need to carry.
Sure, why not? Unfortunately, the Taga is currently only available in Europe because using your children as a protective shield from oncoming traffic is frowned upon here in the states. Which is exactly why I'm moving back in with my parents. Taco night! Ladies? Just a heads up though: if we mess around we have to do it with my bedroom door open.
Taga stroller/trike is an awesome way to bring the kids along on your trips. [dvice]
Mar 24 2009 Son Paints 60-Foot Phallus On Parent's Roof
Rory McInnes, 18, inspired by a television program he watched about Google Earth, climbed onto his parent's roof and painted a 60-foot phallus with a bucket of white paint. It took his parents over a year to discover the monster shlong, and now Rory "will have to scrub it off when he gets back from traveling". Haha, scrub it off. But seriously, who the hell paints a giant member ON THEIR OWN HOUSE? Sorry, but I'm chalking this one up as a penis painting fail, Rory. Better luck next dong.
60-foot penis painted on roof [bbcnews]
Thanks to Andy Mac, a-lice, Cian and Pesche, who are all smart enough to only paint junk on other people's houses.
Feb 19 2009 13-Year Old Fathers Son, Plays Video Games
In the heartcooling story of the week, 13-year old Alfie Patten (who looks six) fathered a baby with his 15-year old girlfriend. The little smurf was only 12 when he got the ogre pregnant.
The four-footer -- who looks no more than eight -- said: "I know I'm young, but I plan to be a good dad."
As he went on the PlayStation with 15-year-old girlfriend Chantelle Steadman, he added: "I think we'll be good parents. I'll have to work extra hard at school."Chantelle looked up from 18-rated action game Saints Row II to admit her first night out of hospital since having 7lb 3oz daughter Maisie had been tough and had left her "in a daze".
Yes, you'll have to work extra hard at school. Middle school. Was that not the saddest thing you've heard all day? No? Okay, try this one: you know that hamster you had as a kid that you thought lived eight years? It didn't. Your parents chose a solid brown one for a reason.
"I Know I'm Young, But I Plan To Be A Good Dad" [kotaku]
Thanks to Julian, Eric, JD, Alexander, Kenny and Juggernaut, who will probably never have children because most hookers make you wrap it up.
Oct 2 2008 Teenager Throws Kickass Party
This kid is the textbook definition of douchenozzle.
Thanks to Tyler, the real party legend.
Jul 31 2008 Beer Pong Video Game Sparks Controversy
JV Games latest video game title, Beer Pong, has sparked quite a bit of controversy from outraged parents. Why? Because it's a video game about playing beer pong, and received a "T" for teen rating. It's the first in JV's Frat Party Games series (with soon to follow Elephant Walk and Olive Basketball). So you know what JV Games did to get the game out? They changed the name to Pong Toss and removed all the beer-related content. F*** this is stupid. Parents, you do know your kids are banging hookers and killing people in GTA4, right? Probably not, because it's not called GTA4: Banging Ho's and Busting Caps. Anyway, this game may sound horrible, but at least it's not Needle Toss: Riding The H Train. Which, holy shit, is brilliant. Are there Emmys for video games?
The War Against Beer Pong [yahoonews]
Jul 17 2008 Epic Failure: Kid Riding Jet Ski In Hot Tub
This is a short video of an asscap riding a jet ski in a hot tub. It's every bit the epic failure you'd expect. The whole time I was waiting for a cruise ship to come along and crush the dumb bastard to death, but my prayer went unanswered. Something about God hating me.
UPDATE: I'd like to apologize to all of you who were misled into thinking that Captain Numbnuts of the USS Special Ed was going to hurt himself by the inclusion of "epic failure" in the title and post. If it's any consolation, there was nobody wishing him more harm than myself. And also, YAAAAAAAAA! *UMPH* -- there, I just punched myself in the go-go-gadget-gonads for you.
