Nov 20 2009 Google: Perfect For Searching AND Wiping

Google toilet paper: made with 100% virgin pulp and available in Vietnam. Per a questionable translation of the text on the bag: "Very long, soft, smooth. Of high vacuum, because you always!" HIGH VACUUM, OF COURSE I ALWAYS! Dingleberry free, just sayin'.

This Google's made from 100% Virgin pulp, not chrome [engadget]

Thanks to wes, who only wipes with Charmin because the dude's a bear.

Nov 15 2009 This Little Piggy Went To The Post Office: Bacon Flavored Envelopes For Meatier Mail

I think we all knew this day would come: Envelopes with bacon-flavored adhesive. Geez, these are almost as clever as my invention: nipple flavored envelopes. Which, I think you and I both know is the closest your tongue will ever come.

J&D's, the makers of Bacon Salt and Baconnaise, isn't kidding when they say everything should taste like bacon: They just announced Mmmvelopes, bacon-flavored envelopes. $6.99 for 25 bacon-flavored #10 envelopes, $14.99 for 3 packs of 25...."No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead."

Now I know what you're thinking, "but how do I keep myself from eating them?" THEY'RE PAPER YOU IDIOTS. Yeah I have no idea.

Mmmvelopes: Bacon-Flavored Envelopes from the Makers of Bacon Salt and Baconnaise [eatmedaily]

Thanks to Mih0, who invented chocolate-flavored envelopes a long time ago but that ruthless cocoa mogul Wonka stole his idea.

Oct 21 2009 Stop Motion Of Papercraft Link Construction

This is a little stop motion video of a papercrafter constructing a Link model. The model is amazing, and so is the build, so you should check it out. But you shouldn't check out library books that will get you blacklisted. Or women on the street. BECAUSE I AM AGAINST THE OBJECTIFICATION OF WOMEN. Women are people too, you know. Except those crazy bodybuilding ones. They're wild animals.

Youtube

Thanks to Jessica, who once made a papercraft model of the Geekologie Writer and then burn it as an effigy. Gee, thanks.

Oct 14 2009 WTF Was That?: Amazing Paper-Flipping Animation Video Thingy Is Slightly NSFW

NOTE: Video is arguably NSFW due to cartoon violence and what may or may not be a penis (it's a penis. It's 100% a penis) from 0:30 to 0:35.

I have absolutely no idea what I just saw even though I watched it five times in a row. I really loved the style, but the subject matter gave me siesta-mares this afternoon. I know I promised I wouldn't nap on the job anymore, but a siesta's different. It's cultural.

Crazy Headsploding Animation Defies Any Classification [gizmodo]

Oct 10 2009 They're Good For Something: Dead Fly Art

Dead fly art: it just makes sense. Now I don't really want to go into the kind of person it takes to collect dead flies and glue them to a piece of paper to make "art", but suffice it to say they're our kinda person. Plus, I really dig the final results. Well, except for the moth in the last piece -- didn't see that one coming!

Hit the jump for a whole bunch more.

Continue Reading " They're Good For Something: Dead Fly Art "

Sep 27 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Paperboy The Movie Trailer

We featured a video of Paperboy in real life earlier this week, and we're wrapping it up with a video of Paperboy: The Movie. It's a lot more dramatic than the other one. And before you ask -- yes, it made me cry. Thankfully, I cry diamonds. I'm rich, peasants!

Youtube

Thanks to Sara, who doesn't read analog papers because that shit's too oldschool for her. And Jon, who actually made the movie (cast me! cast me!).

Sep 24 2009 Video Game Reality: Paperboy In Real Life

This is a video of the Atari classic Paperboy, but in real life. It's a little longer, and I know most of you have ADD (I'm right here with you), but it's definitely worth a watch while on the clock. Plus, the guys who made it are loyal Geekologists, and you know how I feel about you readers -- I love you all like little sisters! You know, from Bioshock. I'll harvest every last one of you!

Youtube
and
Funnyordie

Thanks to D_rock and cooperanimation, who don't need paperboys because they only read Geekologie. Smart. Plus you're saving trees!

Sep 17 2009 Zombie Shooting Targets Now Available

Tired of shooting at the same boring silhouettes when you're getting your gun on? Well why not prepare for the imminent zombie apocalypse and get your pew on at the same time with these zombie-themed shooting targets?

Full color Zombie Poster Targets. Designed for fun at the range or for your next league's Zombie Shoot. Features shaded scoring lines in both head & brain that cannot be seen at shooting distances.

Prices start at $1.50 a pop and decrease with quantity ordered. I just bought 1,000 so I could get them for $0.69 AND I DON'T EVEN OWN A GUN! Now lasers, lasers are a different story. You will never take them from me! I'm looking at you, future Amendment XXXII. Cold dead hands, just sayin'. *pew pew!*

Product Site

Thanks to Patrick, who once beat a paper zombie target to death with a shovel. You know, for principle.

Sep 15 2009 Tough Times: The iPhone Recession Case

Tough economic times call for even tougher men patrolling the streets with leather chaps and cute hats. And I am one of those men. Also, you don't want to spend too much money during a recession because then you won't have enough for drinking. And drinking, as I'm sure many of you know, is one of the very few things that make life worth living (in addition to the internet and the love of a good woman). Enter the Case-Mate iPhone 3G/3GS Recession Case. Priced at a paltry $1 (or 10 for $8), the cardboard case is the perfect protection for an iPhone toting cheapskate. Plus, they're great for starting fires. In the bedroom. I'm talking about that freaky deaky shit! Oh yeah, baby, that's the stuff -- now hit me with the extinguisher!

Product Site

Thanks to Chuey The Rock n Roll Midget, who doesn't have to pay for airfare because he ships himself in a flat-rate box from the United States Postal Service (pay me bitches).

Sep 12 2009 Master Cuts: Life-Size Link Papercraft

Papercrafter Haywan got ambitious and decided to make a life-size Link. Out of paper. Making it quite possibly the most amazing feat I've ever seen in my entire life. Be sure to follow the links to see more pictures and ten videos of Haywan putting the thing together. WARNING: It's mind bogglingly complicated. Good lookin', Haywan, now how about a life-size Zelda? What? I LIKE PAPERCUTS DOWN THERE.

Hit the jump for a couple close-ups and a Link (!) to even more pictures and video.

Continue Reading " Master Cuts: Life-Size Link Papercraft "

Aug 28 2009 Paper Art: Toilet Paper Roll Face Sculptures

Junior Fritz Jacquet is an artist that loves working with paper and has created a series of small masks by bending and folding empty toilet paper rolls. Good looking, Junior (we named the dog Indiana). I really think this is testament to the creativity of the human mind. It's amazing, you know? Junior here sees an empty toilet paper roll and thinks art. Me? I think, "damnit -- what hand's it gonna be this time?"

Hit the jump for a whole gallery of faces.

Continue Reading " Paper Art: Toilet Paper Roll Face Sculptures "

Aug 20 2009 About Time!: Glow In The Dark Toilet Paper

The pinnacle of human achievement: glow in the dark toilet paper. Finally, I can sleep at night...knowing that if I have to get up to go to the bathroom, I at least won't sit in the sink again. Or will I? I probably will. It's like a bidet!

Perfect for power cuts, this groovy glowing loo roll means that if you don't want to wake anyone up in your household by turning on the light, it'll cast its green glow over your bathroom, so you can find your way around.

Neat, but each roll will set you back $8 and change. And, as cool as glowing toilet paper is, I can't imagine you'd want something radioactive so close to your privates. I mean, who wants glowing children? Besides everybody! Which is exactly why I just wrapped my penis in a roll. See -- it looks like a mummy!

Product Site

Thanks to naas, who doesn't need glowing toilet paper to find his ass.

Aug 9 2009 Not Surprised: Bacon Flavored Rolling Papers

Seeing how every flavor of rolling paper already seems to exist (I've heard -- I don't know anything about these things in case my mom is reading), it was only a matter of time bong rips before somebody put two and two together and then got the munchies and forgot what they were doing. Then, sometime much later, somebody else created bacon flavored rolling papers. Made by Juicy Jay's, the papers promise a sizzlin' bacon taste and aroma. Interesting. Unfortunately, I only smoke REAL bacon (I swear, mom) and banana peels. I AM THE BBQ WIZ-ARD!

Product Site (must be 19 or older)

Thanks to The Robot Slayer, who got high and thought I was a robot. Well, I'm not. BEEP BOOP BOP. Kidding!

Jul 10 2009 Notebook Paper Printed With Sports Balls

Trapped in Suburbia, an Amsterdam design firm, came up with this "Play More" concept, which is regular notebook paper on one side, but printed to resemble sports balls on the other. Cuuute! Now I'm not saying I wouldn't get anything done at work if I had sports ball paper wads to play with, because, honestly, I don't do anything now besides compulsively check my email and nap.

Play More: Balled-up paper turns into sporty orb [dvice]

Jul 9 2009 Cute Stop Motion Donkey Kong Movie

This is a little stop motion Donkey Kong movie. It's cute. Not as cute as my socks though, but they have little ducks on them. Now rub my feet. Uh-oh -- QUACK ATTACK!

Youtube

Thanks to Heather, who makes me work for my tips. On the corner. All hours of the night.

Jul 2 2009 I'd Live There: Amazing Papercraft Castle

This is a castle made entirely of paper. And I think we can all agree: it's pretty much the big bad wolf's wet dream-home.

I had the immense opportunity to see this wonderful paper craft art installation by a genius of the name of Wataru Itou, a young student of a major art university here in Tokyo. The installation is hand made over four years of hard work, complete with electrical lights and a moving train, all made of paper!

Normally when I see something this all I can think about is wanting to burn it. But not in this case, it's just too beautiful. Huh? What do you mean what's behind my back? Oh, these? Just some fireworks.

Hit the jump for a couple more, then the link for a bunch of nicer high-res joints.

Continue Reading " I'd Live There: Amazing Papercraft Castle "

May 26 2009 Artist Folds Paper To Create Pictures

German artist Simon Schubert folds pieces of paper into beautiful pictures of, uh, stairwells. Each piece takes about a week's worth of work and can sell for up to $6,000. *gathering neighborhood kids in a wagon* Arts and crafts time at the Geekologie Writer's house!

"Most of the people who see the work are surprised that the pictures are created by folding paper, they don't believe it when I tell them.

"Many of them think I've used paint or pencil to create the affect of light and shade. But when they realise the pictures are actually folded they are quite impressed."

Impressive, Simon, it's too bad I'm about to flood the market with child-folded ripoffs! Isn't that right, kids? Kids? *dink dink dittle dee dink dittle dee dink dee dink dee dink * DAMN YOU, ICE CREAM VAN!

Hit the fold for a bunch more.

Continue Reading " Artist Folds Paper To Create Pictures "

May 22 2009 Paper Towels: ShamWow's Latest Competitor

This is a short infomercial for Paper Towels. I only watched like five seconds of it before I started daydreaming about who would win in a fight, this guy or Vince 'ShamWow' Shalomi. Then I realized I would kill them both because I ride into battle on a dinosaur holding a smaller dinosaur! Then I went out for a gelati and rubbed sunblock on some hot chicks' chests because I'm at the beach and I DON'T ROLL WITH LIZARD TITS, SON!

Paper Towels [collegehumor]

Thanks to Harry, who once beat a man with his own roll of paper towels for cutting in line at the grocery checkout.

May 19 2009 The Future Of Time Is Now: E-Ink Watches

These e-ink timepieces were created by Phosphor Watches and feature patented e-ink technology. What is e-ink? THE INK THAT SITS IN FRONT OF F-INK DURING ROLL CALL!

The principal components of electronic ink are millions of tiny microcapsules, about the diameter of a human hair. In one incarnation, each microcapsule contains positively charged white particles and negatively charged black particles suspended in a clear fluid. When a negative electric field is applied, the white particles move to the top of the microcapsule where they become visible to the user. At the same time, an opposite electric field pulls the black particles to the bottom of the microcapsules where they are hidden. By reversing this process, the black particles appear at the top of the capsule, which now makes the surface appear dark at that spot.

BA-DOOOOOOSH, ELECTRONIC TECHNOLOGY ON YOUR WRIST! The watches come in three different styles and range in price from $175-$225 depending on the model and wristband you choose. Personally, I want mine on a slap bracelet. You know what they say: you can take the boy out of the early 90's, but you can't take the dinosaur out of the boy. Seriously, we're totally stuck together. Got any butter handy? No? BBQ sauce?

Product Site

Thanks to ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff, whose e ink watch broke and ruined his shirt. Faulty manufacturing, I smell class action!

May 14 2009 Best Financial Investment Commercial Ever

NOTE: VIDEO IS NSFW DEPENDING ON HOW YOUR EMPLOYER FEELS ABOUT VIVID ORIGAMI SEX ACTS.

This is a commercial for Bontrust Finance. It is arguably the best commercial for a financial institution I've ever seen. Not only was it incredibly well made, but it features lewd sex acts. OUT OF NOWHERE. Which, let's be honest, are the best kind. Except on the Metro. I'm looking at you, Mr. '"Whip it Out Whenever You Want". But no eye contact -- I remember what happened last time!

Youtube

Thanks to Harry, who once had relations with one of those little paper fortune teller thingies you used to make in grade school.