Oct 22 2009 BSoD Belt Buckle: A Problem Has Been Detected And Your Pants Have Been Shut Down To Prevent Damage To Your Privates
This is a blue screen of death belt buckle. It costs $17 and is currently on back order until November because everybody wants one for Halloween so they can dress up as people with novelty belt buckles. Pfft, like that'll win the costume contest.
The Blue Screen of Death (also known as a stop error, BSoD, bluescreen, or Blue Screen of Doom) is a colloquialism used for the error screen displayed by some operating systems, most notably Microsoft Windows, after encountering a critical system error which can cause the system to shut down to prevent damage.
Let's just hope the wearer of this sexy geek belt has a bit more luck!
How can you tell if a geek belt is sexy or not? Because looking at this one I wouldn't have known. But now that I do I'm gonna wear like four around my head like karate headbands. Sweep the leg, GW!
Thanks to naas, who doesn't need a belt because boxers have elastic bands.
Oct 9 2009 Could It Really Be?: Link's Biological Father
This is a picture of a Nordic looking dude who may or may not be Link's biological father. He probably is, I just never pictured Link Sr. as a pantless cigar smoker. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that. Love you Grandpa!
Picture (WARNING: all other images on that site are verrrrry NSFW. Clicking any of the other tags on the page will take you to cartoon pictures that will get you fired, including a ton more Zelda-themed ones I didn't look at, I swear).
Thanks to Yopoleo, who I question how he found the picture in the first place. Suuuure you just stumbled across it searching Google!
Aug 22 2009 You've Got To Be Kidding Me: Winkers Jeans
Winkers are jeans that have graphics on the ass that appear to move as you walk. They're called Winkers because the first pair they designed have a pair of eyes that appear to wink. These are by far the most ridiculous pants I've ever seen, so, yeah, sure to be a hit. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with an active volcano.
Thanks to Richard, Brandon in New Orleans, Dude McRad and Dan, who prefer to wink with their hats like normal people.
Mar 13 2009 Sissypants Suing Over Exploded iPod Touch
A 17-year old and his family are suing Apple after an iPod Touch allegedly blew up in the sissy's pocket and caused 2nd degree burns.
It claims the boy had his i-pod touch off and in his pocket at school on December 4th, when he heard a pop and felt a burning sensation.
The lawsuit is seeking more than 200-thousand dollars in damages.
Pfft, I've got some 2nd degree burns but you don't see me trying to sue Cup Noodles. No, I think there's more to this story than the family is telling us. Namely, their house is about to be foreclosed and there was a reciprocating saw involved in the explosion. Elementary my dear, Watson. Now, fetch me a glass of the good stuff and come sit on Sherlock's lap.
Family Sues Apple Over Exploding iPod [local12]
Thanks to Douche McAllister, who had an entire sever blow up and catch fire in his pants but refused to sue because he's a real man with wrought-iron genitalia.
Mar 9 2009 You're A Real Ninja Now: The Belt Sword
The Belt Sword is a questionable sword hidden within a belt. It was created to make dorks feel safe even though in a real-life situation they'd either forget they were wearing the thing or stab themselves trying to get it out. Also, they look suspiciously like aluminum-foil wrapped cardboard. The belt with 24" and 27" swords costs $150. $210 if you want five swords (24", 27", 29", 31", and 33"). Sorry folks, but I'm not interested. No, unlatching my buckle releases another, much more powerful weapon. Obviously, I'm talking about a flying dragon. *unbuckling* KA-P....uh-oh. Looks like the proverbial chicken has flown the coop. And, oh God -- taken off with the eggs.
Hit the jump to see more of this chick, along with a picture of the system and links to the product page and video demonstrations.
Continue Reading " You're A Real Ninja Now: The Belt Sword "
Jan 14 2009 Cool!: Massive Underground Ant Colony
You ever wonder what an underground ant colony looks like but were always too afraid the rascally bastards would escape if you bought an ant farm? Well fear not, little girl, that's what nature shows were made for. In this episode, a bunch of assholes pour 10 tons of cement down an ant hole and then dig in the ground around it to show off its underlying shape and size. It's amazing! If you only have a couple free seconds to watch, skip to about 1:15 to start the good stuff. But if you have a couple free minutes to watch....screw the video, meet me in the supply closet.
Thanks to Dan, who has termites in his pants but thankfully doesn't have a peg-penis. Still -- morning wood, Dan, be careful.
Jan 9 2009 I Don't Know....The Evolution Of Robots
This is a German commercial for something I have no idea what is (saturn.de?) that shows the evolution of technology in robotic form. It confused me in my pants. I definitely felt a little twitter at the part with the t-rex, but the rest of it just scared me. And the chick from Tron at the end? Fine, I'll admit it: boner. It was her voice, I swear!
Thanks to pirhan and ITSELF, who know the only good robot is a dead one. Or one that looks like a dinosaur and has realistic-feeling skin.
Dec 9 2008 NSFW! SNL Short Is The Story Of My Life
NSFW! And also, the story of my life. Seriously, these guys should hire me -- I've got tons of this material.
Thanks to Wilson and Jay, who swear they've never had this problem.
Dec 1 2008 The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking With Balls. Alternatively, Developing An Eating Disorder
Wow. Last week it was cooking with paste, and this week, actual balls. The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking with Balls is completely uncalled for and contains many delicious rocky mountain oyster recipes. An excerpt from the 'About The Author' section:
Ljubomir Erovic has been cooking testicles for over 20 years.
When not cooking or eating testicles, or helping others to do so, he now runs a company involved in the maintenance of medical and dental equipment.He is married with one daughter and one testicle.
*HORF* When will the insanity end? I completely understand the "waste not, want not" mentality of using all possible edibles on an animal, but the balls? Those things weren't made for eating -- they were made for necklaces. BLING!
Hit the jump to see how to properly peel a testicle and a testicle pizza. Both of which will make you puke if you've eaten recently. Cheers!
Nov 9 2008 Yes Please: A Zelda Themed Belt Buckle
I love Zelda. I eat that shit up like week-old Halloween candy. Or spaghetti. Except The Adventure of Link, they made that last Palace far too hard for a 6-year old. Or a 20-something. Seriously, eff that thing. Anyway, this is a $20 officially licensed Zelda belt buckle. It's Zelda's crest if you couldn't tell, and I bought two. One for my belt, and the other I just pounded into my skull. Now I know what you're thinking, "Jesus, Geekologie Writer, that almost sounds too sexy." And you're right, my brain hurts.
Thanks to Justin, who wasn't sure if I was being serious about posting everything Zelda. These hips don't lie Justin!
Aug 6 2008 Pure Class (And Alcohol): The Beer Belt
The Beer Belt costs $18 from Urban Outfitters and holds six cans or bottles. But I assume if you're buying this you'll be carrying bottles. And not just because they're classier (although they are), but to carry six cans, you just put your belt through a loop in one of those plastic 6-pack carriers that strangles birds. But whichever way you go, there's one thing for certain: you'll be looking damn good. And, depending on how fast you drink, chugging warm beers. Just saying, scientists invented ice for a reason.
May 21 2008 Classic Controller Belt Buckles For Sale
Want a NES or Genesis controller belt buckle? Well they're available. And so are SNES, Atari, and NES Advantage (the big arcade style controller) ones. Ranging in price from $30 to $50 (just like dog wigs!), they're all guaranteed to hold your pants up. But they're not guaranteed to come with a belt, so the company sells those for $5 extra. While I was kind of digging the classic NES buckle, I think I'm gonna hold out for an N64 one -- with a functional rumble pak attachment. *bzzzzzzzzz* Oh yeah, that's the stuff.
Pictures of all the different models after the jump.
Continue Reading " Classic Controller Belt Buckles For Sale "
May 6 2008 Zip Holder Keeps Your Zipper Up, Prevents Embarrasing Situations (Exposing Your Junk)
The Zip Holder is a very simple product. It consists for a rubber band that loops through your zipper hole, then over your pants button. It keeps your zipper up so it doesn't sneak down to the bottom and end up exposing your tubesteak to everyone on the #9 train. Pretty clever, but seriously, pants are on their way out -- especially ones with zippers. As a rule I don't want anything with metal teeth (especially Jaws from the Bond movies) that close to my moneymaker. Seriously though, it is my moneymaker. I moonlight for a strippergram company. Lots of Rick Roll requests these days. Hey, I don't care, it pays the bills -- there's no shame in my game. Fine, there is. Tons. Mountains of shame.
ZipHolder Zipper Holder Makes Pantsings Super Difficult [gizmodo]
Thanks to Shawn, who doesn't wear pants and the ladies are totally cool with that
Apr 23 2008 Keyboard Pants: Type Your Way To Excitement, Trouble At Work
These pants were designed by Erik De Nijs and are cleverly called "Beauty and the Geek" jeans. I see no beauty, just a kid that looks like he's playing with himself.
Built into the knees are a pair of crotch rocking speakers, around the back you have the added convenience of a back pocket for your "mouse", and for you gamers, there is a joystick controller located just behind the front zipper.
Wow, joystick behind the zipper. Didn't see that coming. I swear, these are the most ridiculous pair of peripheral pants I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot. I've even tried a few pairs, and no matter what, they're awkward as hell to use at work. Hold on.
"No Josh, you can't type another email to accounting. They're right down the freaking hall, just go talk to them. Oh what the hell, but this is the last time. Hey Mary, you got anything you need to type after Josh is done here? Got your own keyboard, huh? Well, if it ever breaks or goes missing, look no further -- than my crotch! HAHA, gotcha! No but seriously, that doesn't count as sexual harassment."
A bunch more pictures of the ridiculousness after the jump.
Continue Reading " Keyboard Pants: Type Your Way To Excitement, Trouble At Work "
Apr 17 2008 It's About Time: Massage Pants Are Here!
These are massage pants from the Wenzhou Wonderful Massage Equipment Company. What do they do for you? Well I'll tell you, by copy/pasting the product features.
Product Features: * Built-7 group of super vibration massage, a scientific and rational allocation * Ring far infrared heaters, automatic temperature control, safe and reliable *A variety of massage * Automatic mode * Automatic regularly work 20 minutes * High-performance rechargeable batteries for exclusive use, energy, security
You know, looking at them I could tell they had a scientific and rational allocation of vibration massage. And that makes me really want some. Just a heads up though, I don't think these are technically pants. Because pants are usually longer. These look more like shorts. Shorts that are missing some fabric in the front. You know, so your balls hang out. Wow, these are even awesomer than I first thought. Unfortunately there's a 500 pair minimum order. Anybody want to go halvsies?
Thanks to Zachary, who doesn't need massage pants because he's got a harem that does his massaging for him, for the tip
Feb 11 2008 Uh Oh: Russians Think Time Machine Is Right Around The Corner
Two Russian scientists claim that the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), a particle accelerator in Switzerland, may be the world's first time machine. They're in the process of trying to recreate a miniature Big Bang. They're not sure exactly what will happen, but my guess is destroy the planet somehow. The first particle smash goes down in May, and they believe it may create a rip in the fabric of time, making time travel possible. I don't know about all that, but one time I did an experiment where I collided a subatomic toot with the particles of my jeans, creating a rip in the fabric of Levi's. But there wasn't any time traveling afterwards, just a stink and ruined pants.
News video after the jump, complete with some Back To The Future scenes
Continue Reading " Uh Oh: Russians Think Time Machine Is Right Around The Corner "
Jan 11 2008 Octopus Jeans Chair Looks Comfy, Sort Of
The Octopus is a product design from AtelierBLINK, a two-woman creative team out of France. The chair is made out of recycled jeans that can be buttoned together in a number of different forms, to ensure that your living room will look as ridiculous as you want it to. It's filled with polystyrene balls and looks scary, which make it the Octopus Beanbag Chair Of Death. It nonchalantly wraps its Levi 32" tentacles around you until you're immobile, then releases a school of dreaded trouser eels to finish you off.
thanks to Sebastian, who is so freaking cool, for the tip
Dec 10 2007 Batman Belt Lacks Batarangs, Everything Else
The Batman Belt Buckle is a device that keeps your pants at an appropriate height so you don't expose yourself to others. It costs $20. Unfortunately it lacks all the cool features that would make a Batman Belt cool. Like Batarangs or Bat-bolas. Good thing I read that before spending a hard earned Andrew Jackson, because I would have been pissed. The cheap bastards could have at least included a grappling hook. This whole affair is really making me question the legitimacy of the Wonder Woman Lasso of Truth I ordered from them. I think the crooked bastards may have just sent me a spray-painted bullwhip.
There's also an antique version available, in case you want more of a Steampunk Batman look. There's a picture of that one after the jump if you're having trouble imagining a brass version of the one above.
Continue Reading " Batman Belt Lacks Batarangs, Everything Else "
Nov 23 2007 U.S. Patent 6313371: Underwear Deodorizer
Well I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving yesterday and stuffed themselves full. I know I did -- I made my famous Thanksgiving bourbon. My mother brought a great gin dish over and my father cooked up an exceptional moonshine. Fun was had by all until I tried to make out with my sister. Anyways.
Just in time for Thanksgiving leftovers comes U.S. Patent 6313371. It describes the Flatulence Deodorizer, which is a "non-intrusive" pad you tape "inside briefs or panties in the anal area". It's basically a little activated carbon patch that neutralizes odors. And f'ing ridiculous. Just make sure the woman you brought home doesn't see it when you're stripping down. Because she'll jump out the window. And tell all her friends. Please don't get these, just blame the dog or a senile old person. That's what I do.
Farting damage control for the holidays [ubergizmo]
Nov 1 2007 Calculator Prevents Indecent Exposure
The Chrome Calculator Belt Buckle ($10) is almost exactly what it sounds like. The only thing they failed to mention is that it also serves as an incredibly effective chastity device. You can put it on either way (numbers up or down), so that you can use it, or someone else can do the number punching for you. It's pretty f'ing dorky, but I got one anyways. I like to keep a real close eye on my secretary when she's calculating expense reports.
The Amazing Chrome Calculator Belt Buckle [slashgear]
