So is there like a national title-writing competition or something? I think I could place. Seen here looking suspiciously like Satan's fiery turds, the Naga Viper was recently named the world's hottest chili pepper after beating out the previous hottest, Bhut Jolokia, by over... / Continue →

This is allegedly the world's smallest legible computer font, as designed by computer science professor Ken Perlin. I couldn't read a word of it. What is that, some kind of political manifesto? *whispering* Hoho -- the Declaration of Independence, I knew that. Sing along b... / Continue →

Okay so that's not an actual award. Still, the Motorola Droid Pro come preloaded with the most painful default ringtone your eardrums could imagine. I've embedded the thing below, so hit play and give it a listen. Then, right before you stab yourself in the ears with a pen, ... / Continue →

When there's something strange someone getting stabbed in your neighborhood prisonyard, who you gonna call? Ghostbusters. The Excruciating Pain Laser Ray-Gun. Hoho, look at those perps burn! An advanced laser weapon that feels like a painful blast of hot air is to be used in... / Continue →

If you cut someone with a $165 fiber optic knife does it make it look like they were stabbed by rays of sunshine? It was Helios, I swear! This green glass-bladed knife was made using the old ways, using the technique of knapping, which was used by our stone-age ancestors to sh... / Continue →

If there's one thing I love it's anything but standing. I can't stand standing. It makes my legs feel funny. This is 2010 -- where's my hover-chair?! I saw Wall-E, I thought we'd have those by now. I'm being serious -- I'm not gonna take this lying down (but God how I want... / Continue →

Because there's nothing more enjoyable than watching jackasses hurt themselves attempting feats of stupid, this is a compilation of the best (and most painful) fails of 2009. It's chock full of future Darwin Award recipients, and I wouldn't be surprised if half these jokers do... / Continue →

The Happiness Hat is a little beanie that senses if you're smiling and stabs you in the back of the head with a spike if you're not. It was designed by Lauren McCarthy to train your brain to smile, but it would probably just train my brain to leak out the hole it's made. You ... / Continue →

This is a commercial for the Helping Hands condom applicator. And, after seeing it, I'd trust a fire-breathing dragon with a toothache to be gentler. And I'm not just saying that because I'm trying to get some, but, well, dragons and dinosaurs ARE related. Helping Hands Con... / Continue →

Before I go any further, you need to cut those toenails. That ring toe looks like it could cut glass and the middle one reminds me of a little fleshy grape. Great, now I want to eat it. I SAID, "PUT IT IN MY MOUTH!" So yeah, Mario and Luigi tattoos on the bottom of some guy'... / Continue →