Oct 28 2009 Smile Or Suffer The Wrath Of Happiness Hat!
The Happiness Hat is a little beanie that senses if you're smiling and stabs you in the back of the head with a spike if you're not. It was designed by Lauren McCarthy to train your brain to smile, but it would probably just train my brain to leak out the hole it's made. You can't teach an old blogger to smile! Or wear pants to the office. Get an eyeful, Superficial Writer, you know you want to!
Thanks to Lauren, the mad hatter herself, for Pavlovian dogging the shit out of modern facial conditioning.
Sep 3 2009 Ouch: Helping Hands Condom Applicator
This is a commercial for the Helping Hands condom applicator. And, after seeing it, I'd trust a fire-breathing dragon with a toothache to be gentler. And I'm not just saying that because I'm trying to get some, but, well, dragons and dinosaurs ARE related.
Helping Hands Condom Applicator Makes Me Shrivel Up in Fear [gizmodo]
Aug 3 2009 Cut Your Nails: Mario & Luigi Tattoos On Feet
Before I go any further, you need to cut those toenails. That ring toe looks like it could cut glass and the middle one reminds me of a little fleshy grape. Great, now I want to eat it. I SAID, "PUT IT IN MY MOUTH!" So yeah, Mario and Luigi tattoos on the bottom of some guy's feet. I reckon he opted for the feet because his mommy would be disappointed if she found out he had them. So you should have seen the look on her face when he put his feet on the coffee table. It was like she just seen a ghost! Or video game tattoos on her son's feet. IT'S THE SAME LOOK!
Hit the jump for a shot of Luigi and one of both feet together.
Continue Reading " Cut Your Nails: Mario & Luigi Tattoos On Feet "
Jun 22 2009 Lookin' Sharp: Klingon Inspired Baby Products
Want your child to grow up a powerful warrior with a mountain range for a head? Then you're in luck, thanks to this traditional Klingon blade inspired crib! You just place your little tyke in there, occasionally throw a lion in the room for him/her to battle, and six years later, PRESTO, you're arrested for child neglect. Also, you have a pack of hungry lions living in your nursery.
Hit the jump to see a rocking horse and baby rattle of the same style.
Continue Reading " Lookin' Sharp: Klingon Inspired Baby Products "
May 4 2009 Steampunk 'Massager' Really Steam Powered
This steampunk vibrator was created by metal worker Ani Niow and really works, provided you don't mind melting your hand off to pleasure yourself (I came close once after a 14 hour marathon).
While it technically does run off steam, Niow cautions you'll need to wear insulated welding gloves to handle it without getting burned. This is why she's temporarily using compressed air for now.
If she can secure a smaller portable boiler she'll give the thing a run at full power, as was intended.
Good looking, Ani, I like a hint of danger in my sex life. Reminds me of the time I used a live crocodile for a condom.
Fully Functional Steampunk Vibrator Might Scald Your Privates [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, who tried dating a toaster but ended up getting burned.
Apr 6 2009 Thief Uses Head As Battering Ram, Fails
A would-be thief tried to use his head as a battering ram to bust open the back door of a home in St Petersburg, Florida. He failed miserably. But I loved how he got down like a bull before charging the door, I thought that was a nice touch. Just chalk it up as a learning experience, buddy. One about God not compensating for lacking brainpower with a reinforced skull and spine.
Nutty robber uses his head [thesun]
Thanks to Richie-Con-Carne, who once laid siege to an entire castle wearing a bicycle helmet.
Mar 16 2009 I'm Toasty: Pogo Failures Warm The Heart
Let's face it: watching people hurt themselves is one of life's most simple and rewarding pleasures. Especially when they're doing something as stupid as extreme pogo-ing (if that's even a real thing. read: it's not). The video is 5:30 long, but the last two minutes don't have any pain, so you don't need to watch them. I did though, hoping they were building up to somebody losing the entire stick up their ass, but sadly, no.
Failed Pogo Stick Compilation [break]
Thanks to MoD, who doesn't have time to pogo because there's always a woman between his legs. Nice MoD, I want a woman there -- all I have is a lapdog.
Mar 12 2009 Freaky Deaky: DIY Bedroom Toy Goes Wrong
Now I'm not saying there's not a place for reciprocating saws in the bedroom, I'm just saying if you do decide to get freaky with a power tool, TAKE THE BLADE OFF FIRST. Do not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (except really, really dire ones) just ram a fake wiener on the existing blade. Because then you'll end up like this poor lady.
The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to TheBayNet.com. The injuries were severe enough for medevac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday and is recovering from her unusual injuries.
Investigators talked to the woman, who told them she suffered the injuries during a consensual act and that she and her partner were trying something new and no crime was committed, the sheriff's office said.
Trying something new -- I'll say! When I think 'trying something new' I think a clean sock or sitting on my hand for awhile, not power tools. Although....
MEDIC!
Woman Injured in Power Tool Sex Toy Encounter [nbcnewyork]
via
Saber Saw Sex Toy Incident: DIY Gone Very, Very Wrong [gizmodo]
Feb 20 2009 Toasty: Bra Dryer Heats Your Hooter Holsters
The BraDryer concept is a dryer for your lacy boulder holders. The ones you don't want going in the regular dryer. As you can see, it looks like a pair of knockers, which led to this burn on my hand. Obviously, it was worth it. *TSSSSSSS* I copped another one!
Bra Dryer is the Most Useful Device Shaped Like a Pair of Boobs Ever [gizmodo]
Thanks to Crystal, who gets to see real boobs all the time because shes has some. Unfortunately, so do I. :(
