Feb 9 2010 Culinary Masterpiece: A Taco Bell Cheesy Double Beef Burrito Stuffed Sausage Log

Some guy went and stuffed a sausage roll with a Cheesy Double Beef Burrito from Taco Bell. Sure it's grade D (for delicious) meat, but, wait -- where's the bacon wrap? Pfft, and I almost called you a genius.

Taco Bell Stuffed Sausage [epicportions]

Thanks to Jessica, who once stuffed a burrito with four kinds of bacon. Four kinds?! Was one of them Canadian?

Feb 6 2010 Finally!: New And Improved Ketchup Packets

Finally, after years of watching me struggle with those impossible-to-open packets, Heinz has decided to take my advice and invest in new condiment applicators. Impressive, but I suggested spray cans. Named (and trademarked) the Dip & Squeeze, the new packet-y things offer both traditional ketchup squeezing capabilities with the added benefit of -- wait for it -- DIPPING!! I'm gonna need a spit cup. Plus, 3x the ketchup as a regular packet. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you answered, "I'll never have to buy ketchup from the grocery store again", you are. High-five, cheapskate!

The future, to go: Heinz reinvents the ketchup packet [crunchgear]

Thanks to emerica and Julie, who put ketchup on everything including their partners. Kinky!

Feb 4 2010 Bacon Maple Lollipops Now Come Caffeinated

Remember the post about Lollyphile's Maple Bacon Lollipops from many moons ago? Well just when you thought there wasn't any room for improvement, room was cleared because NOW EACH SUCKER COMES JAM-PACKED WITH THE CAFFEINE EQUIVALENT OF TWO CUPS OF COFFEE! I'm sweating and it feels like my heart's gonna explode! 4 pops for $10, 12 for $24, 36 for $52 and I'll throw in a reach around. But only for the ladies. Kidding -- I can't quit your father!

Product Site (also check out their White Russian pops)

Thanks to jason, who, I'll take a sample pack thank you.

Feb 3 2010 Geekologie Fans Cover Friend In Raw Bacon

A bunch of French Canadians (you sound so funny!) decided to cover their friend in $37 of raw bacon and film it with the hopes of being featured on Geekologie. And, because I'm basically a super handsome 'Make a Wish' foundation, here it is. Per babelfish translation:

We had the brilliant idea d' to buy for 37 dollar of bacon and to do something with that nobody n' could have made. moin d' has; to be insane or belong to Philwillpic (thus insane) We did that to send photograph on the site of www.geekologie.com for qu' they appear for finally carrying out one of our great dream, to be on geekology!!! Thank you with - neilmu- for the fauleuse song qu' it has to grant to us to take

Apparently they cooked and ate the bacon after, which is pretty gross, but I would have done the same thing. Shit, one time I ate a strip of bacon after it fell off my plate and bounced under the stove. It was hairy. Money shot at 1:55, but you're gonna want to stop watching around 2:05, because things get strangely homoerotic after that. You've been warned (I watched it twice!).

Youtube

Thanks william and phil, but you should have cooked him.

Jan 26 2010 Body Shots!: Body Scan Comparison Of 250 Pound Woman Versus 120 Pound Woman

Looks like the larger of the two just had a fairly significant meal as well. Just sayin', give it a couple hours and she'll only be a 246 pounder. Also, I highly don't recommend it but if you look hard enough I think you can make out their vaginas. So, yeah -- have fun with that.

Body Scans of two Women: 250lb vs 120lb [boredpanda]

Thanks to Jiakasuma, who makes body scans look gooood.

Jan 23 2010 Flowchart: It Fell On The Floor, Should I Eat It?

The latest in flowing charts posted here on Geekologie, this graphic guides you through the process of determining if a dropped food item is still worth eating. Of course, it's completely inaccurate. When it comes to eating shit off the floor there's really only one question you need to ask yourself before popping it back in your mouth: is it actually shit?

Dropped Food. Should You Eat it? [flowingdata]

Thanks to twellve, who lives (and may die) by the 5-second rule.

Jan 20 2010 I Must Live There: Bacon-y Foodscapes

Don't even act like you wouldn't swim in that creek. You'd probably even contemplate drowning on purpose AND I DON'T BLAME YOU. It's certainly not the worst way to go. Not the best either, but not the worst.

These aren't paintings but true photos! Also everything you can see in the photograph is made of real food! Pictures were photographed by Carl Warner, a photographer who works in London, and who made specialty of these food landscapes or how I like to call them - 'foodscapes'. In recent years he has been commissioned by many advertising agencies throughout Europe to produce his distinctive images for clients in the food industry.

OMG if you don't think I would eat my way all the way to the Dough Mountains, you have another thing coming. Namely, my projectile vomit. BLAAAAAARRRGH!! Sorry about that. BLAAAAAAHH! Oh -- wasn't finished.

Hit the jump for a couple more and a making-of shot.

Continue Reading " I Must Live There: Bacon-y Foodscapes "

Jan 20 2010 I'm Gonna Be Fat: The Mini-Cupcake Machine

There comes a time in everyone's life when they realize that cupcakes take too long to bake and you need your fix NOW. At this point you may or may not burn your face off trying to stick your head in the oven and lick the cooking batter. Enter the Mini Cupcake Maker: a device that cooks 7 little cupcakes in a scant 5 minutes. So you can spend less time waiting, and more time letting your body go. $33 takes one home. But $33 would also net you a month of gym membership. The choice is yours, but please, make the smart decision (don't forget to stock up on sprinkles and icing).

Mini Cupcake Maker [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Rebecca, who claims she loves cupcakes as much as I do. Oh really? You ever married a cupcake before, Rebecca? Exactly. Kidding, she was a tart.

Jan 19 2010 Turn Your Superbowl Party Into A REAL Sausagefest (Not That It Won't Be Already)

I don't know about you, but I'm manly as hell and I love watching football. And I, for one, can't wait to watch the Pirates walk all over the Red Wings in this year's Superbowl. *chest-bump* And what better way to turn your Superbowl get-together into a REAL sausage party than these meat-balls!

* Score a touchdown with sports fans!*

* It looks amusing, but it's made of exceptional, award-winning salami
* Fresh beef and pork are slowly smoked over hickory wood to make this treat

Each 1lb 12oz ball will set you back $27, but can you really put a price tag on your sausage being the biggest hit of a Superbowl party? No, that's something money can't buy. And for the rest, there's never being able to make eye contact with your guy friends again.

Product Site

Thanks to P05TMAN, who, for two tips in one day, wins a complimentary Superbowl Party Pack! (Take whatever you want from the grocery store)

Jan 15 2010 That....Looks Like S#!7: Pac-Man Cookie Bun

For Pac-Man's 30th anniversary a chain of convenience stores in Japan will be selling his likeness in the shape of questionably filled cookie buns. Mmmmmm!! Now call me old fashioned, but I still like to celebrate anniversaries the way God intended: with somebody jumping out of a cake.

Yep, that's right. For limited time only, Circle K stores in Japan have started to sell these Pac-Man shaped buns. My Japanese isn't good (as in I can't read it at all), but from what I can tell, they sell for ¥120 (about $1.31 USD), and they're not filled with cherries, pretzels or power pills. Instead, they're chock full of crushed almond-flavored cookies and cream custard.

That actually sounds pretty good. Anybody in Japan want to send me some? I'll pay you back -- IN THE BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES. I will strike them down with my replica Master Sword and feast on their carcasses! I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill, KILL, KILL!

Hit the jump for a shot of the display -- cause you can get anything you want at Japanese Circle K's.

Continue Reading " That....Looks Like S#!7: Pac-Man Cookie Bun "

Jan 14 2010 That's It, I'm Sneaking My Own Into The Theater!: Bacon Bourbon Caramel Corn

As many of you Geekologie Loyalists may know, I don't really go to the movies. Thing is, I hate large groups of people (but love large people -- weird, I know). However, I may have to get over it if only to sneak my own bag of Bacon Bourbon Caramel Corn in and moan in ecstasy throughout the entire film (cross your fingers you get to sit next to me -- I might share!).

Take your snacking to the next level with Bacon Bourbon Caramel Corn ($35/2 lbs.). This sweet/savory snack mix incorporates the smokey goodness of bacon and bit of bourbon with the sweetness of caramel and the crunch of popcorn, resulting in an addictive snack that's a great way to kick up your next gathering.

Now I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that this recipe was probably created by God himself. Bacon? Bourbon? Caramel? Popcorn? You can't argue a mere mortal could come up with a flavor combo like that. Am I right, God? Oh, and while I've got your attention -- that earthquake in Haiti -- not cool, Big Guy, not cool.

Geekologie's thoughts and prayers go out to the people of Haiti during this time of particularly devastating hardship.

Bacon Bourbon Caramel Corn [uncrate]

Thanks to Chuey The Rock n Roll Midget, who plans to play a benefit concert for the island nation. Good lookin', Chuey.

Jan 13 2010 Choking Hazard: Build-A-Meal Plates For Kids

The Build-A-Meal playset is actually a plate for children who won't eat their cheeseburger unless it's in a little construction zone (perfect for use with these utensils).

Kids love building; they build playhouses, castles and forts. Let them pretend that they are site managers of a large construction site. They can use the crane to move food into the right compartment; they can use roadblocks, I-breams and warning cones to mark their territory! Let your kids build their way to a healthy meal with Build-a-Meal©.

Admittedly, it's pretty awesome and I'm more than a little jealous I didn't have a fry-bucket growing up. But I'm not jealous I didn't have little road cones and signs on my plate, because those are a choking hazard AND I EAT EVERYTHING. Don't believe me? Then why did I just pass two Hot Wheels?

Hi the jump for the Chew-Chew Train, complete with a child who's about to miss his rendered juice cup and pour a pitcher full of milk in his lap.

Continue Reading " Choking Hazard: Build-A-Meal Plates For Kids "

Jan 11 2010 Sweet (Literally!): Van Gogh Starry Night Cake

The great thing about making a Van Gogh cake is you don't have to be particularly skilled in the art of cake-decorating. Kidding, that shit looks impossible. Impossibly delicious. I call a star piece! Mmmm -- there's no ear in this, right?

Fan of Van Gogh? [forgetfoo]

Thanks to Christian, who once found a Band-Aid in an eclair.

Jan 7 2010 I'd Eat It: The Name That Game Cupcake Quiz

Somebody went and made 100 cupcakes, each decorated to resemble a game. Some are analog games, but none of them are the Game. The one you just lost. This is only 25 though, so either hit the jump to see the other 75 or click THIS BIGASS BUTTON TO SEE A BIGASS PICTURE OF THEM ALL.

This is an awesome game that I saw at a party the other day. They people hosting made 100 cupcakes, each one representing a certain game, board, video, or otherwise. This was an amazing effort, considering the detailed work and imagination that went into it.

The goal of the game was to identify all the games from the clues on top of the cupcakes. I challenge you to do the same and leave a note around the cupcake with the name of the game.

Pretty cool, huh? Try to guess as many as you can and then go to Z Andrei's Flickr page HERE for an identification chart. Well, how many did you get? Six huh? That's, uh, that's genuinely f***ing awful.

Hit the jump for the three others.

Continue Reading " I'd Eat It: The Name That Game Cupcake Quiz "

Jan 4 2010 Sweet Assassin: Reader's Ninja Birthday Cake

Geekologie Reader Wes recently had a birthday. And on that birthday he had a cow, E-I-E-I....am going to cut myself for typing that. Psyche, that shit was hot. Anyway, Wes's friend Leah made him a badass ninja birthday cake. Or it could be a brownie. Whatever the case, this is that cake/brownie. Of course, you probably would have seen it already IF YOU WERE A FAN OF GEEKOLOGIE ON FACEBOOK (shame: I don't feel it). Good lookin', Leah. I assume powdered sugar was sprinkled atop a ninja cutout, but we'll never know for sure. Because ninjas never reveal their secrets. That shit ain't just for magicians, son!

Geekologie's Facebook Page

Thanks Wes, you think she'll make me a dino one for my birthday?

Jan 2 2010 RAWR, OM NOM NOM!: Dinosaur Chopsticks

Let's face it, your children don't have any hand-eye coordination. Or, in my case, hands or eyes. You see, I don't have any children and I want to keep it that way -- at least until I come up with a really clever alias. Beefy McLargehuge? So yeah, you might want to get your kids some $2 dinosaur chopsticks before they poke their own eyes out with separated ones. And get me a few pairs while you're at it. Now I know what you're thinking, "Hey GW -- these are probably the closest you'll ever come to having a dino in your mouth". And, well, now you're just being vicious.

Product Site

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who once fell asleep in there and never heard his friend yell rodeo.

Jan 2 2010 Where Was I?: Limited Edition Star Trek Eggos

Apparently these limited edition Star Trek waffles were released back in March to hype the new film before it came out. Why I never knew about them or got my syrup-loving paws on some is beyond me, but it probably had something to do with living under a laundry basket in my parents' basement. Anyway, there were over 25 different out-of-this-world (kill me now) designs in total, with at least 14 containing unsafe levels of penis-shrinking Yellow #5. Which, nice try buddy, but we all know you never had any either.

Hit the jump for a bunch of the other designs. But bring syrup!

Continue Reading " Where Was I?: Limited Edition Star Trek Eggos "

Jan 1 2010 Death By Chocolate: Candy Weaponry

Chocolate Weapons is a website that sells chocolate handguns, bullets and grenades. You can get a hollow gun for $25 or a solid one for $30. Alternatively, for $6 I'll beat you within an inch of your life with a Snickers. Just offerin'.

Chocolate Weapons
via
Chocolate guns and ammo [boingboing]

Thanks to Lee, who once blasted Willy Wonka with a chocolate shotgun. He bled nougat.

Dec 31 2009 But I Loved That Guy: Cookie Monster Slayer

This is a picture of some chick that slayed Cookie Monster and is wearing his pelt. So what do you think -- does the carpet match the shoulder patch or what?

Cookie Monster Slayer [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Blastphemer, who wears an Oscar the Grouch coat.

Dec 27 2009 By The Power Of Grayskull!: A Zelda Cake

How bout that title, huh? You thought I lost my mind, didn't you? WELL I HAVEN'T AND I CAN MIX FICTIONAL UNIVERSES ALL I WANT. Sure taking the Zelda franchise in vain is sacrilegious, but Spirit Tracks is about a damn train. A train in the Zelda universe. Shit's blowin' my mind -- I thought they'd just invented horses! Anyway, this is a Zelda cake. The characters are kinda generic but you get what you pay for. In this case somebody didn't pay enough. I love it!

Awesome Legend Of Zelda Birthday Cake [break]

Thanks to Steve, who once bought a Zelda cake from a real Hyrulian bakery and washed it down with a quart of Lon Lon milk.