Jan 13 2009 No Need To Apply, Folks, I've Got This In The Bag: Austrialia Posts My Dream Job

Australia's Queensland state is looking to hire a "Great Barrier Reef Island Caretaker" at a rate of $105,000 (US) for six-months of service. What kind of service?

The "island caretaker" would be expected to stroll the white sands, soak up the sun, snorkel the reef, "maybe clean the pool" -- and report to a global audience via weekly blogs, photo diaries and video updates.

The winner, who will stay rent-free in a multimillion-dollar three-bedroom beach home complete with pool and golf cart, must be an excellent communicator and be able to speak and write in English.

F*** yes, I can do some of those things!

The job, according to the Daily Telegraph, seems too good to be true -- work 12 hours a month for six months while carrying out such duties as feeding turtles, watching whales and writing a blog.

The Daily Telegraph reported 850,000 people clicked on the site within the first 24 hours, but as of As of 11 a.m. EST, the Web site for job-seekers had been taken down.

Don't even bother, folks, this job was made for me. And I hacked the application site, so you can pretty much forget about it. However, now I'M accepting applications for a few lucky ladies to join me. Applicants must be able to blog, create photo diaries, and video updates. Also, feed turtles and keep a secret.

Australia Offers 'Best Job in World' On Paradise Island [foxnews]

Thanks to Bryan and Michael, who can come if they agree to feed themselves to sharks while my female crew takes pictures.

Nov 6 2008 Scientists Still Hope To Clone Extinct Species

Scientists, spurred on by the passing of Michael Crichton, have kicked their efforts of cloning extinct species into high gear. And I think I speak for all of us here when I say, sex with dinosaurs: it's about freaking time.

Japanese scientists have produced clones of mice that have been dead and frozen for 16 years -- a feat that could lead researchers to one day resurrect long-extinct species, such as the mammoth.

Researchers had thought that frozen cells were unusable because ice crystals would have damaged the DNA. That belief would rule out the possibility of resurrecting extinct animals from their frozen remains. But the latest research -- published in the journal, Proceedings for the National Academy of Sciences -- shows that scientists may have overcome the obstacle.

Yes please! Now tell me somebody's got some frozen dinosaur remains around here somewhere. If not, we're going to need to go back in time and get some. Damn, sometimes my profound logic amazes even me.

Scientists hope to clone extinct species [cnn]

Thanks to Jonathan, who fears for a dinosaur apocalypse. Which, incidentally, is my dreamworld.

Oct 7 2008 Virgin Galactic Refuses Money For Space Porn

Virgin Galactic recently refused $1 million from an undisclosed company to make a space porn aboard the SpaceShipTwo.

The cash was slapped on the table "up-front, for a sex-in-space movie", said the company's prez, Will Whitehorn, According to Space.com. He confirmed: "That was money we had to refuse, I'm afraid."

According to Virgin, you only experience 5-minutes of weightlessness during the 2-hour flight to 62 miles high. Now I'm not saying that's not nearly long enough to make a good weightless space-porn, but you send me up there and I'll shoot two. Half of a third.

Virgin rejects $1m space sex offer [theregister]

Thanks to Pat, who's up to his eyeballs in alien vagina.

Aug 22 2008 Microsoft Recruits Gates, Seinfeld To Help Combat Apple's Current "Get A Mac" Ads

Apple keeps putting out those "Get a Mac" ads and Microsoft has finally decided it's not going to take them lying down with its ass in the air. So what's the company doing? Starting an ad campaign with "key celebrity pitchman" Jerry Seinfeld. Oh, and Bill Gates.

The campaign is said to be based on the idea of "Windows, Not Walls," stressing the need to "break down barriers that prevent people and ideas from connecting." Something we think open-sourcers might have a laugh at. Anywho, the immediate goal of the campaign is to reverse the negative public perception of Vista and thus incorporates elements of the Mojave Experiment. While we have doubts about the latter, the combination of Seinfeld's pithy observations with a bit of that Bill Gates, self deprecating humor seen in "Bill's Last Day" could be a winning combination.

The campaign, which kicks off September 4th, will cost Microsoft over $300 million, which, if I've done my nautical math correctly, is a lot of freaking clams. More than I could eat in one sitting anyway. If Microsoft gave me a hundredth of that money I could run Apple into the ground single keyboardedly. I'M THE GEEKOLOGIE WRITER DAMNIT, WHEN I TYPE, PEOPLE READ! Isn't that...Jesus, you're not even paying attention are you?

Microsoft enlists Seinfeld, Gates to battle "Get a Mac" ads [engadget]

Thanks Sam, you wanna be part of my smear campaign?