Mar 12 2009 Freaky Deaky: DIY Bedroom Toy Goes Wrong
Now I'm not saying there's not a place for reciprocating saws in the bedroom, I'm just saying if you do decide to get freaky with a power tool, TAKE THE BLADE OFF FIRST. Do not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (except really, really dire ones) just ram a fake wiener on the existing blade. Because then you'll end up like this poor lady.
The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to TheBayNet.com. The injuries were severe enough for medevac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday and is recovering from her unusual injuries.
Investigators talked to the woman, who told them she suffered the injuries during a consensual act and that she and her partner were trying something new and no crime was committed, the sheriff's office said.
Trying something new -- I'll say! When I think 'trying something new' I think a clean sock or sitting on my hand for awhile, not power tools. Although....
MEDIC!
Woman Injured in Power Tool Sex Toy Encounter [nbcnewyork]
via
Saber Saw Sex Toy Incident: DIY Gone Very, Very Wrong [gizmodo]
Nov 30 2008 Christmas Came Early This Year (And You Might Too): Gen¹³ Caitlin Fairchild Cosplay
As the angel of holiday cheer, I felt obligated to post these pictures of some chick cosplaying it up as Caitlin Fairchild from the Gen¹³ comic book series. Honestly, I had no idea who Caitlin was, but now I can safely say that her image is burnt into my retinas. Literally, I used a coat hanger and butane lighter. Hit the jump for three more pics, all of which are significantly cheekier than this one. You catch my drift? I'm talking about her ass -- her ass is hanging out.
Hit it, you want to.
Oct 2 2008 Aaaaaaah!: Scary Ass Robot Girl
This is a robot girl named Repliee R-1. She's an android built by Osaka University and based on an actual 5-year old girl. And I think I speak for everyone when I say they chose their model pretty freaking poorly.
Liveleak
Thanks to Firuz, Tytus, Jake, and Justin, who all agree the only good robot is -- wait, there are no good robots.
Aug 1 2008 I Called It!: The Apocalypse Is Nigh
When running from a robot, you only have to run faster than your children. Which should be easy because you tied their laces together, right? If you answered, "I would never!", then it's been nice knowing you, but you're robot fodder. Anyway, remember the post a while back about Robokiyu (pronounced Robokillyou), a robot used to extract the wounded in emergency rescue situations? Well, unsurprisingly, the robot is now going to be used to eat the dead instead of the living. Why? Because everybody the robot came to "rescue", no matter how badly injured, actually tried crawling away from the damn thing. Can you blame them? Absolutely not. Like my grandpa always told me, "I'd rather have all my red run out than let one of them thar robotech sums of bitches nom nom my gray spaghetti. You understand what I'm tellin' ya, boy?" I'd shake my head "no", but he'd keep right on, "Good, now fetch the hootch and I'll tell you about the time I caught your pa humpin' a tractor."
Weirdest Robots Ever -- Corpse-Eater Bot [asylum]
Thanks Adam and MoMan, now let's take that mother out.
Jul 29 2008 $100,000 Jetpack Coming Next Year?
48-year old New Zealander, Glenn Martin, has spent over 26 years developing a jetpack, and believes it may be ready for sale next year. The 250 lb (part of it rests on the ground at idle so you don't have to lift the weight), 200hp, twin-rotor (it's not actually a jetpack) beast produces 600 lbs of thrust and can be flown for over 30 minutes on a tank of gas. Is it safe? Who cares, I want to fly. And, maybe afterwards, learn to swim.
"People come up and go, 'Is it safe?' " Mr. Martin said. "Safety is a relative thing. We think we have done a lot to make this by far the safest jetpack ever built." But, he acknowledged, "It's not a high bar."He added, "I've got to get my head around the fact that at some point, somebody is going to have a very bad experience."
Well, at least he's being realistic. But seriously Glenn, I want to be that somebody.
Hit the link for a video of the thing and a way long article that was really long that I may or may not have read all of.
Jun 23 2008 Robotic Snake Swims Underwater, Frightens The Hell Out Of Swimmers Everywhere
Well I hope everyone had a jolly summer solstice and danced around the maypole and burned a witch or whatever the hell people do these days, but I've got some bad news: robotic swimming snakes. Now I hate to ruin your Monday and have you all cowering under your desks for the rest of the day, but I feel it's my duty to let you know about these things, lest you be foolish enough to think swimming is still a safe activity. Which, officially, it no longer is. Now the first thing I always think when I hear bad news is, "Who can I blame for this?" In this case it's the Hirose Fukushima Lab in Japan.
"Why can snakes move ahead on without legs?" From this problem, we started research of snake biomechanisms, which resulted in the "Why can snakes move ahead on without legs?" From this problem, we started research of snake biomechanisms, which resulted in the development of "Snake Robots". Snake Robots have many possible applications, even though the structures are simple.
Okay that was kind of confusing, so I'll summarize: welcome to hell, folks. That's what it said. I am definitely never swimming again. I swear -- right when I was starting to get over Jaws.
Hit the jump for another robot the lab created that was designed to climb in your lap and crush your junk.
Continue Reading " Robotic Snake Swims Underwater, Frightens The Hell Out Of Swimmers Everywhere "
May 27 2008 Epic Failure: Skydiving Record Attempt
Well folks, I miraculously survived three days of trying to kill myself with the drink (one more miracle and I'm eligible for sainthood). So here I am -- unrested, unshaven, generally unkempt, and ready to post. I hope you all had a good holiday weekend, it's great to see all your bright and shining faces this morning -- I missed you.
So on Sunday 64-year old Michael Fournier was set to break several world records and provide valuable data on what sort of impact damage a dead body can do to the earth with a skydiving jump from 40,000 meters (~25 miles).
Mr. Fournier was hoping to break the record for the fastest and longest free fall, the highest parachute jump and the highest balloon flight. He was planning to jump from a point three-times higher than a commercial jetliner flies. Mr Fournier was to wear a pressurized suit to protect him from the extreme low pressure and temperatures down to -100C. Sophisticated camera equipment was supposed to record key moments of the jump, particularly when he broke the sound barrier at 35,000m.
That's right folks, that crazy mother was gonna reach speeds around 1,000 MPH and break the damn sound barrier! That's one tough grandpa. Mine doesn't do shit but drink gin and sit on the porch carving wooden vaginas. So why didn't he end up making the jump? Was it the weather, a fear of death, or a problem with the pressurized suit? Nope, they forgot to properly attach the freaking balloon to his capsule.
...his helium balloon detached from its capsule as it was being inflated, and drifted away into the sky.
God that's freaking pathetic. Now I've gotten high and tried to beat world records before (namely the number of deviled eggs eaten in two minutes), but never have I failed as epically as that (unless projectile vomiting deviled eggs counts, which it doesn't). So what can we all learn from this? That Fournier's loose balloon (lower right) looks like a giant floating prophylactic. And I think we can all agree that's a valuable life lesson.
Jump record fails to take flight [bbcnews]
Apr 22 2008 Sad: Death By Misinterpreted Text Message
Ermine and Ramazan Çalçoban were a Turkish couple going through a separation. Like any normal unhealthy couple, they continued to harass the shit out of each other via text message. Until one day Ramazan sent a text message that, thanks to his cell phone not having a "closed i" (ı) character, proved disastrous.
The use of "i" resulted in an SMS with a completely twisted meaning: instead of writing the word "sıkısınca" it looked like he wrote "sikisince." Ramazan wanted to write "You change the topic every time you run out of arguments" (sounds familiar enough) but what Emine read was, "You change the topic every time they are f***ing you.
WARNING: Sad story follows.
Uh oh, not good. Emine showed the text to her father, who called Ramazan and threatened him for insinuating his daughter was a dirty strumpet. Ramazan shows up confused but ready to apologize, and is stabbed by Emine's father and two sisters. Badly injured, Ramazan tried to escape while Emine attempted to finish him off. At the door he managed to pull a knife out of his chest and stab her before fleeing into the street, where he was picked up by police. Emine bled to death awaiting an ambulance. Ramazan, still confused as to what happened, killed himself in jail.
Damn, like a modern Romeo and Juliet.
R.I.P. Ermine and Ramazan.
A Cellphone's Missing Dot Kills Two People, Three More in Jail [gizmodo]
Thanks to Jaden, who is a very careful texter, for the tip
Jan 23 2008 Roadkill Cooker: The Exhaust Burger Grill
You stuff the one of the open ends of the Exhaust Burger into your tailpipe, and then drive around while the heat of your exhaust cooks a burger. I know exactly what you're thinking -- "why didn't I think of that?". I'll admit I was a little miffed I didn't come up with it either. It was actually designed by an Iranian team (amazing it took a team of people to develop and not just one drunk scribbling on a bar napkin) and no fumes actually come in contact with your burger (allegedly). The hot exhaust fumes just warm up the metal to cook the meat. However it looks like it only heats one side, so you may have to stop at a gas station and flip you meat. Now I've heard of cooking on a hot engine before, but never cooking by exhaust. And I must say, I think this invention is a glimpse of a very bright future. And by 'bright future' I mean what the hell is the matter with these people.
Another picture of the device installed in a tailpipe after the jump.
Continue Reading " Roadkill Cooker: The Exhaust Burger Grill "
