Jan 16 2009 Not Impressed, And I Typically LOVE Elf Ears

The Gelfin Ear Tip is a brass (not even gold!) piece of jewelry made to insert into an ear piercing so you can look like an idiot. And trust me folks, I'm not saying that to be rude -- I freaking love a good looking elf-ear. This just isn't one of them. And especially not for $260 per ear. You're better off just cutting your ears and spraypainting them gold. Which is exactly what I did two days ago. That's right -- and from now on you will only refer to me as Findecáno Calmcacil, the Elf King of Geekologie. Also, I think the ear infection has spread to my brain.

UPDATE: Whew, false alarm -- just a little gold spraypaint in my blood-alcohol stream. I'm pissing riches!

Bijules NYC "Gelfin Ear Tip" [highsnobette]

Thanks to Amanda, who, unlike you guys, doesn't need elf ears to turn me on.

Jan 11 2009 Pixelated Beauties: I'm Just Gonna Pretend They're Naked LEGO Women, Whoo-Whoo!

NOTE: GALLERY PROBABLY NSFW.

This is a gallery of probably NSFW pixelated naked chicks by artist/photographer Jean-Yves Lemoigne. Hit the jump for an uncensored version of this pic, as well as several others. And I must say: Yow yow! They look like super sexy naked LEGO chicks, don't they? This handkerchief says yes! And also, "For The Superficial Writer's tears only". Woopsie.

Hit the jump for the steamy action that, when viewed from across the room, sort of looks like a naked chick if you squint really hard and shake your head.

Continue Reading " Pixelated Beauties: I'm Just Gonna Pretend They're Naked LEGO Women, Whoo-Whoo! "

Jan 10 2009 Blue Screen Of Lust: Real Computer Pron

This is a video of some computer porn. Like computer porn in the truest sense: computer parts getting it on with one another. It really didn't do much for me, but that's probably because it's super softcore compared to a lot of the other stuff I've seen. Haha, you know what I'm talking about -- that real quadcore shit.

Youtube

Thanks to Nick, who claims he doesn't find this sort of thing titillating. He's a liar.

Dec 29 2008 Sexy Kinetic Dresses Respond To Stimuli

Walking City is a fashion collection by designer Ying Gao that includes three dresses that respond to different stimuli. The one in this video has a proximity detector. So when you get near it starts opening its little flower-looking accouterments. Pretty freaky looking. There's another video after the jump of a dress that blows itself up whenever a wind sensor is set off. The third one sucks so I'm not going to mention it. Sadly, none are as cool as the dress that turns into a naked woman. Which, as far as fashion goes, is the boner.

Hit it for the other one.

Continue Reading " Sexy Kinetic Dresses Respond To Stimuli "

Dec 24 2008 Scientists Say 'Sex Chips' Are Coming Soon

Sex chips. My God, what if they come in honey bbq flavor?

The chip works by sending tiny shocks from implanted electrodes in the brain.

Neurosurgery professor Tipu Aziz, said: "There is evidence that this chip will work. A few years ago a scientist implanted such a device into the brain of a woman with a low sex drive and turned her into a very sexually active woman. She didn't like the sudden change, so the wiring in her head was removed."

An electronic machine, named the Orgasmatron (pictured above), taken from the 1973 Woody Allen film Sleeper, is already under development by a North Carolina doctor, who is modifying a spinal cord stimulator to produce pleasure in women.

I mean, this is great and all, but for the ultimate in pleasure, I've got two words for you: me. Baby, I will take you places you've never been. Including, but not limited to: the emergency room, and Advance Auto. Ladies?

'Sex chip' being developed by scientists [telegraph]

Thanks to Pete, who, behind me (not literally), is the world's 2nd greatest lover. It's true, he even has the coffee mug to prove it.

Dec 16 2008 NSFW!: Advertisers Take Note -- Now This Is How You Sell A Damn Washing Machine!

VIDEO IS NSFW

Well, after that last post I need a little pick-me-up. And what picks up the Geekologie Writer? Haha, you all know me too well, NSFW boobs (read: bare ones). This is a European Siemens commercial for a $900 washing machine that features a bunch of bare-breasted women skydiving from a plane. Because, just like Jesus dictated to his secretary in Psalm 49: Large boobs sell large appliances. Amen to that. I just ordered sixty of them, and I don't even wear clothes! I'm a blogger, folks, and the official uniform of the blogger is a single pair of stained boxers. And I'm not even wearing those right now! Now guess what I'm going to use to type the period at the end of this sentence. If you guessed my right ring finger, you are correct. Pfft, I know how to type!

WOW, NSFW Commercial [phillyd]

Thanks to pirhan, who delivers the goods when I need them most.

Dec 13 2008 Woman Leaves Berlin Wall For Garden Fence

A 54-year old woman who was married to the Berlin Wall for 29 years is now cheating on the iconic landmark with a local garden fence.

Mrs Berliner-Mauer (Berlin Wall), who has been diagnosed with a condition called Objectum-Sexuality, claimed she fell in love with the wall when she first saw it on TV as a child. She began collecting "his" pictures and saving up for visits. On her sixth trip in 1979 they tied the knot before a handful of guests.

"The Great Wall of China's attractive, but he's too thick - my husband is sexier."

While she remains a virgin with humans, she insists she had a full, loving relationship with the wall.

WTF! Sadly, since the destruction of the wall in 1989, she hasn't been back to visit her lover and has "shifted her affections to a nearby garden fence."

Wow, cheating on the Berlin Wall with a common garden fence -- that's like leaving John Holmes for The Geekologie Writer. HIYO! Just kidding, I'm hung like a, well, it's not really long enough to hang. :(

Woman married Berlin Wall [ananova]

Thanks to Megan, who wanted to marry the Sistine Chapel until she met me.

Dec 11 2008 Love: A Zelda Cosplay Girls Gallery *Swoon*

By now all you regulars know about my affinity for Zelda. And for you newcomers: I have an affinity for Zelda. So what better way to share my love of the princess than to, uh, post a bunch of pictures of chicks dressed as Link? I know, I'm confused too. But that hasn't stopped these amorous feelings. I'm especially digging the tall one in green on the left. I freaking love a chick that's cool not shaving her legs. RAWR!

Hit the jump for a ton more of the two in red and blue, who are actually chicks, I swear.

Continue Reading " Love: A Zelda Cosplay Girls Gallery *Swoon* "

Dec 10 2008 No Need To Thank Me Folks, Just Doing My Job: More Cosplayish Hotness Featuring Marie-Claude Bourbonnais As, Uh, Something

Remember Marie-Claude Bourbonnais? She was the chick dressed up as Caitlin Fairchild from Gen¹³. Well the photographer of both shoots, Gil P, contacted me with the lowdown on this new set, which features Marie-Claude modeling a Gear of War inspired outfit.

You know, there comes a time in every high-profile anonymous blogger's life when he realizes that sometimes, you don't need to type any more words -- that a picture can speak thousands of them on its own. So I'll just let these photos speak for themselves, which, I think we can all agree, speak volumes. No, boobumes.

Hit the jump for three more, and links to more of Marie-Claude and Gil P's work, including some of Marie-Claude's bare necessities.

Continue Reading " No Need To Thank Me Folks, Just Doing My Job: More Cosplayish Hotness Featuring Marie-Claude Bourbonnais As, Uh, Something "

Dec 9 2008 Ooooh, Stoplight-y!: The Kisai Tenmetsu

The Kisai Tenmetsu is the latest in wrist bad-assery available from Tokyoflash. It's a definite departure from a lot of the other designs.

Three LEDs positioned beneath each lens allow a transition between LED colors creating a look never before seen. A continuous line running between the lenses and through the wrist band provides perfect balance and a sweeping animation effect adds character to the design.

The time is displayed in two stages: hours, then minutes. Red LEDs are 15 units of time, amber 5, and green 1. Add them together to find out the time. Adding is fun! The Tenmetsu is available now in both black and silver, and will set you back $257. And contrary to popular belief, no, Tokyoflash does not pay my bills. I blog for no one. Well, that's not entirely true, you see, I blog for Jesus, folks. And, okay, loose women. Isn't that right ladies? Oh, come on -- free chocolate!

One more shot after the jump.

Continue Reading " Ooooh, Stoplight-y!: The Kisai Tenmetsu "

Dec 8 2008 'Tis The Season: For A Sexy Cosplay Gallery

No need to thank me folks, I ambushed Santa at Wal-Mart (the one ringing the bell outside) and stole his present bag. Inside? A bunch of cosplay pictures -- the bearded old man's a perv! Anyways, I've decided to share them with you, since it's the season of giving or whatever. There's a bunch more video game chicks after the jump, most of which are more scantily clad than Zelda, but none sexier. Are you still reading this shit? Hit the gallery already, this is just filler. Oh, and follow the link for a lot more, in higher resolution.

Push the button and receive a boner.

Continue Reading " 'Tis The Season: For A Sexy Cosplay Gallery "

Dec 5 2008 Stripper Robots Make Me Question My Life

As a vehement hater of all things robotic, these stripper-bots have me in quite the quandary. I freaking hate robots, but my god do I love some strippers. So, what's the deal -- should I hate them? Should I love them? Should I still tip? Haha, I never tipped in the first place!

Hit the jump for an older video of the pole-freaking robots at some concert. BBC video here.

Continue Reading " Stripper Robots Make Me Question My Life "

Nov 30 2008 Christmas Came Early This Year (And You Might Too): Gen¹³ Caitlin Fairchild Cosplay

As the angel of holiday cheer, I felt obligated to post these pictures of some chick cosplaying it up as Caitlin Fairchild from the Gen¹³ comic book series. Honestly, I had no idea who Caitlin was, but now I can safely say that her image is burnt into my retinas. Literally, I used a coat hanger and butane lighter. Hit the jump for three more pics, all of which are significantly cheekier than this one. You catch my drift? I'm talking about her ass -- her ass is hanging out.

Hit it, you want to.

Continue Reading " Christmas Came Early This Year (And You Might Too): Gen¹³ Caitlin Fairchild Cosplay "

Nov 24 2008 Couple Sues McDonald's After Leaving Cell Phone At Store And Their Private Pictures Show Up Online (Suprise, Surprise!)

Arkansas native Phillip Sherman and his wife Tina are suing McDonald's because Phillip left his cell phone at a restaurant and the nudey pictures of his wife that were on it headed straight for the internet (they always do).

The suit was filed Friday and seeks a jury trial and $3 million in damages for suffering, embarrassment and the cost of having to move to a new home (due to alleged stalkers).

The suit says that Phillip Sherman left the phone the Fayetteville store in July and that employees promised to secure it until he returned.

Now I hate to call the Shermans liars and cheats, but they most certainly are. Can somebody say chili finger? Or, in this case, cheeseburger ass?

Nude pics in phone lost at McDonald's get online [associatedpress]

Thanks to Lobster, who, despite his inherent deliciousness, couldn't find the pics online.

Nov 12 2008 It's The Future!: Gmail, Now With Video Chat

Truthfully, I only use Gmail and Gmail chat to communicate with two select individuals (you know who you are). But now, thanks to the marvel of modern technology, we can talk it up with streaming video. Oh happy day! You ever videochat with a blogger that's only left bed to let the dog out and eat three bowls of cereal? And on a side note: did that just make your loins tingle? Because it did mine. Just kidding, bed bugs.

Gmail gets voice and video chat capabilities [dvice]

Nov 6 2008 Scientists Still Hope To Clone Extinct Species

Scientists, spurred on by the passing of Michael Crichton, have kicked their efforts of cloning extinct species into high gear. And I think I speak for all of us here when I say, sex with dinosaurs: it's about freaking time.

Japanese scientists have produced clones of mice that have been dead and frozen for 16 years -- a feat that could lead researchers to one day resurrect long-extinct species, such as the mammoth.

Researchers had thought that frozen cells were unusable because ice crystals would have damaged the DNA. That belief would rule out the possibility of resurrecting extinct animals from their frozen remains. But the latest research -- published in the journal, Proceedings for the National Academy of Sciences -- shows that scientists may have overcome the obstacle.

Yes please! Now tell me somebody's got some frozen dinosaur remains around here somewhere. If not, we're going to need to go back in time and get some. Damn, sometimes my profound logic amazes even me.

Scientists hope to clone extinct species [cnn]

Thanks to Jonathan, who fears for a dinosaur apocalypse. Which, incidentally, is my dreamworld.

Nov 5 2008 The Scorpion: A 40-MPG, 450-Horsepower Hydrogen-Powered Arachnid -- That Stings

Okay it doesn't really sting, it's just a freaking car. Oh wait, maybe it does.

The Scorpion gets its sting from a hydrogen delivery system the company calls H2GO. While cars like the Honda FCX Clarity and Chevrolet Equinox use hydrogen fuel cells to drive electric motors, the Scorpion uses electrolysis to convert water into gaseous hydrogen. The hydrogen is mixed with 91-octane gasoline to improve the fuel economy and reduce the emissions of the car's 3.5-liter internal combustion engine.

Ronn Motors is confident that the sexy Scorpion will top 200 mph. The chrome-moly chassis and carbon-fiber body surrounds a twin-turbo 3.5-liter V6 in a car that weighs just 2,200 pounds. The engine was sourced from Acura -- it's the same mill found in the TL Type S, albeit turbocharged -- and mated to a six-speed gearbox. The car will set you back $150,000, and if 450 ponies isn't enough, another $100 grand will get you a tweaked version with another 150 horsepower.

Oh man. I want one. Badly. Really badly. Just imagine: you're cruising along in your Scorpion, when you decide to swing by the BK drive-thru for a #4 with a Coke. ZOMG I'm making myself moister than a towelette. Just kidding, I don't even know what that means. Or do I?

Hit the jump for a couple more worthwhile pictures.

Continue Reading " The Scorpion: A 40-MPG, 450-Horsepower Hydrogen-Powered Arachnid -- That Stings "

Oct 23 2008 Halloween Ideas: Sexy Star Wars Costumes

Here's a little gallery of sexy Star Wars costumes to get you excited about handing out candy to undeserving teenagers who didn't even bother dressing up. Ha, you're probably just gonna leave a bowl with a "please take one" note aren't you? Well let me tell you something -- the first kid that sees it is taking it all. Bowl too. And, if it's shitty candy, shatter the bowl on your porch.

Hit the jump for several more.

Continue Reading " Halloween Ideas: Sexy Star Wars Costumes "

Oct 13 2008 Strip Club Features Drive-Thru Service

Apparently there's a strip club in Pennsylvania that offers drive-thru service.

The Climax "Gentleman's Club" operates in Delmont, Pennsylvania, on Route 22 35 miles east of Pittsburgh. In April of this year, Climax unveiled a new innovation, which is most likely a first in the country: drive-thru strippers. Motorists can now pay $5 a minute to view strippers from the comfort of the front seat of their own car. Most customers end up with a tab of about $10-$15, but already one person paid $100 for a mere 20 minutes.

$100? Jesus, that's like four lap dances. And I've got the feeling that's not an option in the drive through. Although it certainly should be. Oh -- oh God, I'll never look at that gearshift the same.

drive-thru strippers [everything2]

Thanks to chip, who pioneered drive-thru casinos.

Oct 8 2008 The Shower Power: No More Slipping And Breaking Your (Most Precious) Bone

The Shower Power is a powerful suction cup with two handles. It was designed to provide a safehold while you're having sex in the shower. Or in the car. Or on the side of a building. I couldn't find out how much it costs but it can't be much. And seriously, can you really put a price on personal safety anyways? Yes, about $8. Or, if you want to live dangerously, you can do what I do and have sex while swinging from the shower head. But remember: if you're not doing the Tarzan yell you're totally ruining the experience.

Hit the jump for the product packaging which explains how to use the device in graphic silhouettey detail.

Continue Reading " The Shower Power: No More Slipping And Breaking Your (Most Precious) Bone "