Dec 2 2008 That's Cold!: Ice Sculpture Carving Fail

If there's one thing I love in life it's another person's misfortune. A close second is dessert. One time I was scarfing grimace proportions of peach pie a la mode in a restaurant and some guy tripped and busted his face open on the sidewalk. I whip creamed my pants. So this ice sculpture fiasco was a real treat. Of course, it helped that I was finishing off the last of the pumpkin pie while I watched. And taunting a bum with a half eaten turkey sandwich.

Note: The Geekologie Writer actually takes no pleasure in other people's misfortune. He is a caring and sensitive man-boy who volunteers at the local strip club and once saved a busload of schoolchildren from alligators because their teacher was hot. Did I mention he has a wang the size of Texas? Because he does. Unless that's too big, in which case it's one of the Carolinas (take your pick) but shaped like Florida (cooking accident). Laaadies?
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Thanks to Colin, who once made love to an ice sculpture mermaid.

Dec 1 2008 Large Hadron Collider May Never Start Again

Well, that's a lie. Actually, no it's not. *brandishing crowbar* At least not if I have something say about it! Anyway, the LHC, which was thought to only be down until the spring, may not kill us all until late 2009, or even 2010. We're saved (but still be wary of terrorists)!

According to spokesperson James Gillies, the complicated repairs can be simplified into modest Plan A and Plan B approach.

Plan A is a quick and dirty fix, getting the particle accelerator online as quickly as possible (late summer 2009) at the cost of operating at lower power. In this scenario, 3 of 8 pressure relief-system segments are replaced (only the broken ones) with the other 5 getting upgraded at unsaid maintenance dates in the future.

Plan B is the more extensive but also more delayed approach, requiring the complete redesign and replacement of the LHC's entire pressure-relief system. Under this scenario, the LHC wouldn't go online until 2010 at the earliest, though at that time the system could operate at full power.

Well, looks like we're gonna have to find another way to destroy the planet in the meantime. Any ideas? I'm thinking good old fashioned CFCs. Or, alternatively, whip-its. Just remember: stop before the whipcream comes out. You squirt it, you buy it -- grocery store policy.

LHC Might Not Be Back Online Until 2010 or Later [gizmodo]

Thanks to Harrison, who promises to help me break into CERN and rollerskate around in the hallways.

Aug 6 2008 Hail Explodes Out Of Man's Toilet While In Use

Austrian man Martin Bierbauer was minding his own business, you know, getting his crap on, possibly flipping through a magazine or dirty joke book, when KA-BOOM! -- he was ass-blasted off the toilet by a barrage of hailstones from the shitty depths.

"I heard the pipes rumbling a bit, and suddenly hailstones the size of golf balls started exploding out of the toilet like it was a popcorn machine. There was an avalanche of ice that quickly filled the toilet, then the entire flat, and eventually the entire building. I ran down the stairs with the hailstones following me, and other residents did the same."

The incident at the block of flats in Eisenstadt, the capital of the province of Burgenland, was caused by hailstones flooding into a local drain during a torrential downpour, which became blocked.

Local council spokesman Wolfgang Leinner said: "The pressure was too great, the hailstones had to go somewhere and they came out through the toilets it seems."

Haily shit.

Toilet rained giant hailstones to fill building [austriantimes]

Thanks to Kevin, who was using the john once when a Gremlin reached up and grabbed his balls.