Oct 30 2009 $899 For The World's Cleanest Keyboard
Germaphobe? Worried about the bovine flu (it's coming, you watch)? Tired of operating a keyboard when you're 99.98% sure The Superficial Writer was touching with himself while using it? Enter the $899 Vioguard self-sanitizing keyboard.
The Vioguard keyboard is aimed at medical market uses and consumers in Canada. It uses two 25-watt UV lights to kill 99.99% of viruses and bacteria in about 90 seconds. Ultraviolet light is known to be affective against harmful microorganisms such as H1N1 flu, MRSA and molds.
Alternatively, only operate the keyboard while wearing surgical gloves, which is what I do. You should see everybody in the office tense up when I'm slapping them on! I think it's the winking that really gets to them.
The Cleanest Keyboard From Vioguard [techfresh]
Thanks to naas, who doesn't need a keyboard because he rocks dual mice.
Oct 17 2009 Almost Cute, Almost: A Robot In Love
This is a little video entitled 'Robot In Love' that features a little robot named Bit Beat putting the moves on his woman. I don't want to spoil it for you, but he sadly doesn't get destroyed by a powerful burning laser in the end. Just wait for the break-up, little robot, she'll get ya.
Thanks to Oscar, who has never fallen in love with a machine because automatic coffee makers don't count. What about self-cleaning litterboxes? I need a ruling.
Sep 28 2009 I Would Ride In That: Super Luxuriant Brabus Mercedes-Benz Viano Lounge/Mobile Office
This is the interior of the 2010 Brabus Mercedes-Benz Viano Lounge. As you can see, it has everything a person could want in a van. Except little kids. I'm looking at you, pederast!
Aside from its 426hp 6.1L V8 engine, the 2010 Brabus Mercedes-Benz Viano Lounge features a 32-inch LCD, two Sony VAIO laptops, a PlayStation 3, Nespresso machine, and even a Vertu Constellation phone. Unfortunately, this is just a concept...for now.
"Two power comfort seats provide maximum comfort for both rear passengers. Similar to long-distance flights in business class both seats can be reclined to full sleeping position at the push of a button."
I, for one, would not be ashamed to be driven around in this thing. I don't care if it looks like a soccermom mobile from the outside, I would totally hang out in the back and get my business on. And by business, I quite literally mean business. I've got money to make, son, no time for hanky panky! Mobile counterfeiting lab FTW.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots.
Jul 10 2009 Notebook Paper Printed With Sports Balls
Trapped in Suburbia, an Amsterdam design firm, came up with this "Play More" concept, which is regular notebook paper on one side, but printed to resemble sports balls on the other. Cuuute! Now I'm not saying I wouldn't get anything done at work if I had sports ball paper wads to play with, because, honestly, I don't do anything now besides compulsively check my email and nap.
Feb 22 2009 Office Chair Explodes, Sending Shrapnel Into Boy's Rear, Killing Him
In today's sad story, a 14-year old boy in China allegedly bled to death after the compressed gas canister used to raise and lower his office chair exploded, launching a barrage of shrapnel into his b-hole. Now I hate to start wildly speculating who's at fault here, but it's obviously Microsoft. BCOD, folks.
Hit the jump for a picture of the underside of the chair.
Continue Reading " Office Chair Explodes, Sending Shrapnel Into Boy's Rear, Killing Him "
Nov 30 2008 17,000 Push-Pin Super Mario 3 Mosiac
You know, sometimes you come across something that really makes you appreciate human ingenuity and dedication to a project. This isn't one of those.
What you're looking at it is a 17,000 push-pin mosaic mural, a product of three revisions and a total of two and a half semesters of work. The final revision took a whopping two months of work by the CIS Student Association at the University of the Fraser Valley, and it's currently sitting in the Student Computing Center over there.
17,000 push-pins, wow -- impressive work! And, whether you like the piece or not, I think we can all agree that these kids should be expelled for ganking office supplies.
Hit the jump for several more of the craziness (including an in-progress shot), along with a link to the Flickr gallery.
Oct 24 2008 I Smell Cancer!: Scotch Tape Emits X-Rays
So scotch tape can produce x-rays (that's a real picture taken with a 30-second exposure showing visible light emission from a roll).
In a tour de force of office supply physics, researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, have shown that it is possible to produce X-rays by simply unrolling Scotch tape.
In the current issue of the journal Nature, Dr. Putterman and his colleagues report that surprisingly fierce flows of electrons were unleashed as the tape was unpeeled and its gooey adhesive snapped free of the surface. The electrical currents, in turn, generated strong, short bursts of X-rays -- each burst, about a billionth of a second long, contained about 300,000 X-ray photons.
Great, so now I have finger cancer.
UPDATE: My stapler cured me!
From a Strip of Scotch Tape, X-Rays [nytimes]
Thanks to Raymond, mkaggie, and Sarahj, who have all been exposed to Post-Its.
Sep 26 2008 Wicked Case Mod: Computers As Wall Art
Designer Fredrik Perman decided to jazz up the lobby of his new office with a little custom built computer casage. There are actually six computers in the setup, designed for serious rendering.
The acrylic case doesn't have a top and sides to add some ventilation, and a battery of six, upward-blowing LED-lit fans keep everything cool. That monitor allows access to the render farm from the lobby (though there are several other terminals on the other side of the wall, all linked to the unit by a KVM switch).
Not bad. But you know what would look even better than a computer tacked to the wall? Deez nuts. It would hurt, but it's true.
Hit it for several more.
Sep 10 2008 Wicked Cool Post-It Note Movie
This is a video made by Eepybird (the guys that do the Diet Coke and Mentos geysers) entitled 'The Sticky Note Experiments'. It was made using 280,951 Post-Its stuck together to form Slinkies (that's over a quarter million for those of you that like your numbers in fractions and words). It was very well done. I just wish I could have embedded a larger version of it. And invested in 3M stock.
Eepybird's post it note experiment [vimeo]
Hit that for a larger version.
Thanks to Rami, who once made a Diet Coke and Mentos cannon and blew up a tank.
Sep 4 2008 Check Live Traffic Cams With iPhone App
Hate driving in traffic? Get a job where you don't have to commute. But for the rest of us, the ones that live 8 miles from work and spend 50 minutes getting there, there's the, uh, Metro. No wait, there's an iPhone application. Yeah, it's called Mobileyes and it can access live traffic feeds so you can see a bunch of cars sitting bumped to bumper. Now That's What I Call Hits Volume 14!
Current cities where this is available are: Detroit, Hartford, Houston, Indianapolis, Kansas City, Knoxville, Los Angeles, New York, and Washington, D.C. while other cities will eventually be added. Depending on the speed of your connection the app can show low, medium or high resolution images.
Let me tell you, there's nothing safer than browsing pictures of traffic while you're driving, it just makes good sense. And you know what else does? Flying to work instead of driving. Seriously cheapass, just buy a freaking cape already.
Mobileyes iPhone App Can (Potentially) Help You Avoid Traffic [ohgizmo]
Sep 3 2008 Say No To Carpal Tunnel: Bloody Stump Wrist Rests Perfect For Halloween, Zombie Decoys
Worried about developing carpal tunnel? Get a job where you don't have to type. But for the rest of us, there are wrist rests. This $15 set includes one hand and foot and is sure to get a rise out of undead coworkers. Of course, if you actually do work with zombies you should probably chop their heads off before they eat your brain. As a matter of fact, The Superficial Writer and I had to take a fire axe to the secretary just this afternoon when we caught her eating an arm.
UPDATE: Haha, it was a meatball sub. I swear, that marinara can be deceiving. Well, long story short, we called the coppers and blamed it on The Iwatchstuff Writer.
Hit the jump for a few more pictures of the gore.
Jun 25 2008 Sky Ceilings: Like Sky Lights, But Depressing
Sky Ceilings are probably an old as hell idea. So old. Your mommy probably read you a news story about them when you were a child. Yet, here they are -- weird. Sky Ceilings were designed to mimic daylight and change with the time of day from sun up to sun down. They're for people like me that work in Cubeville and don't see the light of day unless they sneak up to the roof and contemplate jumping. Which I do frequently. The sidewalk just looks so appetizing from up here. Oh -- here comes The Superficial Writer, late as always and trying to sneak in the side door. *hooccckkkkkkkk*
Sky Ceilings make you feel like you're outside even when you're not [dvice]
Jun 20 2008 Video: Epic NERF Battle In Cubeville
I said give me a damn minute, I'm trying to post here.
This is a video made by what is probably the least productive company on the planet. It's a 5:00 epic NERF battle complete with horrible over-acting and, sadly, no nudity. Contrary to popular belief, it is not a scene from the offices here at Anticlown. We don't do NERF guns -- we use real thing. But The Superficial Writer still makes little pew pew noises when he fires and, more often than not, shoots himself.
Okay, now we can go to the hospital. But we're taking your car or the bus -- that's a lot of blood and I just got my shit detailed.
The Great Office War [ohgizmo]
Jun 17 2008 Gag Pens Help Prevent Unwanted Theft
Tired of co-workers *ahem, Superficial Writer, Iwatchstuff Writer* borrowing your analog writing instruments, only to never see them again? Well the Borrow My Pen? set ($7) aims to alleviate the problem of pen theft. Each features a fictional place of business along with a catchy phrase designed to prevent people from wanting to keep them. Stuff like Van Nuys Center For Cosmetic Surgery, "Specializing in Difficult Gender Reassignments". Clever, but not clever enough. I've got the feeling I'd still get pens stolen with these. That's why I had Sharpie make a set with my own clever phrases. Stuff like: The Geekologie Writer, "If You Can Read This You've Stolen My Pen And I'm About To F***ing Stab You With It" and Center For Infectious Disease, "Free Pen For New STD's".
A Pen That Will Always Be Returned [ohgizmo]
Jun 16 2008 World's Most Luxurious Cubicle Looks Like Absolute Crap, Cube Designer Clearly Lacks Theology And Geometry, Good Taste, Hair
I can say whatever I want about the hairless because I'm balder than the U.S. national bird (hint: despite Franklin's penchant for 101 proof bourbon, it's not the turkey). This is allegedly the world's most luxurious office cubicle, designed and built for himself by Jared Nielsen. That's him in the picture. As you can see he's big pimping. If big pimping means you're a monster dork with a competitive shit-eating grin on your face. Did I mention his desk clashes with the stain of the walls and floor? Because it does. I swear, no taste. Screw cubicles anyways, I disassembled mine and built a blanket fortress in its place. I call it Castle Geekskull, and it's impenetrable. BRING IT SUPERFICIAL WRITER! *firing staples* PEW PEW PEW! Holy shit, where'd you get the trebuchet?
Jun 11 2008 Office Rampage Video That Was So Awesome Is Indeed Fake, Viral Marketing For Wanted
Remember the bad-to-the-ass office rampage video from last week? Turns out it's fake after all. And if that wasn't bad enough, it was a viral marketing video made by Russian director Timur Bekmambetov to hype his new movie, Wanted, starring Angelina Jolie and James MacAvoy. Good job Timur, you totally had me fooled. And for successfully pulling off the hoax I will now reward you by boycotting Wanted. And not just because I hate being tricked, but because you're an asshole and the movie will probably suck anyways. So Timur, you better pray The Iwatchstuff Writer says that shit is solid freaking gold, otherwise I'm picketing the hell out of the local theater.
Cubicle Farm Rampage Video Was Just A Viral Marketing Stunt [gizmodo]
Jun 4 2008 UPDATE: This Is What Happens...
When you send an anonymous email to The Superficial Writer with a subject line promising nude photos of Hayden Panettiere when it's actually packed with snapshots of your nuts.
UPDATE: Another video of the second half of the action from a worker's cellphone camera added after the jump (thanks Sunyeti and Rachel).
May 2 2008 Xerox Paper That Erases Print In 24 Hours
Xerox has decided that, since people can't seem to stop printing things, and that wasted paper is environmentally unfriendly, they'd make a self-erasing paper product.
The paper contains specially coded molecules that create a print after being exposed to ultraviolet light emitted from a thin bar in a printer. The molecule readjusts itself within 24 hours to its original form to delete the print, or heat can readjust the molecule instantly.
Each page can be used up to 100 times provided you don't spill coffee on it, crumple it, or otherwise desecrate the paper in a way that would prevent from going through the printer again. Personally, I think this is brilliant, and a great way to save paper. Of course, I haven't heard a mention of cost, which is probably significantly higher than the paper's non-magical competition (regular damn paper). I just wish I had slipped a sheet of this in when my marriage certificate was being printed. You know, so I could be released from the chaffing bonds of this unholy matrimony.
UPDATE: Hmm, so it seems that this is old news, so I'm not sure what the hell this article was talking about. Oh well, hopefully you hadn't heard about it before (and that disappearing ink gag shit you used to spray on people as a kid doesn't count).
Xerox Spy Paper Will Self Destruct In 24 Hours [ohgizmo]
Apr 8 2008 Nap At Work With The Nappak Sleeping Cube
If there's one thing I hate about going to work, it's the lack of comfortable places to sleep during my afternoon siesta. Enter the Nappak Sleeping Cube. It's an inflatable cubby where you can stretch out and doze to your heart's content. Not exactly a cube, but that's okay. While it certainly is better than napping face down on your keyboard, I have a few other suggestions for great places to sleep at work (based on several years experience).
The trunk of your car
Benefits: Cozy, dark, can add pillows and blankets.
Drawbacks: Getting locked inside. Being rear ended mid-nap.
Bathroom stall
Benefits: Easily accessible, private, can urinate as you nap.
Drawbacks: Gas, bathroom noises, legs falling asleep.
Your boss's desk, with his secretary.
Benefits: Lockable door, someone to spoon, potential to get some (or at least cop a feel).
Drawbacks: Possible sexual harassment case and/or disease. Boss kicking in the door, yelling at you. Termination.
A couple more pictures after the jump.
Continue Reading " Nap At Work With The Nappak Sleeping Cube "
Apr 7 2008 Tape Dispenser Looks Like Cassette, Clever!
This $25 tape dispenser looks like a cassette. A cassette tape! How very clever of someone. You can choose a red or green label, and both models dispense a long, thin, sticky plastic film (aka tape). I like it, it's got old school flair. If I didn't already steal six tape dispensers from work I'd consider getting one. Speaking of stolen goods, someone at the office made off with my "World's Greatest Lover" coffee mug. And no, it's not a "World's Greatest Animal Lover" mug with animal scratched out. Psyche! Of course it is.
Thanks to Brendan, who actually has one of those big golden wrestling belts proving he's the world's greatest lover, for the tip
