Oct 30 2009 Russia To Build Nuclear Powered Spaceship

You read correctly: Russia plans to build a nuclear powered spaceship. I smell a new cold cool lukewarm war coming on! ADVANCE THE DOOMSDAY CLOCK!

Roscosmos, Russia's Federal Space Agency has a new design for a manned spacecraft powered by a nuclear engine. Anatoly Perminov, the head of the agency, told reporters yesterday the goal of the Megawatt-class spaceship was "implementing large-scale space exploration programs."

Perminov added that this new spacecraft -- which will have a preliminary design by 2012 -- is supposed to help Russia maintain its edge in space, and possibly allow travel to the Moon or Mars. But Anatoly Koroteyev, president of the Russian Academy of Cosmonautics and head of the Keldysh research center, told RIA-Novosti that setting up permanent base on the moon was still out of the question.

Listen, I'm all for atomic energy, but I can't imagine the aliens being too thrilled about the Ruskies launching an atomic missile in their direction. AND YOU WONDER WHY THEY COME TO EARTH AND STICK THINGS IN OUR ASSES.

Поехали! Russia Plans Atomic-Powered Spaceship [wired]

Thanks to Nick, who built a nuclear reactor in his parents' basement but got grounded when they found it.

Jun 17 2009 It's Been Fun: Teaching AI How To Kill Us All

In one of the sickest and twistedest announcements I've read in recent history, programmers attending the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers symposium will attempt to program AI to destroy us all in a game of DEFCON.

Part of the symposium is a sort of "Turing Test" challenge, in which contestants program an AI to play a videogame. The objective is to try to trick a panel of human judges into thinking the AI is a human player.

This year's videogame is DEFCON, the brilliant nuclear war strategy game from indie developer Introversion.

A group of talented programmers will pitch their DEFCON bot against enemy bots in a series of one-on-one thermonuclear chess games. The winner is the programmer whose bot successfully annihilates its opponents and racks up the highest death count. IEEE is offering a $500 prize to the deadliest DEFCON AI bot competition winner.

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Like I don't have enough to worry about without people programming artificial intelligence to kill us all. You KNOW the robots are behind this. And also, BEHIND YOU -- DUCK! *pew pew* I just saved your life. No need to thank -- actually, yes, sing my praises. *cocking laser blaster* DO IT!

Symposium will teach AIs how to wage nuclear war [fidgit]

Thanks Kenny, shall we play a game?

Jun 3 2009 Miss Atom 2009: Nuclear Power In My Pants

So apparently Russia has been holding the Miss Atom contest since 2004 and I have yet to be a guest judge. That's some sauce, Russia. Vodka sauce. Anyways, here is Miss Atom 2009, Yekaterina Bulgakova, who was picked out of the 350 contestants that all work in the Russian nuclear power sector. Nice. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, I was hoping for three boobs too.

Official Site
via
Russia selects Nuclear Beauties 2009 [mosnews]

Thanks to Void, who slept with like thirty of the contests and now glows in the dark.

Jun 2 2009 PEW PEW!: World's Strongest Laser Unveiled

The world's strongest laser was unveiled in California last week. It's not actually a single laser though, it's 192 individual ones all focused on the same spot. Cheating! It's going to be used to ensure the US nuclear weapon stockpile is still functional in case Russia starts bitching out. Also, some space shit.

The super laser, officially known as the National Ignition Facility, was unveiled Friday before thousands of people at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory.

Beginning next year scientists will use the laser for experiments aimed at creating controlled fusion reactions similar to those found in the sun.

"More energy will be produced by this ignition process than the amount of laser energy required to start it. This is the long-sought goal of energy gain that has been the goal of fusion researchers for more than half a century," said NIF director Edward Moses.

'National Ignition Facility'? That's the worst name ever. Why wasn't there a contest to get to name the thing? Because it'll always be the PEWINATOR to me. Which, haha, is the same thing I named my junk penis. But seriously, don't stare directly at it.

World's strongest laser unveiled at Calif. lab [sfgate]

Thanks to Watch-303, catch22, Luis, Doug, Hunter and Phil, who did stare directly at it and paid the price. $10.

Feb 23 2009 Wait, What?: 3M's Nuclear Grade Duct Tape

3M Performance Plus Duct Tape 8979 was designed for use in nuclear power plants. Because let's face it: even nuclear power plant employees like to half-ass repair jobs. I know I feel safe.

Yes, 3M's Performance Plus Duct Tape is designed for use in nuclear power plants. It improves upon regular duct tape by working at temperatures of up to 200 degrees. It also can be removed without leaving a residue, it's waterproof, and you can easily write on it. And it's even available to laypeople for a mere $14 per roll.

Wow, we really need to get some. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?! If you answered "nuclear duct-tape my roommate to his office chair and start beating the compressed gas canister with a broomstick" then you are!

3M's nuclear grade duct tape means business [dvice]

Feb 17 2009 Fail: Two Nuclear Subs Crash Into Each Other

In an unprecedented subbing fail, a British nuclear sub recently crashed into a French one. I've got the feeling somebody swerved out of their lane (read: the Frenchies, they're suckers for red wine).

Officials said the low-speed crash did not damage the vessels' nuclear reactors or missiles or cause radiation to leak. But anti-nuclear groups said it was still a frightening reminder of the risks posed by submarines prowling the oceans powered by radioactive material and bristling with nuclear weapons.

France said that Le Triomphant suffered damage to a sonar dome -- where navigation and detection equipment is stored -- and limped home to its base on L'Ile Longue on France's western tip. HMS Vanguard returned to a submarine base in Scotland with visible dents and scrapes, the BBC reported.

Just as I feared, they're making these stealth subs too stealthy. Next thing you know somebody's going to run into the Lock Ness Monster and kill poor Nessy. And, when it happens (and it will), we will finally know the truth: how delicious is monster BBQ?

British, French nuclear subs collide in Atlantic [yahoonews]

Thanks to Totex, who once caught a nuclear sub trying to sneak up the drain into his bathtub. And to Kyle, who once called Poseidon a bitch and lived to tell about it.

Jul 25 2008 This Is What Happens...

When your neighbors are a nuclear power plant.

The Chinese pig, dubbed 'Monkey Face', is apparently healthy despite being fugly as hell and having extra long back legs that cause it to hop around instead of walk. I gotta admit though, it's cuter than my sister's new baby.

Hit the jump to see the uncensored picture and be scarred and saddened.

Continue Reading " This Is What Happens... "

Jun 10 2008 $100 Million Supercomputer Breaks Petaflop Barrier, Supposed To Keep U.S. Nuclear Weapon Stockpiles Safe And Reliable, Eek!

The $100 Million Roadrunner supercomputer was designed and built by IBM for the Department of Energy's National Nuclear Security Administration and is housed at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico. It was named Roadrunner before that's New Mexico's state bird and because they're fast. Also, Wile E. Coyote is a dipshit.

The Roadrunner is a hybrid machine, the world's first, that uses both traditional computer chips and the Cell Broadband Engine which was designed for the PS3. It occupies 6,000 square feet, weighs 500,000 lbs and delivers world-leading efficiency - 376 million calculations per watt. Roadrunner will be used primarily to ensure the safety and reliability of the U.S. nuclear weapons stockpile (we're all gonna die!). It will also do research into astronomy, energy, human genome science and climate change.

It was the first to perform at a petaflop (one thousand trillion calculations per second), and would make a great secondary computer if I had room for it. Some interesting info from the press release:

In total, Roadrunner connects 6,948 dual-core AMD Opteron® chips (on IBM Model LS21 blade servers) as well as 12,960 Cell engines (on IBM Model QS22 blade servers). The Roadrunner system has 80 terabytes of memory, and is housed in 288 refrigerator-sized, IBM BladeCenter® racks occupying 6,000 square feet. Its 10,000 connections - both Infiniband and Gigabit Ethernet -- require 57 miles of fiber optic cable. Roadrunner weighs 500,000 lbs. Companies that contributed components and technology include; Emcore, Flextronics, Mellanox and Voltaire.

Well that's sweet and all, but the real question is this: Can it handle me watching four or five pornos, playing Crysis, and downloading some movies illegally all at the same time? Hah -- really? Well how about all those things AND writing a nasty email to an ex-girlfirend? Got you there you stupid Roadrunner! WILE E. COYOTE FOR THE -- goddammit.

A video about the computer after the jump, along with links to very in-depth and wordy articles about it.

Continue Reading " $100 Million Supercomputer Breaks Petaflop Barrier, Supposed To Keep U.S. Nuclear Weapon Stockpiles Safe And Reliable, Eek! "

Dec 20 2007 It's About Time: Personal Nuclear Reactors

Similar to those used on nuclear submarines, the Toshiba-made Micro Nuclear Reactor is a personal power plant for your house/neighborhood. It's 20' x 6', about 100 times smaller than a typical reactor, making it a "fun-size" power generator -- like those little candy bars.

The 200 kilowatt Toshiba designed reactor is engineered to be fail-safe and totally automatic and will not overheat … The whole process is self sustaining and can last for up to 40 years, producing electricity for only 5 cents per kilowatt hour.

I dont' know if 5 cents per kilowatt hour is a good deal or not because I steal electricity from my elderly neighbors, but I imagine it is since they're bragging about it. The first unit is being installed in Japan in 2008 and if regulation allows (read: get freaking real) they'll be available in the U.S. in 2009. Just like the larger penis the drugs I take promise, I don't plan on seeing this in my lifetime.

Power your home with a mini nuclear reactor. No, really. [dvice]