Jul 10 2009 For The Ladies: Twilight, The Board Game

I can't say I'm surprised there's a Twilight board game, but I can say that I'm a little disappointed nobody's bought it for me yet. DON'T YOU LOVE ME? Ooh, a review:

This game is terrible. There are trivia cards to do with the movie but the other questions are all depending on what you roll with the die or they ask us to write down what the other player's favorite animal, movie,band etc. They have absolutely nothing to do with the movie and they are pointless. I thought it would be like trivial pursuit and different categories about the movie scenes, etc. To accomplish a task you have to roll a die and depending on what number you get you accomplish the task. These are pointless tasks and are not challenging at all. A 2 year old could do that. This is coming from a person that has loved the books, movie and anything else to do with twilight. The game is not worth what you pay for it. The pieces aren't the best quality and the cards are flimsy. What a rip off. Buyer beware.

Oh man, that was way too many words for me. Somebody summarize it for me. I ordered two.

Amazon Product Page

Thanks to Paul "the party animal", who was man enough to admit Edward is a hot piece of ass.

Apr 29 2009 Man Kills Friend In XBox Fueled Fight

In a serious act of good sportsmanship fail, some guy killed some other guy because the one dude (the dead one) kept beating him at Call of Duty (and yes, I am the L337 journalist). And no, that picture has nothing to do with the story besides the chicks happen to be XBox girls. I just thought it might lighten up the mood a little bit. Like mood lighting, but with boobs. Mood boobs.

Joseph Johnson, aged 28, from Chicago, is facing first-degree murder charges for allegedly killing a man while they played games together on an Xbox 360.

Johnson and Danny Taylor, aged 24, were allegedly playing video games at an apartment when tension escalated and they got into a fight. This led to Johnson allegedly shooting Taylor in the back of the head.

Jesus. Sure, I've thrown my fair share of controllers, and maybe one time I beat my brother in the head pretty badly with a Game Boy -- but actually killing somebody over a video game? That's crossing the line. THIS AIN'T NO GAME, SON, THIS IS REAL LIFE!

R.I.P. Danny.

Xbox Murder: Man Kills Acquaintance While Playing Videogame [allaboutthegames]

Thanks to Matty, who once tried to strangle a roommate with a wireless controller.

Mar 11 2009 They're After Our Children!: Robot Substitute

Have kids? Well you won't for long if Saya, the robot substitute, has her way. The harbinger of death is allegedly multilingual, capable of calling roll, reading, and assigning work from textbooks. Also, scaring the shit out of your children.

Behind her latex face -- modeled on a university student -- 18 motors create expressions including happiness, surprise, fear, disgust, sadness and even anger.

Saya will start teaching after passing a trial term at a Tokyo primary.

Her creator, science professor Hiroshi Kobayashi, had been working on the robot for 15 years.

Wow, robotic substitutes -- what will they think of next? Robotic cafeteria ladies? That would suck, because I'm a boy that needs extra fish sticks, and you can't bribe a robot. Or can you? Hey Roomba, I'll oil you if you clean under the bed really well. *BEEP BOP BEEP* DOES NOT COMPUTE. You piece of shit, I knew I never should have WOOTed you.

Hit the jump to see what your robotic substitute looks like with no face.

Continue Reading " They're After Our Children!: Robot Substitute "

Oct 2 2008 Bad Idea: X-Ray Messages For Your Luggage

Evan Roth designed these custom etched metal plates to show up on X-ray machines when your luggage is scanned at the airport. And let me tell you, airport security loooooves a good joke. Like the time I drank a half liter of bourbon waiting for my flight out of Vegas and fell asleep under a chair and missed my flight by four hours. Oh man, they loved that one.

Metal Plate X-Ray Messages - Because Airport Security Officers Have A Great Sense Of Humor [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Heather, who loves being drunk in the airport as much as I do.

Sep 25 2008 Best iPhone Application EVER

paiTouch, an iPhone application created by Japanese blogger Technohippy, is a virtual breast. You can poke and prod it all you want and it kind of jiggles around. It's actually pretty crappy. You can test it out here, just click and drag the cursor around. I've got to admit: if this is what touching a booby is like, I'm not that excited about it anymore. Now a penis....JK!

Virtual Breasts, Coming to Your iPhone [inventorspot]

Thanks to Phil, who touches enough of the real thing to not need a stupid app.

Jul 17 2008 Epic Failure: Kid Riding Jet Ski In Hot Tub

This is a short video of an asscap riding a jet ski in a hot tub. It's every bit the epic failure you'd expect. The whole time I was waiting for a cruise ship to come along and crush the dumb bastard to death, but my prayer went unanswered. Something about God hating me.

UPDATE: I'd like to apologize to all of you who were misled into thinking that Captain Numbnuts of the USS Special Ed was going to hurt himself by the inclusion of "epic failure" in the title and post. If it's any consolation, there was nobody wishing him more harm than myself. And also, YAAAAAAAAA! *UMPH* -- there, I just punched myself in the go-go-gadget-gonads for you.

Jet Skiing in a Jacuzzi Is Half Crazy Half Sad [gizmodo]

Jun 10 2008 Disney Tours Now Available On Google Earth

We've all known for some time how useful Google Maps can be to spot drug deals in progress, but now Google, in their unending quest for interweb supremacy, is offering Disney tours through Google Earth.

Visitors can walk or fly around the park as they wish. Information on the park's 1,500 attractions pops up on the side of the screen, along with photos, videos and booking details. Even the park's numerous statues, benches, lamp posts and banners are included.

It currently only features the outside of buildings, but there are plans for an update that will allow virtual visitors to enter the attractions and hotel rooms.

"HEY KIDS, WHO WANTS TO GO TO DISNEYWORLD!?!? Okay, now gather around the monitor..."

Disney World 3D tours on Google Earth [telegraph]

Thanks Steve, now my kids hate me