May 12 2009 Not For The Faint: Robots Beating The Ever Living Hell Out Of Crash Test Dummies

This is some really disturbing footage from the German Aerospace Center's Institute of Robotics and Mechtronics (soon be known as a pile of rubble. Minions -- attack!) showing robots beating the ever living hell out of crash test dummies. FOR FUN. WHILE SOME SICKOS LAUGH IN THE BACKGROUND. Allegedly the experiments were conducted in an attempt to help make robots safer, but guess what -- THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SAFE ROBOT. Just sayin', my roommate lost three toes to a Roomba and can now only walk in circles.

Robots crash into dummies, identify human weaknesses [engadget]

Thanks to billcollider, Chase is First, Barry, Nelson and Wout, who have each taken out like 40 robots and even dated a few long term. You guys make me sick.

May 6 2009 Just What We Need: Robots On Facebook

That's right folks, Facebook, long considered one of humanity's last strongholds, is being breached by robots. Warning: under no circumstances should you accept a robot's friend request. And don't let them fool you with Superpokes and Virtual Drinks, THEY SHOULD BE CONSIDERED METALIZED AND DANGEROUS.

Researchers are giving a robot its own Facebook profile page to help foster meaningful relationships with people. The page will be populated with interactions the robot has with people as well as photos of the time it spends in human company.

Its creators hope that embedding it in a social web will give rise to a sustainable friendship can grow up between man and machine.

Umm, how about NO THANKS. Now how in the hell are we supposed to tell friend from robotic foe? I swear, if I catch that robobastard trying to infiltrate the Geekologie Fan page, it is GAME OVER AND LIGHTS OUT. Then lights back on while I find my stuffed dinosaur. THEN LIGHTS OUT AGAIN AND A BUNCH OF GROANING AND RAWR!

Robot to create Facebook profile [bbcnews]

Thanks to ffffffffffffffffff, Aaron, Bilal, Gareth, Kim and Dylan "Free Sex!", who should totally take the 'What Disney Princess Are You' quiz that I just did. I'm Belle!

Apr 20 2009 Japanese Man Builds Giant Robotic Beetle

Why? I don't know why. Why do people build any kind of robot? Exactly, because they're stupid idiots.

Designed and built by an Ibaraki man in his garage over the course of eleven years, the "Kabutom MX-03″ looks like a prop from a Power Rangers spin-off but is an actual working vehicle.

Shaped like a kabuto-mushi (rhinocerous beetle, a favorite design of Japanese toymakers and, uh, candymakers), it can be remote controlled or piloted from the cockpit (visible on the left side), and is capable of carrying passengers inside its shell.

First of all, eleven years? Some poor bastard pissed away more than a decade building what I'm going to destroy in an alcohol-fueled afternoon? That's almost enough to bring a tear to my eye. Almost, but not really because 1. we don't grieve for robot sympathizers and 2. I don't cry anyways (aliens stole my tear ducts). Also, who the hell is gonna crawl into a giant robotic beetle's shell? That's like asking someone to jump into a volcano, but far less like a giant hot tub.

Also, I apologize to anyone who watched the whole video. I meant to tell you to just skip around earlier.

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Giant Japanese beetle robot [japanprobe]

Thanks to Ross, Shelley, NuffSaid, bum master and Matt, all of whom would crush that thing like a bug. You know, if they were 50-feet tall. But they're not, so we're going with napalm.