Oct 23 2009 Lies!: Germans Have Broken Speed Of Light
Two German scientists claim to have broken the speed of light. They are liars and should lose their science licenses. What do you mean you don't need a license to practice science? WELL YOU SHOULD!
According to Einstein's special theory of relativity, it would require an infinite amount of energy to propel an object at more than 186,000 miles per second.
However, Dr Gunter Nimtz and Dr Alfons Stahlhofen, of the University of Koblenz, say they may have breached a key tenet of that theory.The pair say they have conducted an experiment in which microwave photons - energetic packets of light - travelled "instantaneously" between a pair of prisms that had been moved up to 3ft apart.
The scientists were investigating a phenomenon called quantum tunnelling, which allows sub-atomic particles to break apparently unbreakable laws.
Dr Nimtz told New Scientist magazine: "For the time being, this is the only violation of special relativity that I know of."
Yeah, no. Is the universe still here? Then these two crackpots didn't shoot shit faster than the speed of light. And speaking of shooting shit faster than the speed of light: the new Black Jack taco from Taco Bell. Plumber!!
'We have broken speed of light' [telegraph]
Thanks to Allegro, who once ran out for beer and returned before he even left (got hit be a street sweeper and passed out in a ditch for a whole day).
Oct 11 2009 Speak For Yourself: Scientists Claim We Would Never Survive A Zombie Apocalypse
According to a couple of Canadian researchers, the human race could never weather a zombie uprising. Pfft, speak for yourselves, Canucks -- I'M A SURVIVOR!
Based on models of rampant infectious diseases, say researchers, civilization would be doomed if we were ever attacked by zombies.
If society were ever attacked by zombies, we would probably be doomed, and quickly. That was the conclusion of two university researchers in Ottawa, Ontario, who set up mathematical models hypothesizing zombie attacks as infectious diseases with the well-known characteristics of zombie biology from popular fiction. In fact, according to a July BBC News report, zombies are more threatening than virulent diseases because they can regenerate (unless decapitated or incinerated, of course). More troubling was the researchers' presumption that zombies move slowly, as in older movies, but in recent fiction, they're super-quick, making them nearly invincible.
Oh man, as much as I do respect a couple of Canadians with calculators plugging away at a mathematical model they created using the info they gathered from Shawn of the Dead and Zombieland, this is one blogger who isn't succumbing to the zombie apocalypse. Robot, sure, but not zombies.
Thanks to Gideon, who isn't going out in any sort of apocalypse. Except perhaps a sexpocalypse. Just kidding!
Aug 22 2009 Chicken Buns: KFC's New WTF Sandwich
KFC just released a new sandwich called the Double Down that features bacon and cheese IN BETWEEN TWO CHICKEN FILLET BUNS. Because, seriously, bread is just filler anyways. A recent review:
That's it? That is the sandwich? That's not worth five dollars. Oh... oh my God. That is the best thing ever. I don't know what "Colonel's Sauce" is, but it is like a party in my mouth. This is completely worth the five dollars. Unfortunately I'm going to end up weighing 700 lbs after this, but it is simply amazing.
Wow, I kind of absolutely don't want to try that. But I will tell you a chicken joke I came up with last night.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To nug-get to the other side. HIYO! I should do stand up.
Hit the jump for an actual product shot and a commercial.
Mar 16 2009 They're After Our Skinny Coke Whores!: Japanese Unveil Robotic Fashion Model
Developed by Japan's National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology (JAJINAS), HRP-4C is a robot designed to walk, talk, and work a catwalk like the sexy little vixen harbinger of death that she is.
Standing at just over 5-feet tall and 95-pounds....the she-bot features 30 motors spread throughout its body with an additional eight motors in its face for expressing general boredom and disgust with the help. Its main purpose is entertainment and to attract crowds much like its fleshy counterparts -- so don't expect home cooked meals and laundry service should you take the $200,000 robot home.
As is evident from the photo, that guy is a demented pervert. IT'S A ROBOT, BRO -- HER ASS IS METAL. Some people, I swear. So anyway, like I was saying: I hid in a bathroom stall at the Museum of Natural History this weekend until it closed and then had my way in the Hall of Dinosaurs. Best weekend EVER.
Hit the jump for another picture and a video proving why this is the worst model ever.
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Mar 5 2009 Wow, I'm Shocked: Robot Programmed To Love Goes Too Far, Commences Stalking
Kenji, a third-generation humanoid, was programmed by Toshiba's Akimu Robotic Research Institute to emulate human emotions, including love. But shockingly, Kenji has gone haywire and will probably end up killing off all his love interests.
The trouble all started when a young female intern began to spend several hours each day with Kenji, testing his systems and loading new software routines. When it came time to leave one evening, however, Kenji refused to let her out of his lab enclosure and used his bulky mechanical body to block her exit and hug her repeatedly. The intern was only able to escape after she had frantically phoned two senior staff members to come and temporarily de-activate Kenji.
Dr. Takahashi admits that they will more than likely have to decommission Kenji permanently, but he's optimistic about one day succeeding where Kenji failed. "This is only a minor setback. I have full faith that we will one day live side by side with, and eventually love and be loved by, robots," he said.
Oh hell no you crackpot. Ain't no love for robots here. It's kill or be killed. YOUR EXPERIMENT FAILED MISERABLY -- GIVE UP. Seriously, we need this guy behind bars STAT. The day I'm forced to love a robot is the day I stab that mechanical beast through the eye-camera with a rusty screwdriver and sparks fly everywhere as I mash it around in his brain real good until the BEEPITY BOOP BEEPING stops and I push my would-be mechanical lover off me and take a nap.
Robot Programmed to Love Goes too Far [muckflash]
Thanks to Jon, who once kicked a robot in the metallic junk for stepping on his shoe.
Jan 29 2009 Prison Convicts Capture Selves With Lightpole
How not to escape from a New Zealand prison: handcuffed to another dude, running on opposite sides of a lightpole. Check.
Thanks to Ray Doggy Dog and chad, who could have escaped prison like it was a three-legged race.
