Nov 5 2009 That Can't Be Good For His Knees: DS Player
This man, who could be any of us (BUT TOTALLY ISN'T ME, I SWEAR) was caught playing a demo Nintendo DS at Wal-Mart on his knees. DS'er, on his knees *snicker* ENOUGH -- this is not the time for your pervy laughter! This IS the time to take up a collection and get this poor bastard a DS. And, if there's anything left over, Rogaine and a spray tan.
World Of Walmart [peopleofwalmart]
Thanks to Closet Nerd, who once got caught taking whippits in the dairy isle AND WHO CAN BLAME HIM?!
Oct 29 2009 I See You!: 8x Zoom Case For Nintendo DSi
Want an 8x zoom lens for your DSi because you're secretly a spy? Me neither. Want an 8x zoom lens for your DSi because you're in love with the receptionist at the free clinic and you want to candidly take pictures of her? You've got problems. But if you've also got $25 you can have the Nyko DSi Zoom Case, a case and lens that attach to your DSi and allow up to 8x zoom. Plus, it's super inconspicuous. Goodbye bow tie camera!
Hit the jump for a shot of it's zooming capabilities and all the accessories.
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May 4 2009 X-Rays Of Video Game Controllers & Consoles
Flickr user Reintji went and took a bunch of x-rays of video game consoles and controllers, from both today and yesteryear. And also, the future. Just kidding, no future. If time machines existed you'd know it because I'd be writing steamy romance novels about the time I banged a dinosaur but was left only partially satisfied because the third member of our ménage à trois got eaten by a Megalosaurus on the way to the party. So yeah, what I just said. Boom, great tie-in.
Hit the jump for a whole bunch more (use file names for identification) and a link to the full Flickr gallery.
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Apr 28 2009 Rocks: Not Just For Christmas Anymore
As a guy who's no stranger to receiving a sockful of coal on Christmas morning, I wouldn't be surprised to open a birthday present and see the same thing. Thankfully, nobody bothers remembering my birthday anymore. But a Florida mother got pissed when she bought her son a $138 Nintendo DS from Wal-Mart, only to find out the box was full of rocks and a couple pieces of wadded Chinese newspaper (to prevent the fragile rocks from breakage). Wow, porno-laden PSP, you got nothin' on this.
The troubling discovery prompted the Florida woman to contact the local Wal-Mart where she bought the curious box and complain, but reportedly workers there told her it wasn't their problem and that she should contact Nintendo instead. Of course, Nintendo told her roughly the same thing, leaving mother and son with a $138 box of rocks.
Amazingly enough, however, Wal-Mart soon caved after learning that the same box of rocks had been previously returned by another disgruntled customer. How exactly it made it back onto store shelves remains a mystery, but for her troubles, Wykle was given a full refund and a $20 gift card.
Yes, what a mystery. We better call Sherlock Holmes in for this head-scratcher. I mean, WTF? You think a Keebler Elf broke out of a box of cookies, hiked all the way to the electronics department, and restocked the system in the middle of the night? Because that's what I'm leaning towards.
Florida teen finds rocks in Nintendo DS box [yahoonews]
and
$138 box of rocks?? [wtsp]
Thanks to Huevo and Lisa, who once had a shopping cart race in Wal-Mart and accidentally ran over the greeter.
Apr 22 2009 Best Nintendo DS Case Ever? Hint: Yes
This is by far the best Nintendo DS case ever crafted. If you can't tell by the censor block I put over the picture, they're boobs. But not just any boobs. Really soft looking ones. I swear, we get a picture of Jessica Chobot licking this and BOOM!: the cover of TIME Magazine. For the next thirty years. Also, peace in the Middle East.
Hit the jump for the uncensored picture.
Apr 8 2009 It Was Frickin' Huge: 54,324 Piece LEGO DSi
LEGO artist Sean Kenney was commissioned by Nintendo of America to build a giant DSi for display at the Nintendo World Store in NYC. So that's what he did. And here it is, in all it's 54,324 piece glory. Sadly, it doesn't work, which means that it's forever frozen with that picture of a cat on it. Which, while cute, is nowhere near as cute as my cat. Isn't that right, Mr. Whiskers? I swear, you are such a cutie with a booty -- come give daddy kissies! No, I didn't say asshole my face, I said kissies!
Hit the jump for a bunch of closeups and a 45-second time-lapse video of the build.
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Apr 2 2009 Game Timer Keeps DS'ing Addiction In Check
Snap -- you just got double entendre'd, son! Moving on. The Health Control Game Timer shuts down your Nintendo DS if you've been playing for too long. How long is too long? Apparently 30, 60, 90 or 120 minutes.
The device also features a distance sensor that will flash a red light when your face gets too close to the screen during those unusually intense gaming sessions.
The highly questionable piece of shit costs $40 and won't work to curb your problem whatsoever. If you really have a gaming addiction you'll either A) never buy one, B) turn the system back on and keep playing for another 2 hours, or 3) pull the device out and Hulk smash it to bits. I mean, it's not liked it's chained to the DS or anything. And, haha, speaking of not being chained to things -- I stole your bike! Now, check out this sick jump I've been working on. *WICKA-POW* Ladies, consider yourself pregnant.
Heatlh Control Game Timer puts digital leash on Nintendo DS fanatics [dvice]
Jan 28 2009 Not Again!: Another Kid's Toy Promoting Islam
Remember the story about the children's doll that allegedly says "Islam is the light"? Well now there's a Nintendo DS game that says the same thing, thankfully discovered by BY THE SAME IDIOT THAT COMPLAINED ABOUT THE DOLL.
Months ago, Rachel Jones was shocked to discover her 4-year-old's baby doll seemed to have a hidden message: Islam is the light.
Imagine her surprise when a game for her 8-year-old daughter's Nintendo DS had the same message. Jones said she's angry this is the second toy she's had to take from her children."Not just my daughters' toys, but we have a son too," said Jones. "Now I feel like I need to listen to all of his little toys to make sure they're not saying it."
Well, I don't know what to tell you, Rachel. Except stop procreating. Also, your fifteen minutes of local-news fame were up last year, let somebody else have a turn. Like the kid that got a cherry pit stuck up his nose, that's something.
Video game plays strange message? [wpri]
Thanks to Mark, whose Teddy Ruxpin doll promoted Wicca.
Jun 24 2008 Video: How To Play Guitar Hero On The DS
This is a video explaining how to play Guitar Hero: On Tour with the Nintendo DS. It ranks right up there with the Star Wars Dance Competition in things that are unbearable to watch. Seriously, I almost killed myself while watching it. I was just slipping my head through the noose when it ended. Don't believe me? I dare you to watch the whole 3:30 and then tell me with a straight face you didn't entertain cutting yourself. Because you did. You also entertained finding out where Mr. Eyeliner lives and cutting him. Go on, admit it.
Guitar Hero: On Tour promo video makes grown men cry [engadget]
Thanks for the warning Julian, but curiosity got the best of me
Jun 18 2008 Send Me Free Ones: Nintendo Wall Decals
These are wicked Nintendo wall graphics made by a company called Blik. They're licensed and everything, so rest assured that Nintendo will get their piece of that ass should you decide to buy some. As seen in the photos, they come in Super Mario Bros., Donkey Kong, and New Super Mario Bros. themes, and are all completely awesome (and a good size). Unfortunately, each 24-42 sticker set costs $75 and it takes multiple sets to make a really cool scene. Hit the jump for more ideas of what you can do and what appears to be a highly inappropriate silhouette of two schoolgirls making out. You know, for size comparison.
I'm serious, hit the jump.
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Jun 16 2008 WTF?: Sudoku Addicts Ruin Drug Trial
A drug trial in Australia that's been going on for over three months and already cost taxpayers near $1 million has been halted as a result of jurors playing sudoku puzzles instead of paying attention.
Sydney District Court Judge Peter Zahra cancelled the trial of two men on drugs conspiracy charges after the jury foreperson admitted that four to five jurors had been playing the addictive number sequence game, local media reported.One juror said the game helped them to pay more attention by keeping their mind busy.
"Some of the evidence is rather drawn out and I find it difficult to maintain my attention the whole time," the juror was quoted saying by the Australian Associated Press.
HA! Seriously, I have the attention span of a goldfish so I can completely understand where that person is coming from. But you can't just go sudokuing it up during a damn trail. That's what the DS and PSP are for.
Sudoku addicts halt drugs trial [yahoonews]
Thanks to Ray, who knows that crossword puzzles are where it's at anyways.
Mar 20 2008 Guitar Hero For DS Looks, Um, Something
So this is how Guitar Hero: On Tour will be played on the Nintendo DS. By strumming your stylus on the touchscreen and mashing buttons on a fretboard attachment. You know, I really think that this version of the game is getting dangerously close to playing real guitar. The game is supposed to ship sometime this summer and it better have an option to flip the screen or something so you can play left-handed. Because otherwise it proves my sneaking suspicion that Activision is run by a bunch of righty fascists.
UPDATE: Questionable commercial added after the jump.
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Jun 18 2007 Nintendo DS Pencil Stylus
If a regular stylus just isn't gimmicky enough for your Nintendo DS, you can get one of these pencil-shaped ones. They're only available in Japan and are like a regular DS stylus except thicker. Although personally I just use a regular pencil on my DS. It doesn't work at all and only scratches the screen, but that's a small price to pay for looking cool.
Apr 9 2007 Swarovsky crystal DS Lite covers
For $600 you can get yourself one of these Swarovsky crystal Nintendo DS Lite covers. There are five designer covers to choose from, though you'd have to be borderline insane to actually purchase one. Either that or just really really rich. Like me. I spend my free time lighting cash on fire.
Mar 22 2007 Nintendo DS Cake
That's not a super gigantic, very poorly made Nintendo DS. Oh, no, my friends it is not. That is a cake. The edible kind.
A couple more pictures after the jump.
