Nov 18 2009 Ninja Fail: Overconfident (And Drunk) Ninja Attempts Fence Jump, Ends Up Impaled
A drunk and overzealous ninja, who may be the guy in this picture but was probably the kid in this video, attempted jumping over a fence in Seattle, Washington, only to impale himself on a pole. I knew about buttpirates, but who knew there were buttninjas too?! You're no drunken master!
Seattle police say a man who thought he was ninja was impaled on a metal fence when he tried to leap over it. An officer who was looking for an assault victim nearby Monday night heard the man screaming for help. Police supported him to prevent further injuries until medics arrived and took him to a hospital, where he was in serious condition in intensive care on Tuesday.
Police spokeswoman Renee Witt wrote in a department Web site posting that officers thought the man might have been involved in the reported assault, but he insisted he was just a ninja trying to clear a 4- to 5-foot-tall fence.Witt says the man was "overconfident in his abilities," and that alcohol likely played a role.
Listen, as a public service to you Geekologie Readers that think you might be ninjas, I've got news for you: you're not. You don't wear Velcro shoes so you can be ready to strike at a moment's notice, you wear Velcro shoes because you never learned to tie regular ones. And the katana set you bought at the kiosk at the mall? You've cut yourself playing Ninja Turtles, haven't you? The prosecution rests.
Police: Would-be Seattle
ninja impaled on fence [googlenews]
Thanks to Michelle loves ninjas drunk or otherwise, Rachel, Justin, Fluffy Frontstein, wes, Sally and Lizze, who actually are trained killers and could have easily cleared that fence.
Oct 31 2009 HAPPY HALLOWEEN, Have Fun Everyone!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE! This is me in my get-up last year just before losing the costume contest and sai-ing all the judges in the face. Everybody have fun out there tonight and remember to be safe (but not too safe). Also, if you see a David after the Dentist stumbling around, that's me (I scored a nitrous tank!). HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Oct 15 2009 Abe, Nooo!: Gallery Of Geek-ily Defaced Bills
Because it's illegal and I don't do anything illegal, I've never defaced currency or put pennies on a train track. Nor have I looked at another man's junk while standing at a urinal. Or have I? I totally have -- I do it often!
Peekaboo.
Hit the jump for 15 more presidents dressed as different characters. There are laughs to be had!
Continue Reading " Abe, Nooo!: Gallery Of Geek-ily Defaced Bills "
Jul 30 2009 Jacket Assassins: Ninja Star Coat Hooks
Does Ninja Boy hang his denim jacket on ninja star coat hooks? You bet your socially awkward katana he does! These Ninja Coat Hooks from Spinning Hat designs are coat hooks made to look like ninja stars. Hi-ya? HI-YA!
The Ninja Coat Hooks will transform your hallway into the scene of a Shanghai back street stand-off. Each metal Ninja Coat Hook has one corner cleverly engineered into a screw, which allows you to fix securely to your wall or door, whilst making it look like it has been hurled from the hands of a deadly Ninjitsu assassin.
Each star will set you back around $13. Alternatively, I'll drive you to the mall and we can go the kiosk that sells ninja swords and body jewelry and pick up a pack of real ones. Afterwards, we'll head over to Hot Topic for novelty t-shirts and then to the food court to wash it all down with an Orange Julius. High five!
Jun 30 2009 UPDATE: ZOMG, Freaking Sewer Creatures!
This is allegedly video from the sewers beneath Raleigh, North Carolina showing some weird ass freaky deaky new creatures. I suspect it's fake and gonna prove to be a viral video for Cloverfield 2: Attack of the Head Crabs or some feminine hygiene product. But who knows, maybe it's real. Regardless, I think we can all agree that it would be delicious BBQ'd.
UPDATE: Totally real apparently. According to Dr. Timothy Wood, freshwater bryozoa expert.
Thanks for the video - I had not see it before. No, these are not bryozoans! They are clumps of annelid worms, almost certainly tubificids (Naididae, probably genus Tubifex). Normally these occur in soil and sediment, especially at the bottom and edges of polluted streams. In the photo they have apparently entered a pipeline somehow, and in the absence of soil they are coiling around each other. The contractions you see are the result of a single worm contracting and then stimulating all the others to do the same almost simultaneously, so it looks like a single big muscle contracting. Interesting video.
BURN IT WITH FIRE! Somebody in Raleigh needs to start flushing fireworks down the toilet STAT.
Video Footage Surfaces of North Carolina Sewer Creatures [io9]
and
Disgusting Sewer Creature Update: IT'S F#$%ING REAL! [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, who requests his medium rare with a side of A-1.
May 26 2009 Not Surprised: Ninja Turtle Notoriety Charts
I can honestly say I'm surprised the numbers for renaissance artists aren't even lower. Because one time when I was substitute teaching for a class of fourth graders I asked who sculpted David and the only response was from a girl who asked if that was the one with the penis. I said yes and then they all started chanting I was gay.
Ninja Turtles [xkcd]
Thanks Andrew, who once cowabunga'ed two chicks at once in the Party Wagon.
Oct 31 2008 Happy Halloween!: A Scary Dancing Robot
Ah, Halloween. The holiday where I dress up like a ninja turtle and all the girls dress up down to see who can wear the least amount of clothes possible. And they still have the nerve to tell me to watch where I'm swinging my nunchucks (I'm Michelangelo, damnit!). Well, to herald in this holiest of holy days, here comes a scary video of a dancing hexapod robot. Yeah, one with a freaking human head on top. With glowing red eyes. Just imagine the creepy little bastard scuttling across the floor and humping your leg tonight when you're trying to get your spook on. Oh, oh no --my own vivid imagery just ruined my Halloween pants.
Horrifyingly wonderful hexapod dancing [hackaday]
Thanks Monique and Jason, I'll be sleeping with the lights on tonight.
Oct 20 2008 'Tis The Season (For Geeky Pumpkins)
Well folks, it's that time of the year again. Time to break out the costume and hit the bars looking for a chick that wants to have sex with a ninja turtle. Surprisingly there aren't very many. But what better way to get into the spirit of Halloween than some geeky pumpkinry? I can't think of any. Although, truthfully, I can barely think at all. I drank my weight in gin and tonic this weekend, and I hate gin. I may be a masochist, I dunno. Quick, somebody ball me!
Hit the jump for the rest of the gallery, which includes more Star Wars and Mario action than you could smash a pumpkin at. Oh shit, and a Transformer.
Oct 16 2008 Three Teens Playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles In NYC Sewers Get Lost, Rescued
Three teenagers (15, 16, and 17) were playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the New York City sewer system when they got separated from Master Splinter and ended up lost.
"These three idiots were playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and wanted to go into the sewers," said one police source. "They were never in danger, just goofing off and being stupid."
Never in danger my ass. I've been in those sewers before, I know. Lots of scary shit down there. One time I found a body and poked it with a stick. Wait a minute -- what the hell are a bunch of kids above the age of 15 doing playing Ninja Turtles anyways? Aren't they a little old for that? Trick question! You're never too old to play TNMT. I call Leonardo!
Three found, busted after getting lost in sewer [nydailynews]
Thanks Matt, you can be Raphael.
Aug 25 2008 Two Vigilante Ninjas From New Jersey Try To Stop Drug Dealers, End Up Going To Jail
That isn't one of them in the picture. That's a hot female ninja, completely unrelated to the story, but a highly appropriate graphic nonetheless. Anyway, 22-year old Tadeusz Tertkiewicz and 19-year old Jesse Trojaniak were arrested in Clifton, New Jersey, for being the world's worst ninjas.
Calling themselves "Shinobi warriors," the men wore black SWAT-type vests and carried knives, throwing stars, swords, nunchucks and a bow and arrows.After being arrested early Wednesday in a car on Route 46, the men said they were delivering warning letters to drug dealers and drug users urging them to stop their "impure" activities.
The letters said those who persisted would be stopped with "justified yet, merciful force."
Wow. From an interview with one of the ninja failures:
First we tried sneaking around the bushes, but we couldn't because the bushes were too thick. So we went for the more subtle, just, um, like hit and run approach, where we'd just run in there, slap the letter, and just run out of there as quickly as possible.
Listen, I've got news for any of you would-be Shinobi warriors out there: If your stealthy mission is thwarted by a bush, guess what? You aren't a freaking ninja. Go home and nunchuck yourself in the vagina till you pass out.
Hit the jump for a picture of one of them, along with a link to the news video.
Apr 9 2008 Little Girls: A Working TV For Your Dollhouse
Hell yes that's a dollhouse. A dollhouse with a television. Brett Foster, whose daughter loves dolls, made one for her, and is now selling the 1:12 scale sets online for about $200. You can connect whatever you want to it, including a receiver, DVD player, X-Box, PS3, etc. etc. Oh my God, that give me an idea! Did you get the same one? Super Smash Bros. Brawl at 1:12 scale!! Hell yeah, that would totally suck.
Two more pictures after the jump if looking at pictures of dollhouses with wee-televisions is your prerogative.
Continue Reading " Little Girls: A Working TV For Your Dollhouse "
