Nov 16 2009 Bedtime Stories: Bioshock Told In 3 Minutes

This is a three-minute video of a woman reading the tale of Bioshock to a little kid old-ass man as a bedtime story. And, as a guy who recently played through Bioshock with his older brother (with all the lights on, and never after 7PM), I thought it was pretty good. But don't watch it unless you want the whole story spoiled. Because that's what it does, it spoils. Just like bad parents. YOU'LL GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT!

One Upon a Pixel [gametrailers]

Thanks to Jaker, the Joker's less clown-y brother. No makeup for him!

Oct 27 2009 No Beach For Me: 'Monster' Great White Almost Bites Smaller Great White In Half

This is a picture of a 10-foot great white shark that was almost bitten in half by what is believed to be a 20-foot great white -- just five feet short of Jaws and only seven short of my penis.

'It certainly opened up my eyes. I mean the shark that was caught is a substantial shark in itself,' says Jeff Krause of Queensland Fisheries.

The great white, the most dangerous creature in the sea, was still alive when hauled onto a boat near Deadman's Beach off north Stradbroke island.

'Whatever attacked and took chunks out of this big shark must be massive,' said 19-year-old surfer Ashton Smith. 'I've heard about the big one that's lurking out there somewhere.

'We're all being very, very cautious.'

Listen, I'm not saying I'm the world's manliest man, but for a lifetime supply of Australian beer and the chance to ride in a kangaroo's pouch, I will kill this shark anyway you want. Provided you want me to throw dynamite from a helicopter.

Great White nearly bit in half by an even BIGGER monster: Swimmers stay out of the water after warning over giant 20ft shark [dailymail]

Thanks to Ann, wes, Blastphemer, neo geo, Chris and salsa shark, who have all ridden sharks before and said it was a memorable experience.

Oct 14 2009 We're As Good As Dead: Robots Driving Tank

We can only pray this is an elaborate Photoshop hoax or we're all as good as dead. Well, you are, I'm as bad as dead. And twice as bad as that nancy Leroy Brown. That jive-talking mother ain't got nothin' on me!

Picture [pictureisunrelated]

Thanks to Daniel, who actually is meaner than a junkyard dog and once pushed an old lady into traffic.

Sep 29 2009 Death By Plastic: Gallery Of LEGO Monsters

This is a small gallery of LEGO monsters made by various artists. They are all scary and might kill you. Sure they're really just a bunch of interlocking plastic bits, but has that ever stopped me from choking on them? No, it hasn't. The Hannibal Lecter style mask my mom makes me wear does. I WILL EAT YOUR FACE OFF! Just kidding. NO I'M NOT! Yes, I really am. PSYCHE, JUST PUT YOUR EAR BETWEEN THE BARS. DO IT NOW!

Hit it for the monsters, including a pretty sweet Predator bust.

Continue Reading " Death By Plastic: Gallery Of LEGO Monsters "

Sep 24 2009 But It'll Scare All My Garden Gnomes Away!: Super Mario Piranha Plant Lawn Ornament

DeviantARTist Kalupsa went and made an incredibly detailed (and frightening) Super Mario Piranha Plant lawn ornament out of modeling clay. And I think we can all agree, it's scary as shit. I sure as hell wouldn't water it, if you know what I mean. I'm talking about try to piss on it. NOT a good idea.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a video of how it was made.

Continue Reading " But It'll Scare All My Garden Gnomes Away!: Super Mario Piranha Plant Lawn Ornament "

Apr 8 2009 Scorpion/Ant Robot As Scary As It Sounds

The A-Pod is a scary-ass robot built by some A-Hole because his parents didn't play with him enough as a child, and now he's hellbent on robotic world domination. Of course, I suppose it could have been a woman that built it, in which case, witchcraft. Now, where'd I put my pitchfork? Ha, I've been sitting on it this whole time!

A-Pod is an ant inspired hexapod robot with a 2 DOF abdomen (tail), a 3 DOF head with large mandibles. 6 legs with 3 DOF each. Total 25 servos. This video demonstrates body movement and mandible control. I still have to do some mechanical improvements to the legs (therefore little walking)

The majority of the video consists of the robot dry-humping the floor, but there was a little footage demonstrating how easily the bot's mandibles can hold a Coke can or snip off your change purse. Which, be honest, is probably just full of useless Canadian coins anyways. BOOM -- consider yourself metaphored, son!

Youtube

Thanks to Jon and Kevin, who tried stomping the bastard but only lost toes.

Apr 6 2009 Creep Factor 12: Learning Robot Child

What is this, an entry in the world's creepiest robot competition? Shockingly not. It's 'Child-robot with Biomimetic Body' (CB2), a learning robot and harbinger of death. Just look into those eyes -- can you feel him stabbing you in your sleep? I can, and it burns. You see, he's using a laser knife. Technology: robots have it.

As you might expect, the bot hasn't simply spent its past two years of existence terrifying the staff at Osaka University, it's actually been learning, and it's now apparently able to make use of its 51 air-powered motors to move itself through a room "quite smoothly" -- with a helping hand, of course. What's more, the researchers behind CB2 are now also starting to talk about some of their future projects, including a new "robo species" that they say will have learning abilities "somewhere between those of a human and other primate species such as the chimpanzee."

Osaka, Osaka, Osaka, when will you learn? I say cut the robotics and actually make a positive contribution to humanity instead of trying to destroy us. Need some ideas for areas of study? Good, I happen to have a list: 1. cloning dinosaurs 2. cloning the things that came after dinosaurs but weren't dinosaurs but were still really sexy, like woolly mammoths and shit. 3. a shrinking ray.

Well, I think you've got your work cut out for you, now get cracking. Also, I'd be happy to intern if you ever successfully clone anything. No, really, I insist.

CB2 "Child Robot" returns: smarter, creepier than ever [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, Paul, Crystal, Spoonman and Soop, who thought the robot was cute and are therefore dead to me.

Mar 11 2009 First Look At Bioshock 2's Big Sisters

I dunno, it kind of looks like the lovechild of Altair from Assassin's Creed and a steampunk G.L.A.D.O.S. from Portal. Which, I think we can all agree, makes for one hell of a sexy enemy! *wolf whistle* Hey Big Sis, come get some of this! Haha, I know that sounded wrong but I'm not taking it back.

First Image of BioShock 2's Big Sister [kotaku]

Thanks to Julian and junkyard dog, who find both find the Big Sisters even more attractive than I do, which makes them both sick in the head.

Jan 29 2009 No, Nuh-Uh, No Way: The Robo-Urinal

Allegedly this robo-urinal holds your junk while you pee. For once in my life I'm really praying it's a Photoshop job or some really sick art project. You know the rule about having at least a urinal of separation between you and another dude in the bathroom? Well there are not enough urinals in the world to safely separate you from this thing. I wouldn't even feel safe pissing in the women's room sink.

Oh Hell No [tinypic]

Thanks to NinjaMuffin, who can melt enemies like butter on his top.