Mar 9 2009 Kangaroo Broke Into Home, Mistaken For Ninja
A kangroo recently broke into the home of Beat Ettlin while he and his family were sleeping. He mistook the kangaroo for a ninja and began to pummel the 90lb beast.
The 42-year-old told Sky News Online: "I just saw this black thing. I thought it was a lunatic ninja, an intruder. It just fell on top of us on the bed.
Finally, Beat was able to subdue the kangaroo in his son's room, and kick the leggy bastard out the door.
"When I got in there, it was against the wall by the window, trying to get out I think so I just jumped on top of it. I got him in a headlock and pressed him to the ground.
"I had to open the door with one hand, pressing the kangaroo to the wall with the other hand. Finally, the door opened and I could actually release it.
Good looking. Of course, how could you not kick a kangaroo out of your house with a name like Beat? That would be like being named POW and getting your ass kicked by a koala that broke in through the attic.
Oz Dad Fights Off 'Lunatic Ninja' Kangaroo [skynews]
Thanks to Alex, Jazzy 8 Ball, and Victoria, who have all punched ninja-roos in the pouch and lived to tell about it.
Dec 30 2008 Night Gardening With The Flashlight Hose
The Flashlight Nozzle is a garden hose attachment with an integrated LED flashlight that runs off 2 AA batteries. You know, so you can water your grass at night. Perfect for vampires, insomniacs, and rogue pot farmers, the botanical blaster will set you back a paltry $12.50. Or you could tape a flashlight to your existent nozzle. Now, which one of you lucky ladies wants me to water your roses on New Years Eve? Haha, I don't even know what means!
Flashlight Garden Nozzle [ohgizmo]
Dec 18 2008 Gory Macabre: The Perfect Baby Shower Gift
Oh man, I love these. And unicorns really do spear little forest creatures like that, it's true. I've seen 'em do it with my own two eyes. Well, one eye -- one of those f***ers got me! Sadly, this awesomeness isn't for sale, which is a crying shame. Because gory macabre animals are the perfect way to let your kids you love them. Just not enough to not scar them for life. Sleep tight little ones! Haha, no nightlight tonight -- the goblins were complaining. And also, no sneaking out of bed -- the floor turns to acid when I leave the room. Kisses!
Hit the jump for some larger pictures of my favorites.
Continue Reading " Gory Macabre: The Perfect Baby Shower Gift "
Oct 8 2008 Prevent Drunk Emailing: Google Mail Goggles
Google recently unveiled a Gmail application that may help prevent drunk emailing. When in use, the program requires a potential emailer to solve a few mathematical problems before the message can be sent. Pretty clever, now make something similar for cell phones and we'll be set. Or you can just subscribe to The Geekologie Writer's method of drunk messaging prevention -- dropping your phone in the pisser when you're trying to text. I touched a urinal cake with my finger!
Google's Mail Goggles Prevents Drunk Emailing [wired]
Thanks to The Superficial Writer and DJ LIBOR, who both probably regret sending this tip.
Jul 30 2008 Heart Robot Has 'Feelings', Actually Heartless
The Childlike Heart Robot resembles something from a nightmare more than a child and is allegedly capable of displaying emotions. Its heart beats and can respond to movement, noise, and touch. Unfortunately, I can't even stand looking at the little herald of the robot apocalyptic. Why the hell did they make him so freaking scary? The chick though, she's alright. Reminds me of Jenny McCarthy before she shit her pants and totally disgusted me.
If he is cuddled his limbs become limp and he "relaxes". But if he is yelled at, he gets upset. He flinches, his hands clench and his breathing and heart rate speed up.
But if he's pulled limb from limb and his appendages are scattered in several different dumpsters around town, then he dies and The Geekologie Writer won't have to sleep with the lights on tonight. In mommy and daddy's bed.
UPDATE: Frightening video of the little goober of doom added after the jump.
Continue Reading " Heart Robot Has 'Feelings', Actually Heartless "
Jul 30 2008 Drinking Buddy: Malaysian Pen-Tailed Shrew
Well folks, I've found myself a new drinking buddy. The Malaysian pen-tailed shrew subsists entirely on fermented nectar from the pertam palm plant, which can be as high as 3.8 percent alcohol.
A new study found that the tiny animal subsists on a diet roughly equivalent to 100 percent beer... Amazingly, though the tree shrews drink like fish, they don't seem to get drunk. The researchers, led by Frank Wiens of Germany's University of Bayreuth, videotaped regular nocturnal feeding sessions and followed the movements of radio-tagged tree shrews. Though they measured blood-alcohol concentrations in the animals higher than those in humans with similarly high alcohol intake, the tree shrews showed no signs of intoxication.
Well folks, no sense hiding it now -- I had sex with a shrew. The pen-tailed variety, dear reader, is my progeny.
Tiny tree shrew can drink you under the table [msnbc]
Thanks to Chad, the only man who's ever come close to beating my pen-tailed progeny in a drinking contest.
Jun 23 2008 Fire Footbag: Fiery Hackey Sack Surprisingly Not Endorsed By Your Local Fire Department
The Fire Footbag is pretty much a Hackey Sack made out of Kevlar that you douse with kerosene and then kick around until you've burnt the entire neighborhood down. They're similar to these magic balls (but more kickable), and cost $25.
THIS PRODUCT IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS USE EXTREME CAUTION!
This product is also extremely fun! You will need white gas, kerosene, or 'tiki torch fuel' to light this bag. Tiki torch fuel is does not burn as hot as most other fuels. Do not use gasoline! Use only a small amount and test it first! Overly soaked bags can be EXTREMELY dangerous since excess burning fuel can stick to clothing and/or skin. Keep your fuel source completely away (100 yards minimum) from your kicking area.
Now I'm all about kicking around a flaming turd, but come on -- 100 yard minimum distance from your fuel source? That's a freaking football field. I'm a pretty wild kicker, but I don't think anyone has accidentally womped the hackey that bad. Why not go the extra mile and include a "Do not play with the Fire Footbag in states that sell gasoline" warning. Oh, and it definitely needs a "Only one flaming sack at a time: under no circumstances should you play wearing loose-legged shorts."
Hit the jump for the VIDEO of a guy doing some pretty cool tricks and dropping the thing a bunch.
Feb 4 2008 Homemade Flashlight Is Relatively Bright
Optics engineer Ralf Ottow built himself a flashlight. But not just any flashlight -- he built a 38-million-candlepower flashlight with a plasma mercury arc bulb. He calls it the Maxablaster. I call it bright as shit.
The Maxablaster creates a highly focused beam of light with a high UV content not so different from a star. So UV-filtering glass was added to block the potentially harmful rays—though evidently this thing is still plenty bright enough to burn skin, as it has Ottow's on at least one occasion.
Sweet. And I thought last week's Wicked Torch was something. I'm going to make one and use it instead of candles for my mother-in-law's birthday cake. I'm not totally sure how old she is, but 38-million sounds close enough. True story, she used to date Methuselah's older brother.
Maxablaster Flashlight Burns Skin, Clouds, Vampires [gizmodo]
Jan 10 2008 Photon Light Boards Are Freaking Sweet
Photon Light Boards are skateboards with incorporated lighting designs so you can pimp it large while you're skating. They come in all sorts of different designs and range in price from $110 - $120 for the board only. You can get a complete setup with trucks and wheels for $200. The best part is that they're rechargeable, so you'll be glowing for the entirety of the board's life. I think they look pretty damn sweet, especially the ones that appear to have headlights and taillights. I dig that. Because let's face it, skateboarding in the dark is dangerous. And so is humping a polar bear. I've tried both I've skated in the dark, and believe me, the results can be disastrous.
Because today is video day at Geekologie there's two videos after the jump, along with a link to the company's website.
Nov 8 2007 FOLED Bookmark: Read At Night, Little Light
The Mark bookmark just won the Red Dot Award for best design concept in 2007 so it may be available soon. It's a bookmark embedded with FOLEDs (flexible organic light emitting diodes) so that you can read in the dark by setting it on your book. The brightness level can be controlled, and the units use very little energy. I think it's a great idea. I've been reading with a flashlight for years now. Not because my girlfriend cares if I have a lamp on (she gets no say anyways), but because I can't stand seeing the beast out of the corner of my eye when I'm trying to read. She's ugly folks.
Midnight Bookworms Rejoice [yankodesign]
Oct 23 2007 Billiard Balls That Flash, Not Breasts Though
Hammacher Schlemmer, a company best known for selling grossly overpriced crap, is now selling Lighted Billiard Balls.
The regulation-size and weight (5 1/4 oz.) billiard balls illuminate and flash for two seconds upon impact with the cue ball, other balls, or the rail, creating a streak of light. Each ball has four integrated LEDs that are powered by a battery that provides up to 50,000 flashes per ball.
After 50,000 flashes they transform into regular unlit billiard balls. The set costs $200 and ships at the end of November. So if playing pool in the dark is your kind of fun, check them out. But let me warn you, not all things are fun in the dark. Take cooking for example. The last time I tried to make Ramen Noodles with the lights off I ended up slamming the microwave door on my penis.
The Lighted Billiard Balls Blaze across the table [newlaunches]
Oct 3 2007 Buy Your Own Moon, Hang It Anywhere!
A group of Russian designers have created and started manufacture of these moon shaped light boxes and sells them as 'Your Personal Moon'. I used to know a Russian once, and all he would do is break the top off a vodka bottle and drink the whole thing. I've got the feeling he was not involved with this project. No idea how to get one or how much they are, because my mail order Russian bride used me to gain U.S. citizenship and ran away. Someone feel free to find that out. Oh, and someone feel free to explain to me why the hell that guy in the picture is sleeping with a moon. Sure I've banged my share of embarrassing objects (most notably a grill), but come on. A moon? That guy is one sick bastard.
Some blowups of the small pictures after the jump.
Oct 3 2007 Betty Bike Lamp Is Bright And Expensive
The Betty cycle lamp is a lamp for your bicycle. It's called Betty because I used to date a girl by the same name and she had some headlights on her that would make you curl and weep they were so damn fine. So that's why it's called that. It's 22 watts and 1,400 lumens, making it pretty damn bright. Yeah, but here comes the kicker. Get ready. Here comes. Just a minute now. It costs $1,185. Wasn't expecting that were you? You should have been sitting down. I meant to warn you but I was daydreaming about Betty's milk balloons. Sorry.
Betty Cycle Lamp Lights Up The Night [ubergizmo]
Sep 24 2007 Light Up Boomerang Makes For Cool Pictures
The Scimitar is a boomerang fitted with LED lights, designed by toy loving Eric Darnell. Although it's not the traditional boomerang shape, it's still pretty cool. And it makes for neat pictures if you leave the shutter open long enough. The only thing that pisses me off is that boomerangs are so damn hard to throw. Okay, I take that back. They're easy to throw, but freaking near impossible to have come back.
Light Up Boomerang Makes For Cool Pictures [neatorama]
Sep 14 2007 Darth Vader Lamp Scares Children
Collectors Gallery is selling these Darth Vader nightlights for $40. It looks pretty damn sweet except for that stupid material they made the top of his head out of. It looks like his freaking brain is exposed. I mean this is Darth f'ing Vader we're talking about here, let's do him some justice. Just a heads up though, be careful putting this by the bed if you're easily frightened. I had a storm trooper one awhile ago and in the middle of the night I woke up, saw it, pissed myself, and then left my girlfriend to sleep in it while I crashed on the couch. And that was only a paltry storm trooper. Imagine what Vader would have done to me. I'm not ruling out the possibility of a moderate to serious #2 accident.
Darth Vader Lamp Scares Children [gizmodo]
