Feb 2 2010 Haha, You Suck!: Banker Gets Busted Looking At Nudie Pics During National News Broadcast

You see the guy in the upper left of the screen? He's a banker. A banker that's about to look at some naked pictures of Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr during a live news broadcast. Way to go, champ!

As Lakos studiously detailed the Reserve Bank's rates decision, hold interest rates at 3.75 per cent yesterday, over his shoulder a colleague was seen opening saucy photos as the cameras roll.

And just to make sure the audience got a good look at just who was viewing the soft porn, the banker turned to look down the lens just as Lakos threw back to the studio.

The action starts at 1:12 as dude takes a look around to make sure nobody's looking. Oh, nobody's looking alright BESIDES EVERYONE WATCHING THE NEWS. You, sir, are a shameful pervert (thank God we don't film Geekologie).

Banker busted live on TV looking at naked model Miranda Kerr [dailytelegraph]
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Thanks to Ian, who claims he's never used the internet for anything but research.... BWHAHAHAHAHA!!

Jan 29 2010 Perfectly Accurate: How To Report The News

NOTE: F-bomb at 0:24 so turn down the volume there but still listen cause it's funny.

This is a news report on how to report the news. It's 100% accurate and will blow your mind wide open like a knowledge bomb just went off inside your skull. Which -- are you getting all this, Jigsaw? Just sayin', one time I trapped my little sister under a laundry basket for nearly an hour.

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Thanks to Dustin, who knows no news is good news unless it's on Geekologie.

Jan 28 2010 Bad Ideas: PETA Wants Punxsutawney Phil Replaced By Robotic Version Of Himself

PETA wants spring-predicting groundhog Punxsutawney Phil replaced with by a robotic version. I can see it now: Well, did he see his shadow? I don't know, but he did kill 14,000 bystanders.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says it's unfair to keep the animal in captivity and subject him to the huge crowds and bright lights that accompany tens of thousands of revelers each Feb. 2 in Punxsutawney, a tiny borough about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh. PETA is suggesting the use of an animatronic model.

But William Deeley, president of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, says the animal is "being treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania."

Uh, how exactly is the average child treated in Pennsylvania? Because if it's anything like a red-headed stepchild we might want to go rescue ol' Punxsutawney. And speaking of which, 'Groundhog Day'. That Bill Murray, such a riot. "Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key." Wrong movie? I don't care.

PETA wants a robot Punxsutawney Phil for Groundhog Day [dailyrecord]

Thanks to Existential Extrovert, Pat, Barbara, Cambria, Melissa, Pepe La PEWPEW and Sarah, who are all smart enough to know robotic groundhogs don't even cast shadows. Or ballets. You hear me? YOU WILL NEVER VOTE!

Jan 27 2010 China Renames Mountain To Honor 'Avatar'

China recently decided to change the name of the famous 'Southern Sky Column' in Zhangjiajie, Hunan province to 'Avatar Hallelujah Mountain' in order to honor James Cameron's blue kitteh blockbuster garner some tourism. Clever, China, clever.

Avatar has become the most popular film ever in China, making $80m (£50m) at the box office so far.

"Many pictures he took then become prototypes for various elements in the Avatar movie, including the 'Hallelujah Mountains'," Reuters quoted the website as saying.

The renaming of the mountain is one of the several attempts by Zhangjiajie to capitalise on the success of Avatar.

The municipal government website has also adopted the slogan "Pandora is far but Zhangjiajie is near", while tourists are being offered tours of the locations which allegedly inspired the film, Reuters reports.

Listen China -- you want to really capitalize on Avatar's success? Bootlegging. It's a no-brainer!

China renames 'Avatar' mountain in honour of film [bbcnews]

Thanks to Jenn and daniellejuice, who kept getting up to use the bathroom and buy candy and completely ruined my chances of recording a quality bootleg.

Jan 22 2010 For Breaking News Always Use CAPS-LOCK

Using CAPS in text is the typed equivalent of screaming. I do it for emphasis, but my relatives tend to use it because they're stupid and want to make sure the latest "FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FUNNY ANIMAL PICTURES" chain email they've sent really grabs my attention. But apparently it's all (CAPS) systems go if we're talking breaking news! CAPS-LOCK: BECAUSE BREAKING NEWS CAN'T WAIT FOR THOSE LOWERCASE PUSSIES.

BREAKING NEWS REQUIRES ALL CAPS [gizmodo]

Thanks to Sharon, who actually does scream all the time in real life and may or may not be related to Susie Greene.

Jan 6 2010 BUSTED!: Female Pedo World Of Warcraft Player Arrested Upon Return To Texas

Remember the story about the 16-year old boy and 42-year old cougar hyena that met playing World of Warcraft and decided to bump warlocks in real life? Well the woman was arrested at the airport in Texas after returning from visiting the boy in Canada. And her nipples were still hard from the cold.

Donna Hawkins, a spokesperson for the Harris County District Attorney's Office, told CTV.ca that the two allegedly "engaged in a cybersexual relationship" for more than a year.

It is alleged that Price and the teenager "engaged in some sexual activity" before they were discovered, said Hawkins.

Barrie police questioned Price, but found that she had not broken any law since the age of consent is 16.

In Texas, however, the age of consent is 17, and Harris County prosecutors charged Price despite the fact that the alleged offence did not occur locally, said Hawkins.

Price has been charged with two counts of online solicitation of a minor and one count of child enticement. None of the charges have been proven in court.

Interesting, but do you know what has been proven in court? My right to flex. Second amendment baby! *swish*

Texas woman who flew to meet Barrie teen, arrested [sympatico]

Thanks to Alioth, who's a level 80 Chris Hansen.

Jan 6 2010 I'm Going To Bonertown, Hyrule, Late 2010!!

I may still be on the Fire Temple in Zelda: Spirit Tracks, but has that stopped me for popping a preemptive booty boner about a new Zelda for the Wii coming out in late 2010? These hips gym shorts don't lie!

Satoru Iwata has confirmed to Japanese newspaper, the Asahi Shimbun, that the next iteration of the Zelda franchise for the Nintendo Wii is currently scheduled for a late 2010 release. Whether this is Japan only remains to be clarified, hopefully more news regarding this issue will follow shortly.

Iwata also informed the Japanese news publication that the future successor to the DS will have "highly detailed graphics, and it will be necessary to have a sensor with the ability to read the movements of people playing".

Sweeeeeeet. A new Zelda for Wii and a new motion sensing Zelda for the DS -- I feel like a kid on Christmas! Or, okay, a blogger in rehab. I WANT TWO PUDDINGS!

New Zelda Wii Scheduled For Late 2010, Nintendo Confirm DS Successor [sickr]

Thanks to Stephen, for being the bearer of boner news.

Jan 4 2010 Dreams Really Do Come True: 16-Year Old Boy Runs Away With 42-Year Old 'Soulmate' He Met Playing World Of Warcraft

Just look at the way she's admiring his glasses and seductively licking her finger. That's true love if I've ever seen it (and I've seen a turtle hump a sneaker).

On Tuesday evening, 16-year-old Andrew Kane nonchalantly asked his mother and father if they would drive him from their Barrie, Ont., home to a hotel in nearby Midland, where he planned to meet a 42-year-old woman with whom he had been having a secret relationship over the Internet.

The Grade 11 student was found Thursday afternoon, after his parents spent two days desperately appealing for his safe return. On Wednesday, police had released pictures of Lauri Price, a Texas mother of four who had allegedly flown to Toronto and driven a rental car to collect the teen after striking up a relationship with him while playing the popular online game.

The story is actually longer if you want to read it, but basically this kid was hoping to get his level 2 night elf dirty. That was a euphemism, FYI. For sex. Gross gross sex.

Teen found after meeting his 42-year-old online 'soulmate' [theglobeandmail]

Thanks to Jaik, who once fell in love playing a video game until he realized the chick was just AI. Then he destroyed his console and vowed to never love again. Heartbreaking.

Dec 31 2009 Amazing Scientific Discoveries Of 2009

According to Fox News, arguably the hardest hitting news organization besides Geekologie and any other news organization, these are the most obvious scientific discoveries of 2009. They are (in no particular order):

*High Heels Lead to Foot Pain (And Extra Height)
*Men Much More Interested Than Women in Casual Sex (And Monster Trucks)
*Eating Lots of Red Meat and Processed Meat Is Bad for You (But Delicious)
*Kids' TV Is Full of Ads for High-Fat and High-Sugar Foods (Plus Tampons)
*Children Are Affected When a Parent Suffers From Depression (Or Stroke)
*Coed Dorms Fuel Sex and Drinking (Not Video Games?!)
*Sweets Taste Better When You're High (YES THEY DO!)
*G-Rated Children's Films Are Very Straight (X-Rated Adult Films Can Still Be Very Gay)

Geez, what's the matter with scientists these days? Sure we could be trying to cure cancer or making reliable time machines, but instead scientists are busy getting high, watching Disney films and trying to get experiment participants to sleep with them. That's pretty low (teach me everything you know).

No Duh! The Most Obvious Scientific Discoveries of 2009 [foxnews]

Thanks to Jed, who discovered beef jerky in 2009 and has been loving it all year long.

Dec 31 2009 2010 Better Not Suck: The Year In Review

Well folks, on this eve of the new year I've had the opportunity to do a lot of thinking. Mostly about how to beat the Snow Temple in Zelda: Spirit Tracks. Pushing blocks around on the ice aside, what do you think -- is this new year gonna be a good one? It certainly couldn't be any worse than this one, am I right? 2006 has suuuuucked! Ha, what do mean it's 2009? OMG MY TIME MACHINE WORKS!

Never a Year Like '09 [jibjab]

Thanks to Brian, who's gonna sleep all the way to 2013 to survive the apocalypse. Smart thinking, Rip Van Winkle.

Dec 30 2009 Hostage Taker Surrenders To Police Robot

A wheelchaired man recently surrendered to a police bomb-disposal robot after unsuccessfully negotiating free pizza during a hostage situation in a rural Virginia post office. Not even kidding.

Taylor initially fired shots from the building in Wytheville, but no one was injured. The drama came to an end when police ordered him to let the hostages go and come out with his hands up. Soon after, Taylor and three others left the post office.

Police had negotiated with Taylor by phone, but he made no demands other than a request for a pizza. He is reported to have told police he had a military background.

A team of SWAT police sheltered behind vehicles as Taylor wheeled himself out and "surrendered" to a bomb-disposal robot.

Geez, how humiliating having to surrender to a robot. And not even a robot with giant lasers and razor saws, just one with a stick to poke bombs with. I would have had to hari-kari myself right there. And by hari-kari I mean put that thing in a headlock and demand extra breadsticks.

Wheelchair gunman surrenders to police robot [londoneveningstandard]

Thanks to nick bacon, whose last name is actually bacon and I that makes me jealous.

Dec 16 2009 Shocking News: Geeks Scare Women Away From Pursuing Careers In Computer Science

In news that shouldn't surprise anyone, not even my grandma (who thinks computers are fancy televisions from the future), a recent study has found that the geek stereotype keeps women from pursuing careers in computer science.

"When people think of computer science, the image that immediately pops into many of their minds is of the computer geek surrounded by such things as computer games, science-fiction memorabilia and junk food," said lead researcher Sapna Cheryan, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Washington. "That stereotype doesn't appeal to many women who don't like the portrait of masculinity that it evokes."

Not only are women missing out on some of the "best career opportunities, but computer science is missing out on female perspectives," Cheryan and her colleagues wrote in a recent issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Well I can't say that I'm surprised. But I can say this explains why the lot of you haven't had any contact with women since going off to college (shoot for a studio art degree).

Hit the link for more info on how the study was conducted. You know, if you're bored.

Geeks drive girls out of computer science [msnbc]

Thanks to FDSY, who only drives women out of the locker room.

Nov 20 2009 Takes All Kinds: Machete-Wielding Taco Thief

The latest in a string of taco-related violence, a masked marauder in Illinois held up another man at machete-point and demanded the poor chap's tacos. Admit it -- if you'd have had a machete you would have done the same thing!

Elgin Deputy Police Chief Jeff Swoboda says a local resident was walking back to his vehicle Sunday night after buying 16 tacos for $41 when a man wearing a black ski mask and a hooded sweat shirt ran up to him.

Swoboda says the masked man waved a machete and took the tacos, but nothing else. He then drove off in an older-model light green car.

Wait a minute -- $41 for 16 tacos? Those must be some good-ass tacos! Say, this gives me an idea. *rummaging through closet for ninja-sword* Ow, shit! Shit shit shit shit shit. Cut myself.

Machete-wielding man steals tacos [abcnews]

Thanks to Annie, who won't cut anyone for anything less than a burrito. *phew*

Nov 16 2009 The Sky Is Falling!: Leonid Meteor Shower Peaks Tonight/Early Tommorrow Morning

For those of you that like to get high and lie in the middle of a field staring up, the Leonid meteor shower is supposed to reach its peak tonight from 1AM to dawn. Great, I'll be hiding in the back of the hallway closet waiting for the apocalypse. It, uh, is 2012, right?

The best seats are in Asia, but North American observers should be treated to an above average performance of the Leonid meteor shower, weather permitting. The trick for all observers is to head outside in the wee hours of the morning - between 1 a.m. and dawn - regardless where you live.

"We're predicting 20 to 30 meteors per hour over the Americas, and as many as 200 to 300 per hour over Asia," said Bill Cooke of NASA's Meteoroid Environment Office. Other astronomers who work in the nascent field of meteor shower prediction have put out similar forecasts.

Listen, I've been disappointed by these things before. Those NASA Meteoroidoligists are almost as bad as the cloud and rain ones. Still, I recommend everyone that hasn't seen the Leonid Shower to get out there and check it out. Me? I'm holding out for the Girl's Locker Room Shower.

Strong Leonid Meteor Shower Peaks Early Tuesday Morning [yahoonews]
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Nov 9 2009 Live TV: Ewok Humping Al Roker's Leg

In case you haven't seen it, this is clip from the Today Show's Halloween special in which a drunk Ewok humps Al Rocker's leg plus the ground a little bit. Nice, but if Al were any smarter he would have shot first, if you know what I mean. I'm talking about punting that little bear like a football.

Longer, 4:30 video after the jump.

Continue Reading " Live TV: Ewok Humping Al Roker's Leg "

Oct 15 2009 UPDATE: 6-Year Old (NOT) Floating Around In Homemade UFO Balloon

That's no 'Get Well' balloon, that's a 20' foil aircraft with a 6-year old boy inside, floating aimlessly 8,000 feet above eastern Colorado. Uh-oh.

The helium balloon was tethered to the boy's family home in Fort Collins, the Larimer County Sheriff's Department said. The boy got into the craft Thursday morning and undid the rope anchoring it.

Margie Martinez of the Weld County Sheriff's Office said a sibling saw the boy climb into the basket before the balloon took off. Since the door on the balloon was unlocked, Martinez said it's possible the boy had fallen out.

"The structure at the bottom of the balloon that the boy is in is made of extremely thin plywood and won't withstand any kind of a crash at all," said Erik Nilsson, Larimer County emergency manager, according to CNN affiliate KMGH.

Great, so he either fell out or won't survive the crash. Hooray for positive thinking. Come back down safely, balloon boy.

UPDATE: No boy when balloon landed. Not good.

UPDATE UPDATE: Falcon (the boy's actual name) was found hiding in a box in the garage attic (great search effort). This calls for celebration! (you hold him down, I'll tie on the fireworks)

6-year-old Colorado boy floats away in balloon [cnn]

Thanks to Jimmothy, stacy, jordana, dorothy, NICKSTER, rya, Jake, e.,The Superficial Writer, steven, Nigel, Valhalla, Lizzie, Noah and pepe la PEW PEW, whose parents thankfully never let them play around giant UFO balloons unsupervised.

Sep 27 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Paperboy The Movie Trailer

We featured a video of Paperboy in real life earlier this week, and we're wrapping it up with a video of Paperboy: The Movie. It's a lot more dramatic than the other one. And before you ask -- yes, it made me cry. Thankfully, I cry diamonds. I'm rich, peasants!

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Thanks to Sara, who doesn't read analog papers because that shit's too oldschool for her. And Jon, who actually made the movie (cast me! cast me!).

Sep 24 2009 Video Game Reality: Paperboy In Real Life

This is a video of the Atari classic Paperboy, but in real life. It's a little longer, and I know most of you have ADD (I'm right here with you), but it's definitely worth a watch while on the clock. Plus, the guys who made it are loyal Geekologists, and you know how I feel about you readers -- I love you all like little sisters! You know, from Bioshock. I'll harvest every last one of you!

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Thanks to D_rock and cooperanimation, who don't need paperboys because they only read Geekologie. Smart. Plus you're saving trees!

Sep 22 2009 Coppers Stop To Play Wii During Drug Bust

Admittedly, Wii Bowling is pretty addictive, but I sure as hell wouldn't stop to play some if I was a drug task force member in the middle of a bust. I'd be too busy stuffing a duffel bag full of free drugs!

With guns drawn and flashlights cutting through darkened rooms, Polk County undercover drug investigators stormed the home of convicted drug dealer Michael Difalco near Lakeland in March.

As investigators searched the home for drugs, some drug task force members found other ways to occupy their time. Within 20 minutes of entering Difalco's house, some of the investigators found a Wii video bowling game and began bowling frame after frame.

While some detectives hauled out evidence such as flat screen televisions and shotguns, others threw strikes, gutter balls and worked on picking up spares.

"It was an expansive scene, a lot of searching to be done, a lot of waiting," Boatner said.

The raid cost taxpayers more than $4,000.

Wow, I don't even know what to say. Except I call next! OOH OOH -- let's tape somebody's pistol to the Wiimote first! Come on, I'll let you tase me if I bowl two strikes.

Polk undercover drug investigators play Wii during raid [tbo]

Thanks to Chip, who wouldn't halt a drug bust for anything short of a full-fledged LAN party.

Sep 19 2009 Religious Persecution!: Jedi Tossed Out Of Supermarket For Refusing To Remove Hood

Co-founder of the International Church of Jediism, Master Morda Hehol (Daniel Jones, seen above, left), was kicked out of a North Wales supermarket after refusing to remove his super-sweet Jedi hood. He is considering legal action (I would have just Force-choked the assistant manager).

"I told them it was a requirement of my religion but they just sniggered and ordered me to leave. I walked past a Muslim lady in a veil. Surely the same rules should apply to everyone. It was discrimination. I was really upset. Nobody should be treated like that. I'll advise worshippers to boycott Tesco if it happens again. They will feel the Force."

The jedi holocron handbook clearly states that "Jedis must wear a hood up in any public place of a large audience."

A Tesco spokeswoman said:

"Jedi are very welcome to shop in our stores although we would ask them to remove their hoods. Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda and Luke Skywalker all went hoodless without going to the Dark Side. If Jedi walk around our stores with their hoods on, they'll miss lots of special offers."

Really? You're gonna miss out on special offers? THAT'S the justification you're gonna use for not allowing patrons to wear hoods? Oh, this just in: Tesco security beats the shit out of a blind man.

Jedi tossed out of supermarket for wearing hood [inquisitr]

Thanks to em. MONSTER and Alexis, who only wear their Jedi hoods in the bedroom. YOW YOW!