Sep 9 2009 Steel Velcro: Because Plastic Is For Sissies
This new steel velcro can support up to 35 tons of pressure and looks ultra-badass. So badass I want a belt made out of it. Yeah, and a headband. Wait, is this stainless steel? Cause I can't have no rust juice dripping in my eyes!
Developed by German engineers, this new version of Velcro is dubbed Metaklett, and it can support 35 tons at temperatures up to 1472 degrees. It's made from "perforated steel strips 0.2 millimetres thick, one kind bristling with springy steel brushes and the other sporting jagged spikes."
I have no idea what sort of industrial uses they have planned for this shit, but that's not important. What IS important is this: Velco is actually a name brand. The generic term for this type of closure is 'hook-and-loop fastener'. If you already knew that, congratulations. If not, I hope I just wasted some space behind your face! I'm talking about in your brain.
Thank you for being a friendTravel down the road and back again
your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant
And if you threw a party,
Invited everyone you knew,
You would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say,
Thank you for being a friend.
Haha, I'm just messing with you now.
Aug 22 2009 New World Of Warcraft Expansion Coming
The latest World of Warcraft expansion, Cataclysm, is coming and there are gonna be lots of exciting new things to play and do. Plus, there's a wolf-people race. That's right: wolf people. OW OW OOOOOOOOOOOW!
* Two New Playable Races: Adventure as one of two new races--the cursed worgen with the Alliance or the resourceful goblins with the Horde.
* Level Cap Increased to 85: Earn new abilities, tap into new talents, and progress through the path system, a new way for players to improve characters.
* Classic Zones Remade: Familiar zones across the original continents of Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms have been altered forever and updated with new content, from the devastated Badlands to the broken Barrens, which has been sundered in two.
* New High-Level Zones: Explore newly opened parts of the world, including Uldum, Grim Batol, and the great Sunken City of Vashj'ir beneath the sea.
* More Raid Content than Ever Before: Enjoy more high-level raid content than previous expansions, with optional more challenging versions of all encounters.
* New Race and Class Combinations: Explore Azeroth as a gnome priest, blood elf warrior, or one of the other never-before-available race and class combinations.
* Guild Advancement: Progress as a guild to earn guild levels and guild achievements.
* New PvP Zone & Rated Battlegrounds: Take on PvP objectives and daily quests on Tol Barad Island, a new Wintergrasp-like zone, and wage war in all-new rated Battlegrounds.
* Archaeology: Master a new secondary profession to unearth valuable artifacts and earn unique rewards.
* Flying Mounts in Azeroth: Explore Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms like never before.
OMG, OMG -- I'm soooooo gonna be the first level 85 Worgen! AND THEN I'M GONNA COME BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN, THREE LITTLE PIGS STYLE. Afterward, a luau.
Thanks to Pedro and lauren, who already have level 90 Worgens because they're from the future.
Jul 1 2009 Video: Using 'The Force' To Levitate A Ball
This is a video of some guy from the New York Post getting to play around with the Star Wars Force Trainer that's set to hit the market in a few months. I posted it for two reasons: 1. the toy is cool and I want one badly and 2. I could have done a much better review. DAMNIT FOLKS, LET ME PLAY WITH THE NEW TOYS. I can review the hell out of things. I have opinions. People listen to me. Don't you? Don't you listen to -- ARE YOU WEARING HEADPHONES?! You are a dick. But seriously, buy this.
Jun 1 2009 Boom Shacka Lacka!: The New PSP Go
This is the new PSP. It's called the PSP Go. You know, because it's portable. It may or may not come preloaded with porn. Specs? I has them:
* 3.8-inch display (resolution is undisclosed)
* 43 percent lighter than the PSP-3000
* 16GB of Flash storage
* Bluetooth built-in; supports handset tethering and BT headsets
* No UMD drive
* Memory Stick Micro slot
* New Gran Turismo, Little Big Planet and new Metal Gear Solid (!) on the way
* Full PlayStation Network support (movie and TV rentals / purchases)
* Integration with PlayStation 3 (works the same as the PSP-3000 does)
* Sony views each of its products as "10-year lifecycle products," so the PSP "needs to live on."
Well, what do you think? I like the sliding feature, that's not necessary. Also, PSP Go -- really? I hope nobody got paid to come up with that. Because it's stupid. I would have gone with PSP You Can Take It With You.
Sony's PSP Go leaks out before E3, is obviously a go [engadget]
Thanks to obi jwan and Rik, who don't need portable gaming devices because they only play mind games.
May 22 2009 Queen Of England Gets Gold-Plated Wii
The Queen of England was presented with a gold-plated Wii as part of a publicity stunt to hype up new title Big Family Games, which I have the feeling is gonna suck so hard.
BIG Family Games is the ultimate Wii game to get all family members, from grandparents to young children, playing together. The Royal Family is arguably the most important family in the country so we felt that they had to have a copy of the new game ... But we thought that Her Majesty the Queen wouldn't want to play on any old console, so an extra-special gold one was commissioned. We hope that she and the rest of the Royal Family enjoy the game!
Exciting news, huh? What do you expect folks -- I'm blogging from the effing beach. Yeah, and I just had sex with a mermaid! Of course, I was pretty drunk so it could have just been a big fish. Or *crumpling Subway wrapper* a tuna melt. What? OVEN BAKED SUBS NEED LOVE TOO!
THQ sends the Queen a gold-plated Wii [geek]
Thanks to Edwin, van, Riri, Watch-303 and catch22, who don't need gold-plated Wii's because of platinum you punk bitches.
Mar 4 2009 Bling Bling: Tokyoflash's Kasai Sensai
I know, it's been a little while since the last Tokyoflash, and I'm sorry. I never meant for it to go so long. I hope I can make it up to you. Here, here's some flowers I picked from the neighbor's yard. Kiss and make up? Maybe just a little peck? Okay, well how about a hug? I promise not to cop a feel this time. Oh -- oh -- haha, I had my fingers crossed!
With a surface made up of positive shapes and negative lines, Sensai has been intricately designed on different levels to create a look that takes the Kisai series to the next dimension.
A single touch of the upper button initiates a rotating animation before the remaining LEDs show the time. Twelve red LEDs represent hours, eleven green LEDs represent groups of five minutes and four yellow LEDs represent single minutes.
Available now for 240 bones, you can choose either a black or silver case, and black or silver strap. Feel free to mix and match! After all, variety is the spice of life. And I, ladies and gentlemen, am the herb of love. Cook with me?
Hit the jump for a couple closeups and a link to the product page.
Feb 14 2009 Real-Life Warhammer 40,000 Rhino Transport
So the creaters of Warhammer went and made a real-life Space Marine Rhino replica to folks excited about the upcoming video game. And, also, to crush the hell out of some little cars. Per my tipster, Sam:
Thought you might be interested in knowing about this, as it was modified from a old WWII British tank to promote the upcoming Warhammer 40000: Dawn of War 2 game that is about a week away from being released.
Nothing really amazing if it was just a normal tank (crushing cars is still cool, but still would be nothing new) but since it was heavily modified into a working replica (mostly) of the Warhammer 40000 Space Marine Rhino transport, it's been an ecstasy trip for 40kiers like me and anyone else seeing one their favorite tabletop franchise coming to life.
Freaking sweet -- I want one. And not just because some jerk broke my passenger side mirror off without leaving a note. No, it's because I want to crush the car that did it -- driver too! With a tank. A Warhammer tank. VROOM VROOM!! This ain't no table-top game, bitch, this is real life!
Thanks to Sam, who Wars the Hammer like nobody's biz.
Jan 12 2009 Oh My God A New Sex Toy Thingy For Guys
The Real Touch may look like a torture device (and may, in fact, BE a torture device), but is allegedly the latest advancement in solitary male pleasure. Just look at that thing -- reminds me of the time my penis got run over by a Sherman tank. I'm sure it's safe though. After all, it was designed and "thoroughly tested" by a NASA engineer.
It's a computer-controlled "stimulation" device that uses specially encoded content to bring a sort of virtual-reality experience to, um, a certain member. Using a host of technologies, the futuristic-looking computer peripheral simulates motion, adjusts temperature and provides lubrication. The encoding is deciphered by a custom Windows Media Player plugin.
Basically you plug the unit's USB cable into your computer, plug your unit into the unit, and presto!: it mimics the feelings you'd experience if you were actually banging the chick in the porno and not sitting at a computer desk sobbing into a stained gym sock.
The Real Touch is available now for $150. And, if you get the chance AND ARE NOT AT WORK NSFW NSFW NSFW you HAVE TO go to the official website and watch the video of the chick explaining the device. It was....something.
NSFW NSFW NSFW Official Website NSFW NSFW NSFW
via
The sickest gadget DVICE saw in Vegas [dvice]
Thanks to Rachel, whose lucky man doesn't need a Real Touch.
Jan 6 2009 MacWorld Sneak Peak: The MacBook Wheel
Well folks, MacWorld begins today and everyone some people are excited to see if Apple drops some technology bombs on the world. And boy are they! Just check out the latest in their MacBook series -- the Macbook Wheel. It replaces that pesky keyboard with a touch-friendly iPod wheel. Whee! Wheel! Note: For you paint-chippers out there this is fake and the video was made by the Onion. But my god is it a good idea. I freaking love wheels. Including, but not limited to, the one of fortune.
Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard [theonion]
Thanks to Lisa, twellve, Tim, Fish and ITSELF, who all know you don't need keys to type. But you do need them to unlock doors.
Dec 31 2008 Eff 2008, Bring On 2009: Happy New Year!
Well folks, we survived another year. Amazing, I know. It's been one hell of a time, and I have every reason to believe 2009 is going to rock the track pants and Members Only jacket off 2008.
Happy New Year! See you in 2020! And by 2020 I mean after my Lasik surgery. HIYO!
Dec 31 2008 The All New New Years Eve Ball: Now With More Lights, Efficiency And, Uh, Triforces
What you're looking at is the new New Years Eve ball to be dropped (they literally should drop it one year -- after setting it on fire. Fireball Island FTW!) in Times Square tonight.
Last year, the Times Square Ball got an LED makeover for its 100th anniversary. This year that tradition continues, all 32,256 Philips Luxeon Rebel LEDs of it (and don't forget the 2,668 Waterford crystals). The 12-foot-wide, 11,875-pound ball is capable of displaying "16 million vibrant colors and billions of patterns"
The ball is 20% more efficient than last year as well, which means it will only consume enough power to run a handful of towns in the midwest. Oooooh, and what's with the Philips Rebel LEDs? I like the sound of those. "F*** you, we'll light when we want!"
Next year, Rogue LEDs.
The 'New' New Year's Eve Ball: 32,256 LEDs, 11,875 pounds, 20% more efficient [dvice]
Nov 25 2008 Nanotech Material Never Gets Wet, EVER
Scientists at the University of Zurich have developed a material that never gets wet. Even if you play romantic music and kiss it tenderly.
The fabric is constructed of polyester fibers that are covered in a layer of 40-nanometer-wide silicone nanofilaments. These nanofilaments are spiky and cause water to sit in a sphere above the fabric, a permanent pocket of air protected safely below.
The material even reduces drag in water by 20%! I have no idea what sort of implications that has, but I think it's something to do with waterproof sheets. Because I used to date a girl that would drink Redbull and vodka all night and then, WITHOUT FAIL, piss the bed. God she sucked. So if you want to make fun of her or call her a hosebag, feel free. Her name and address are:
UPDATE: Ha, silly lawyers.
Nanotech Material Never Gets Wet, Even When Wet [gizmodo]
Thanks to Richthegringo, who keeps the ladies like a tropical rainforest. You know, with all sorts of crazy animals and shit.
Nov 5 2008 The Scorpion: A 40-MPG, 450-Horsepower Hydrogen-Powered Arachnid -- That Stings
Okay it doesn't really sting, it's just a freaking car. Oh wait, maybe it does.
The Scorpion gets its sting from a hydrogen delivery system the company calls H2GO. While cars like the Honda FCX Clarity and Chevrolet Equinox use hydrogen fuel cells to drive electric motors, the Scorpion uses electrolysis to convert water into gaseous hydrogen. The hydrogen is mixed with 91-octane gasoline to improve the fuel economy and reduce the emissions of the car's 3.5-liter internal combustion engine.
Ronn Motors is confident that the sexy Scorpion will top 200 mph. The chrome-moly chassis and carbon-fiber body surrounds a twin-turbo 3.5-liter V6 in a car that weighs just 2,200 pounds. The engine was sourced from Acura -- it's the same mill found in the TL Type S, albeit turbocharged -- and mated to a six-speed gearbox. The car will set you back $150,000, and if 450 ponies isn't enough, another $100 grand will get you a tweaked version with another 150 horsepower.
Oh man. I want one. Badly. Really badly. Just imagine: you're cruising along in your Scorpion, when you decide to swing by the BK drive-thru for a #4 with a Coke. ZOMG I'm making myself moister than a towelette. Just kidding, I don't even know what that means. Or do I?
Hit the jump for a couple more worthwhile pictures.
Continue Reading " The Scorpion: A 40-MPG, 450-Horsepower Hydrogen-Powered Arachnid -- That Stings "
Aug 13 2008 ZOMG! A Legend Of Zelda Philosophy Book
So, there's a Legend of Zelda philosophy book coming out sometime in the near future. I may learn to read yet!
With both young and adult gamers as loyal fans, The Legend of Zelda is one of the most beloved video game series ever created. The contributors to this volume consider the following questions and more: What is the nature of the gamer's connection to Link? Does Link have a will, or do gamers project their wills onto him? How does the gamer experience the game? Do the rules of logic apply in the game world? How is space created and distributed in Hyrule (the fictional land in which the game takes place)? How does time function? Is Zelda art? Can Hyrule be seen as an ideal society? Can the game be enjoyable without winning? The Legend of Zelda and Philosophy not only appeals to Zelda fans and philosophers but also puts video games on the philosophical map as a serious area of study.
This book might actually be alright, I hope they teach it in college. Because the required class I had to take sucked. Well, except for the girl that sat in front of me. Man, she had a pair of Descartes on her that would've....what? I already used that joke? Well shit. Okay, then philosophize on this for a minute: If a tree falls in Hyrule and I'm busy banging Zelda, is it true she can still get pregnant even though I was doing it from behind? She's already a week late and I'm getting nervous.
The Legend Of Zelda: The...Philosophy Book (Huh?) [kotaku]
Thanks to Richard, who knows that all things Zelda make my heart go pitter-patter.
Aug 6 2008 Star Trek Online Going Online, Sometime
Star Trek Online is going to be unveiled in a little over four days at the Star Trek Convention in Las Vegas (August 10th). Leonard Nimoy is set to make the announcement and show some actual gameplay footage. In case you were wondering, it's going to be a MMORPGLOLROTFLMFAO that takes place in the Star Trek universe. For those of you too lazy to go to the website:
Become part of Star Trek®: The Star Trek universe will appear for the first time in a massively multiplayer online game. Everything from the elegant domes of Starfleet Academy to the ancient temples of Vulcan, from the towers of Qo'noS to the Fire Caves of Bajor, from the mysterious Mutara Nebula to the unexplored voids of deep space, all will be represented in stunning 3-D graphics. Immerse yourself in the future of the Trek universe as it moves into the 25th century: a time of shifting alliances and new discoveries.
Adventure in the Final Frontier: Explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilizations in an expanding vast universe. Make contact with alien races, discover resources and uncover mysteries that will change the future of the Star Trek universe.
You Are the Captain: Command your own starship as a Federation Captain or a Klingon Warrior. Outfit it with the systems that you need to make your mark in the galaxy. Customize your ship as you see fit. Recruit, train and mold your crew into an elite force for exploration and combat.
Boy am I excited. But truthfully, there's still only one way to play Star Trek, and that's dressed in a Starfleet jumpsuit you made out of your old highschool track uniform while sitting in a cardboard Enterprise. Want to play? Good, I'll be Geordi La Forge. Okay, now where the hell is my VISOR? Oh, great. Godammit woman, I told you that is NOT your hairband anymore, that's my freaking VISOR! I need it to see.
Star Trek Online
Thanks Zakkmiester, live long and prosper. And also, ass. Get a lot of ass.
Aug 1 2008 Casting Couch: Host A Show On The Discovery Channel -- Super Testing!!
The Discovery Channel has an open casting call until midnight on August 6th looking for a male host for a new show they're producing -- Super Testing. So what is Super Testing?
The show explores the world of extreme testing - a world of explosions, planned crashes, and controlled chaos. The show is produced on a level as big as the subjects it covers. There are no scale models. No recreations. No "staged reality". Our cameras are involved in actual tests conducted by the U.S. military, government agencies, corporations and inventors around the world.
And who are they looking for?
We're looking for someone who is
:
* In his late 30s to early 40s.
* Smart - he needs to be credible in his interactions with scientists and engineers. Science, stuntman, or engineering background is a strong plus. He does not have to be an "expert" in science or engineering per se, but should grasp the science or engineering concepts at least well enough to ask the kind of intelligent questions that our intelligent viewers appreciate.
* Tough, but an "Everyman" - He should be credible dealing with military officials, mechanics, pilots, test subjects - the whole range of folks who build things and sometimes blow things up all in the name of progress. Military, construction, or mechanical engineering background is a strong plus. He should come off as knowledgeable but likeable - and definitely a man's man.
* Charismatic, but not too "hosty" - He should be able to explain the who-what-where-when-how of the testing in a clear, direct, and always conversational way. We need someone who seems comfortable in his own skin and comfortable on camera. But he should also be comfortable letting the light shine on the real stars of the show - the people who he encounters, who make "super testing" a reality.
Interesting, Discovery channel. But you could have made it a lot shorter. It should have read:
We're looking for someone who is:Mike Rowe.
And, since it's Friday and I have a man-crush on Mike Rowe that's borderline sexual, I've included several MUST MUST MUST SEE videos of Mike when he used to sell crap on QVC. If you're a Mike Rowe fan you must watch them, and even if you're not, they're hilarious. Search Youtube for a bunch more if you like them.
Continue Reading " Casting Couch: Host A Show On The Discovery Channel -- Super Testing!! "
Jul 11 2008 'Fanboy' Makes Merriam-Webster Dictionary
In word news, 'fanboy' has officially been added to the Merriam-Webster dictionary. That's the entry there in the picture. Weird they didn't mention anything about Apple or video games. Oh, and as you can see they claim the word dates back to 1919. Which I find a little hard to believe. In 1919 a fanboy was a kid you paid to wave a palm frond in your direction to stay cool, not somebody sitting outside an Apple store right now waiting for an iPhone. Oh well. In other word news, 'Geekologie' should be added to the dictionary. And no, not as the study of all things geek. Well, fine, that too -- but I was thinking something a little tougher.
Geekologie n, v (2008)
1. the study of all things geek
Dude, this college sucks, you can't even get a Geekologie degree.
2. to utterly destroy someone else and prove your dominance, similar to pwn
Suck it, sucker, I just beat your Bomberman high score. You got Geekologied!
3. to teabag a passed out roommate who forgot to take his shoes off
Quick, grab the video camera -- I'm gonna Geekologie Davey!
'Fanboy' makes Merriam-Webster's list of new English words [gamepro]
Thanks Julian, I'm putting you in charge of spearheading the petition.
Jun 25 2008 Sky Ceilings: Like Sky Lights, But Depressing
Sky Ceilings are probably an old as hell idea. So old. Your mommy probably read you a news story about them when you were a child. Yet, here they are -- weird. Sky Ceilings were designed to mimic daylight and change with the time of day from sun up to sun down. They're for people like me that work in Cubeville and don't see the light of day unless they sneak up to the roof and contemplate jumping. Which I do frequently. The sidewalk just looks so appetizing from up here. Oh -- here comes The Superficial Writer, late as always and trying to sneak in the side door. *hooccckkkkkkkk*
Sky Ceilings make you feel like you're outside even when you're not [dvice]
Jun 13 2008 New Roller Coaster Features 97 Degree Drop
The New Fahrenheit roller coaster at Hershey Park in Pennsylvania features a 97 degree drop at the beginning. That's 7 degrees past vertical (see picture: right side, where the track curves back in). At the bottom of the drop riders experience 4 G's and then puke and/or passout. The two minute ride is being billed as the steepest and most severe in the United States and the coaster just opened on May 24th. I'm not riding it. And not because I don't love roller coasters (I do), but because of this quote from Popular Mechanics:
(Talking about the testing of the ride) First, engineers load the trains full of heavy water dummies, to figure out how the cars will behave when they're at capacity. The rules say you need 100 hours of this testing, but engineers at the park said they would run over 1,000 rides before people got on the coaster.
Stop the presses. If the ride is 2 minutes long and you run 1,000 rides, that's, uh, only 33 hours and 20 minutes of testing. You weren't the same engineers that designed the ride are you? You don't say. Say, if you wouldn't mind unstrapping me, I'd like to get the f*** off this thing before I make a little chocolate of my own.
Another picture and the video after the jump.
Continue Reading " New Roller Coaster Features 97 Degree Drop "
Apr 14 2008 New Space Invaders Game Coming To Wii
A new Space Invaders game (Space Invaders Get Even) is coming out for the Wii later this year. Instead of trying to fend off the pesky bastards, you actually control them in an attempt to dominate the planet.
Using the Nunchuck, you direct a UFO to drop hundreds of aliens on forest, city and military targets, destroying everything in their path. You'll be able to command the invaders to swarm and group in a variety of attack formations.
Well hot damn, it's been awhile since I've done any serious invading. Mostly because the last time I tried making an invasion it didn't go so well. It was the women's locker room, and some buff chick wet-towel whipped me in the eyes before I even saw a tit.
One more screen shot after the jump.
