Nov 2 2009 iPhone Fan Makes Anti-Droid Commercial
If you watch television you've probably seen the anti-iPhone Droid commercial that Verizon is running (if you haven't, watch it after the jump first). Well this is an anti-Droid commercial in the same style, created by a crazed iPhone fan that doesn't like it when people bad-talk his girlfriend. TOO BAD THE HUSSY DROPS MY CALLS ALL THE TIME. Ooooh, burn!
Hit the jump for the original commercial.
Aug 22 2009 Chicken Buns: KFC's New WTF Sandwich
KFC just released a new sandwich called the Double Down that features bacon and cheese IN BETWEEN TWO CHICKEN FILLET BUNS. Because, seriously, bread is just filler anyways. A recent review:
That's it? That is the sandwich? That's not worth five dollars. Oh... oh my God. That is the best thing ever. I don't know what "Colonel's Sauce" is, but it is like a party in my mouth. This is completely worth the five dollars. Unfortunately I'm going to end up weighing 700 lbs after this, but it is simply amazing.
Wow, I kind of absolutely don't want to try that. But I will tell you a chicken joke I came up with last night.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To nug-get to the other side. HIYO! I should do stand up.
Hit the jump for an actual product shot and a commercial.
Jun 12 2009 Comfort Wipe: Holding Toilet Paper In Your Hand Is "Really Archaic And Disgusting"
The Comfort Wipe is an 18" arm extender/wad of toilet paper holder for use when you can't reach your own ass or don't like your digits coming into contact with your butthole (you're doing it wrong!). Interesting. Also, I want to know the "advantages" of being big the hefty dude is talking about. In all seriousness though, this really is a great product, I just recommend buying two (read: I lost one wiping hard).
Thanks to Wilson and gizmoduck, who just use a handful of poison ivy fashioned to a stick because they're hardcore.
Jun 13 2008 Chug 2 Beers In 2 Seconds With The Bierstick
Now I love drinking beer just as much as the next raging alcoholic whose BAC can't drop below .12 (think Speed, but with less bus and more cirrhosis), and definitely took my share of beer-bongs and shotguns in college. But a time comes in every man's life when it's time to settle down and drink beer out of a glass instead of a plastic funnel or the side of a can you've punctured with your car keys. So I'm gonna have to pass on the Bierstick. It's a device that allows the user to drink up to 24 oz of beer in less than two seconds. You just pour the beer in, push the end against a wall (or a scantily clad chick's chest -- picture after the jump!) and slam into it when you're ready to shoot beer out nose. Each stick will set you back $20 but guarantees you'll be the life of the sausage party.
And since it's Friday and you've all been good this week, a picture of two hot chicks in their bras using the thing after the jump. Also, I added a few videos of people using similar devices (which appear to be paint sticks) as evidence that it does it fact make you look like you're going to town on a monster beer-filled dong.
Continue Reading " Chug 2 Beers In 2 Seconds With The Bierstick "
Jun 9 2008 The 3G iPhone Is Here, Fanboys Rejoice And Start Waiting Outside Apple Stores, I Get Drunk And Try To Forget About Life Like Any Other Day
Well folks, after months of rumors and speculation, Apple officially announced the new 3G iPhone today at the Apple Worldwide Developers Conference. It has exactly everything everyone thought it would. Well, except when I thought it was going to be a 3D iPhone. Because it doesn't have that. Everything else though, like 3G speed and GPS. The only real news is the price -- $199 for an 8GB, $299 for 16GB. And as an added bonus, the 16 is also available in white. Oh happy day! They'll all be available starting July 11th, so I'm headed up to the closest Apple store to start my month-long camp out. And by "start my month-long camp out" I mean I'll plow my car into the front of the line right before the store opens so I can be first. And by "plow my car into the front of the line right before the store opens" I mean continue lying on the couch. And by "continue lying on the couch" I quite literally mean I'm just gonna keep lying here.
May 20 2008 FakeTV Acts Like Television, Deters Thieves
The FakeTV is a $50 array of super-bright LEDs that flicker on and off to resemble the light given off by a television. The idea is that a burglar will see this, think you're home watching television when in fact you're on a family vacation that's making you want to kill yourself, and pass on robbing you blind.
FakeTV uses a built-in computer to control super-bright LEDs to produce light of varying intensity and color that light up a room just like a real television does. The light effects of real television programming -- scene changes, camera pans, fades, flicks, swells, on-screen motion, and more, are all faithfully simulated by FakeTV... fills a room with color changes, both subtle and dramatic, in thousands of possible shades. FakeTV is completely unpredictable, and it never repeats.
The FakeTV uses substantially less energy than leaving a real television on, and doubles as an epilepsy detector. Video after the jump, but WARNING: We are in no way, shape, form, taste, smell or color responsible for any resulting seizures.
Continue Reading " FakeTV Acts Like Television, Deters Thieves "
Apr 23 2008 Exhaust Jack Takes The Work Out Of Jacking
So you got a flat tire, what do you do? Call AAA for help? Make out with your passenger? Cry and punch the steering wheel? Or do you get out there and change the damn thing? You know, changing a tire really wouldn't be that bad if the jacks that come with cars weren't the biggest pieces of shit ever made. Well thankfully, now there's an easier way. Introducing the Exhaust Air Jack ($130). You just throw the orange bag under the car's lift point, attach the hose to your exhaust pipe, and presto, you burnt your hands because you forgot to let the pipe cool before touching it. Not sure if inhaling the bag afterward makes you talk funny like helium, but my guess is no, unless that's how dead people sound.
Nov 29 2007 No Surgery: Product Promises 20/20 Vision
I'm all about DIY projects, healthcare included. That's why I was excited to hear about the Eye Power. It's a device aimed at correcting "near-sighted/myopic vision problems". You hold it up to your eye 10 minutes at a time and it sends ultrasonic waves through your freaking eyeball. You're supposed to have perfect 20/20 vision in no time. The product is untested and there is no evidence what-so-ever to back the claims -- but it's only $800. Besides, ultrasonic waves and eyeballs were practically made for each other. So what if it makes your eyes explode or slams them into you brain. It's not like eyeballs don't regenerate. What's that, they don't? Well shit. Oh well, eye patches are coming back.
Eye Power aims to heal eyesight [ubergizmo]
Nov 20 2007 Laser Guided Hand Saw, Sure, Why Not
I love home improvement projects as much as the next manly man, but I have yet to purchase any laser guided tools. Mostly because I'm really poor. Well finally there's one that I might be able to buy without breaking the bank -- the laser guided hand saw.
This hand saw has a built-in laser, so you can see precisely where you’re cutting without additional measuring. Just make a mark on your cutting surface, align the laser beam with the line, and cut away. You’ll make a straight line every time. Button-cell batteries not included.
Well I realized that I'd never actually buy one after all, so I just made my own by taping a laser to a hand saw I had lying around. I'm glad my roommate tried it out before I did, because apparently I didn't get it taped on straight. We put his fingers on ice so they could be sewn back on later, but I got drunk one night and mistook them for tasty Vienna sausages.
Laser Guided Hand Saw, Hand Saw 2.0 [uberreview]
Oct 17 2007 Hyundai Drops Cell Phone Camera Watch
Hyundai, a company best known for their line of affordable personal transportation machines, is releasing the W-100, a cell phone watch with 1.3 megapixel camera. It comes complete with touch-screen and stylus, Bluetooth connectivity, MicroSD card, and will play MP3s. An English version will be made, but no word on pricing yet. Now I'm all about a cell phone watch, but I don't know about a Hyundai cell phone watch. Because I used to have a Hyundai, and the damn thing kept driving itself into parked cars. Not only that, but the bastard was too cheap to ever leave a note.
Three more pictures after the cut.
Oct 16 2007 New Rubik's Cube Is Digital, I Miss Analog
Well apparently the analog version of the Rubik's cube just wasn't enough for the greedy company (it only sold a paltry 300 million units), so here comes the Rubik's Revolution! No really, that's what it's called. The segments don't move at all anymore, instead you can play 6 different games with awesome titles like Cube Catcher and Pattern Panic. They all revolve around pushing the glowing button in the middle of each side. The unit costs $20. I think I'll stick to the original analog version. You know, I once solved it in under a minute. Using my penis.
Rubik's Revolution [ohgizmo]
Oct 5 2007 Lamp Works Without Touching, Clapping
The Airswitch Lamp works without ever having to touch it. You just swipe your hand over it and it turns on and off. You place your hand over the lamp and either raise or lower it in order to adjust brightness. They cost $79 and come in red, orange, blue and green. The only problem is, unlike the clapper, you have to be within arm's reach of the lamp in order to control it. I have a better system, but it works on a similar premise. I swipe my hand across my girlfriend's ass, follow it with a "get the damn light woman" and ta-da, off it goes.
AirSwitch Lamp: The New Clapper [uberreview]
Oct 5 2007 D3O Protects Head/Knees From Snow Shovel
D3O Lab has developed D3O, a "specially engineered material with intelligent molecules that flow with you as you move but on shock lock together to absorb impact energy." It's being used for it's shock absorption properties, and is currently available in motorcycle gear, shin pads, hats, etc. The video above shows a moderate to severely retarded man getting hit in the head and knees with a snow shovel. I want to try. I'd pretend I was going for the knee and then *crack*, right in the face. He could use some of that orange shit to glue his nose back on afterwards.
Product Site via Beat me in the head with a shovel [neatorama]
Sep 14 2007 Non-Stick Gum Keeps Sidewalks Clean
British chemist Terence Cosgrove of Bristol University has developed a new chewing gum that is easy to remove and water soluble. Revolymer, Terence's horribly named company, plans to have the gum available in the next year. The breakthrough technology is a hydrophilic polymer that allows the gum to quickly dissolve in water. The gum, horribly named Rev 7, was easily removed from sidewalks and hair, and scored well in blind taste tests. This is swell, and I'm all about gum not crapping up sidewalks and the bottom of my desk, but how about taking this to the next level. I'm thinking bubble gum that can blown into a functional condom should the need arise. Not that snack size Doritos bags have ever done me wrong, but I'm looking for something with just a hint more class.
Non-Stick Gum Keeps Sidewalks Cleaner [gizmodo]
Aug 23 2007 Pocket Shots Portable Liquor
Pocket Shots are single serving portable liquor bags that look alarmingly like juice pouches. They're only being sold in California, Arizona, Wisconsin, Colorado, and New Mexico at the moment, but they're going nationwide soon (although I don't know why you'd want them). They come in all your favorite liquor flavors like Whisky and Tequila and are stupid as hell. A flask has always worked fine for me, and in a pinch I just line my pockets with plastic wrap. Now that's a real pocket shot.
A picture after the jump of body shot girls still not looking good even though I've been drinking all morning.
