Feb 9 2009 Ties: Because Your Neck Deserves A Flag

These $25 ties are made out of 100% synthetic materials, feature classic video game scenes, and can be purchased from a tribe of warrior women. Plus, they're absolutely perfect for the tech blogger who wants to pretend he's a businessman. I'll admit it: I love playing dress up. I have three older sisters so I spent much of my youth parading around the house in a dress with makeup caked all over me. Ahh, those were the days. Now I lay around the apartment in my boxers and have to wait for my girlfriend to go to work before I can even put one of her bras on. It's stifling -- and, damnit, she wore my favorite pumps to work today.

Stylish Classic Gaming Ties [ohgizmo]

Jan 26 2009 Big Pimpin' Hyrule Style : Golden Zelda Bling

Damn, now why didn't I think of that? Oh wait, I did. Screw you you bearded copy-cat, I am the OG!

Gold Zelda Cartridge Bling [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Pablo and Jack, who can only afford silver cartridge bling because they aren't filthy rich like me.

Dec 22 2008 Float-A-Pet Prevents Pet Drownings

The Float-A-Pet floating dog collar saves pet lives should God decide to spite us with another flood for all the debauchery. When the collar's sensors detect water -- PFFFFT -- the collar inflates, keeping most tiny-ass dogs and cats afloat by their neck. Also, I'd say it probably works on turtles. But seriously Noah, you could have saved yourself a ton of labor.

Floating dog collar will keep your pooch afloat in a flood [dvice]

Dec 18 2008 The Robot Apocalypse Is Upon Us, First Three Victims Claimed. Alternatively, This Month's Darwin Award Recipients

Three people in Japan have died after trying to use a robotic foot massage machine on their necks and shoulders.

In the most recent case, a woman removed the cloth cover of the machine and ended up strangling herself when her shirt collar was caught in its massage rollers. The other two deaths also seem to have occurred in a similar manner. No recall of the product has been issued, but the manufacturer thought it would be a good idea to issue a public warning.

The end is nigh! The rise of the foot massage machines is only the begining. Also, who the f*** tries to use a foot massager on their neck? Nowhere was the thing advertised as a 2-in-1 massager. SO WHY PUT IT ON YOUR NECK? Wu-Tang said it best: Ya best protect ya neck! Jesus, next thing you know some jackass is gonna try sticking his....

UPDATE: Oh God, call the wienerologist!

Three people killed by foot massage machines [japanprobe]

Thanks manwai, Brad and Flavio, you know anything about chiropractics?

Sep 16 2008 Hands-Free Cellphoning Without Bluetooth

This hands-free cellphone holder was designed by Francesca Lanzavecchia and doubles as an excuse to park in handicapped spots. It comes complete with a stretchable rubber skin that fits over it so you can store your phone and cigarettes in there when not in use. Seems pretty freaking impractical. Still, it reminds me of the first time I faked an injury to get some sympathy. You ever tried to cast your own penis before? It isn't easy. I ended up just tying an athletic sock around it and calling it a sling. And you know what? Not a single 'Get Well' card.

Hit the jump for the original model.

Continue Reading " Hands-Free Cellphoning Without Bluetooth "

Sep 10 2008 Verizon Technician Busted For Making $220K In Phone Sex Calls Using Customer's Lines

A Verizon technician, whose name I won't mention (Joseph Vaccarelli, 45, of Nutley, New Jersey) managed to tap into the land lines of over 950 customers and make 45,000 minutes of phone sex calls.

Verizon estimated that out of a 40-week period, Vaccarelli spent 15 weeks talking on 900 chat lines, authorities alleged. Of the 15 weeks, 14 were spent on lines with men pretending to be women.

Holy hellfire, shit, and brimstone, somebody buy this guy a freaking hooker already.

Verizon Tech Accused Of Making $220K In Sex Calls [wcbstv]

Thanks to Mark, who once used a descrambler to see a boob on Cinemax.