Nov 13 2009 NASA: 'Significant' Water Found On The Moon. Yeah, But What About Dragons?!

Remember how NASA tried to blow up the moon to get at its molten cheese core? Well apparently they discovered a 'significant' amount of water in the process. Adult swim!

The discovery was announced by project scientist Anthony Colaprete at a midday news conference. "Indeed, yes, we found water," he said.

The find is based on preliminary data collected when the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite, or LCROSS, intentionally crashed October 9 into the permanently shadowed region of Cabeus crater near the moon's south pole.

After the satellite struck, a rocket flew through the debris cloud, measuring the amount of water and providing a host of other data, Colaprete said.

"The discovery opens a new chapter in our understanding of the moon," the space agency said in a written statement shortly after the briefing began.

Hell yes a new chapter in understanding the moon!

CHAPTER 6: Water On The Moon

There is water on the moon. Specifically, frozen water.

THE END

NASA finds 'significant' water on moon [cnn]
and
Picture [juliefainart]

Thanks to AZ-TRO-NOT, joey, STephen and Lizze, who found Kool-Aid on the moon but you probably never heard about it because of the massive conspiracy.

Oct 24 2009 The Internet Moon Is A Series Of Tubes!

So apparently the moon might consist of a network of interconnected tubes, like Swiss cheese. OMG the astronauts are gonna eat it! AAAAAAAAAAH I'M SO JEALOUS!

Images have revealed a hole on the Moon's surface that is at least 260 feet deep and may lead to an underground tunnel more than 1,200 feet wide which is part of an entire network of such winding tubes.

Scientists are hoping for clearer shots from NASA's Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter, but the impression so far is that such a tunnel network could provide shelter for astronauts or potential future Moon colonists.

Two words: giant space worms. Shut up, the giant is silent! But only while he sleeps. Kidding, he's a snorer! I'm not insane, you're insane! Plus a jerk.

Newly Discovered Hole On Moon Leads To Network Of Tubes [gizmodo]

Oct 21 2009 NASA Testing First New Rocket In 30 Years

NASA, an organization that has actually convinced itself they put men on the moon despite it being all staged in Hollywood, is now testing a new rocket. The phallic booster is the first new design to come out of agency since 1981. Which, incidentally, is the year I was born. What does all this mean? I'm 28!

The rocket is Ares I-X -- a suborbital prototype for the Ares I rocket NASA plans to use to launch its shuttle successor, the Orion spacecraft. Currently the world's tallest booster, the Ares I-X rolled out to the launch pad early Tuesday and is slated to blast off Oct. 27 at 8 a.m. EDT (1200 GMT) on a short demonstration flight.

"The Ares I-X is going to fly straight up and straight out," said NASA commentator George Diller as the 327-foot (100-meter) tall rocket began moving toward Launch Pad 39B at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. "During that time we'll be testing the stage separation to determine how well the first stage separation motors perform, as well as the performance of the booster itself, namely the parachutes and other apparatus that will deploy."

The $445 million rocket's rollout comes on the eve of a final report from an independent committee appointed by the White House to review NASA's plans for future human spaceflight.

You want me to tell you about the future of human spaceflight? Cause it goes like this: The Geekologie Writer builds a rocketship in the shed behind his house and blasts himself into the sun. Everyone is so sad rockets are banned for ever. Then everybody dies because you couldn't colonize Mars. The end.

NASA Unveils Ares 1-X Rocket for Historic Test Flight [foxnews]

Thanks to joseph, who tied his little brother to a bunch of fireworks and was just about to light the fuse when his mom caught him and yelled at him for having matches.

Oct 9 2009 NASA's Moon Bombing High-Five Fail

This is a short video from the live-feed at NASA showing the group responsible for bombing the moon celebrating after a job well done. Just watch red shirt there get snubbed by black shirt after initiating a high-five sequence. THEY EVEN MAKE DIRECT EYE CONTACT. Geez, talk about awkward. I've only aborted a high-five once, and that was because I knew the guy didn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. Seriously bro, I'm not touching your junk.

Youtube

Thanks to Martyn, who has never been denied a high-five BECAUSE HE WILL RIP YOUR ARM OFF AND DO IT HIMSELF IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

Oct 8 2009 Well, It's Been Nice Knowing You: NASA Plans To Blow Up The Moon Tomorrow Morning

NOTE: If you're reading this after 7:30AM Eastern you may be dead.

As you may recall from the Pulitzer-winning article I wrote back in June (and an even ooolder article from April '06) , NASA plans to blow up the moon by crashing the $79 million Lunar Crater Observation and its Sensing Satellite (LCROSS) into the Cabeus crater on the moon's south pole.

When the twin crafts hit the lunar surface at around 6,000 mph, NASA expects "plumes of moon dust -- perhaps full of ice -- (to soar) 6.2 miles high above the moon's Cabeus crater."

NASA hopes the explosion and resulting unmooning (see what I did there? Like unearthing!) will finally settle whether there's ice and water under the moon's surface. And, if so, if it's potable. Nice, NASA -- TOO BAD YOU'RE GONNA BLOW THE MOON IN TWO LIKE BUTTCHEEKS! And do you even know what that's gonna do to the ocean's tides? I mean, besides make for the most epic day of bodyboarding EVER. See you at the beach, suckers!

NASA Will Bomb The Moon Tomorrow [io9]
and
NASA Attacks the Moon [yahoonews]

Thanks to JFreezy, Sean, The Superficial Writer, Benjamin and moses, who are gonna finish the moon off with a giant laser if NASA's plan doesn't work.

Oct 2 2009 Serious Eye Candy: Amazing Photograph Of The World's Tallest Rocket Blasting Off

This is a photo of the world's tallest rocket blasting off for outerspace without me. Damnit, I packed a sack lunch and everything! HOLLER AT YOUR BOY, NASA. Come on -- I'll bring you back an alien corpse!

You're looking at the 253.2-foot Delta 4-Heavy lifting off from launch complex 37B at Cape Canaveral, and yes, that's actually a photograph. Good thing the camera was remotely triggered by photographer Ben Cooper, who used sound activation to snap this shot while he was safely ensconced 3 miles away.

We feel sorry for that camera, though, whose lens was destroyed. The good news is, the camera itself somehow survived this hellish inferno as the world's tallest unmanned rocket roared away from its launchpad.

Impressive, huh? We've certainly come a long way since people thought the world was round, am I right? IT'S A D-20 YOU IDIOTS. God loves D&D! Now, gimme a roll for drunkenness, big guy. 19! BLAAAAAAAHH!!

World's tallest rocket roars away, captured in spectacular photo [dvice]

Jul 9 2009 NASA Discovers 11 Billion-Year-Old Supernova

Eleven billion, that's pretty old. Probably dated your mom in high school. Ba-ba-ba-burn!

Astronomers on Wednesday said they had found the farthest supernova ever detected, a giant star that ripped apart around 11 billion years ago.

The ancient supernova was found after astronomers compared several years of images taken from a portion of the sky, enabling them to look for objects that changed in brightness over time.

The universe is believed to be 13.7 billion years old, so the supernova marks the death of one of earliest stars in creation.

The previous supernova record was an event that happened around six billion years ago.

Ooh, I feel a song coming on. *ahem*

Someday you will find me
caught beneath the landslide
in a bourbon supernova
a gin & tonic black dwarf in the bar.

Massive supernova occurred 11 billion years ago [yahoonews]

Thanks to Torotoro from Alabanyor, who is old enough to be your father. And might be.

Jul 6 2009 KILL IT!: Transformer Robot Really Tranforms

Miss me? I missed you. I hope everyone had a safe yet explosive weekend. Amazingly, I'm still alive and fingerful. Let me tell you: it wasn't easy. Now, let's return to our regularly scheduled program, shall we?

NASA, who I used to respect, wants to build a bunch of transformers to do their dirty work. *shaking head* And I used to want be an astronaut.

NASA wanted a robot that could start as 100 blocky modules dropped from an airplane to a desert, reconfigure into a rover that could drive to a sand dune, and then change again to "grow" legs and climb up it. Once the blocky robot reached the top, it would transform into a greenhouse that could protect a group of seeds for two weeks.

Only 20 of the modules were built during an ambitious project more than two years ago. But together, they are known as Superbot.

Now repeat after me, "All hail Superbot!" ZOMG -- A COUPLE OF YOU ACTUALLY DID IT! You make me sick.

Hit the jump to see two of the robot's other configurations.

Continue Reading " KILL IT!: Transformer Robot Really Tranforms "

Jun 17 2009 Oh Great: NASA Plans To Blow Up The Moon

That's right folks, NASA plans to shoot a giant missile at the moon and make it go boom. BOOM SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE THE MOON!

In an unprecedented scientific endeavor -- and what may be one of the coolest space missions ever -- NASA is preparing to fly a rocket booster into the moon, triggering a six-mile-high explosion that scientists hope will confirm the presence of water.

The four-month mission of the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS), which will be directed from NASA's Ames Research Center at Moffett Field, is to discover whether water is frozen in the perpetual darkness of craters near the moon's south pole. As a potential source of oxygen for life support and hydrogen for rocket fuel, that water would be a tremendous boost to NASA's plans to restart human exploration of the moon.

Come on NASA -- as pro blowing stuff up as I am, there has got to be an easier way to find out if there's water on the moon. Like, oh I dunno, ASKING THE MOON PEOPLE. Hey, moon-chick, is there water in the moon? "ZIP ZAP ZIP YES WE DRINK IT". Ta-da, mystery solved. But while you're here, how about flashing those blue cheese boobs in my direction one more time?

NASA/Ames ready to explode one of the coolest space missions ever [siliconvalley]

Thanks to meeotch, who wants to ride the rocket when it goes. Me too, meeotch, me too.

May 11 2009 Another Day, Another Cosmic Eyeball

We've already seen God's hand, God's eye and the Eye of Sauron, so why not another cosmic ball of eye? This here is the latest in a batch of images from the Hubble Space Bubblescope of planetary nebula Knockout 4-55. Enter Punch-Out tie-in here. I AM THE L337 BLOGGAR!

Planetary nebulas have nothing to do with planets. They were named so because in early telescopes, they had the fuzzy look of planets in our outer solar system. In fact planetary nebulas sit throughout our galaxy. This one contains the outer layers of a red giant star that were expelled into interstellar space when the star was in the late stages of its life.

Ultraviolet radiation emitted from the remaining hot core of the star ionizes the ejected gas shells, causing them to glow.

In the specific case of K 4-55, a bright inner ring is surrounded by a bipolar structure. The entire system is then surrounded by a faint red halo, seen in the emission by nitrogen gas. This multi-shell structure is fairly uncommon in planetary nebulae.

BOOM, YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU WAS GETTING ASTRONOMY LESSONED! Now, for your astrology lesson: it's all bullshit. Also, you will make decisions soon. NO I AM NOT HIGH. Tell me, if eyes are the windows to one's soul, is a cosmic eye THE WINDOW TO ANOTHER DIMENSION?! And, if so, is there a dinosaur park there? ZOMG -- quick, tie me to a rocket engine!

Hubble Photographs Giant Eye in Space [yahoonews]

Thanks to Watch-303, who may or may not be operating out of Boulder/Denver region.

May 5 2009 We Are Not Alone: Alien Skull Spotted On Mars

That's right folks, we now have 100% conclusive evidence there are, in fact, dead aliens on Mars. Or rocks, possibly just rocks.

Internet forums are full of chatter about the picture, taken by a panoramic NASA camera known as Spirit.

One alien-spotter speculated: "The skull is 15 cm with binocular eyes 5 cm apart. The cranial capacity is approximately 1400 cc.

"There appears to be a narrow pointed small mouth, so this creature most likely is a carnivore."

Another joked: "The coronal ridge shows ample structure to support the musculature of antennae, although none are visible in this view.

Joke now, but it's all fun and games until you wake up with an antennae in your you-know-what. And by 'you-know-what' I mean your girlfriend -- she's gonna cheat on you with an alien. Hey, don't cry, film it.

'Alien skull' spotted on Mars [telegraph]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck and Julian, whose relationships with Martian lovers have all ended the same: with them getting the shaft. The cold, metal shaft.

May 1 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Growing Plants On The Moon

Paragon Space Development Corporation, a NASA subcontractor, has decided to take a stab at growing plants in a specially designed greenhouse on the moon. THE MOON! The attempt will take place in 2012, so we may or may not get to see if it works before the world ends.

In order to successfully grow a plant on the moon, Paragon has developed a very specialized greenhouse that can safely contain a plant and provide it with all elements it needs to survive. The greenhouse will need to protect the plant from the sun's intense rays while providing it with enough water, balanced soil, and carbon dioxide while removing its waste oxygen.

Paragon has chosen a species within Brassica (the mustard family), due to their quick growth and the abundance of knowledge about the plant. A typical Brassica needs 14 days of light in order to grow, flower and then set seed. A lunar day is 14 Earth days long, so if the landing is timed perfectly, it will allow just enough time for the plant to grow to maturity and possibly re-seed.

Nice, but you really think anyone cares about growing mustard on the moon? No, I'm convinced there's a much more diabolical motive behind this experiment. Namely, government space weed.

First Gardens on the Moon by 2012! [inhabitat]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck and toast king, who once got high on Mars and thought they saw an alien. It was a rock.

Apr 14 2009 'God's Hand' Spotted Using Space Telescope

That's right, son, spotted for the first time since like the year -5 billion: God's hand!

The image, taken by NASA's space-based Chandra Observatory telescope, shows an X-ray nebula 150 light years across.

NASA says the display is caused by a young and powerful pulsar, known by the rather prosaic name of PSR B1509-58.The finger-like structures are apparently caused by "energizing knots of material in a neighboring gas cloud," NASA says.

DAAAAMN! But seriously, God, you might want to have that pinky looked at.

NASA photos show giant cosmic hand [cnn]

Thanks e., I would walk 150 light years, and I would walk 150 more, just to be the man who walked 300 light years to fall down at your door.

Apr 4 2009 65,000 Piece LEGO Shuttle On Launch Pad

It may look real, but that's actually a 65,000 piece LEGO shuttle complete with launch pad and naked alien sluts, minus the naked alien sluts. It took two guys over 1,590 hours to complete and even has flashing lights and sound effects to simulate a launch.

Part of the "Nasu Space Center," it appeared as a scene in Nasu Highland Park, an amusement park in Japan.

The duo who assembled it are said to be participating in an event to top the tallest LEGO tower ever built, an accolade which is currently held by LEGO enthusiasts in Vienna, who constructed a tower over 96 feet tall.

Awesome. And as a guy who has tried to build a functional rocket out of LEGO blocks himself, I've got to hand it to these guys: sex is mad overrated. Am I right, guys? High-fi.... actually, a nod will do.

Hit the jump for two more pictures and a horrible quality video of a launch in action.

Continue Reading " 65,000 Piece LEGO Shuttle On Launch Pad "

Mar 25 2009 Stephen Colbert's Name On Space Station

Stephen Colbert just won a contest to have a new section of the International Space Station named after him. Unfortunately, those sticklers at NASA probably won't let it fly -- or orbit (ZING!).

The name "Colbert" beat out NASA's four suggested options in the space agency's effort to have the public help name the addition. The new room will be launched later this year.

NASA's mistake was allowing write-ins.

Colbert urged viewers of his Comedy Central show, "The Colbert Report" to write in his name - and they complied, with 230,539 votes. That clobbered Serenity, one of the NASA choices, by more than 40,000 votes.

NASA reserves the right to choose an appropriate name. Agency spokesman John Yembrick said NASA will decide in April, but will give top vote-getters "the most consideration."

Colbert sounds just as good as Serenity if you ask me. But they're both kind of weak. I was sort of hoping for something with a little more pizazz. Namely, "The GW's Intergalactic Boom Boom Room: where the beer is yesterday's urine and the lapdances are OUT OF THIS WORLD®".

Comic Colbert wins NASA space station name contest [yahoonews]

Thanks to Pepe Le PEWPEW, who wrote in 'The PEW PEW Room', which I agree, does have a ring to it.

Mar 19 2009 Aww: Injured Bat Blasts Off For Outerspace

A Free-Tailed Chiroptera bat, believed to have recently injured its wing and shoulder, clung to the foam exterior of the Space Shuttle's fuel tank just before launch on the morning of Sunday, March 15th. And moments later, as the shuttle took off, he became....Space Bat.

*music fades in* I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the....oh shit -- broken wing, I'm screwed. Quick, I'll just hold on to this thing. Whoa, what was that noise? Oh God, oh God -- WHEEEEEEEEEE!!

Per NASA:

The animal likely perished quickly during Discovery's climb into orbit.

*music abruptly stops* Wow NASA, way to inspire. You know what -- I don't even want to be an astronaut anymore, I want to be a policeman.

This post dedicated to the memory of Space Bat, who reminds us all: Aim for the moon....even if you miss, you'll burn up in the atmosphere.

Tribute video to Space Bat after the jump.

Continue Reading " Aww: Injured Bat Blasts Off For Outerspace "

Feb 5 2009 Have You Ever Wondered How Much It Would Cost To Build Your Own Death Star? Hint: I Didn't Even Know That Was A Real Number

Let's face it, we all want our own Death Star. But how much would it actually cost to build one, today? Well, a lot. Try 15 septillion dollars. That's $15,602,022,489,829,821,422,840,226! Ladies and gentlemen, we may have to settle for the half-sized model.

(The Death Star has) a volume of 17.16 quadrillion cubic meters. At 1/10 volume, we'll need 1.71 Quadrillion cubic meters of steel, weighing in at 134 quadrillion tonnes. In 2008 steel products, from wire to ingots were selling for an average of $962 per tonne, so our cost of steel alone is $12.95 quintillion.

Now, how about getting that into space? According to the numbers I could find on the internet, it costs around $95 million to ship 1 tonne of materials into space, so that means we'll be cutting NASA a cheque for $12.79 septillion. (Remind me to order larger cheques from the bank please.)

Okay, so if we can cut out NASA we can basically save ourselves $13 septillion, dropping the total cost of a Death Star to a paltry $2 septillion. Now I think that's manageable folks -- so you start sending me your money, and I'll start building a strip club the rocketship.

Check out the first link for a much more in-depth look into all the costs associated with the project.

One Death Star for $15 Septillion? What a deal! [rickgold]
via
One Death Star for $15 Septillion?! [starwarsblog]

Thanks to Adam, who the Force is totally with.

Nov 4 2008 Space: Screw It, It's Just A Vacuum-y Landfill

Space: Our vacuum-y landfill to the north, south, east, and, uh, left.

A 1,400-pound (635-kilogram) ammonia tank burned up over the Pacific Ocean late Sunday, more than a year after an astronaut chucked it from the International Space Station because it had become obsolete, NASA said yesterday.

Astronauts routinely trash equipment in space. Most of it - including a 212-pound (96-kilogram) video camera stand Anderson got rid of during the same spacewalk - burns up before making impact on Earth.

What the -- we're already trashing space? I swear, if I see a single freaking McDonald's cup on the way to Moonbase Brothel, it's somebody's ass. And hopefully an alien stripper's -- in my lap.

Trash crash: Space litter makes landing [sciam]

Thanks to loyal Geekologist Hunter, who, even on his birthday, takes the time to send tips. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY!

Nov 4 2008 Own Your Own Apollo Spacesuit (Replica)

You remember when you were a kid and wanted to be an astronaut? Well I still do. And I'm building my own rocketship (screw you NASA -- rules and regulate this!). Originally I was gonna blast the eff off in a pair of gym shorts and novelty t-shirt, but now I'm thinking I might need something a little more....official looking. Enter the replica Apollo 11 spacesuit. Made based on a real Apollo A7L suit, it looks and feels like the real deal -- and all for only $9,500! Which, incidentally, is more than my entire rocketship cost to build. Speaking of which, I'm now accepting applications for one lucky lady (or dude that's really convincing) to join me on my groundbreaking journey to blowing up on the launch pad and dying. Pre-liftoff lunch will be included, no purchase necessary, just send a picture and five bucks to help cover the cold-cuts.

Buy a real Apollo spacesuit and finally live out those childhood dreams [dvice]

e. -- I'll blast off with you any day. And, God willing, we won't explode.

Aug 1 2008 I'm Thirsty: Mars Ice Melted, Turned To Water

Remember the post about the Phoenix Lander spotting ice on Mars? Well now the brave little explorer has collected a sample of the stuff and cooked it in a special easy-bake oven it has on board. The result? Water.

"The fact that it melted at zero degrees Celsius leaves very little doubt that it is standard water ice," William Boynton of the University of Arizona said. He said sensors also tested the chemical makeup of the vapor and found the familiar combination of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom.

HIYO, we have water! And all it took was a little oven, huh? Well I'll get to the bottom of this Montauk Monster business yet. *jamming beast into oven* What do you think, 4 hours at 450⁰?

UPDATE: Mmmm, starting to smell real science-y. Anybody seen the baster?

Existence Of Water On Mars Confirmed [washingtonpost]