Nov 14 2009
The Million Dollar Man With The Bionic Ass
Ged Gavin, 55, has a bionic ass and doesn't care who knows. Which is good because I definitely just texted everyone in my phone. And by texted I mean sexted. All the kids are doing it. What? Yes I'd jump off a bridge!
Mr Galvin suffered massive internal injuries and had to be fitted with a colostomy bag until surgeons at the Royal London Hospital could perform the complex operation to rebuild his bottom.
The medical team took a muscle from above his knee, wrapped it around his sphincter, and then attached electrodes to the nerves.These are now operated by a palm-sized remote control that he carries in his pocket.
"They call me the man with the bionic bottom, but that doesn't bother me. My gratitude to the surgeons is endless because what they have done is a miracle."
Colostomy bag or a bionic ass, that's a tough call. I'd probably opt for a bullet in my head. Kidding, suicide is never the answer. Unless you're my ex-wife, in which case it totally is.
Man uses remote to control his 'bionic bottom' [telegraph]
Thanks to Ross, who uses a remote control to chew but is starving because he lost the thing in a couch.
Jun 3 2009 Just Doing My Job: 2009 Pole Dancing Contest
NOTE: Probably NSFW just because most employers frown on videos of dancers working the pole, but there is no nudity or even thongs, so yeah, use your own discretion (read: push play).
No need to thank me folks, just doing my job. Also, I saw things happen in this video that I didn't think were humanly possible (mostly towards the end). Beautiful things. Think a family of unicorns cresting a double rainbow on the first day of spring, but then replace that with a stripper throwing her hooha around a pole and you've got it.
Thanks to Party Kid Transformer and Julia, who can perform all these stunts without the pole because they're both powerful sorcerers.
May 20 2009 Crying Wolf: The Fake Shark Attack Wetsuit
Want to look like a shark attack victim? I know, who doesn't? Well now thanks to a line of wetsuits by Diddo (the same guy that created these designer gas masks), you can. But if shark attack victim isn't for you, what about an anatomical muscle suit? Or wood? Or a rusted pattern? Hit the jump to see all the options. Currently only available in limited editions, the wetsuits will hit full production sometime in the near future. Just don't expect me to fall for the shark attack thing more than once. And speaking of which, have I ever told you about the time I faked drowning so the sexy lifeguard would perform mouth to mouth? His mustache was scratchy.
Hit it for some more worthwhile shots.
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Mar 3 2009 Batman Hoodie: All You Need To Fight Crime
Now that's what I call a freaking hoodie. You don this sucker and evildoers will KNOW you mean business. Or pleasure. You can even zip it up over your face and see out through the mesh holes. Sweet! They'll run you $74-$78 dollars depending on size and are available HERE. Now go get one. Then you can roam your local mall looking for criminals. Quick, over by Hot Topic -- mugging in progress! Oh, false alarm -- rebellious teen arguing with his mom over a novelty t-shirt.
New Batman Hoodie Probably Won't Protect You Against Bullies [gizmodo]
Oct 27 2008 Music Face: Wait, Why'd You Do That Again?
Daito Manabe is probably a masochist. And definitely a weirdo. What does he do?
He tapes electric stimulators, looking like the same type used for electroshock therapy, to his face, and syncs them with his music so his involuntary facial contortions match up with the tune.
Now that's what I call dancing! Or, alternatively, now that's what I call freaking stupid!
Innovations in Visualizer Technology: Electroshock Your Face [gizmodo]
Thanks to Adam, who, for threatening to quit, is fired.
Jan 30 2008 Hula Chair Is 5% Exercise, 95% Ridiculous
The Hula Chair has been out for a couple years, but I'd never seen it. And it's ridiculous. It's a chair that moves in a circle while you sit in it, and it's supposed to be great exercise for your abs. It's also supposed to do a bunch of other good stuff for you (it better for $250 plus $70 shipping).
Wake up naturally in the morning without coffee or unhealthy energy drinks! Experience better overall health with our patented Hula Chair. This modern miracle combines the best of ancient traditional Chinese medicine with 21st century space-age technology. Improve your balance and coordination as it gently aligns your spine and improves blood circulation.
21st century space-age technology? What in the hell is space age about a chair with a motor attached to the seat? Whoever works in the marketing department and writes that copy is a crazy person. "Modern miracle?" WTF?!
A 100% MUST, MUST, MUST SEE INFOMERCIAL FOR SIMILAR HAWAII CHAIR AFTER THE JUMP.
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