Nov 19 2009 The Monsters That Didn't Make The Cut: New Star Trek's Deleted Gorn And Salt Vampire

Wonder what the Gorn and Salt Vampire that were supposed to appear in the new Star Trek's deleted Rura Penthe Klingon prison scenes looked like? This. Good lookin', but I'll take a steroid abuser in a dinosaur mask any day. I'm serious, just show up.

J.J. Abrams' Version Of Star Trek's Salt Vampire And Gorn Revealed [io9]

Thanks to Jase, who may or may not have just ordered some Mexican roids and a t-rex mask off eBay. I'll be waiting.

Nov 19 2009 Snap, Crackle, Pork: Bacon-Flavored Popcorn

Because soon everything will be available pork-flavored, J&D's is selling bacon-flavored popcorn. I assume it's just regular popcorn with their bacon-salt added to the bag, but what do I know? Besides everything because God and I are like this *crossing fingers to show extreme closeness*. $12 gets you three bags. Alternatively, $12 will also net you 40 Glad Tall Kitchen Trashbags (with Odor Shield technology). So, yeah, the choice is yours.

Product Site
via
Bacon Pop [uncrate]

Thanks to Chuey The Rock n Roll Midget and Be My Mannequin, who pop corn and balloons at the fair with equal dexterity.

Nov 18 2009 I'll Miss You: Pirate Bay Tracker Shut Down

Well folks, it happened. The Pirate Bay BitTorrent tracker officially kicked the bucket yesterday. What does this mean for Pirate Bay users?

Although the site will remain operational for now, millions of BitTorrent users will lose the use of its tracker and will instead have to rely on DHT and alternative trackers to continue downloading.

"Now that the decentralized system for finding peers is so well developed, TPB has decided that there is no need to run a tracker anymore, so it will remain down! It's the end of an era, but the era is no longer up2date. We have put a server in a museum already, and now the tracking can be put there as well" the Pirate Bay crew write on their blog.

And what does this mean for iTunes users?

iTunes sucks, there's no porn on iTunes.

HELL YES I QUOTED MYSELF IN AN ARTICLE! I know shit -- I can say things!

The Pirate Bay Tracker Shuts Down for Good [torrentfreak]

Thanks to Bill, who hasn't paid for music since the Green Jellö cassette with 'Three Little Pigs'.

Nov 18 2009 Today Only: Zombie Vampire Robots Shirts

If you're not familiar with shirt.woot, congratulations, and welcome to the internet. There's lots of stuff in this series of tubes, including, and virtually limited to: misinformation and porn. Also, Geekologie and stuff for sale. And speaking of stuff for sale, $10 will get you this Zombie Vampire Robots from Space shirt (shipped!) TODAY ONLY. I could take this time to explain how shirt.woot and woot.com work and even brag about the number of bags of crap I've gotten (ZERO BABY, YEAH!) but I'm not going to. If you want the shirt, go buy it, if not, don't come crying to me tomorrow when you decide you want it after all and it's not for sale anymore. Because you know what you'll get? A cold shoulder penis Popsicle shoulder.

UPDATE: Sold out, sorry chumps. May appear again in the reckoning.

Shirt.woot (will be a different shirt tomorrow)

Thanks to Melissa, Julian, Aaron and Kiraly, who have gotten little to no work done during the current woot-off. Nice, guys, glad you don't work for me.

Nov 18 2009 I Like: Geekologie Reader's Mario Animation

This is a 'Pulp Fiction' styled Mario animation that Geekologie Reader Jeremie made. It is most impressive and has restored my faith in Geekologie Readers. For awhile there I was worried you were just a bunch of no-talent FIRST!ing ass-hats. So yeah -- thanks Jeremie, I needed that. *removes laser blaster from mouth*

Youtube

Thanks to Jeremie, whose starcoin-purse is the one that says 'bad mother f***er' on it.

Nov 18 2009 R2-D2 Finally Spotted In New Star Trek Movie

Remember how you heard J.J. Abrams snuck R2-D2 somewhere in the new Star Trek movie? And remember how you kept going back to the theater with the hopes of spotting him? God, you need a hobby. I dunno, World of Warcraft or something. Anyway, thanks to the recent release of the film and newfangled slow-motion technology, the droid has been spotted.

The blog Gizmodo has located the brave droid's appearance, and frankly, it's no surprise that 99.999% of the world couldn't spot the "Star Wars" star. R2-D2 appears for about one microsecond during a battle scene. Floating across the screen from left to right, the droid appears to be enjoying himself, however briefly.

Well, there he is. Finally, we can all sleep at night. Together, in a big pile like in Where The Wild Things Are the one time they're all happy before Max proceeds to eff everything up. And speaking of which: you run away from my home and guess what -- there isn't going to be any chocolate cake waiting for you when you get back. There's gonna be a locked door. And maybe a belt so you can whip yourself if you're lucky.

Confirmed: R2-D2 Finally Discovered In Star Trek [gizmodo]
via
Found: R2-D2 in 'Star Trek' [yahoomovies]

Thanks to jessica, Matty and Lunarion, who spotted him the first time but didn't want to say anything because they didn't want to ruin it for the rest of you. Plus, they make great friends because they can keep secrets.

Oct 27 2009 No Beach For Me: 'Monster' Great White Almost Bites Smaller Great White In Half

This is a picture of a 10-foot great white shark that was almost bitten in half by what is believed to be a 20-foot great white -- just five feet short of Jaws and only seven short of my penis.

'It certainly opened up my eyes. I mean the shark that was caught is a substantial shark in itself,' says Jeff Krause of Queensland Fisheries.

The great white, the most dangerous creature in the sea, was still alive when hauled onto a boat near Deadman's Beach off north Stradbroke island.

'Whatever attacked and took chunks out of this big shark must be massive,' said 19-year-old surfer Ashton Smith. 'I've heard about the big one that's lurking out there somewhere.

'We're all being very, very cautious.'

Listen, I'm not saying I'm the world's manliest man, but for a lifetime supply of Australian beer and the chance to ride in a kangaroo's pouch, I will kill this shark anyway you want. Provided you want me to throw dynamite from a helicopter.

Great White nearly bit in half by an even BIGGER monster: Swimmers stay out of the water after warning over giant 20ft shark [dailymail]

Thanks to Ann, wes, Blastphemer, neo geo, Chris and salsa shark, who have all ridden sharks before and said it was a memorable experience.

Oct 26 2009 Lookin' Gooood: Star Wars: Uncut Trailer

For those of you who don't know, Star Wars: Uncut is a fan film being made in which Star Wars: A New Hope is divided into 15-second increments and a different fan is responsible for making those 15 seconds of the movie. It's a very cool concept. And this is the very cool trailer for the film, which I think we can all agree, has summer blockbuster George Lucas panty-bunch written all over it. Don't hate, George!

Star Wars: Uncut

Thanks to bert, Nate, Tim, Will, josh, edo8, and everyone else who sent this in, the force is with you. Plus Casey, the man behind the whole operation. Good lookin', Casey.

Oct 3 2009 Twilight: The Way It Should Have Been

This is video from G4's Attack of the Show (featuring Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn) depicting what Twilight would have been like if there was a just and fair God. But there isn't, so guess who'll be watching New Moon opening night? NOT ME! My guess is a shit-ton of 13-year old girls. Plus your girlfriend.

Olivia Munn`s Twilight: Don`t Date Vampires [iambored]

Thanks to me.vicky, who once bit the head off a bat because she thought she heard it talking in vampire-speak.

Oct 3 2009 Needs More Cowbell: Geekologie Reader's Christopher Walken Ballpoint Portrait

This is a ballpoint pen portrait of everyone's favorite half-zombie Christopher Walken by loyal Geekologie Reader and comic book artist Jesse Starr. It was created in approximately 30 hours with no errors using nothing but black Bic ballpoint pens. Good lookin', Jesse -- I sure as hell could never do that. You see, I'm too prone to making mistakes. I'm looking at you, son. Kidding! But call your sisters in here so I can look at them.

UPDATE: Portrait is available for sale ($2K) on eBay HERE.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the impressiveness.

Continue Reading " Needs More Cowbell: Geekologie Reader's Christopher Walken Ballpoint Portrait "

Sep 14 2009 Norwegian Viking Man Changes Name To Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov

The beast seen here, best known for once sinking a rival Viking's ship with a single whip of his fiery mullet, has changed his name. He used to be Andreas Jankov. But nooooow he's Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov. You've got to admit: it does have a ring to it.

"I wanted to show that it is possible to be serious and at the same time take the name you like," said the film enthusiast. "I wanted to see how far I could take it with respect to the number of names. I started thinking about this three years ago and it was approved in January this year."

Thanks to our commenters, we've been able to break down the name:

- Julius is an homage to the famous chimp at the Kristiansand Zoo
- 'Arn' is a Swedish knight movie
- Elessar and Gimli are from 'Lord of the Rings'
- 'MacGyver', just the greatest Richard Dean Anderson show ever!
- 'Highlander' could refer to either the movie or TV show
- Chewbacka (aka Chewbacca) is from 'Star Wars'

Can you guess the name that doesn't belong? Me neither. I loved 'Lord of the Rings'!

Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov: Norway's Longest Name? [huffingtonpost]

Thanks to TT likes little boys and Steve, who named their sons Sue to make them tough.

Sep 11 2009 Crimes Against Humanity, Alternatively, Why I Decided To Rob You: A $135K Blu-Ray Player

Nobody should own a $135,000 Goldmund Eidos Reference Blue Blu-ray player. That's the bottom line. I mean, there are children in Africa who don't even have Laserdisc players. So how someone could knowingly spend six figures on a Blu-ray player makes me sick. BLAAAAAAH! There, I hope you're happy now.

This 66-pound behemoth has such beautiful design, we're thinking it would be right at home in an art gallery. But does it make the Blu-ray movies look any better? Only those with golden eyes and ears will know for sure.

Those precision spring-loaded legs, a completely isolated power supply and fancy Goldmund Magnetic Damping drives the price up into the stratosphere, along with that ritzy Goldmund name.

I've never heard of the Goldmund name, so that doesn't mean anything to me. I guess I'm not an audiophile. Although, admittedly, I did experiment with a girl's ear once in college, but it just wasn't my thing (she got an inner-ear infection and dumped me).

Hit the jump for one more shot of the ridiculousness.

Continue Reading " Crimes Against Humanity, Alternatively, Why I Decided To Rob You: A $135K Blu-Ray Player "

Sep 8 2009 WTF Is Wrong With You?: Twlight Corn Maze

This is a Twilight themed corn maze in Utah (a state best known for people forgetting is a state) celebrating the new movie that's coming out later this year that I, for one, can't wait to see (read: I'd rather have ants eat my eyeballs while I'm awake and screaming and a dominatrix hammers at my junk with a meat tenderizer). I just put this up for you ladies out there that are in love with this garbage and know what 'Team Jacob' means. Because I sure as hell don't. *Googling* Holy shit, this teen-wolf character actually sounds pretty cool. NOOOOOOT. High five for the oldschool burn!

Also, haiku contest winners will be announced later tonight (I still have 400 haikus left to read).

'Twilight' fans can get happily get lost in corn [ohnotheydidnt]

Thanks to pstone, who has never run through a cornfield backwards but has been to prison. Similar feelings.

Sep 1 2009 Sandwormy: Dune Scene In LEGO Form

This is a sandworm scene from Dune rendered in LEGO form. I like it, simple but effective. And, not to brag or anything, but I've totally ridden a sandworm to the center of the earth before. It was hot (plus the devil is a real dick), but not as hot as the time I flew a unicorn into the sun. Which, funny story: was hot enough to burn my corn's tail off. He whinnied in pain so I got pissed and punched the sun in the taint for it. And that, my friends, is where night comes from.

Frank Herbert's Dune [brickshelf] (with more pics)
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LEGO playsets that never were... DUNE [make]

Thanks to Coby, who's getting married this weekend. Congratulations -- I'd lend you my unicorn to ride away from the wedding on but now there's nothing to tie the cans to :(

Aug 31 2009 Disney To Acquire Marvel For $4 Billion

Mickey Mouse, in a power move to impress his ratty love interest Minnie, has decided to buy up Marvel Comics for a staggering $4 billion. With the sale come all the right's to Marvel's cache of over 5,000 characters. FIVE THOUSAND!

We believe that adding Marvel to Disney's unique portfolio of brands provides significant opportunities for long-term growth and value creation," Disney president and chief executive Robert Iger said.

"We are pleased to bring this talent and these great assets to Disney."

"Disney is the perfect home for Marvel's fantastic library of characters given its proven ability to expand content creation and licensing businesses," said Marvel chief executive Ike Perlmutter.

I mean, way to go and all, Disney, but this was a pretty foolish business decision if you ask me. What in the hell are you gonna do with 5,000 Marvel characters? You should have just bought the 30 cool ones.

Disney to buy Marvel in $4bn deal [bbcnews]

Thanks to Reverend Faux, Lomig, Jason, Aaron, Lauren, Cade, A Girl Named Michael, draw and jawn, who have all puked on different Disney rides, including It's A Small World (it was Jason!).

Aug 27 2009 100 Years Of Movie Special Effects In 5:00

This is a little video montage of notable special effects from movies in the past 100 years all packed into a five minute clip. And as you'll see, we haven't come very far. I want to be able to feeeeeel the movies. I read Brave New World in high school! Also, almost half of a Shakespeare play. Now it's all comic books and cereal boxes.

100 Years of Special Effects [collegehumor]

Thanks to Paul, who once got specially infected by the government and now has the power of three men.

Aug 27 2009 Freaky: Three Frames Of A Movie At A Time

Three Frames is a website that chooses three frames out of a different movie every day and plays them, looping. It almost gave me a seizure. No, it DID give me a seizure. djla; wl;qwa a la;kaeoee wwpw ww ;llala. Get it? Because I'm shaking so bad! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go back over myself in the face.

Three Frames (slightly NSFW, there's a tasteful boob on the first page)

Aug 20 2009 For The (Clumsy) Ladies: Twilight Bandages

Look down. Do you have breasts? If so, you're a woman or a man who could afford to lose some weight. Either of which may be interested in these Twilight bandages. They're band-aids, but with Twilight shit on them. Now, not to flaunt my superior product design skills or anything, but they should have made the bandages look like vampire bites. BOOM, $1 million idea. You'd have girls throwing themselves off their bicycles just so they could wear more of them. Oh, right, Twi-hards are cutters.

Product Site (sorry ladies, currently sold out)

Thanks to ech0z, who doesn't wear bandages because he has the healing properties of Wolverine, but is way more rugged and handsome. There, I did it -- now pay up.

Aug 13 2009 Women In Bikinis Reading Star Wars Script

WTF ARE YOU WAITING FOR, HIT PLAY MORON!

Youtube

Thanks to MoD, who once read star wars in the nude. I'd cast you.

Aug 7 2009 The Most Romantic Love Letter Ever Written

Jessica, you'd be a fool not to marry this guy. I mean, Star Wars references aside, just look at that penmanship! I'll bet you he was at least a solid B student in writing class. And if you won't have him, I will.

Dear Letter Writer,

You know that thing you said about crawling inside Jessica like a tauntaun? I want you to do that to me. Bring your lightsaber.

Love,

The Geekologie Writer

Star Wars Love Letter [emailsfromcrazypeople]

Thanks to G, who prefers Star Trek themed love letters.