Oct 2 2009 Make Your Own Mario Piranha Plant Scarf
This is a Piranha Plant scarf made by craftster user enemyairship. Careful wearing one though, it might nip at your genitals!
Here's another Mario related project of mine...actually I just noticed that the only projects I've posted here are Mario inspired! I saw a project similar to this one on Ravelry and just had to have a go at it.
This is a Piranha Plant scarf that I made for my bf's younger sister. She's either a Junior or Senior in high school.
If you want to try knitting your own she has the pattern explained in the thread(!). I thought it was taking a stab at, but I'm no good with needles. I ended up mainlining a whole ball of yarn!
Hit the jump to see a picture of the scarf's maker modeling it.
Continue Reading " Make Your Own Mario Piranha Plant Scarf "
Aug 5 2009 I WANT TO EAT MY LIPS: Bacon Lip Balm
What do you get when you cross Cheetos lip balm and bacon flavored lube? A BACON-CHEESE ORGY TO REMEMBER, AM I RIGHT? God, I sure hope I'm not. You people are freaks. Anyway, bacon lip balm is exactly what it sounds like: bacon flavored lip balm from the porky purveyors over at J&D. A 4-pack will set you back $13, but it's gonna take a lot more than that to fill you up! I'm a pretty skinny guy and I still ate ten sticks for breakfast. PLUS TWO ROCKS AND SOME DIRT.
Amazon Product Site
via
J&D's Bacon Lip Balm [uncrate]
Thanks to Rémy, Ste, tkuper and PrestickNinja, who are smart enough to know hotdogs aren't really just assholes and lips. There are elbows in there too, you know.
Jul 30 2009 I'd Eat That Off The Floor: Human Dog Food
Kooky-Chew Human Dog Food is actually 2 1/2 ounces of crunchy cookie bits for humans, but made to look like dog kibble. I want some. Plus, each bowl comes with a candy bone, and who doesn't like candy? Or ice cream? GOD, THIS WASN'T EVEN ABOUT ICE CREAM BUT NOW I WANT SOME! Each bowl will set you back a cool $1.49 and should not be stored in the same place as regular dog food. Because you know what will happen, don't you? I don't, but I'm sure it'll be hilarious. Like somebody stepping on a rake and getting hit in the face!
Thanks to Julian, who once ate a whole 20lb bag of dog food before he realized it was cat foot. I LIKE THE SALMON FLAVOR TOO, JULIAN!
Jul 7 2009 "Smile Checks" Ensure Employees Are Happy And Ready For Work, Next: Metal Detectors
To ensure employees at Keihin Electric Express Railway in Japan are putting their best lip forward, the company has implemented a "smile check" policy, in which workers will be required to smile into a camera and have their mug subjected to software analysis of their happiness.
The device analyzes the facial characteristics of a person, including eye movements, lip curves and wrinkles, and rates a smile on a scale between 0 and 100 percent using a camera and computer.
For those with low scores, advice like "You still look too serious," or "Lift up your mouth corners," will be displayed on the screen.Some 530 employees of the Tokyo-based railway company will check their smiles with Smile Scan before starting work each day. They will print out and carry around an image of their best smile in an attempt to remember it.
Wow. I smell discrimination. Or fire. Shit, yep that's definitely fire. HEEEEEELP! Wait a minute. *sniff* Pork chop sandwiches!
Your Smile Will Be Monitored To Evaluate Quality Of Service [io9]
Thanks to Trin, who once killed a robot with a smile. Brave move, Trin.
Mar 29 2009 ShamWow Guy ShamPows Hooker's Face
First of all, Vince Shlomi, the ShamWow guy, is 44 years old. In the infomercials he doesn't look a day over a very douchey 25. Secondly, a $1,000 hooker tried biting his tongue off during a sexual encounter at a South Beach hotel and Vince was forced to ShamPow her in the face until she let go. Damn, that is some freaky cannibal S & M shit. And lastly, since when is being the ShamWow guy not enough to get a dude laid for free? Next thing you know you'll tell me Ron Popeil isn't sticking his Solid Flavor Injector to a bunch of groupies. Now back me up here, Ron. Ron? What do you mean you're a 'Pocket Fisherman'?
Hit the jump for a raggedly looking ShamWow guy and hooker.
Mar 10 2009 I Told You I'd Make It Up To You -- And I Keep My Promises: The Tokyoflash Hanko
Remember when I told you I'd make up for my lack of Tokyoflash posts lately? BA-DOW! I am a man of my word. And, as a man of his word (when his fingers aren't crossed), here comes Flash's latest: The Hanko.
Sharp black acrylic lenses reminiscent of a Japanese signature stamp give this watch its name and a newly designed stainless steel case with custom curves provide an additional design edge.
One touch of the upper button animates the sub-surface LEDs in a clockwise direction before the time is presented. Hours are shown in the centre circle of the watch, groups of five minutes are shown in the outer circle in the same position as numbers on a clock and single minutes are shown in the areas between.
Peep the diagram above to better understand how to read the time. The Hanko is available with blue, white or multi-colored LEDs and is one of Tokyoflash's most moderately priced time-receptacles, at about $97. So it might be a good model to get your feet wet -- you know, test the waters. Just be careful of the undertow. It caught hold of me and now I've got Tokyoflash watches coming out the wazoo. But -- I had to swallow them first.
Mar 2 2009 Bought It!: Dogs Licking your iPhone Clean
iClean is a 99¢ iPhone/iPod Touch application that makes it look like a dog is lick-cleaning your screen from the inside out. How precious! Currently there are only three lickers available, but more are promised in future updates. I just bought it! Best 99¢ I've ever spent. Well, except for the time I put $1 in a vending machine and got two bags of Doritos. There was a Cool Ranch hanger!
iClean Brings Puppy Lick Fest To Your iPhone [iphonesavior]
Thanks to Seth, who promises to make a human version soon. I can hardly wait! No thanks.
Feb 3 2009 Cute Little Kid After Drugs At The Dentist
This is a video of David in the car after being gassed to have a tooth pulled. It almost made me want a child of my own until I realized you can't keep the little tykes gassed all the time. Or can you?
UPDATE: You can't. Come back to me little bro!
Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck and Aaron, who have never gotten a cavity. Search. Yet.
Feb 2 2009 Fat Face: Face Slimmer Allegedy Slims Faces
First of all, I predicted the Steelers would win the Super Bowl in a post a couple weeks ago. So I am officially magic. And also, I have a fat face. So thank God for this Japanese face slimmer. It's basically a rubber mask you wear to pretend you're a homicidal cannibal and scare your family. It's similar to binding your feet, except it won't work. If you really want a slim face just man up and use a vice. It works -- I'm so handsome now the dog will play with me.
Japanese face slimmer will definitely not work as advertised [dvice]
Jan 5 2009 Mmmm, Piggy: Bacon (Gum)Balls
Let's face it, women find nothing hotter than kissing a man whose breath smells like bacon. It not only indicates great wealth, but a refined palate and good sense of meat. So, before your next match of tonsil tennis, how about hitting a few bacon balls? Two 22-balled tins will set you back $7. Alternatively, this 3-balled ten will set you back $40 (extra for really freaky deaky shit). Book soon ladies, my evenings fill up quick.
Thanks to Manwai, who once blew a 40-gumball bubble and used it to float to Baconland.
Jan 1 2009 Domo-kun XBox 360 May Eat Other Consoles
I actually made it to 2009! Last night when I was writing the Happy New Year post I still had my doubts about the last few hours of 2008 doing me in, but here I am. Suck it, Death! Go sickle some other sorry bastard you skeletal taint!
Anyway, this is a Domo-kun themed XBox 360 made by DeviantARTist Ricepuppet for his sister-in-law. As you can see, it's brown and looks like a turd that wants to eat you. Kind of like that dream you have when you eat fish right before bed. No, not vagina.
domo-kun mod makes a toothy 360 [technabob]
Dec 31 2008 I Like Cold Beverages: The Cooper Chiller
The $60 Cooper Cooler Rapid Beverage Chiller chills a beer down to 43 °F in sixty seconds. So, at the moderate drinking rate of one beer per 45 seconds, you only have 15 seconds of down time until the next beer is ready. Not too shabby. You just fill the P.O.S. with ice and water, and presto: it rotates your can, all the while hosing the aluminum bastard down with cold water. Of course, if you're looking for something a little more powerful -- something that can cool a beer instantly -- I've got two words for you: witch titties.
One Minute Drink Chiller Works Better Than A Fire Extinguisher [ohgizmo]
Dec 3 2008 Look, I'm A Magician!: Levitating Water
Levitating water isn't actually levitating at all. In fact, the shit's just falling. Like rocks. Rocks of water. Did that just blow your mind? It only LOOKS like it's levitating due to sorcery and, quite possibly, a little witchcraft as well. Fine, strobe lights. Regardless, it's still pretty damn cool, and I would definitely drink from it. I'd drink it dry! Like a desert. No oasis here folks, just a guy spooning a camel. And speaking of Camels: Joe. Who else had a crush on him?
Youtube
Thanks to Melissa, who thinks levitation is weak sauce because she can fly. I just want X-ray vision.
Nov 18 2008 Wrong, Just Wrong: Sexy Microphone Video
First of all, these videos are NSFW because they're all of of some chick pleasuring a microphone. Jesus, I feel dirty just posting them. Apparently they're part of some performance piece by artist Wojciech Kosma that has something to do with, um, acoustics, and, uh, bl0wjobs. Actually, I have no idea. But I do know this: I'll never be able to watch an interview the same way again.
Hit the jump for two more equally NSFW videos of the same damn thing. How people can casually sit there and watch is beyond me. Oh, and yes, you are a pervert if you watch these.
Continue Reading " Wrong, Just Wrong: Sexy Microphone Video "
Nov 14 2008 Kami Kami Bite Counter Helps Ensure Proper Chewing. OMG, I Wore Headgear As A Child
It's weird the things you block out from your childhood. Like wearing headgear or touching a friend's penis. The Kami Kami Sensor counts how many bites a child makes (to ensure proper chewing), and beeps to notify every 30 and 1,000 bites. It's available now for $189 and I just bought one. Finally, a definitive answer to how many licks it takes to get the the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop! One, two, three *CRUNCH*. Three! And two chipped teeth. Oh shit, and a cavity.
Kami Kami Sensor counts your bites while scaring away friends [dvice]
Oct 30 2008 Thriller: One Guy, 64 Different Voices
This is a video of a guy singing Michael Jackson's iconic Thriller acapella using 64 clips of himself making all the different noises. I was impressed, and you could clearly tell it was a labor of love. Probably illegal love.
Thriller as a 64-Voice Acapella [collegehumor]
Thanks to Ravage, who played Thriller on the kazoo for a middle school talent show.
Oct 1 2008 Geekologie Reader Makes Dilophosaurus
Loyal Geekologist Dinosaur Josh went and made a Dilophosaurus mount based on the one from Jurassic Park.
Up for auction is a full size replica of the Dilophosaurus from Jurassic Park. This version has it's frill out and mouth open in attack position. It measures 21 inches from the nose to base of the neck. The frill measures 29" in width and 24" high. It is made of high quality poly urethane resin that has been painted and sealed. The dinosaur is mounted to a wooden base. It can be hung on a wall to like a trophy animal with a mount located on the base.
Great job! Bidding starts at $100 and can I borrow it for a night before the auction ends?
Hit the jump for a couple more shots and link to the auction.
Sep 9 2008 How To Really Make Drinks 'On The Rocks'
ZOMG now you can really make drinks 'on the rocks'. You just chill these special Nordic Rocks in the freezer before use, and presto, they keep your drink cold! A set of ten costs about $29 and are sure to scratch your glass and f*** your teeth. $29? I mean seriously, I can get rocks from the yard.
UPDATE: Mmmm, scotch and mud on the rocks. Oh, and what's this -- I got a roly-poly!
stone ice cubes really put your drinks on the rocks [technabob]
Sep 3 2008 Untooned Michael Jackson
Done in the same style of untooning as Mario and Jessica Rabbit comes Michael Jackson. In celebration of his 50th birthday, Photoshoppers set out to create a non-surgically enhanced Michael Jackson. As you can see, he looks like a handsome, middle-aged black man. And not a, uh, Geisha girl.
Michael Jackson Sans Surgery [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Tyson, who only believes in one kind of facial surgery -- boobs.
Aug 26 2008 Move Over, Robot: Goblin Shark Is Scarier
Goblin sharks look scary as hell and are scary as hell. Sure they're only a couple feet long, but they're uglier than my sister and have tons of sharp little teeth. Watch the video around 0:20 to see how it's mouth comes out of its face Aliens style to munch on dude's arm. Also, a friend told me that's what a woman's vagina looks like.
Japanese Goblin Shark [collegehumor]
Thanks to Libby, who once punched a goblin shark in the mouth because it looked at her funny.
