Oct 16 2009 Okaaaay: Children's Giant Gaping Jaws Shirts
These are two $25 hoodies designed by Mouthman that, when a child crosses their arms, appear as though they're going to eat you. Now I know that one's a dinosaur, but rest assured I would never make out with a child's elbows. Seriously. You know, that pose reminds me of middle school when you'd wrap your arms around yourself like that and pretend you were making out with someone against a bank of lockers. Except it was just you, and the other kids would start laughing. But not with you, AT you. And then the tears would start to fall. I just wanted to fit in so bad!
Mouthman Hoodies (with a whole bunch of other designs)
via
Huge fanged mouth hoodies [boingboing]
Thanks to b00m, Peter and Aubrey, who don't wear hoodies because they mess up their beautiful manes. RAWR!
Sep 30 2009 Massive Gallery Of Star Wars Cupcakes
This is a large gallery of Star Wars cupcakes. Also there might be a cake or two in there, I can't remember. But you're going to look at them all. And not just because I spent all the time resizing and uploading them, but because they're precious. Like emeralds. And little babies. Geez, what is it with me and babies recently? I'll tell you -- I'm late. No, like late late. Please don't tell my parents! If they found out I was carrying a stuffed dinosaur's baby they'd kill me laugh their asses off and ask when I'm gonna move out of the basement already.
Hit the jump for 17 more of the intergalactic deliciousness.
Sep 20 2009 Meat Baby: A Modern Hansel And Gretel Story
Somebody went and made a baby entirely out of ground beef. Which, funny story: is exactly how God made Adam. Minus the pickle eyes. He used deviled eggs, silly! Can you tell I took a religion class in college? Because I didn't. I did take a philosophy class though -- it was called Morality and Ethics. Yeah, I found out I don't have any (I stole an exam and got expelled).
The Meat Baby [thisiswhyyourefat]
Thanks to Tydal and trishna87, who only eat candy babies.
Sep 17 2009 Sweet Dreams: Sleepy Time Toothpaste
PearlyDreams (not what I thought it was either) Natural Sleep Enhancing Toothpaste is supposed to help you fall asleep after brushing your teeth at night. Me? I just chloroform myself and pass out on the bathroom floor.
PearlyDreams (endorsed by Aerosmith's Brad Whitford, so you know it's legit) is toothpaste with Melatonin, Balm Mint, Valerian and Passionflower inside, all of which should combine to ease you into a peaceful slumber.
Pfft, who brushes their teeth anymore? I don't know about you, but I have robots that live in my gums and are programmed to come out and scrub my teeth clean every four hours. Sometimes they throw dance parties on my tongue and *WHOA!* Jesus, I was just having the worst nightmare.
This toothpaste is designed to knock you unconscious [dvice]
Aug 5 2009 I WANT TO EAT MY LIPS: Bacon Lip Balm
What do you get when you cross Cheetos lip balm and bacon flavored lube? A BACON-CHEESE ORGY TO REMEMBER, AM I RIGHT? God, I sure hope I'm not. You people are freaks. Anyway, bacon lip balm is exactly what it sounds like: bacon flavored lip balm from the porky purveyors over at J&D. A 4-pack will set you back $13, but it's gonna take a lot more than that to fill you up! I'm a pretty skinny guy and I still ate ten sticks for breakfast. PLUS TWO ROCKS AND SOME DIRT.
Amazon Product Site
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J&D's Bacon Lip Balm [uncrate]
Thanks to Rémy, Ste, tkuper and PrestickNinja, who are smart enough to know hotdogs aren't really just assholes and lips. There are elbows in there too, you know.
Jul 30 2009 I'd Eat That Off The Floor: Human Dog Food
Kooky-Chew Human Dog Food is actually 2 1/2 ounces of crunchy cookie bits for humans, but made to look like dog kibble. I want some. Plus, each bowl comes with a candy bone, and who doesn't like candy? Or ice cream? GOD, THIS WASN'T EVEN ABOUT ICE CREAM BUT NOW I WANT SOME! Each bowl will set you back a cool $1.49 and should not be stored in the same place as regular dog food. Because you know what will happen, don't you? I don't, but I'm sure it'll be hilarious. Like somebody stepping on a rake and getting hit in the face!
Thanks to Julian, who once ate a whole 20lb bag of dog food before he realized it was cat foot. I LIKE THE SALMON FLAVOR TOO, JULIAN!
Jul 25 2009 OM NOM NOM NOM: Rubik's Cube Sandwich
Ever wondered what a Rubik's Cube would look like in sandwich form? Well now you know: delicious.
The "Rubix Cubewich" contains "cubes of pastrami, kielbasa, pork fat, salami, and two types of cheddar.
Did that say pork fat? Because I think I'm in love.
Rubik's Cube Sandwich [seriouseats]
Thanks to Leanna, who's making a Battle Risk sandwich and sending it to me.
Jul 17 2009 Good Enough To Eat: Cheetos Lip Balm
Cheetos lip balm, it just makes sense. And by sense I mean your lips orange. Now swish some Dew around in your mouth and gimme kissies!
Would You Wear Cheetos Lip Balm? [lemondrop]
Thanks to The webcam in your monocle, who records whatever you see. Including in the shower. Provided you wear your monocle in the shower, which, pfft, who doesn't?
Jun 17 2009 Gallery: Out Of This World Star Trek Cakes
We've already seen a little Star Trek cake action here on Geekologie, but, quite frankly Captain, that wasn't enough. So I'm beaming some more of those delicious bastards right up. Hit the jump to see them all, then the warp drive button. I SAID WARP DRIVE, DUMMY, THAT WAS SELF DESTRUCT! Quickly, to an escape pod! Haha, finally -- I didn't think we were ever get rid of that guy. Not you though, you're awesome.
Hit the jump for a bunch more.
Continue Reading " Gallery: Out Of This World Star Trek Cakes "
Jun 5 2009 Yay For Holes!: National Doughnut Day
Today is national doughnut day, so get out there and munch on some hole. Almost all doughnut retailers are offering free nuts or other specials to commemorate the occasion.
National Doughnut Day started in 1938 as a fund raiser for the Chicago Salvation Army. Their goal was to help the needy during the Great Depression, and to honor the Salvation Army "Lassies" of World War I, who served doughnuts to soldiers behind the front lines in France.
I went to Dunkin' Donuts earlier this afternoon and they were offering a free donut with the purchase of a drink. So I bough a coffee and started pouring the Irish whiskey. BOOM, an thirty minutes later I'm getting thrown out for making love to this sexy maple-glazed number. What? I'M A VERY SENSUAL PERSON.
Thanks to T.J. and Jelly Time, who prefer bagels because they don't like sweets.
Jun 1 2009 OM NOM NOM: Pac-Man Candy
Want to pound some turdy looking power pellets? Then buy this $12 set of Pac-man candy and rot your teeth out! Then go to the dentist to get them fixed. But don't forget to bring a hidden camera in case he tries to grope you while you're out.
Our fave classic video game now in edible form! This set of three sweet tins will have ya enjoying Pac-Man's power pellets, blue raspberry ghost sours and cherry ghost sours. Each keepsake tin is approximately 2.5"
Cool. Weed would look cool in those. I would fill one with weed and another one with booze and then swallow them and try to get on airplane. But then when security tries to stop me I'll blast off with my jetpack and probably get a JWI because my booze ghost leaked.
Pac-Man Candy For a Retro Geeky Sugar Fix [uberreview]
May 29 2009 Make Anything Taste Delicious: Baconnaise
I've known about Baconnaise for a while but I've been getting this tip pretty steadily for like a year now so I guess I can't keep it all to myself anymore. Baconnaise: bacon flavored mayonnaise. From J&D foods (who also make bacon lube and BaconSalt (see the salt after the jump), a 3-pack of 15-ounce jars in on sale from Amazon for the low, low artery clogging price of $11. And with the combined power of Baconnaise and Baconsalt, you really can make anything taste like bacon! And I do mean anything. Oh hoooooney!
Hit the jump to see the salt.
Continue Reading " Make Anything Taste Delicious: Baconnaise "
May 14 2009 *PEW PEW*, NOM NOM: An AT-AT Cake
This is an amazing AT-AT cake created by Jennifer Luxmore (and friends) of Sin Desserts. It took 60 hours to build and would typically sell for around $5,000. Stale.
The legs and base [of the Star Wars AT-AT cake] are wood, covered in gum paste and the cake is the head and body. I was in charge of baking, covering it in fondant and covering the legs with the gum paste.
The cake was a new cake for us... the Guiness Cake. and the background was hand painted by Joe. All of the people involved in the cake are artists of some sort and it took (everyone combined) about 60 hours (background painting, leg and body cut outs, covering, cake/covering, assembly and painting) so we figured the cake to come in some where around $5,000 at the low end.
Hit the jump to see a few more shots, as well as some shots of a ridiculous Millennium Falcon cake that Jennifer also made. Then, cry about how you can't even bake cupcakes without burning them. YOU WILL NEVER MAKE A GOOD WIFE!
Now hit the link and forget you were going to call me a sexist pig in the comments. *waving penis* This isn't the writer you're looking for.
May 11 2009 World's Smallest Cheeseburger Combo Meal
This is the world's smallest (and cutest) combo meal. It consists of a little cheeseburger with all the fixins, a very small fry, and a miniscule soda. It's all real too. Hit the jump to see just how small it is (burger is about 1" round), along with a link to more pictures of its making. No word on what kind of children's toy was included, but, if I had to guess, a choking hazard. Get it? Because it's so small. AAAAH, I DON'T GET IT EITHER!
Hit it lest you end up looking like Governer L. Phatt from LeChuck's Revenge. Monkey Island reference? MONKEY ISLAND REFERENCE! Who loves you?
Continue Reading " World's Smallest Cheeseburger Combo Meal "
Apr 6 2009 I Like The Sound Of That: Huffable Chocolate
Normally I'm an airplane glue kind of guy, but hey, chocolate could be good. Good mixed with airplane glue! That's what I'm talkin' about -- double fist style! Anyway, Le Whif breathable chocolates are supposed to give you the same sensations as eating chocolate, but probably nowhere near as good. An analogy: Breathable chocolate:chocolate::porn:sex. With both breathable chocolate and porn you get no ass! ZA-ZA-ZA-ZING!
Over the centuries we've been eating smaller and smaller quantities at shorter and shorter intervals," says (David) Edwards who, coincidentally (yeah, right) has a new novel out at the same time. It seemed to us that eating was tending toward breathing, so, with a mix of culinary art and aerosol science, we've helped move eating habits to their logical conclusion. We call it whiffing.
No, we call it huffing, Dave. Whiffing is when you try to punch somebody and miss. If you're interested, Le Whif huffgun shells are available in chocolate, mint chocolate, chocolate raspberry and chocolate mango and sell for about $4 a pop. No word on how much huff you get out of a single canister, but if I had to guess, I'd say one...two...three... *CRUNCH* three.
Hit the jump for a video of some bicycle-seat whiffing in action.
Continue Reading " I Like The Sound Of That: Huffable Chocolate "
Apr 6 2009 Taste The Rainbow With A Rainbow Cake!
Want to make a rainbow cake to celebrate Easter or being gay? Do it up -- but I get to lick the spatula when you're finished. And by "the" I mean "your". Just sayin', I'm cool pitching for both teams. And when I say "pitching", I obviously mean "catching". I talk in code! Now, throw me a fastball, champ, I'm late for work.
Hit the jump for several more of the awesomeness and a link to the recipe.
Mar 31 2009 Frost The Head And The Body Will Die
This is a zombie cake loyal Geekologie Reader Carol made for her boyfriend. It really made me hope that, somewhere out there, a woman is honing her baking skills and waiting to meet me. Of course, I'm not holding my breath. But I am holding my penis hopes up. Per Carol:
Apparently there isn't much of a market for face/limb based cakes so just purchasing molds was out. I ended up using about 5 layers of aluminum foil and shaped them in to a half assed face and hand.
Coat the molds with cooking spray and put them in to standard baking pans, it helps to re-enforce the mold with balled up foil underneath so it doesn't distort under the weight of the cake.Slap your cakey zombie bits on to a sheet or round cake and get creative...
I used a shit ton of green food coloring, lindor truffles for eyes, and white chocolate for the teeth/finger nails.
Good looking, Carol. Or should I say, "NHAAAR, BRAAAAAAINS"! Oh, I shouldn't? Okay. Well good looking, Carol. Or should I say, "good tasting"? No? "NOM NOM"? I'd hit that shit like a corpse!
Thanks to Carol, who actually came up with that whole frosting the head bit, I'm just a thief. You see this? Yeah, that's your heart.
Mar 25 2009 Canned Bacon: Perfect For Stocking Your Robot/Zombie Shelter. Also, Snacking
Canned bacon. Undoubtedly the best course of The Last Supper, Yoder brand canned bacon can now be yours. Plus, it comes in sweet-ass camo cans. Hey, where'd my bacon go?!?
For the first time in almost 20 years, canned bacon is back in this Country. Not available in any store!
More than 2 years went into the development of this bacon, and we're proud to be able to bring this back to you after improving on a what was a very successful brand of canned bacon made years ago by Celebrity Foods (registered Trademark, all rights reserved).Each can is 9 ounces of fully cooked and drained bacon. Between 2-3/4 and 3-1/4 pounds of raw bacon go into each can. Each can is the highest quality fresh #1 bacon slices. Cured to our specifications, cooked and then hand wrapped, rolled and packed in the U.S.
My God that sounds delicious. A single can will set you back $12, but that's not really bad considering it's 3 pounds of cooked bacon and will stay fresh for over 10 years. You know -- this might very well be the most delicious thing to ever come in a can. Well, besides this. Here, open it. *POW POW!* Haha, that was Geekologie brand Whoop Ass, bitch!
Hit the jump for a photo-uncanning.
Continue Reading " Canned Bacon: Perfect For Stocking Your Robot/Zombie Shelter. Also, Snacking "
Mar 13 2009 I Really Want One: Porkgasm In A Pan
Porkgasm: a pig roast made entirely out of meat -- just like the real thing! And *sniff* probably the most beautiful thing I've ever wanted to put in my mouth. Ha, except for that Fabergé egg. Delicious and nutritious gold.
Hit the jump for a pictorial of how to make a Porkgasm.
Mar 12 2009 Geekologie Reader Makes Left 4 Dead Pipe Bomb Cake, I'd Detonate It -- In My Mouth!
Loyal Geekologie Reader Ross made himself a Left 4 Dead pipe bomb cake. He had this to say about his incendiary delectable:
I made a Left 4 Dead pipe bomb cake and it sort of looks awful and awesome both at the same time.
Truer words have never been written, Ross. Am I right? I am. What was that -- who said I wasn't? Oh helllllll no -- boy, don't make me drop a nom nom bomb on that ass!
Thanks Ross, I hope it wasn't explosive on it's way out. HIYO!
