Nov 3 2009 Laser-Cut Cash Rules Everything Around Me, CREAM, Get The Money, Dolla Dolla Bills Y'all

Scott Campbell is a famous tattoo artist who recently held an art exhibit appropriately titled 'make it rain', which featured stacks of laser-cut dollar bills. I dig it. And, not to brag or anything, but I made it rain once. Yeah, using an old indian dance. I AM THE L337 WEATHER WIZARD! Admit it, Harry. ADMIT IT OR GET ANOTHER LIGHTNING BOLT!

Hit the jump for five more of the awesomeness.

Continue Reading " Laser-Cut Cash Rules Everything Around Me, CREAM, Get The Money, Dolla Dolla Bills Y'all "

Oct 15 2009 Abe, Nooo!: Gallery Of Geek-ily Defaced Bills

Because it's illegal and I don't do anything illegal, I've never defaced currency or put pennies on a train track. Nor have I looked at another man's junk while standing at a urinal. Or have I? I totally have -- I do it often!

Peekaboo.

Hit the jump for 15 more presidents dressed as different characters. There are laughs to be had!

Continue Reading " Abe, Nooo!: Gallery Of Geek-ily Defaced Bills "

Oct 14 2009 Pocket Change Rawr: Canadian T-Rex Coin

The Canadian Mint, which surprisingly doesn't come in flavors like chocolate-moose (ZING!), is releasing this $4 silver dino coin because dinosaurs are awesome and they deserve to be on money even more so than some presidents I know. Ahem, Eisenhower.

A selective aging effect creates a powerful impression of fossilized bones in stone. In fact, this technique ensures no two coins are exactly alike. Each 99.99% pure silver coin is unique and--with a design that was developed in close collaboration with palaeontologists at Alberta's Royal Tyrell Museum--is an original and compelling keepsake of one of humanity's great fascinations.

You can order your $4 t-rex dino coins from the mint today for the low, low price of $43. So every time you spend one you're out $39. But who would do that?! This guy -- I'm richer than God! You know, If God were sleeping in his car tonight.

Hit the jump for a Dromaeosaurus coin the mint is also selling.

Continue Reading " Pocket Change Rawr: Canadian T-Rex Coin "

Oct 4 2009 Conspiracy!: Triforce Hidden In U.S. $1 Bills

Proof that our founding fathers were, in fact, from Hyrule, the United States $1 bill has Triforces hidden in all the big block E's. When contacted for comment, Princess Zelda had this to say, "My God you're handsome, Mr. Geekologie Writer". To which I replied, "HAND OVER THE TRIFORCE OF WISDOM!!"

Triforce Hidden In The One Dollar Bill [buzzfeed]

Thanks to greg, who once found a Triforce in a bowl of cereal and sold it on eBay, milk and all.

Aug 31 2009 Disney To Acquire Marvel For $4 Billion

Mickey Mouse, in a power move to impress his ratty love interest Minnie, has decided to buy up Marvel Comics for a staggering $4 billion. With the sale come all the right's to Marvel's cache of over 5,000 characters. FIVE THOUSAND!

We believe that adding Marvel to Disney's unique portfolio of brands provides significant opportunities for long-term growth and value creation," Disney president and chief executive Robert Iger said.

"We are pleased to bring this talent and these great assets to Disney."

"Disney is the perfect home for Marvel's fantastic library of characters given its proven ability to expand content creation and licensing businesses," said Marvel chief executive Ike Perlmutter.

I mean, way to go and all, Disney, but this was a pretty foolish business decision if you ask me. What in the hell are you gonna do with 5,000 Marvel characters? You should have just bought the 30 cool ones.

Disney to buy Marvel in $4bn deal [bbcnews]

Thanks to Reverend Faux, Lomig, Jason, Aaron, Lauren, Cade, A Girl Named Michael, draw and jawn, who have all puked on different Disney rides, including It's A Small World (it was Jason!).

Jul 15 2009 VISA Card Users Charged $23 Quadrillion

Several people rocking VISA prepaid credit cards got a peculiar $23,148,855,308,184,500 charge this week when using their VISA BUXX cards. That's 23 quadrillion dollars. To put that figure in layman's terms, it's almost double what I'm suing Disney for.

In New Hampshire, Josh Muszynski said he swiped his debit card at a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes and when he later checked his account online found that he had been charged

In North Texas, Jon Seale saw the same 17-figure bill on his credit card statement, presumably for a meal July 13 at a restaurant owned by celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck.

Uh-oh -- I smell a Wolfgang Puck/big tobacco conspiracy. Rumor has it that dirty Austrian's been cooking with tommaco for years!

Visa card surprise: $23,148,855,308,184,500 [msnbc]

Thanks to Justin, Stephanie and debaser, who are now addicted to Wolfgang Puck brand pasta sauce.

Jun 23 2009 Only In Latvia: Secure A Loan With You Soul

Actually, I heard it works in hell too. But for those of you that like it a little cooler, a Latvian firm is offering loans of 50 to 500 Latvian lats ($100 to $1,000) secured only by your immortal soul.

Riga-based firm, named Kontora, does not require credit history record or proof of employment.

According to the agreement, the only security required of the borrower is their immortal soul, which they are asked to confirm as their previously unmortgaged property.

Damn you, previously unmortgaged property clause! You see, I was in Georgia sawin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot. I won a bike. With a red-hot poker for a seat. Damn you, devil!

Latvian firm accepts souls as guarantee for credits [mosnews]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who lost his soul in a game of beer pong. Jesus, Spikey -- I like your style.

Jun 17 2009 Looking For Trouble: Underwear Purses

These Underwear Purses from Parcel are purses that look like kid's underwear. They're not made from real underwear though because then they'd be all pee-stained and skidmark-y. They cost about $11. But I've got to warn you: the last time I was caught out in public toting around a bunch of kid's underwear, I have never touched children's underwear.

Garish Underpants Purses for the Kinky [walyou]

Jun 3 2009 Retro Styling: Cassette Tape Wallets

These cassette tape wallets from designbloom are wallets made out of old cassette tapes. Pretty clever, but they cost $43. So if you've ever wanted to try making something yourself, now's your chance. Just make me one. With a Def Leppard tape. Bitchin'? BITCHIN'!

cassette wallet [designboom]

Thanks to phil, who keeps his money in his socks BECAUSE HE'S OLDSCHOOL.

May 14 2009 Best Financial Investment Commercial Ever

NOTE: VIDEO IS NSFW DEPENDING ON HOW YOUR EMPLOYER FEELS ABOUT VIVID ORIGAMI SEX ACTS.

This is a commercial for Bontrust Finance. It is arguably the best commercial for a financial institution I've ever seen. Not only was it incredibly well made, but it features lewd sex acts. OUT OF NOWHERE. Which, let's be honest, are the best kind. Except on the Metro. I'm looking at you, Mr. '"Whip it Out Whenever You Want". But no eye contact -- I remember what happened last time!

Youtube

Thanks to Harry, who once had relations with one of those little paper fortune teller thingies you used to make in grade school.

Apr 7 2009 Man Finds Card Number Skimmer Attached To ATM, Removes, Takes Pictures, Internets

A man, Dan we'll call him, because that's his name (or is it? Allegedly it is), visited a Washington Mutual ATM to get some money. Pretty normal story so far, right? Did I mention he was wearing a dinosaur costume? He wasn't -- but you're right, that would have added a sexy twist. Well, when Danald was about to stick his junk in the machine, he noticed something fishy -- the junk receptacle just didn't feel right. So he ripped it off and, HIYO, a card skimmer! For those of you not in on the government conspiracy, skimmers are used to steal your credit card numbers and join adult websites. *ahem* So I've heard. Seriously though, I don't need technology to score women's numbers. Here, watch me work my magic on this chick.

Hey good lookin', what's your name? Oooh, Jenny, I like that. I'm Dick Dragon. I write Geekologie -- maybe you've heard of it? G-E-E-K-O-L-O-G-I-E. It's a website. Just Myspace, huh? Well listen -- you wanna come back to my place later and play strip Risk? No? Well how about you write your number down on this bar napkin anyways. Whoa, you actually did. 867-5309, I'll be calling you later. *wink*

A Man Finds an Actual Card Skimmer in the Wild, in the Flesh [gizmodo]

Mar 31 2009 Netflix Announces Blu-ray Renting Costs

Yesterday Netflix announced its new cost structure for adding Blu-ray access to you account, just in case you were wondering. Basically, it costs $1 more than the number of discs you can have out at one time (if you're on the 3-at-a-time plan, adding Blu-ray costs $4 a month, for the 4-at-a-time, $5 a month, etc.). So there you have it. Of course, if you're looking to save money instead of spending it, you should do what I do and only rent from The Pirate Bay. And by rent I mean download. And by download I mean I heard they have porn. Which, *poker face* I don't know anything about.

Netflix Blog

Thanks to The Superficial Writer, who's still convinced HD DVD is gonna make a comeback.

Mar 28 2009 Wow, Surprisingly Doesn't Work: Paying A Speeding Ticket With Urine-Soaked Coins

Michael Harold Lynch received a $206 speeding ticket for doing 54 in a 35MPH work zone. Outraged (I was only 19 over!), he got $206 in small coins, put them in a bag, and pissed all over them. Then he sent the bag in as payment. Shockingly, it wasn't accepted.

Turns out Lynch didn't break any laws - it's not necessarily illegal to mail bodily fluids. The pee-and-pennies were sent back to Lynch - COD, in fact - with a note that said they couldn't be taken because "the pile of coins emitted a strong, pungent odor of stale urine." Lynch responded by sending a check made out to another agency, which was returned, then he sent a check for the wrong amount. Now he's on the hook for $271 because his payment is late.

Wow, Michael. You sure showed them, didn't you? Now you only owe $65 more than before, not including the shipping and COD payments you already made. You are such the prankster! And also, under arrest. Up against the wall, buddy -- now spread those legs. *violently tasers Michael in the taint* Haha -- this is a rented uniform! NOW WHO'S THE PRANK KING?!?!

Streaming Mad: $206 in urine-soaked coins is not acceptable payment for a speeding ticket in Washington [autoblog]

Thanks to The Jerk, who was peeing in the slot your money comes out of on an ATM when the little door slammed closed on his pecker and he had to call the police. They laughed at him and then posted the security cam footage on Youtube. I saw it, it was funny.

Mar 24 2009 Cool, I Want Some: Darth Vader Money

This is the way money looked a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Or, I dunno, as imagined by DeviantArt user Diablo2003. As you can see, Vader opted for a helmet-on shot, which I think we can all agree, was the smart decision. Nobody wants to see your crusty-ass rutabaga head on their space bucks!

Star Bucks: Darth Vader Money [uberreview]

Mar 23 2009 At Least He Was Honest: Internet Scam Fail

I can't even count the number of times I've been contacted by Nigerian princes to help move their money out of the country. Unfortunately, I don't keep a bank account because that's just another way the man tries to keep tabs on my brothel me on a short leash. Anyway, I like how the scammer comes out of character at the end with a "thanks man". That was great. Not as great as my love for you, but I have a big heart. And hands. Hey, did you know if your hand is bigger than your face you'll die young? It's true -- you should try it. *SMACK-A-POW* Wow, I can't believe you fell for that. Ha, or when I told you I loved you.

Thanks to Joemo, who once conned an old lady out of her retirement by having sex with her. Gross, Joemo.

Mar 17 2009 PEW PEW Goes The Debt Star

I'm only posting this because I have a contractual obligation to post anything Death Star related. Also, I secretly enjoy watching you folks duke it out in the comments section Special Olympics style. However, in the case of this poster, I believe it actually carries a powerful political message. One about mediocre Photoshop skills, and also, Ewoks. My God they're delicious. "Gunta, che-ya gobu fenga wa!" Haha, shut up and get back on the grill.

Thanks to The Blue Bass, who didn't specify if he was large or smallmouth.

Mar 12 2009 Wow: What A Trillion Dollars Looks Like

Remember when we showed you what a billion dollars looks like? Well this is what a trillion dollars looks like. Allegedly. That little red stick on the left is supposed to be a human, for reference. Now I'm not very good at math so I couldn't actually make any direct comparisons between the real billion dollars and this hypothetical trillion dollars, but I'd believe just about anything somebody tells me. Free candy? Just let me grab my bookbag.

This particular rendering was made through Google SketchUp, Google's 3D modeling software. Measurements were taken of a $10,000 stack of $100 bills (just half an inch thick!) and pretty much multiplied from there using simple geometry. In that trillion dollar shot, each pallet holds $100 million...and the pallets are double stacked.

Now whether this is an accurate portrayal of a trillion dollars is irrelevant. What is relevant is that I'm going to steal it. I don't care if it's just a rendering, I'll steal the computer it was made on. I'm gonna be rich! A trillion dollars, son, that's like....almost a zillion.

To Conceptualize a Trillion Dollars, We Require Computer Visualization [gizmodo]

Thanks to Harrison, who I will blame for the crime and then give half the money to once he's out of prison. Provided I haven't spent it all already (I'll have spent it all already).

Mar 10 2009 Obama Reverses Stem Cell Research Policy

Obama, in a pow-pow-power move, signed an executive order (I need a pad of those) yesterday that has " cleared the way for a significant increase in federal dollars for embryonic stem cell research". Now I don't even know what that means, but I do want to clone my dog. And also, grow a tail.

"Medical miracles do not happen simply by accident," Obama declared.

Obama signed the executive order on the divisive stem cell issue and a memo addressing what he called scientific integrity before an East Room audience packed with scientists. He laced his remarks with several jabs at the way science was handled by former President George W. Bush.

"Promoting science isn't just about providing resources, it is also about protecting free and open inquiry," Obama said. "It is about letting scientists like those here today do their jobs, free from manipulation or coercion, and listening to what they tell us, even when it's inconvenient especially when it's inconvenient. It is about ensuring that scientific data is never distorted or concealed to serve a political agenda and that we make scientific decisions based on facts, not ideology."

Well rooty tooty, fresh and fruity! Maybe scientists will finally be able to unlock the secret of my seductive pheromones. Here -- lick my armpit. You taste that? It's called gin, and I sweat it. You ever made love to a man that smells like a pine tree? It's coniferous.

Obama reverses Bush-era stem cell policy [msnbc]

Thanks to Ryan, who is a huge proponent of both twig and branch cell research.

Mar 6 2009 Beatles 'Rock Band' Coming This Fall

Want to play Beatles songs on Rock Band? Well get excited about September then, because "The Beatles: Rock Band" is coming.

Apple Corps, the band's music label, has strayed from its historical aversion to digital distribution of music by working with Harmonix and MTV Games to release the new title, which creators call "an unprecedented, experimental progression through and celebration of the music and artistry of The Beatles."

Apple Corps and Viacom Inc.'s MTV Networks announced the new game on Thursday, saying it would be priced at $59.99. For an additional $99.99, fans can purchase instruments similar to those used by the Beatles.

WHOOOOOWEEEE! I can finally go to bed at night knowing Beatles music is coming Rock Band. And also, that ghosts are real. WHOA -- DID YOU HEAR THAT? Sounded like chains being dragged across the floor. *grabbing flashlight* I'm going to investigate....

Haha, forgot to unchain the kids from the dishwasher after dinner. I swear, those rascals.

Beatles 'Rock Band' Coming In September [redorbit]

Thanks to MIKE, who used to get high with the Beatles before his company started randomly piss testing.

Mar 2 2009 Paypal Makes Mistake, Accuses Man Of Pumping $81,400,836,908 Worth Of Gas

Juan Zamora is a man. A man with a '94 Camaro which undoubtedly has some Rad to the power of Sick flames painted on the sides. Anyway, he bought $26 worth of petrol at the station and paid with his Paypal debit card. Only problem was, Paypal reported he pumped $81,400,836,908 worth of petrol! Now that's a lot of hot air gas!

He only learned of the astounding figure when he received an email later that afternoon informing him that his debit card, which started out with $90 on it, was maxed out.

"Somebody from a foreign country who spoke in broken English argued with me for 10 to 15 minutes," Zamora said. " 'Did you get the gas?' he asked. Like I had to prove that I didn't pump $81,400,836,908 in gas!"

He would have needed more than 3 billion fill-ups of the amount he actually pumped into his tank in order to reach that outrageous sum. When Zamora returned to the Conoco gas station, he said, the attendant would not believe him until he showed her the printout of the PayPal receipt.

Finally Juan was able to set the record straight. And if you even think about trying to pull any of that nonsense on me, Paypal, and you are going to get it. And by 'it' I mean some provocative photos of yours truly and a firebomb. ZOMG, look at the hair on -- *HORF* uh-oh.... *WHOOOSH!* Justice: a dish best served flaming.

PayPal Charges $81,400,836,908 For $26 Tank Of Gas [consumerist]

Thanks to twellve, who once saw a guy drive off with the gas pump still in his car's filler hole. She tried notifying him while he was leaving, but he just thought she was waving at him. His car exploded moments later.