Nov 20 2009 Holy Grail? You Decide: A Bacon Chalice

I can't even imagine weaving bacon so tight as to not let liquid (well, molten cheese) through, but apparently somebody did. My hat oven mitts are off to you, bacon mug maker. Cause one time I tried weaving bacon and it didn't even make a solid placemat. It did, however, make a solid after-school snack. Kidding, I'm vegetarian. Did you feel that? That was your head imploding.

Bacon Beer Mug [thisisfreakingridiculous]

Thanks to Profound, mike469x, Dominican Joe, Freedom and KilgoreTrout XL, one of which is Kurt Vonnegut's plus-size alter-ego, the other three of which are fighting over who gets to eat the cup.

Nov 15 2009 This Little Piggy Went To The Post Office: Bacon Flavored Envelopes For Meatier Mail

I think we all knew this day would come: Envelopes with bacon-flavored adhesive. Geez, these are almost as clever as my invention: nipple flavored envelopes. Which, I think you and I both know is the closest your tongue will ever come.

J&D's, the makers of Bacon Salt and Baconnaise, isn't kidding when they say everything should taste like bacon: They just announced Mmmvelopes, bacon-flavored envelopes. $6.99 for 25 bacon-flavored #10 envelopes, $14.99 for 3 packs of 25...."No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead."

Now I know what you're thinking, "but how do I keep myself from eating them?" THEY'RE PAPER YOU IDIOTS. Yeah I have no idea.

Mmmvelopes: Bacon-Flavored Envelopes from the Makers of Bacon Salt and Baconnaise [eatmedaily]

Thanks to Mih0, who invented chocolate-flavored envelopes a long time ago but that ruthless cocoa mogul Wonka stole his idea.

Nov 11 2009 That....Sounds Dangerous -- I Must Try It!

This is a 9-second video of an evil mad scientist pouring liquid nitrogen in his mouth and blowing out vapor. Why? Because he's mad, yo! Even worse than that tea-loving mother with the big hat.

Though it may look like this scientist is actually drinking the liquid nitrogen, he says that with a bit of practice, "it is easy not to swallow liquid nitrogen and make cool condensed vapor come out of the nostrils."

I would have drank it. I would have drank it and asked for another one. Bartender, another cold one. No, another REAAALLY cold one. You catch my drift? I'm talking about liquid nitrogen. And I want two of those little umbrellas and a plastic cutlass with cherries AND YOU BETTER NOT CHARGE ME FOR THEM. Now, get ready to call the paramedics.

How Scientists Chill Out [techeblog]

Thanks to naas, who once drank liquid gasoline trying to siphon my gas tank. That's what you get!

Nov 9 2009 Orgy: The Awesomest Game Ever Made?

I've never played Orgy (larger ad shot HERE) before but I would given the opportunity and the right group of guys.

Here's the exciting new indoor sport for people who love people. Orgy begins by choosing up sides (delightful custom) and centers around the "Porron" (translation: "to pour it on") filled with your favorite libation. Object of the game is to see which team achieves the longest trajectory for the longest time with the fewest spills. Rewards to winners are optional.

This game used to sell for $10 back in the 70's and was ordered by really skeezy people like your parents. You know they used to go to key parties!

WTF! Orgy : The 1970s Board Game [iambored]

Thanks to Jennifer, who only swings on swingsets and not married couples or so she says.

Nov 4 2009 How To: Open A Wine Bottle Sans Corkscrew

Ever needed to open a bottle of wine but didn't have a corkscrew? Apparently all you need a shoe and something rock hard. LIKE MY ASS ABS ASS. Alternatively, break the top off and chug the whole bottle. I mean, unless you're cool being a sissy boy. Trust me, manliest way to drink wine. AND THERE AREN'T MANY.

MacGyvered Inebriation: Guy Opens Wine Bottle With Shoe [uberreview]

Oct 31 2009 FYI: This Is How Geekologie Gets Written

I was sitting on it the whole time!!

Picture [thechive]

Thanks to Uberscooter, as badass as a scooter can be.

Oct 27 2009 Delicious Memories: An Awesome 80's Cake

This is an awesome 80's cake that combines elements of this cake, this cake, sort of this cake, and these blue bastards. Really takes you back, doesn't it? I remember watching Smurfs. And I, for one, am not ashamed to admit that I know you had a crush on Smurfette. She's not even your species! Plus blue! *high five*

Hit the jump for closeups of the different elements.

Continue Reading " Delicious Memories: An Awesome 80's Cake "

Oct 25 2009 Gutsy: This Dead Tauntaun Wedding Cake

Listen, if you can convince your wife that a dead tauntaun would make the perfect wedding cake I WANT YOU TO HOLD ON TO THAT WOMAN. I want you to hold on tighter than you do the dashboard when she's driving (I've seen your knuckles! Also, the way she drives). That said, you think they cut the cake with a lightsaber? I mean, it's only appropriate. Also, a slave Leia jumping out and humming the Star Wars theme. What can I say, I'm a natural wedding planner.

Hit the jump for four more shots, including a cute Stormtrooper couple.

Continue Reading " Gutsy: This Dead Tauntaun Wedding Cake "

Oct 22 2009 Geekologie Review: Blood Energy Potion

I drank this stuff, it was good. It's thick and tastes like Hawaiian Punch concentrate. They recommend you put it in the microwave for 14 seconds to heat it up to body temperate. I did that. That made it warm. It was weird warm. Like licking a fresh wound, but sweeter. I think it gave me superhuman strength and speed but I won't know for sure till after I whip this nancy Edward Cunnilingus' pale ass.

Synthetic blood substitute. The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! Re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch. Contains no real blood, just synthetic!

A 4-pack will set you back $16 but they get cheaper the more you buy. It's definitely a cool product for Halloween and certainly an attention getter. Not as attention getting as actually biting a stranger, but why risk the disease? Because you're crazy, that's why. I say do it. Bite that old lady. BITE HER NOW!

Product Site (order before 3PM tomorrow, October 23rd for Halloween delivery)

Oct 20 2009 I Would Munch Those Dots: A Pac-Man Cake

This is a Pac-Man cake created by CupcakeJonas for an undisclosed Pac-Man fan. Some suspect it was Pac-Man himself but that's ridiculous because....actually, I bet it was him. Dude does have a big mouth and love sweets. That's why he doesn't have any teeth! Now I have no idea if that Pac-Man arcade cabinet is actually edible, but I would 100% take a bite out of it anyways. I don't care if it has razor blades in the middle, I am curious and not a cat!

Incredible Pacman Arcade Game Cake Design Makes Mouths Water [walyou]

Oct 18 2009 You People Are So Skilled!: Geekologie Reader Makes Piranha Plant B-Day Cake

Young Geekologie Reader Chris helped design and build a Super Mario Piranha Plant birthday cake for his younger brother's 10th birthday. I call the head!

My mom, her name is Kathrine if you care to know, has always been big into making splendiferous cakes for me and my brother on our birthdays. This year for my brother's 10th, she went all out and learned how to use fondant and whatnot and we made him a Piranha Plant cake. I had to help out, as she had little knowledge of the reference material, and me, her and my grandmother put it together for him. He was so happy he didn't even notice his presents.

I've been a longtime reader, as has been my mother (she got me started reading) and it would be awesome to see you put this up, or even to just have you tell me what you think.

Did you just read that? It said Chris's mother got him started reading Geekologie. Is that not the most beautiful thing ever? It is. And if you even think about calling child services and costing me a reader I WILL MURDER YOU. Happy Sunday! Seriously, I will murder you.

Hit the jump for one more shot of the birthday boy and cake and a link to the Flickr gallery with some build shots.

Continue Reading " You People Are So Skilled!: Geekologie Reader Makes Piranha Plant B-Day Cake "

Oct 18 2009 I Would Eat That: The Cheese Burgkin

In the Halloween spirit, this is a picture of a pumpkin that's been turned into a cheeseburger. Impressive, but I would have made all the fixin's out of candy. What can I say, I have vision. 20/200! Now, somebody lead me to the bathroom.

The Burger Pumpkin [extremepumpkins]

Thanks to Jacyln, who once turned a pumpkin into a carriage and rode to the ball in style. On pecan pie dubs.

Oct 13 2009 Waste Of Good Pews: Kellogg's To Begin Lasering "Kellogg's" Onto Corn Flakes

Kellogg's plans to begin laser-burning the signature Kellogg's emblem onto random corn flakes so you know you're getting the real deal. Pfft, what a waste of a perfectly good laser.

Kellogg's embarked on the project to reinforce that they don't make cereals for any other companies and to fire a shot across the bows of makers of 'fake flakes'.

Helen Lyons, lead food technologist at the company, said: 'In recent years there has been an increase in the number of own brands trying to capitalise on the popularity of Kellogg's corn flakes.

'We want shoppers to be under absolutely no illusion that Kellogg's does not make cereal for anyone else.

First of all, I'd like to point out that, unlike Helen Lyons, I would make a great food technologist. I don't even know what that is, but if it involves cereal and lasers I AM THE MAN FOR THE JOB. As a matter of fact, I just invented a new cereal just thinking about it. They're called Laser Flakes, and they're jam-packed with real bits of blinding laserbeams. Marshmallows? Hell no -- try cut up circuit boards. NOW WHO'S THE FOOD TECHNOLOGIST?!

Kellogg's will use laser to burn logo on to individual corn flakes to stamp out fakes [dailymail]

Thanks to SONJEETA, who doesn't eat cold cereal because her refrigerator broke and the milk spoiled. I like milk chunks!

Oct 8 2009 Genius!: Mug With A Cookie Holding Shelf

The Cookie Dunk Mug is a $22 beverage receptacle that also has a place to store cookies for dunking! Plus, the manufacturer isn't sidest and makes a left-handed version. High left-five!

There's "no need to juggle with a plate and cup and of course, you also save on the washing up afterwards."

If you're a lefty, fear not, this mug comes in right handed or left handed styles. Your left handed deformity will no longer hold you back from enjoying your hot beverage and cookies at the same time.

Wait -- did that say deformity? Because somebody just got their ass boycotted! I don't know who, but somebody. These things happen all the time, probably an oil company. Deformed and proud, baby! You too? Whoa whoa whoa, it's cool -- leave the bag on.

Product Site
via
Cookie Dunk Mug [techeblog]

Thanks to Sarene, who throws all her cookies in at once and lets them sink to the bottom. Me too -- I like them supersaturated!

Oct 7 2009 I Want One: A Dinosaur Head Belt Buckle

I can't remember the last time I had a dino's head so near my genitals because I'm like that guy in Memento, but if I were a betting man I'd say it was sometime last night. But now you can have that happy feeling all the time thanks to this t-rex head belt buckle designed by Kieselstein-Cord.

The t-rex buckle in sterling silver by Kieselstein-Cord. The piece measures 3 1/4 inches by 2 1/4 inches. $2,500.

Wait, did that say $2,500? Because that's ridiculous. I could get you a real dino head belt buckle for that price. Just sayin', I know people (Doc Brown).

Product Site

Thanks to Blackrider23, FutronicX, Dylan and Raptor on a hoverboard, who don't need belt buckles because they don't wear pants. Enough with the pictures guys, I get it.

Oct 6 2009 I Couldn't Make This Up: New 'Horny Ballerina' Species Of Tyrannosaurus Discovered

That's right folks, scientists have discovered a new species of tyrannosaurus, completely different than the much larger (and arguably sexier) t-rex everyone is accustomed to. But you've got to admit, this little bugger is cute as a button.

The new, more graceful tyrannosaur is named Alioramus altai.

A. altai apparently has a similar skeleton to larger Tyrannosaur-type dinos such as Tarbosaurus, Alioramus, Gorgosaurus etc. But among these burly heavyweights, A. altai was surely the butt of cruel locker-room bullying and dino towel-snapping, weighing in at a puny 800 pounds or so - half the weight of the regular tyrannosaurs. The ballerina-esque, "gracile" A. altai also differed from the big boys in having horns and an elongated snout.

The new dino was slim, light on its feet, horny and partial to meat

HIYO -- just like every ballerina I've ever known! Except the lesbians (no meat).

Horny new 'ballerina' Tyrannosaur was light on its feet [theregister]

Thanks to Barry and Kelly, who have danced with the dinosaurs in the pale moonlight and lived to tell about it.

Oct 2 2009 Kill It With A Toaster Oven!: WALL-E Sandwich

Anna the Red, best known for her incredible video-game themed Bento boxes, went and made a WALL-E on wheat. She has a tutorial on how to make your own over at her website if you're interested, so I went ahead and printed it out and gave it to my mom. Gosh, I hope I get a juicebox too!

Hit the jump for a couple more shots showing off WALL-E's 3-Dness.

Continue Reading " Kill It With A Toaster Oven!: WALL-E Sandwich "

Sep 30 2009 It's About Time!: A Dinosaur Serving Spoon

I can honestly say I've never wanted to have sex with a bowl of noodles so bad in my entire life. Well, that's not entirely true.

Product Site

Thanks to Carolina, who only eats her pasta the way god intended: with Mario and Luigi.

Sep 29 2009 It's About Time: A Bacon Of The Month Club

Hell yeah a bacon of the month club. Truthfully, I only thought there was one kind of bacon (delicious), but what do I know? I'm just a man who has all his meals prepared for him by a non-robotic bartender. Anyway, for a staggering $315 you can join the Grateful Palate BOTM Club and get:

- A different artisan bacon delivered to your door each month for 12 months

- Informative notes on all bacon selections
- Discounts on The Grateful Palate bacon products and bacons
- Bacon of the Month Club Membership Card
- The bacon strip - our members only monthly bacon comic strip
- The Bacon of the Month Club Pig Ballpoint Pen
- A little Rubber Toy Pig
- One free Bacon Tee Shirt
- A recipe each month using the bacon selected
- Discounts on suggested wines and products in recipes
- And a pig nose!

Wow, I don't need half that stuff. How much for just the bacon, membership card and comic strip? Because I'm willing to go as high as $28. Just sayin', that's more than $2/month -- I don't even pay that in child support. Yay for aliases!

The Grateful Palate Bacon of the Month Club

Thanks to kyle, who should start a sexy of the month club cause damn he looks good.

Sep 21 2009 Sweet Fork Arm: Twisted Disney Princesses

Illustrator Jeffrey Thomas created a bunch of darker images of Disney princesses. They were all created prior to the Marvel buyout, so it's just coincidental they look like comic book heroines. WHICH I HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER TRY. That said, where are a mermaid's privates? And, if they look like Flounder's mouth there, no thanks. Okay, maybe once. Twice. BUT NO MORE THAN THAT. Four times, tops.

Hit the jump for a couple more of my favorites, and a link to the entire gallery.

Continue Reading " Sweet Fork Arm: Twisted Disney Princesses "