Sep 3 2009 Scientists: "All Humans Are Mutants"

Scientists are claiming that each human has between 100 and 200 genetic mutations in their DNA. Me? I have two fingers....I have four fingers.

Joseph Nadeau, from the Case Western Reserve University in the US, who was not involved in this study said: "New mutations are the source of inherited variation, some of which can lead to disease and dysfunction, and some of which determine the nature and pace of evolutionary change.

"These are exciting times," he added.

"We are finally obtaining good reliable estimates of genetic features that are urgently needed to understand who we are genetically."

Listen: you can go right on being a freak all you want, but I ain't no damn mutant. I have never even met Professor X! Who, that old guy? The bald one in the wheelchair? Nobody.

We're all mutants, say scientists [bbcnews]

Thanks to Totex and Slava, who only got the incredibly good looking mutations. Lucky.

Jul 29 2009 Honey, I'm Gonna Need That Ring Back: Nano-diamonds May Help Heal Wounds

Seen here is Dr. Manhattan's conception a nano-diamond attracting insulin to help a wound heal quicker. Neat, but I'd still douse it with Blue # 1 just to be on the safe side.

Northwestern University scientist Dean Ho and his team discovered that nanodiamonds are very attractive to insulin, best know for helping regulate blood sugar. Insulin, however, can also accelerate healing processes and stave off infection in wound sites, according to Ho:

Insulin accelerates wound healing by acting as a growth hormone. It encourages skin cells to proliferate and divide, restores blood flow to the wound, suppresses inflammation and fights infection.

Nice, but I can't even get my insurance to cover regular bandages at the doctor, so I can pretty much forget about DIABANDAGES©. Haha -- pay me, suckers!

Diamonds Are A Wound's Best Friend [io9]

Thanks to Tank and Totex, who once shot up emeralds and died. Don't do precious stones, kids.

Jul 28 2009 Blue Dye May Help After Spinal Injuries

FD&C Blue No. 1, a food dye commonly found in Gatorade and other unnaturally blue consumables, is believe do help prevent cell death after a spinal cord injury. Imagine what Purple No. 3 might do!

[The dye] appears to block a molecule that floods the injury site and kills nerve cells, a team reports in the July 28 Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

Rats dosed with the dye after injury showed greater improvement in motor skills than rats not receiving the dye. And the food colorant's low toxicity suggests a new approach for treating spinal cord trauma in humans, injuries for which there are few therapies.

"It's not a cure," says neuroscientist Maiken Nedergaard of the University of Rochester Medical Center in Rochester, N.Y., who led the new study. "I don't think that anything can cure this, but for the patient it could be a big improvement."

Blue No. 1 folks, it's the future. Which sucks, because I've been stockpiling Yellow No. 5. Now what am I supposed to do with it all? BESIDES POUR IT INTO THE WATER SUPPLY AND BECOME THIS CITY'S GREATEST LOVER!

Brilliant blue for the spine [sciencenews]

Thanks to dustin and Julian, who only experiment with drugs.

May 28 2009 Okay?: Another Day, Another Glowing Animal

Well scientists have already created glowing dogs and cats, so it was only a matter of time before somebody did a monkey. Nice, guy, thanks for the AIDS.

Though primates that make a glowing protein have been created before, these are the first to keep the change in their bloodlines.

Although the work demonstrates the principle that a gene can be introduced into a primate bloodline, study co-author Hideyuki Okano of the Keio University School of Medicine said it may not be suitable for studying all diseases.

That limitation is about 10,000 bases, or letters, of the genetic code. That upper bound will constrain the diseases that can be studied.

Great, so we've got more glowing animals with the promise of help curing disease. Well hurry up and cure one already! I'm starting to think these "scientists" are just making glowing pets to bring home to their daughters. Which, I think we can all agree, is despicable (glowing dinosaur, pronto). You can't hide from me, little Anchisaur!

Glowing monkeys 'to aid research' [bbcnews]

Thanks to Matt, who, LOOK BEHIND YOU - A THREE HEADED MONKEY! (swish)

May 6 2009 Needs Work: First US Full-Face Transplant

46-year old Connie Culp was nearly killed when her deranged husband literally blasted her face off with a shotgun in 2004. But now, five years later, she has a new face thanks to a recently deceased organ donor (sign your cards!).

She endured 30 operations to try to fix her face. Doctors took parts of her ribs to make cheekbones and fashioned an upper jaw from one of her leg bones. She had countless skin grafts from her thighs. Still, she was left unable to eat solid food, breathe on her own, or smell.

Then, on Dec. 10, in a 22-hour operation, Dr. Maria Siemionow led a team of doctors who replaced 80 percent of Culp's face with bone, muscles, nerves, skin and blood vessels from another woman who had just died. It was the fourth face transplant in the world, though the others were not as extensive.

"Here I am, five years later. He did what he said -- I got me my nose," Culp said of Djohan, laughing.

I got me my nose, I got me my nose. My goodness what a heartwarming story. Uncensored picture is after the jump, and, not to be insensitive, but it is a little rough on the eyes. Kind of like a belt sander, but with lasers attached. Seriously though, great job, guys.

You have been warned, now hit it.

Continue Reading " Needs Work: First US Full-Face Transplant "

Apr 25 2009 Red Rover, Red Rover: Glowing Puppies

Created in the same fashion as the glowing kitties we posted way back in December, 2007, scientists have bred transgenic (expressing a gene from another, unrelated organism) puppies that glow red under UV light. I don't want one. Ain't no devil dog livin' in this house!

A team led by Byeong-Chun Lee of Seoul National University in South Korea created the dogs by cloning fibroblast cells that express a red fluorescent gene produced by sea anemones.

Greg Barsh, a geneticist at Stanford University who studies dogs as models of human disease, says creating a transgenic dog is "an important accomplishment", showing that cloning and transgenesis can be applied to a wide range of mammals.

"I do not know of specific situations where the ability to produce transgenic dogs represents an immediate experimental opportunity," Barsh adds. But transgenic dogs will give researchers another potential tool to understand disease.

Eh, I thought it was so you wouldn't kick your dog on the way to the kitchen for a midnight snack. I don't know about this whole disease bit. Which reminds me: any of you good at identifying rashes? I can send pics.

Hit the jump for what the puppies look like when they're not glowing. Except the middle one, the middle one isn't a glower.

Continue Reading " Red Rover, Red Rover: Glowing Puppies "

Mar 31 2009 Ooh, Scienc-y: Video Of AIDS Spreading

No, it's not unprotected sex, it's a video showing how an infected AIDS cell spreads the disease to other, healthy cells. It's the first time the process has ever been caught on video, and scientists hope the information will help in the search for a cure.

The study was made possible after experts created a molecular clone of infectious HIV and inserted a protein into its genetic code which glows green when exposed to blue light.

They noted that when an infected cell came into contact with a healthy one, a bridge was created between them, called a virological synapse.

"We should be developing vaccines that help the immune system recognise proteins involved in virological synapse formation and antiviral drugs that target the factors required for synapse formation."

Hey, whatever helps find a cure. I can't wait till we wipe out all these STDs and then the only thing you have to get worry about is getting a girl pregnant. Which, at least for me, is no concern -- I have a laptop on my balls 10 hours a day!

Scientists film HIV spreading for first time [telegraph]

Thanks to Joemo, who once got a whole women's volleyball team pregnant just by attending a game.

Mar 10 2009 Obama Reverses Stem Cell Research Policy

Obama, in a pow-pow-power move, signed an executive order (I need a pad of those) yesterday that has " cleared the way for a significant increase in federal dollars for embryonic stem cell research". Now I don't even know what that means, but I do want to clone my dog. And also, grow a tail.

"Medical miracles do not happen simply by accident," Obama declared.

Obama signed the executive order on the divisive stem cell issue and a memo addressing what he called scientific integrity before an East Room audience packed with scientists. He laced his remarks with several jabs at the way science was handled by former President George W. Bush.

"Promoting science isn't just about providing resources, it is also about protecting free and open inquiry," Obama said. "It is about letting scientists like those here today do their jobs, free from manipulation or coercion, and listening to what they tell us, even when it's inconvenient especially when it's inconvenient. It is about ensuring that scientific data is never distorted or concealed to serve a political agenda and that we make scientific decisions based on facts, not ideology."

Well rooty tooty, fresh and fruity! Maybe scientists will finally be able to unlock the secret of my seductive pheromones. Here -- lick my armpit. You taste that? It's called gin, and I sweat it. You ever made love to a man that smells like a pine tree? It's coniferous.

Obama reverses Bush-era stem cell policy [msnbc]

Thanks to Ryan, who is a huge proponent of both twig and branch cell research.

Feb 12 2009 Good Times: David After The Divorce

Remember David, the little kid who was high as a kite after going to the dentist? Well this is him 20 years later after going to get a divorce. The video was made by a couple members of the Upright Citizens Brigade theater. I thought it was humorous, but possibly only because I can relate. And now David, I'd like to share with you a passage from my memoir, The GW: Life and Times of an Illustrious Blogger, that may help you through this troubled period.

"...and in my hour of darkness I approached The Superficial Writer with my problems. Prophetically, he spoke, "Lap dances. As many as you can get before they catch on." Then, stuffing a stack of photocopied $20's in my jacket pocket, he sent me on my way.

Later that night, as I entered The Cat Box for the first time, I felt a lightness about me -- as if a giant weight bitch had been lifted from my shoulders..."

Like that? Well stay tuned for Chapter 6: Getting Tested. The GW: Life and Times of an Illustrious Blogger hits book shelves this fall.

If that video wasn't your cup of tea hit the jump for the David After The Dentist Remix as well as Chad Vader After The Dentist.

Continue Reading " Good Times: David After The Divorce "

Feb 11 2009 Pfft, Stitches, How About A Little PEW PEW?

In an attempt to prove that not all PEWs are bad PEWs, doctors at Tel Aviv University have developed a laser that is capable of sealing wounds safer and more efficiently than traditional stitches.

The laser allows a wound to be welded shut as opposed to sutured, which makes it far more watertight and there's less tearing. It's done by very carefully controlling the temperature of the beam, and Israeli patients treated with the laser have already enjoyed faster healing times and less scarring.

Cool, but can it still blind you if you stare at it too long? And, if not, can you make me one that can? The bully that lives across the street threw a rock at me when we got off the bus yesterday, and I want to burn his eyes out. Also, his older sister is hot. I want to see her naked. PEW PEW?

Hit the jump for a video of the PEW in action.

Continue Reading " Pfft, Stitches, How About A Little PEW PEW? "

Feb 4 2009 Bill Gates Releases Swarm Of Mosquitos On Smart People. Surprisingly, I Don't Get Bitten

So apparently Bill Gates released a swarm of mosquitoes on an auditorium filled with smart, rich people (myself excluded) during a TED (Technology, Entertainment, and Design) conference.

Ending malaria is a particular passion of Gates's, whose Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has spent millions fighting the disease. But he apparently didn't feel like TED attendees were taking the threat seriously. "Not only poor people should experience this," Gates said as he let the bugs loose on his audience, according to Facebook manager Dave Morin. (eBay founder Pierre Omidyar and Twitter CEO Ev Williams confirm the report.)

Nice Bill, the only difference between your mosquitoes and the poor folks' is that theirs are carrying malaria. So that's kind of different. You want to cure malaria you got to give the rich people malaria. *shooting poison dart* Okay, that may have been herpes.

Bill Gates Unleashes Mosquito Swarm [valleywag]

Thanks to Chrissy, who once released a swarm of kickass on some jerk for throwing a spider on her.

Feb 4 2009 Scientists Invent Longer-Term Sleeping Pill

I don't get it, I put one in my nightcap before bed and I barely slept a wink. Then, just a few minutes ago, I blew a hole in the urinal during a routine bathroom break. WTF?!

sleep forever pill [szymon]

Thanks to Romeo, who one slept 24-hours straight. God, I want to do that.

Jul 3 2008 Medical Manikin Is Pretty Freaking Disturbing

This is an old dude with really saggy tits and yellow wires hanging out of his arm. He comes with interchangeable two penis and vagina attachments and is used to train doctors how to play dress up with a plastic dummy. See, there's a wig and everything. Accessories include two bottles of everclear, a sports drink, and some syringes. If you want one of your own to get freaky with they're available for around $1,000. Also, if you want to play doctor I will play with you.

Medical Manikins Freak Us Out [gizmodo]

May 27 2008 Finger-Regrowing 'Pixie Dust' Is At It Again

Remember the story we posted about the man who regrew the tip of his finger after having it cut off in a model airplane propeller? Yeah, that guy totally shouldn't have been allowed to work in a hobby store. Well now the infamous "pixie dust" is being used again -- this time in an attempt to regrow a soldier's finger that was lost in a bomb attack.

A key to the research dedicated to regrowing fingers and other body parts is a powder, nicknamed "pixie dust" by some of the people at Brooke Army Medical Center. It's made from tissue extracted from pigs.

The surgery is part of a major new medical study of "regenerative medicine" being pursued by the Pentagon and several of the nation's top medical facilities, including the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center and the Cleveland Clinic. So far nearly $250 million has been dedicated to the research.

Awesome. I guess the only remaining question I have about this treatment is this: How ethical is it to cut off you junx and hope to regrow a bigger one?

Salamander-inspired therapy may aid injured vets [cnn]
Go here if you want to watch a graphic video about the procedure.

Thanks Patrick, lets steal Tinkerbell's fairy dust so we can fly

May 2 2008 Japanese IV Drip Cafes Just Aren't Right

When I think of a cafe I think reading the morning paper and sipping an espresso while ogling the cute barista that I have a crush on. NOT an IV drip. Well, following in the footsteps of oxygen bars come Japanese IV drip cafes. For about 2,000 yen ($20), you too can be pricked by a registered nurse and get your drip on.

Tenteki10, located in the swank area of Ebisu, Tokyo, offers customers a walk-in service that features IV drips starting at 2,000 yen ($20). The service is meant to provide a skin care boost, act as an anti-aging remedy and alleviate stress and exhaustion.

I hate needles, so this is clearly not for me. I mean I could make an exception if there was morphine involved, but I've got a feeling there isn't. The last time I went in for surgery I had an IV drip and the anesthesiologist injected the anesthesia into the bag and told me to count backwards from 100. I made it to 98 and then woke up after the surgery. I felt funny. Down there. I lifted my gown and the once tranquil forest surrounding Peckertown had been clear cut! If I ever break my arm again I'm not going back there.

IV Drip Cafes emerge as Japanese salaryman jumper cables [dvice]

Apr 18 2008 u-BOT 5 Robot Designed To Help The Elderly

Well folks, it looks like today turned into robot day at Geekologie. You're cool with that aren't you? You do love robots, right? Because if you don't I'll tell them, and when they take over the world you'll be seriously f'd. Possibly in the a, and almost certainly with something metal. Anyway, u-BOT 5 is a robot designed by researchers at the University of Massachusetts. It may be the missing upper half of the homeless robot and was made to help old people should something happen to them. Its capabilities include "picking up small objects, dialing 911 and even using a stethoscope to check vitals." It packs a webcam, microphone, LCD touchscreen, WiFi, and could potentially be used to make virtual housecalls . As you can see from the picture, if you ever fall and can't get up there's nothing to fear when uBOT-5 is near. He'll just wheel himself over and, uh, kidney punch the shit out of you with his little ball-hands.

uBOT-5 Makes Life Alert Look like Crap [gizmodo]

Oct 26 2007 I've Always Wanted A Girl With Elf Ears

Dr. Lajos Nagy, a New York plastic surgeon, has created a surgical procedure to make your ears pointy. According to the doctor, who will now be known as Dr. Delirious, these are going to be very popular.

A newfangled extravagance is spreading amongst the music-lover youngsters of New York, which, after invading America, is sure to conquer the whole world. Ears becoming pointed as a result of plastic surgery not only enhance the attractiveness of the face, but also improve the experience of listening to music.

There you have it, straight from the horse's mouth. Now let's review the before and after pictures shall we? Clearly the procedure makes you dress a little nicer. It also enables the patient to make a more quizzical look. It clearly doesn't do shit for your crappy haircut, and it definitely makes your ears look like complete ass. Although -- I have always wanted to make love to an orc. Did I say orc? I meant elf. Elf lady. Elf Princess. Fairy. Like Tinkerbell. Just bigger. Okay with the wings and glowing. Penis not okay.

Pointy Ears [neatorama]

Jul 12 2007 Man gets egg legs

Doctors at the China Rehabilitation Research Centre in Beijing have developed an egg cup-like casing for a miracle survivor who was cut in half in a freak accident back in 1995. It took 20 doctors to save his life and nobody thought he'd be able to do anything again, but when doctors at the China Rehabilitation Research Centre heard about his case they created these robotic legs for him. It's always neat when technology is used for good. And even neater when it's used for destruction. Like this robotic bear-shark I'm working on. The world is mine!

Continue Reading " Man gets egg legs "

Feb 1 2007 Robot tooth dispenses medicine

If you want to trust your medication to a robotic tooth, this device is just for you. It's filled with the medicine and releases it into your mouth at the (hopefully) correct times. Although I'm not sure you want to trust your life into a little machine you'd be constantly biting down on. Have some Grape Nuts for breakfast and the thing would malfunction on you and inject you with Viagra or something.