Jul 24 2009 That's No Ordinary Ruler!: It's Electronic
You know what sucks about rulers? When you'd fall asleep in class and the nuns would beat you with them. Except that never happened because I didn't go to Catholic school AND NOBODY BEATS ME BUT ME. But yeah, this is an electronic ruler by designer Shay Shafranek that has the form factor of an analog one. What will they think of next?! Affordable jetpacks? I sure hope so.
Press the power/reset button on the ruler and the LEDs light up, waiting for your input. The wooden cover conceals what the pencil in the image above is touching: a line of metal points jutting out from the inner edge of the ruler. The ruler uses the change in voltage induced by touching one of these points to calculate the distance.
I dig it, but not as much as I'm digging you. Is that a new perfume you're wearing? Because it smells like flowers and shit. And that dress -- you look better than a sackful of potatoes. I mean it, I want to kiss you till your teeth break. I'm sorry, is this too romantic for you?
Hit the jump for two more shots showing how the device works.
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Feb 10 2009 Boredom: Ever Wanted To Scroll A Mile?
Ever wanted to scroll a mile with your computer mouse? Me neither, which is why I just grabbed the sidebar and dragged it. A mile in less than a second! I must be Mercury, the text messenger of the gods. I want gold shoes. Anway, onemilescroll.com is a website where you can scroll for a whole mile and read about objects and their lengths along the way.
The One Mile Scroll transforms virtual space into an actual, physical distance. Take your computer for a scroll. Participate and add heights of things. Please only add the vertical heights. Be sure to check your measurements (with Google or other service). Once submitted entries can only be modified or deleted by site admin.
I give it less than an hour before "The GW's junk" is added right there beneath ant. And, to whoever does it: I'd like to thank you in advance for your generosity.
Thanks to Momboelitist, who once scrolled 800 miles in a week and lived to tell about it. Unfortunately, he developed carpal tunnel and had to chew his arm off.
Oct 14 2008 Condometric Gives It To You Straight (Or Slightly Curved To The Left, Ladies?)
The Condometric is a condom with convenient measurements along the side so your partner can point and laugh and you can feel inadequate.
Condometric is the first prophylactic that measures and shows off the penis' length. Condometric helps us flaunt what we've got. It's about believing we can handle whatever we wish to take on, regardless of size.
Haha, 6 whole inches -- I'm perfectly average! What? Centimeters? Goddamnit.
Condometric [likecool]
Thanks to Lindsey for making me feel like Timmy Tiny Dick.
Oct 8 2007 Stanley Watch Has Calculator, Tape Measure
The Stanley Calculator Ruler Watch is just that -- a watch made by Stanley that adds, measures distances up to six inches, AND tells time. What functionality. They cost $62 and are available from Brando. While I can appreciate the concept, I think the final product came up a little short. I mean six inches? What good is a tape measure that only goes to six freaking inches? Sure, it's more than I need, but that's because I was at the back of the line when God was handing out penises. The time is 12:50 PM and my penis is 2 and 1/4 inches.
Product Site [thanks to Ben Hur for the tip]
Aug 30 2007 Crayola's Talking Ruler
Crayola, a company best known for those different colored snack sticks, has just released an audio ruler for kids. You roll it along and it leaves a trail of disappearing ink to ensure that you measured what you wanted. It will then tell you how long the distance was, in quarter inch increments up to a foot. A foot? That's pretty weak, for $8 I was expecting a little more. I was just about to order one too, to measure my ding-dong. I can hear it now. "Your ding-dong is three feet long and you should tote your balls in a wheelbarrow." No joke I should.
Crayola's Talking Ruler [ohgizmo]
