Sep 28 2009 McDomination: Map Of McDonalds In The US

This is a graphic representation of all the McDonalds restaurants in the United States. As you might be able to tell, there are a lot of them. Some might even say a McMillion. But they'd be wrong, because there's only 13,000.

This map is the brainchild of Stephen Von Worley, who got to thinking about the strip malls sprawling out along I-5 in California's ever less rural Central Valley: "Just how far can you get from generic convenience? And how would you figure that out?"

There are over 13,000 McDonald's restaurants in the US, or about 1 for every 23,000 Americans. But even market penetration this advanced doesn't mean that McDonald's is everywhere. Somewhere in South Dakota is the McFarthest Spot, the place in the US geographically most removed from the nearest McD's (*). If you started out from this location, a few miles north of State Highway 20 (which runs latitudinally between Highways 73 in the west and 65 in the east), you'd have to drive 145 miles to get your Big Mac (if you could fly, however, it'd be only 107 miles).

So you think the folks in Bumfack, South Dakota, are any skinnier than the rest of the population? Because I bet not. And no, this isn't me endorsing fast food. But one time I did find two onion rings in my fries at Burger King. Yeah, so who's the real king now? Gimme that crown, bitch!

413 - The McFarthest Place: 145 Mi to the Nearest Big Mac [strangemaps]

Thanks to Edminster and twellve, who only go to McDonalds when McRibs are in season.

Sep 4 2009 Questionable Darth Vader McDonald's Ad

This is a European ad for McDonald's in which an upset looking Darth Vader force-floats his food in front of himself while a curly haired guy sucks face with a pale hooker in a back booth. It is all part of McDonald's new 'Come as you are' campaign, which, if I'm not mistaken, is Nirvana inspired. Not unlike the McDonald's/Nirvana mashup I've been working on, 'Big Mac-Shaped Box'. No? 'Smells Like Special Sauce?' Ooh -- ooh! -- 'The Man Who Sold the Burgers'!

No Wonder Darth Vader Has Such a Bad Attitude [gizmodo]

Thanks to The Baroness, far too classy for fast food.

Jul 1 2009 eBay: The Ocarina of Time All White Meat

Lucky McDonalds customer 0iz0 just so happened to score the most covered of all chicken strips: the Ocarina of Thigh.

The shining beam of light accompanied by the melodic Zelda jingle blared out of the chicken select treasure box that was handed to me by a late night, tired, acne infested teenage boy as I opened it and discovered what lay in wait for me. Anyone who is a true Zelda fan must get this precious gem of unintentional craftsmanship! It will help you find your Zelda roots, and be just as much of a heroic mastermind as Link! Don't pass this opportunity, for I am certain you will be able to make great music and friends with this golden nugget!

This is your chance to own a piece of history!

Do not eat

*Licking fingers* Sorry, what was that last bit? TOOT TOOT TOOT TOOTLE TOOT!
eBay Auction

Thanks to VinnyC, who just played the Song of Deliciousness.

Mar 5 2009 It'll Get You Drunk!: The McNuggitini *HORF*

The McNuggitini is a cocktail inspired by the deliciousness that is a McDonald's (all clay) milkshake and Chicken McNuggets (which do constitute an emergency).

Ingredients:

2 McNuggz (plus more for snacking)
1 tub McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce (plus more for licking off pinky finger)
1 lg. Mcdonalds Brand Chocolate Milkshake (plus more for bringing all the boys to the yard)
1 bottle Vanilla Vodka (recommended brand: Absolut)

Open the McDonalds bag. Eat one McNugg each, followed by two bites of the Filet-o-Fish (make sure you don't tell anyone that you eat Filet-o-Fishes).

Rim each martini glass with McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce, and pour milkshake/vodka mixture into the glass. Garnish with a McNugg (which is to be swiped along barbeque sauce rimmed glass after the milkshake has been finished, and consumed with pure, unadulterated glee).

My goodness that sounds....puke in my mouth-y. I do like vodka though. But I only take it ultra-neat. I'm talking straight to the vein, folks -- mainlining! ALL ABOARD THE PASS-OUT EXPRESS, NEXT STOP: BATHROOM FLOOR. CHOO CHOO!

Hit the link if you want to see a pictorial of the McNuggitini experience featuring Alie and Georgia.

In Which Georgia Gives You The McNuggetini [thisrecording]

Thanks to Tank and Bronson, who, not to be outdone, invented the Fillet O' Fishtini.

Mar 4 2009 Woman Calls 911 Over McNugget Emergency

NOTE: Video consists of the calls to 911.

Not once. Not twice. But three times did Latreasa Goodman call 911 about the lack of McNuggets at her local McDonald's and the manager's unwillingness to give her a refund.

When cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, "This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one." Goodman noted, "I called 911 because I couldn't get a refund, and I wanted my McNuggets," according to the below Fort Pierce Police Department report. That logic, however, did not keep cops from citing Goodman for misusing the 911 system. Even after being issued a misdemeanor citation, Goodman contended, "this is an emergency, my McNuggets are an emergency."

I'm with you, Latreasa -- McNuggets ARE an emergency. I've nearly killed cashiers for less. Like that time they told me the McFlurry machine was broken -- I was over the counter and had dude's hand in a deep fryer before you could say Value Meal.

A McNuggets "Emergency" [thesmokinggun]

Thanks to Jason and Tank, who have both called 911 because they didn't get the toys they wanted their Happy Meals.

Nov 24 2008 Couple Sues McDonald's After Leaving Cell Phone At Store And Their Private Pictures Show Up Online (Suprise, Surprise!)

Arkansas native Phillip Sherman and his wife Tina are suing McDonald's because Phillip left his cell phone at a restaurant and the nudey pictures of his wife that were on it headed straight for the internet (they always do).

The suit was filed Friday and seeks a jury trial and $3 million in damages for suffering, embarrassment and the cost of having to move to a new home (due to alleged stalkers).

The suit says that Phillip Sherman left the phone the Fayetteville store in July and that employees promised to secure it until he returned.

Now I hate to call the Shermans liars and cheats, but they most certainly are. Can somebody say chili finger? Or, in this case, cheeseburger ass?

Nude pics in phone lost at McDonald's get online [associatedpress]

Thanks to Lobster, who, despite his inherent deliciousness, couldn't find the pics online.

Sep 17 2007 McDonald's Offering Cell Phone Ordering

Because standing in line and ordering in person is analog and burns too many calories, a Korean McDonald's is experimenting with a new cell phone ordering system. Customers plug special RFID devices into their phones, and then browse the menu, pushing buttons to order food. When your order is ready, you receive a text message, notifying you it's time to pack on some weight. I don't even see the purpose for this. I doubt it saves very much time, and it's probably a pain to scroll the menu on a damn phone. And how do you pay? Thanks but no thanks. I only use my cell phone for what it was meant to be used for. Those sexy talk text messaging services.

McDonald's Offering Cell Phone Ordering [therawfeed]

Mar 13 2007 McDonald's serves raw chicken

These guys were served a raw Premium Chicken Sandwich at a New Hampshire McDonald's. Which is pretty bad, but one time at McDonald's I was served a live chicken. They brought it out, stuck two buns on it, and said "Eat up." I mean it was delicious, but thinking back that probably wasn't appropriate at all.