Oct 11 2009 Speak For Yourself: Scientists Claim We Would Never Survive A Zombie Apocalypse

According to a couple of Canadian researchers, the human race could never weather a zombie uprising. Pfft, speak for yourselves, Canucks -- I'M A SURVIVOR!

Based on models of rampant infectious diseases, say researchers, civilization would be doomed if we were ever attacked by zombies.

If society were ever attacked by zombies, we would probably be doomed, and quickly. That was the conclusion of two university researchers in Ottawa, Ontario, who set up mathematical models hypothesizing zombie attacks as infectious diseases with the well-known characteristics of zombie biology from popular fiction. In fact, according to a July BBC News report, zombies are more threatening than virulent diseases because they can regenerate (unless decapitated or incinerated, of course). More troubling was the researchers' presumption that zombies move slowly, as in older movies, but in recent fiction, they're super-quick, making them nearly invincible.

Oh man, as much as I do respect a couple of Canadians with calculators plugging away at a mathematical model they created using the info they gathered from Shawn of the Dead and Zombieland, this is one blogger who isn't succumbing to the zombie apocalypse. Robot, sure, but not zombies.

News of the Weird: Based on models of rampant infectious diseases, say researchers, civilization would be doomed if we were ever attacked by zombies [yahoonews]

Thanks to Gideon, who isn't going out in any sort of apocalypse. Except perhaps a sexpocalypse. Just kidding!

May 27 2009 Physics Equation Tattoos Are So In Right Now

This guy got the Born Oppenheimer Approximation, 3-D Schrödinger Equation and Schrödinger Equation's solution permanently inked on his back. Well, what do you think? Because I'd hit that like a Higgs boson. MEOW! Uh-oh, Schrödinger's Cat -- it's out of the bag!

Does this Physics Tattoo Make this Man the Biggest Nerd on Earth or Hottest Geek Alive? [gizmodo]

Thanks to Sarah, who said she'd do him like a school marm. I don't even know what that means, Sarah, but I think I want in.

Apr 20 2009 Stephen Hawking Battling Infection, 'Very Ill'

Stephen Hawking, genius extraordinaire and a personal hero of mine (I heard he once piloted his wheelchair through a blackhole unscathed), has been hospitalized and is reportedly "very ill".

[Cambridge University] said Hawking has been fighting a chest infection for several weeks, and was being treated at Addenbrooke's Hospital in Cambridge, the university city north of London.

"Professor Hawking is very ill," said Gregory Hayman, the university's head of communications. "He is undergoing tests. He has been unwell for a couple of weeks."

Geekologie wishes Stephen a speedy recovery. No, a lightspeedy recovery. Get well soon, Dr. Hawking.

Stephen Hawking hospitalized, reported very ill [yahoonews]

Feb 26 2009 Oooh, Shiny: A Non-Reversing Mirror

Finally, I can sleep peacefully at night.

Hicks, a mathematician at Drexel University, Philadelphia, used computer algorithms to generate the mirror's bizarre surface, which curves and bends in different directions. The curves direct rays from an object across the mirror's face before sending them back to the viewer, flipping the conventional mirror image.

Awesome. I want them installed on the ceiling above my bed. Because then, wait -- it would still look me making love to myself, wouldn't it? Damn.

Reflecting on a new generation of mirrors [newscientist]
and a cool gallery of
Anamorphic Art [newscientist]

Thanks to twellve, who doesn't need a non-reversing mirror because she stopped wearing eyeliner when he found out it was tested on bunnies.

Feb 5 2009 Verizon Customer Service Reps Fail At Math

This is a call to Verizon in which neither of the two customer service reps that get on the phone can distinguish the difference between $0.002 and 0.002¢. Thank God that wasn't me, because I would have shot a laserbeam out of my eyes and accidentally killed the cat. No, I don't have a cell phone, so I don't have to worry about incompetent customer service reps. But what I do have to worry about is rats gnawing through my land line. I saw one drag a whole loaf of bread behind the refrigerator!

Youtube
via
Failblog

Thanks to Joel, Chad and Ollie Williams, who once killed a 411 operator for giving them the wrong number to a nudey bar.

Feb 3 2009 The Last 867-5309 Number For Sale On eBay

'867-5309/Jenny' is a song by Tommy Tutone that will now be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. Great. And allegedly the last 867-5309 telephone number in the US is up for auction -- with current bidding at almost $500,000! Wow!

Phone: (201) 867-5309

This is one of the LAST remaining 867-5309 numbers in service. Receives between 8,000-10,000 Calls Per Year!!

***Many callers have informed me that I'm one of the only remaining 867-5309 numbers in service after attempting every area code in the US.***

Number is registered with Vonage (internet) phone company and is easily transferred with a simple modem that I will mail to you. All of the account transfer details are done easily online.

Works Anywhere in the US !!

You know what other number works anywhere in the US? Mine. Call me. Or, if you have a raspy man-voice, text.

eBay Auction

Thanks to Jason, who can be reached day or night at (555) 972-6465.

Jan 24 2009 Special Ring Counts How Much You Love

This isn't just any ring, it's a special one -- for your penis. Makes the perfect engagement ring for when your member decides to finally tie the knot with Ms. Hand.

A stretchy, orgasm-enhancing ring that actually counts your BPM - otherwise known as Bonks Per Minute! Slide the ring over your penis and enjoy a longer, harder erection as well as the fun of knowing how many times you've thrust per session!

That's right, you just slip your junk in there, have some sex, and it counts how many thrusts you complete before disappointing your partner. In my case six, give or take four (take four).

Hit the jump for two more views and a link to the NSFW product site. Aaaaaaand I'm spent.

Continue Reading " Special Ring Counts How Much You Love "

Jan 22 2009 Forget Rubik's, I Want A Yoshimoto Cube

A Yoshimoto Cube is actually two separate cubes nested together. The technical terminology for the change is "the transformation of two stellated rhombic dodecahedrons from a cube". Honestly, I just like listening to this guy's voice. It's soothing, like a homicidal maniac's.

Youtube

Thanks to OJ's Mom, who once transformed a stellated cylinder in his pants into a dodickahardon IN YO FACE!

Jan 20 2009 I Can Add!: Tokyoflash's Kisai Keisan Watch

I know what you're thinking, "holy shit, we have a new president!" And also, "damnit Geekologie Writer, hit me the latest in time-telling devices". Well you got it, son. The Kisai Keisan is the latest in Tokyoflash's wrist flasherdashery. If you can add, you can tell what time it is on the Keisan.

Calculate the time with Keisan. Simply touch the button and digits will appear in four vertical lines. Add the digits in each vertical line to read the time. The date is displayed in the same way after the time. The time and date can be accelerated by pressing button A again. To find out more, take a look at the interactive manual to the right.

The Keisan is available for $255 in black with red or green LEDS, and silver with orange or yellow LEDs. But hurry -- they'll be gone in a Tokyoflash! ZOMG, I think I just reached a new level in L337 advertising: +30 selling, -20 dignity! I swear, I could sell fire to Satan -- or cans of bitch to my ex-wife!

Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures of the flashery.

Continue Reading " I Can Add!: Tokyoflash's Kisai Keisan Watch "

Dec 5 2008 Geekologie Reader Gets Credit For Spider

Geekologie reader Dustin got partial credit (2/5 points!) for pulling the ol' picture of a spider trick on an algebra test in college. Good looking, Dustin! It's just too bad your teacher's a dick -- I think we can all agree that spider's easily a 3-pointer.

Thanks again Dustin, may all your future math tests be arachnid-y.

Nov 26 2008 Israeli Software 'Beautifies' Ugly Faces

A group of Israeli computer scientists think they've developed a program that can beautify a human face based on the innate preferences humans have. As you can see from the "beautified" Mona Lisa there, they've failed. I could have done a better job in Microsoft Paint.

"We were able to fit a mathematical model to this set of data that we've gathered, namely the images that we showed to people and their responses in terms of the beauty scores that they chose to give to each image," said Lischinksi.

Um, dude? Your mathematical model blows monster dino-dick.

The team then applied the model to modify images so as to make them appear more attractive. They are now exploring a variety of potential commercial applications for the software, Lischinski said.

"This is something we're looking into," he said. It remains to be seen whether women would simply use the improved image as a guide to more effective makeup application or whether people take it to a plastic surgeon and say: "Make me look like that."

Ladies, this is such garbage -- you're all beautiful just the way you are. Especially naked. And I mean that.

Keep the pictures coming.

Hit the jump for a real human face comparison.

Continue Reading " Israeli Software 'Beautifies' Ugly Faces "

Oct 8 2008 Prevent Drunk Emailing: Google Mail Goggles

Google recently unveiled a Gmail application that may help prevent drunk emailing. When in use, the program requires a potential emailer to solve a few mathematical problems before the message can be sent. Pretty clever, now make something similar for cell phones and we'll be set. Or you can just subscribe to The Geekologie Writer's method of drunk messaging prevention -- dropping your phone in the pisser when you're trying to text. I touched a urinal cake with my finger!

Google's Mail Goggles Prevents Drunk Emailing [wired]

Thanks to The Superficial Writer and DJ LIBOR, who both probably regret sending this tip.

Jul 28 2008 Stephen Hawking In LEGO Form

This is Stephen Hawking in LEGO form. I have no idea of the maker's intentions, but it was posted with this comment:

Professor Stephen Hawking, CH, CBE, FRS, Lucasian Professor of Mathematics - Cambridge University. BEST WISHES ON YOUR TRIP TO THE STARS

So I'm thinking the person was being genuine. Regardless, I think we can all agree that Hawking is one of the most brilliant minds of our time and I'm dumb as hell. Love you, Stephen. Some of my favorite Hawkingisms:

I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.

We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.

Continue Reading " Stephen Hawking In LEGO Form "

Jul 23 2008 Fingernail Watch Doesn't Prevent Hangnails

The Timex2154 is a conceptual watch design that took runner-up in the global watch design competition sponsored by Timex and Core77. First place was a sundial. This particular concept was designed by a stoner (hence the 4:20) and fastens to your nail. You push the end to scroll through the different modes and change your color options. My girlfriend is so stupid she would probably nail polish right over it. Hey Timex, if you decide to manufacture this thing can you do me a favor and make a fingernail calculator too? I'm failing algebra because the teacher doesn't let us use calculators. Well, that, and the guy I chose cheat off of is apparently an idiot.

That's time at your fingertips [popgadget]

Thanks Mike, can I copy off you?

Dec 10 2007 Gömböc, The Self-Righting Piece Of Plastic

The Gömböc is “a mono-monostatic object, a three-dimensional thing that has only one way to stand up." No matter how you set it down it will wobble around until it comes to rest at its single point of stability. Pretty neat. Allegedly it's the world's first self-righting object with consistent density (Weebles don't count because of their weighted bottoms). You can get your hands on a plastic one like in the picture, but it'll run you a staggering $1,300 and change. More if you want one with a collectible serial number. I guess you're paying for all the R&D that went into the thing. However I'll sell you a signed 4 x 5" color glossy photo of myself for only $100. I too only have a single stable position – passed out on the Lay-Z-Boy with no shirt on, a hand down my pants, and a beer resting on my belly. Which is what the picture is of. I still have a bunch left over after sending out Christmas cards.

Note: If someone finds a good video of the thing in action that I can embed give me a holler, there's a couple video links off their website showing it, but they were lacking.

UPDATE: Video added after the jump (thanks Chaz). You can kind of see the thing rolling around on a table from a distance, but that's about it.

Continue Reading " Gömböc, The Self-Righting Piece Of Plastic "

Nov 6 2007 Reebok Timetanium: A Math Nerd's Dream

John Maeda, of MIT Media Lab fame got together with Reebok (not sexually) to develop a new shoe. John is well known (by some) for his math and design skills, and the resulting shoe, the Timetanium, is the resulting hybrid of these two fields. Only 100 pairs are being made, and they'll be available through the Reebok Custom website on November 13th. They feature some unique styling and John's handwritten notes printed on the interior. No word on price, because when I tried to look it up my computer exploded, meaning they'll be expensive. I just love that name, the Timetanium. Such a clever combination of time and titanium. Kind of like the code-name of my nudey mag stash, the Empornium. See what I did there? I combined the word emporium with porn to make a clever name. The wife will never catch on. "Don't mind me dear, just running down to the empornium for a little five finger discount. *snicker, snicker*"

Two more pics after the running jump.

Continue Reading " Reebok Timetanium: A Math Nerd's Dream "