Nov 20 2009 Whaaat?: Sand People Like Scooby Snacks?

In a mash-up of universes that's about to make my head explode, it turns out Tusken Raiders love Scooby Snacks. And speaking of which -- I'd like to see Scoob and the gang try pulling THAT dude's mask off. Ruh-roh is right -- you gonna die!

Sand People like Scooby Snacks [tk8247's deviantart]

Thanks to sham, who only tried Bantha fodder once and didn't like it.

Nov 19 2009 The Monsters That Didn't Make The Cut: New Star Trek's Deleted Gorn And Salt Vampire

Wonder what the Gorn and Salt Vampire that were supposed to appear in the new Star Trek's deleted Rura Penthe Klingon prison scenes looked like? This. Good lookin', but I'll take a steroid abuser in a dinosaur mask any day. I'm serious, just show up.

J.J. Abrams' Version Of Star Trek's Salt Vampire And Gorn Revealed [io9]

Thanks to Jase, who may or may not have just ordered some Mexican roids and a t-rex mask off eBay. I'll be waiting.

Nov 13 2009 Happy Friday The 13th!: Ecko Jason Hoodie

Happy Friday the 13th everyone! To celebrate this un-momentous occasion here's a $98 Jason hoodie by Marc Ecko. Watch out for black cats and shit!

Channel the terror of Crystal Lake in this "Jason" hoodie from the Friday the 13th series by Marc Ecko. Bloody full zip-up hoodie with breathing holes and mesh eyeholes for visibility. Four button flap pockets, flocking, leather straps and metal rivets, rib knit sleeve cuffs and hem.

Cool. Unfortunately, it's a little late to order one to wear today. Unlesssssss you have a time machine and could go back a week. But if you could do that why wouldn't you go back and kill Hitler in a Jason hoodie. That little mustachio'd twink will never know what hit him! (It was your machete)

Hit the jump for three more shots of this very quality product.

Continue Reading " Happy Friday The 13th!: Ecko Jason Hoodie "

Oct 29 2009 You're Doing It Wrong: Robbery Masks Fail

Want to rob a house? Need a mask? Pfft, just Sharpie your face off like these idiot morons! Note: +2 homoerotic style points to Matthew for opting for a Robin mask.

Police said they had no trouble identifying two men accused of trying to break into a Carroll apartment.

Police were responding to a call about an attempted burglary when they pulled over a car matching the alleged suspects' vehicle. Inside the car, officers found two men with their faces blackened with permanent marker.

Police said the caller described two men with painted faces attempting to break into an apartment Friday night before driving off.

Wow. I haven't seen two bigger bags of fail in a long time. I can't stop laughing! Mmmm, nitrous. Makes me want to go to dental school.

Police: Marker Bandits Arrested [kcci]

Thanks to Kelly, who once tried robbing a house with a bra over her face but was arrested when she got stuck trying to climb through the doggy door.

Oct 27 2009 Amazing!: A Hummingbird Feeder Helmet

This is a video of a hummingbird feeder that's incorporated into a $80 flowery mask. You leave it outside for awhile to get the birds used to it, then put that sucker on one day and sit still while the hummers come to feed right between your eyes. INTENSE! Reminds me of the time I let a murder of crows peck my eyes out. Probably shouldn't have done that. But like they say, hindsight's 20/20. Except mine, I'm totally blind now.

Product Site
via
Wearable hummingbird feeder: they'll think your eyes are juicy, delicious flowers! [boingboing]

Thanks to Fally, who once fed an owl a mouse right from her hand because she's an adrenaline junkie.

Sep 30 2009 OMG, It's Got A Bomb!: The Terrorist Teapot

Damn yeah two food related posts in a row. HUNGER CAN'T HOLD ME DOWN! Know what I'm sayin'? Jesus, I hope somebody does. Just one person even. I'm so tired of feeling alone. Anyway, a $39 terrorist teapot: the queen would not approve.

Think teapots are outdated and belong in your grandmother's kitchen? Think again. The Terrorist Teapot takes a threatening stance against anyone trying to mess with your perfectly brewed tea with a tea cosy that doubles as a balaclava. We can think of other uses for it... but you should probably reserve it for keeping the pot warm.

Personally, I love a spot of tea in the afternoon. And by tea I mean tea in the Jack Kerouac On The Road sense. I'm talking weed, damnit. Except I don't really smoke that shit because my mom is probably reading this (but I do so somebody get me high). Ha, what do you mean parents can read between parenthesis? LIES!

Product Site

Thanks to Guido B, who enjoys his tea with a side of "it fell off tha back of a truck".

Sep 9 2009 Sticking It To The Man: Guy Dons Monkey Mask To Avoid Paying Speeding Fines

Guys, I know I said I'd have the haiku graded by last night, but I still have 200 to go. Then, I have to choose 4 out of the top 100 I've pulled aside. I WILL DO IT TONIGHT, I PRETTY PRETTY PROMISE. That said, some jackass is speeding around Phoenix, AZ wearing a monkey mask to avoid paying speeding-camera fines. To date, he's already been sent 37 tickets.

"Not one of them there is a picture where you can identify the driver," said Dave Vontesmar, a flight attendant who works at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport. "The ball's in their court. I sent back all these ones I got with a copy of my driver's license and said, 'It's not me. I'm not paying them.' "

"We watched him four different times put the monkey mask on and put the giraffe-style mask on," Officer Dave Porter told AZcentral.com. "Based on surveillance, we were positive that Vontesmar was the driver."

"It's obviously a revenue grab," he said of the new photo-enforcement program. "They're required by law to ID the driver of the vehicle. If they can't identify the driver or the vehicle by the picture, what are they doing to identify the driver?"

Really -- monkey and giraffe masks? Save 'em for the bedroom, Dave.

Man Dons Mask for Speed-Camera Photos [aolnews]

Thanks to Pat, who only drives in style -- on the sidewalk with a grocery bag on his head.

Aug 28 2009 Paper Art: Toilet Paper Roll Face Sculptures

Junior Fritz Jacquet is an artist that loves working with paper and has created a series of small masks by bending and folding empty toilet paper rolls. Good looking, Junior (we named the dog Indiana). I really think this is testament to the creativity of the human mind. It's amazing, you know? Junior here sees an empty toilet paper roll and thinks art. Me? I think, "damnit -- what hand's it gonna be this time?"

Hit the jump for a whole gallery of faces.

Continue Reading " Paper Art: Toilet Paper Roll Face Sculptures "

Jul 14 2009 Good Enough To Eat?: Darth Vader Chops

Andreas Heim, of Denmark, opened a pack of lamb chops earlier this month and, HELLO, DARK SIDE VADER CHOPS! I don't know about you, but I would eat the hell out of that thing. Although, to be honest, I would eat the hell out of unmasked Vader chops. Which are actually shriveled turnips. Admit it -- I'm not the only one who wanted to lick that head!

Se, en Darth Vader-kotelett! [vg]

Thanks to Oiva and Occasional reader, who once shared a tauntaun shaped pork chop.

May 5 2009 Superfailure Personal Ads: Consortium Of Evil Seeks Shadowhare's True Identity

That's right, "E" from the Cincinnati-based Consortium of Evil, put up a Craigslist ad seeking Shadowhare's true identity in order to put a stop to the do-gooder and his ragtag bag of spandex-laden friends. Plus, he's offering a hefty $10 reward. Which, even though I promised Shadowhare I wouldn't betray him, is too good to pass up. So, "E":

Shadowhare is -- are you sure you're ready for this? And I will get a $10 bill and not like 40 quarters, right? Okay, Shadowhare is -- can I get you a glass of water or something? No, I'm not stalling, of course I know who he is. I'm just trying to build suspense. Fine. Shadowhare is....a dork. BOOM -- Hamilton me, bitch!

Craigslist

Thanks to egleaves -- OR SHOULD I CALL YOU "E" FROM THE CONSORTIUM OF EVIL!?! egleaves? Okay.

Apr 30 2009 Surgical Masks: Fight The Swine Flu In Style

Let's face it, we're all gonna get the swine flu and die. But we can at least stave off infection for as long as possible and look stylish at the same time. Enter Yoriko Yoshida's (links to artists portfolio with tons and tons more) stylin' and profilin' surgical masks, each printed with a unique design. I call this one 'Octostache'. Hit the jump for a bunch more, but be sure to check out Yoriko's page to see them all. Then, get to designing your own. Or, alternatively, meet me in my underground bunker. I ain't going out because some jerk couldn't keep his penis in his pants at the petting zoo!

Yoriko Yoshida's Portfolio
via
Stylish surgical masks by Yoriko Yoshida [pinktentacle]

Thanks to Margo the Jeweler, who made one with gold and diamonds. It's so sparkly!

Continue Reading " Surgical Masks: Fight The Swine Flu In Style "

Feb 17 2009 I Can And Will Shoot: Terminator Salvation Toys Make You Look Like A Killer Robot

Want to look like a Terminator? Well I shoot to kill, just sayin'. Apparently this Terminator Salvation toy features a fist that shoots off to hurt your enemies. It costs $74. Which is pretty steep considering you're going to lose the fist, rendering your Terminator arm stupid. Hit the jump for two more toys, a voice-changing Terminator helmet ($74) that has red glowing eyes, and some pieces of plastic that look like metal that you strap to your face ($21). Note: Wearing either of which will get you BB'ed in the neck if you walk by my house at night. Jesus, whatever happened to kids playing with good old fashioned toys? Like matches.

Hit it for the other two.

Continue Reading " I Can And Will Shoot: Terminator Salvation Toys Make You Look Like A Killer Robot "

Jan 23 2009 I Told Ya'll It Was Real!: Amazing Wrestling

I'm pretty sure this is the most homoerotically beautiful thing I've ever seen.

WATCH TO THE END.

Youtube

Thanks to francisco, who once threw his partner 30 feet while tango dancing. She hit a chandelier. And never came down.

Jan 16 2009 What If The Dark Knight Was An 8-Bit Game?

This is a video of what the opening sequence of an 8-bit Nintendo Dark Knight game may have looked like. I've heard arguments it's more SNES looking, but whatever, I'm not here to argue, I'm here to pick up vulnerable women. I just ran over your cat, wanna grab some coffee?

Youtube

Thanks to cool-slayer and Dave, both of whom fight crime without the assistance of masks or capes because that shit's for ugly people and those who can't fly naturally.

Nov 26 2008 Fonts Are Fun!: An Optima Prime T-Shirt

Remember the dead celebrity font ads from last month? Well in the same vein comes this Optima Prime t-shirt -- made entirely out of the Optima font! Wow, will the fun never end? The shirts start at $13.75, but if you want one that won't disintegrate the first time you wash it you're looking at more like $20. And speaking of $20, did you know that Andrew Jackson was nicknamed "Old Hickory"? It's true, the man had a wooden johnson.

Product Page

Thanks to Neil, who may or may not be the man behind the Transformer mask.

Aug 14 2008 How To: Make A Cardboard Boba Fett Helmet

There's an Instructables out there that teaches the do-it-yourselfer how to make their own Boba Fett helmet out of cardboard. You know, so you can mix universes and play PEW PEW with this kid in his backyard. Unfortunately, no matter how good your helmet turns out, you're still a 30-year old Trick-or-Treater. Which is just pathetic unless you score a couple full sized candy bars and some wax lips. And if that's the case, quick -- gimme a sheet, I'm coming with you! Also, hand over a freaking Snickers.

Hit the jump for a picture of the comfortable interior.

Continue Reading " How To: Make A Cardboard Boba Fett Helmet "

Aug 5 2008 Hooray, More Eye Candy!: The Vader Project

Well this must be your lucky day. Not one but two delicious eye candy galleries for you today on Geekologie. First were the SDCC costumes, and now, handpainted Darth Vader helmets. The Vader Project , a "reimagining of the iconic Darth Vader helmet by some of today's hottest pop and underground artists", was recently on display at Star Wars Celebration Japan. A lot of them are pretty cool. Hit the jump to see of my favorites, along with several links to tons more. No need to thank me folks, just doing my job. Now somebody organize a Leia Project. I'm thinking about that golden bikini. And, guilty by association, boobs.

Hit the jump for the gallery and links to tons more pictures.

Continue Reading " Hooray, More Eye Candy!: The Vader Project "

Jun 9 2008 Emoticon Mask Hides Your True Emotions

The Mask Of Emotion was developed by the Digital Media Design Department at Hongik University in Korea and should have been included in Majora's Mask. The bulbous headgear hides true emotions and instead shows one of seven emoticons chosen by the wearer. It also makes crossing busy intersections infinitely more dangerous. I suggest my girlfriend wear one in the bedroom when we're getting intimate. Partly because she's so painful to look at, but mostly because I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Seriously, I can count the number of times I've been with a woman on two hands.*

*Minus one hand, three and a half fingers.

Emoticon mask will make you smile [make]

Thanks to Kari, who wears her emotions on her sleeve

May 22 2008 VR Masks: The Future Is Gonna Suck

If there's one thing I hate, it's reality. I wake up in the morning and gone is the hot chick I was making out with in my dream. And gone right along with her is not having to work, pay bills, or build a robot/zombie proof bunker. God I really hate waking up sometimes. Well to make reality a little bit more bearable comes these conceptual virtual reality masks.

In a troubling future, these augmented reality devices would offer a new dimension - a virtual layer that could be used to "re-skin" the troubling outside world. A boundary between the wearer and the world around him, the device would become a sort of visual drug, used to make the world appear a better place - even if just for a moment. Within the mask, smells, sounds, even air quality would be imitated to create a full sensory experience. The facial expressions of those wearing the device would be detected and projected onto personal avatars visible to others also living behind the shield of the mask.

Man, at first I thought this sounded promising, now it just sounds stupid. Screw this. I'm just gonna triple my dosage of Ambien and try to sleep 20 hours a day. What's that -- I should wash it down with a liter of bourbon? You got it!

A couple more pictures, including a look inside the (conceptual) mask, after the jump.

Continue Reading " VR Masks: The Future Is Gonna Suck "

May 15 2008 BBQ Sword Perfect For A Masked Meat Thief

The $30 BBQ Sword is a grilling accessory made to look like a sword. As you can see, it features a nice hilt and the end is pronged so you can stab meat. As an added bonus the cardboard box it comes in has a mask cutout so you can pilfer your neighbor's meat without revealing your identity.

Whether you're prancing around the garden making a total Athos of yourself, flummoxing guests with your frankly ridiculous mask or thrusting away at a regiment of seditious quarterpounders, the BBQ Sword is guaranteed to become your new favorite cooking implement. Most impressive of all we've managed to write (this entire review) without mentioning pork swords. On guard!

I want one. Oh, and what the hell is a pork sword? Is that a slang term for hot dong or cockwurst? Because, if it is, whoever wrote that review is vulgar. Grow up already.

Product Page

Thanks to Jackie, who apparently works for the company and should send me a free one of these.