Nov 16 2009 Glowing Booze!: Electroluminescent Bottles

Apparently battery-powered illuminated liquor bottles are becoming all the rage. They're supposed to grab your attention when you're trying to decide what to order at the bar. Yeah, TOO BAD I ALREADY KNOW WHAT I WANT (one of everything -- and keep the cherries coming).

Ballantine's new "Listen to Your Beat" campaign includes an electroluminescent label with graphic equalizer display. Designed by London-based "The Core," this label is more evidence of a trend towards animated, self-illuminating liquor labels. Similar to these battery-powered T-shirts, audio references seem to occur frequently in youth-oriented liquor packaging. (The J&B bottle above is another example.)

You know if you really want to sell liquor you don't need ridiculous gimmicks like light-up bottles. No, what you need is me. I could sell firewater to a teetotaler AND get him to drink it. CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! Aaaaaand you're vomiting on my shoes. Now wipe your mouth, we're doing it again.

Hit the jump for several videos of light-up bottles in action.

Continue Reading " Glowing Booze!: Electroluminescent Bottles "

Jul 31 2009 Take Note: This Is How You Sell Video Games

In some of the best marketing I've seen in my entire life (and yours too), the makers of Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 went and attached some fake plaster boobs to a wall. I just pre-ordered like 80 copies and I don't even own a television or video game console.

The plaster mammaries assumedly belong to Sigma 2's Ayane or Momiji -- both are playable in this iteration of the game (the text which appears at the end of the video actually says "a female ninja appears")

The video consists of a bunch of people walking by and touching the breasts, which, be honest, you would have too. There's no shame in my game -- I totally would have. Then I'd have come back that night with a chisel AND MAKE THEM MINE.

Bizarre Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 marketing features wall molestation [joystiq]

Thanks to Richard, who could sell safety matches to the devil.

Jul 20 2009 Wrong: Creating Advertisements On The Moon

The natural satellite burglars over at Moon Publicity want to create ads on the moon by using robots that can draw in the dust. The whole idea has several problems. 1. robots and 2. ADVERTISING ON THE MOON. Like the aliens don't already hate us enough.

WEST VALLEY CITY, Utah, July 20 /PRNewswire/ -- It's one giant leap for robot-kind. New Shadow Shaping technology creates images on the Moon that can be seen from Earth. Robots are used to create several small ridges in the lunar dust over large areas that capture shadows and shape them to form logos, domains names, memorials or even portraits. Talk about the Man in the Moon! You can even carve your initials in a heart to impress your sweetheart.

As outerspace-y as I am, I just can't approve of etching a bunch of shit in the moon. I mean, it's like a landmark, you know? That would be like giving the Washington Monument a giant pair of balls, which, okay that would be cool.

Idiots Want Robots to Draw Ads On the Moon's Surface [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who agrees GEEKOLOGIE.COM is pretty much the only thing cool enough to belong on the moon.

Jul 17 2009 I Smell A Wedgie Coming: Resident Evil Shirts

This Resident Evil shirt was made to promote the upcoming Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles and will be distributed at the upcoming San Diego Comic Con next weekend.

Well, since Darkside Chronicles is an M-Rated title, we have to have an area where only 17+ are allowed. We figured if we had to be enclosed; we might as well deck out the room and give you an awesome experience playing the game. We are going to have two separate rooms to show off the game, both dark and air conditioned, and each come equipped with banging sound systems.

All you have to do is bring a friend, play through one of the levels in co-op mode, and then you and your partner get to walk away with your very own zombie shirt. Simple.

Neat. Just be careful rocking zombie mode in public, because I, for one, won't hesitate to brain you with a shovel. Brain first, kick corpses later. AND NO COPPING FEELS. This is the word of the Geekologie Writer.

Capcom Comic Con 09: Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles [capcom]

Thanks to Jonah, towhee and meeotch, who are all elite zombie hunters sent back from the future to....oh my God you're robots.

Jul 15 2009 'Rad To The Power Of Sick' BMX Bike Actually (Successful) Experiment In Creative Marketing

That's right, the infamous 'Rad to the power of Sick' BMX bike ad on eBay was actually created by a couple guys doing an experiment (The Wicked Sick Project) to determine if some creative marketing could drive up an otherwise regular item's sale price. Obviously, it worked. And, keeping with today's theme of Geekologie's world domination, your favorite website makes a cameo in the video at 2:55. I guess what I'm getting at is this: WHERE'S MY CUT OF THE PROFITS YOU SONS OF BITCHES?! You think the booze that fuels Geekologie pays for itself? You think my girlfriend doesn't make me pay the water bill for staying with her? You think strippers tip themselves just because I'm handsome? Okay, the last one is actually true. Go ahead Savannah, give yourself another single -- you've earned it.

Youtube

Thanks to mike, whose bike horn alone is enough to get women pregnant.

Jun 29 2009 Billy Mays Has Left The Infomercial Set

Billy Mays, a man best known for kicking Vince "Shamwow" Shlomi's ass in a no-holds-barred cagefighting match, died over the weekend following a freak head injury heart blockage. He was 50.

Police said Mays told his wife he didn't feel well when he went to bed Saturday night. Earlier in the day, he said he was hit on the head when his airliner had a rough landing at Tampa Bay's airport.

But the airline said no passengers reported any serious injuries, and Mays himself cheerfully recounted the landing for a local TV station.

Wow, that's pretty scary. Life is short folks, fight stains while you still can.

R.I.P. Billy.

Autopsy planned for TV pitchman Billy Mays [yahoo]

Thanks to everyone who sent this in. Stay clean guys, stay OxiClean.

Jun 25 2009 BK Ad: The King Used To Be Respectable

In what might be the smartest piece of advertising in recent history (whee, I just posted your whole freaking ad for free!), Burger King has released a print ad for their new Super Sloppy Seven Incher chock full of sexual innuendo. I don't see it, but allegedly it's there.

BK Goes Crude With 7-Inch Burger Ad [newser]

Thanks to solid and Pat, whose minds can't be blown away because they're in a lockbox.

Jun 24 2009 Great News, Twihards!: Twlight Makeup Line

So apparently (I can't believe I'm writing this) there's a Twilight makeup line coming out from DuWop, the cosmetic line being used during the filming of the new movie, "Blue Moon" or whatever. Want to look like a vampire and save $16? Don't sleep.

Be transformed. Let the alchemy transcend.

This special limited edition Lip Venom is a sneak preview of our highly anticipated Twilight Venom, debuting this Fall. Lip Venom V is not your typical DuWop venom. Instead of a gloss, Lip Venom V is a shimmering crimson lip stain suspended in a venom-laced liquid lip conditioner with a bite, and contains argan, avocado, olive oils and vitamin E.

This product should be shaken before use to represent the blending of the human and vampire worlds and applied repeatedly until lips are plumped, revitalized and the desired intensity of color has been reached.

WOW. I just bought like 30 billion shares of DuWop stock. Also, I'm not afraid to admit that I love the Twilight series, and I'd be happy to stay up all night talking to any of you (legal) Twihards out there about Edward Cullen and just how sexy he is. Provided we do it topless. Oh, and call him by his codename: The Geekologie Writer.

Hit the jump to see the Edward and Bella Barbie dolls coming out this fall. And tell me: is it just coincidence Edward's head is shaped like a dildo? I THINK NOT.

Continue Reading " Great News, Twihards!: Twlight Makeup Line "

Jun 4 2009 Honesty Fail: How Not To Sell A Used iPhone

This is exactly how you don't sell a used iPhone on craigslist. If the phone fell in a puddle of urine but didn't damage the phone YOU DON'T MENTION IT IN THE AD. Trust me, I learned the hard way.

Looking to sell a 1 year old Tokyoflash wristwatch. The watch is in perfect working condition. The only problem is I lost it in my girlfriend for 12 days, but I put soap on it and wrapped it in a napkin. No damage to the watch or screen.

I still have it. Any takers? You smell it you bought it.

Craigslist ad

Thanks to pat, who once sold snow to an Eskimo by threatening the poor bastard with a flamethrower.

May 22 2009 Paper Towels: ShamWow's Latest Competitor

This is a short infomercial for Paper Towels. I only watched like five seconds of it before I started daydreaming about who would win in a fight, this guy or Vince 'ShamWow' Shalomi. Then I realized I would kill them both because I ride into battle on a dinosaur holding a smaller dinosaur! Then I went out for a gelati and rubbed sunblock on some hot chicks' chests because I'm at the beach and I DON'T ROLL WITH LIZARD TITS, SON!

Paper Towels [collegehumor]

Thanks to Harry, who once beat a man with his own roll of paper towels for cutting in line at the grocery checkout.

May 22 2009 Queen Of England Gets Gold-Plated Wii

The Queen of England was presented with a gold-plated Wii as part of a publicity stunt to hype up new title Big Family Games, which I have the feeling is gonna suck so hard.

BIG Family Games is the ultimate Wii game to get all family members, from grandparents to young children, playing together. The Royal Family is arguably the most important family in the country so we felt that they had to have a copy of the new game ... But we thought that Her Majesty the Queen wouldn't want to play on any old console, so an extra-special gold one was commissioned. We hope that she and the rest of the Royal Family enjoy the game!

Exciting news, huh? What do you expect folks -- I'm blogging from the effing beach. Yeah, and I just had sex with a mermaid! Of course, I was pretty drunk so it could have just been a big fish. Or *crumpling Subway wrapper* a tuna melt. What? OVEN BAKED SUBS NEED LOVE TOO!

THQ sends the Queen a gold-plated Wii [geek]

Thanks to Edwin, van, Riri, Watch-303 and catch22, who don't need gold-plated Wii's because of platinum you punk bitches.

May 12 2009 Denny's: Now With More Dinosaurs, Drugs

This is a new commercial for Denny's advertising how cool it is to get all high out of your mind and then go eat breakfast at 4am -- but not before dropping a handful of acid in the parking lot. I mean, Jesus, the unicorn can't even chew his fries. And while I did appreciate the inclusion of a dinosaur, this commercial is still sending the wrong message to today's youth. One about breakfast being the most important meal of the day. IT'S LUNCH, PEOPLE.

Youtube

Thanks to Verity, who knows how much I love dinosaurs. But not how much I love leprechauns. *wink* Just kidding, those little bastards are creeeeepy.

Apr 1 2009 'Alpine Legend' Coming To XBox 360

This is a commercial for the Xbox's latest 'Guitar Hero' style game, 'Alpine Legend'. Designed for two players, one yodels while the other plays a monster skin-horn (aka alphorn). Obviously, this is some April 1st trickery so feel free to send the video to your friends and then call them an idiot and revoke your friendship when they get excited about the game. Which may or may not have happened to me (read: it did). Damn you, Scott, you got me good, man! That's okay though, I slept with your girlfriend. APRIL FOO....haha, not this time buddy.

Hit the jump for a real Hong-Kong XBox commercial that's just wack.

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Feb 27 2009 Successfully Marketing Your Bike On eBay

Australian eBay seller yellowscooter knows how to sell a damn bike. Dude could probably sell gamma radiation to The Hulk.

This is a max wicked sick BMX. It's a Reliance Boomerang and it's done heaps of maximum extreme stunts. I have mostly done stunts on this bike since forever. Once I did a boom gnarly stunt trick on it and a girl got pregnant just by watching my extremeness to the maxxxx. Some details about sickmax BMX: Comes with everything you see including: TOPS AS SUSPENSION REAR FORKS!! 2 x wheels 1 x seat I will even thrown my sick BMXing name for FREE - Wicked Styx. Has minor surface rust on handlebars and front forks (easily removed). More rust on rear forks (as shown in pics). Tyres hold air but are pretty old. Basically, it's an old BMX, but it's radness is still 100% in tact. Tricks I have done on this BMX: Endos - 234. Sick Wheelies - 687. Skids - 143,000. Bunny Hops - 2 (my brother dared me to do them, which I did because I'm Rad to the power of Sick). Flipouts - 28. Basically if you buy this bike you will instantly become a member to every club that was ever invented, worldwide, because you will be awesome. Pick up from Richmond in Melbourne. Throw your hands in the air like you just don't mind.

Damn, I'm pissed bidding has already ended -- I desperately need that bike! I'll do anything to be Rad to the power of Sick! Because right now I'm hovering around Lame to the power of Healthy. And let me tell you -- it gets no ladies. Hey GW, how many ladies you getting? NONE.

eBay Auction

Thanks to Jackson and russel, who are both Raddest to the power of Sickest.

Feb 22 2009 Selling Candy In Human Vending Machines

Kit-Kat, tired of me reaching my hand up through the door at the bottom and stealing their candy, has decided to call in the big guns: namely, human vending machines.

Don't expect these things to pop up on every street corner though; they are part of the 'Working Like a Machine' campaign that's being run by Kit Kat to show how people need a break from the monotony of day to day life.

The idea was stolen from Japan like everything else that is awesome in the world and makes me want to stick my hand up in a machine more than ever. Whatever, human vending machines need love too.

Kit Kat Unveils Human Vending Machines In London [gizmodo]

Thanks to Martyn, who once punched through the glass of a vending machine and stole a Snickers. Then I threatened to tell on him and ate the bar myself. It was the best one I've ever had.

Feb 17 2009 I Can And Will Shoot: Terminator Salvation Toys Make You Look Like A Killer Robot

Want to look like a Terminator? Well I shoot to kill, just sayin'. Apparently this Terminator Salvation toy features a fist that shoots off to hurt your enemies. It costs $74. Which is pretty steep considering you're going to lose the fist, rendering your Terminator arm stupid. Hit the jump for two more toys, a voice-changing Terminator helmet ($74) that has red glowing eyes, and some pieces of plastic that look like metal that you strap to your face ($21). Note: Wearing either of which will get you BB'ed in the neck if you walk by my house at night. Jesus, whatever happened to kids playing with good old fashioned toys? Like matches.

Hit it for the other two.

Continue Reading " I Can And Will Shoot: Terminator Salvation Toys Make You Look Like A Killer Robot "

Dec 19 2008 Cool: Augmented Reality Advertisements

MINI recently ran an augmented reality advertisement in several German automotive magazines (Auto, Motor und Sport, Werben & Verkaufen and Autobild). You head over to the MINI website, flash the print ad in front of your webcam (while doing a striptease -- ladies only, please) and TA-DOW -- a 3-D MINI appears on your newfangled typewriter screen. Go here to print out the ad as a PDF and then head here to try it for yourself. I tried to do it but I can't read German and get easily discouraged so I bailed. Besides, I'm waiting for some augmented augmented reality ads. You catch my drift? I'm talking boobs. Big-ass fake ones.

Hit it for another picture and a video of the making of the ad.

Continue Reading " Cool: Augmented Reality Advertisements "

Dec 16 2008 NSFW!: Advertisers Take Note -- Now This Is How You Sell A Damn Washing Machine!

VIDEO IS NSFW

Well, after that last post I need a little pick-me-up. And what picks up the Geekologie Writer? Haha, you all know me too well, NSFW boobs (read: bare ones). This is a European Siemens commercial for a $900 washing machine that features a bunch of bare-breasted women skydiving from a plane. Because, just like Jesus dictated to his secretary in Psalm 49: Large boobs sell large appliances. Amen to that. I just ordered sixty of them, and I don't even wear clothes! I'm a blogger, folks, and the official uniform of the blogger is a single pair of stained boxers. And I'm not even wearing those right now! Now guess what I'm going to use to type the period at the end of this sentence. If you guessed my right ring finger, you are correct. Pfft, I know how to type!

WOW, NSFW Commercial [phillyd]

Thanks to pirhan, who delivers the goods when I need them most.

Dec 10 2008 How Not To Maintain Your Fake ID Business

If you sell fake I.D.s, it's best to not advertise that shit all over your Escort LX (or is it?). You can profess your love for Jesus all you want, but keep the I.D. business on the low. Apparently the genius behind this operation (who was clearly focusing his efforts on the Hispanic market) was running the mobile I.D. generating business right out of the car -- which was found to contain both computer and card printer. Great idea there buddy, but piss-poor execution. You should have been a little more discreet in your advertising. Something like, "Born Jesus, but want to be John? Ask me how." See how I even tied in the whole religion thing there? It's called brilliance, folks, and I'm full of it(!).

If You Sell Fake Ids, It's Never A Good Idea To Cover Your Car With Ads To Promote Your Business And Then Drive It Around Tennessee [bonehead]

Thanks to Dan, who may or not be selling fake Blockbuster cards out of his Taurus.

Dec 10 2008 Microsoft 'Software', A New Clothing Line

Yes, for real. Microsoft is launching a clothing line named Software. I don't get the pun, but I'm sure it's funny. Hit the jump for three more available styles, all of which have a retro feel to them (including Bill's mugshot). So -- who's buying? Anybody? Apparently this is all part of Microsoft's new marketing campaign. But, I've got to tell you, Microsoft: your marketing dollars would go a lot further if you just bought up all the advertising space on Geekologie. And also, hired me as your spokesperson. Check out this new slogan I've been working on:

Microsoft - Macrohard when you need it to be.

Hit it for the other shirts.

Continue Reading " Microsoft 'Software', A New Clothing Line "