Nov 16 2009 It Was Only A Matter Of Time: Google Streets Car Finally Gets Christened By Bird
I can't believe it took this long. And, who knows, maybe it's happened before. I mean, birds shit on my car all the time. Cats too. And, at least twice this year, a homeless man. Well, from a purely technical standpoint, that was actually IN the car. And speaking of which: DON'T YOU EVER WIPE YOURSELF ON MY SEAT AGAIN. Use the passenger's.
Thanks to Marcos, who has slept in cars but never shit in them. Remember: don't shit where you eat sleep. Unless you pass out on the john, in which case go for it.
Nov 12 2009 Google Streets Spots Fire Truck Hit Old Lady
Honestly, I bet the old lady ran right into the side of the thing (old ladies are notoriously bad bike riders. *ahem* Grandma -- I saw you hit that bus shelter!). There's a before shot after the jump, but unfortunately the above image has since been removed from Google Maps. I smell conspiracy. I mean, it's not like the old lady asked to have have it removed. Old people using computers -- HA! They're better at avoiding fire trucks!
Hit it for the before shot and a link to the action area.
Continue Reading " Google Streets Spots Fire Truck Hit Old Lady "
Nov 10 2009 Verizon's AT&T Bashing Holiday Commericals
This is one in a series of holiday Verizon ads bashing AT&T's 3G coverage. I thought they were tacky, particularly since it's not even Thanksgiving yet. ONE HOLIDAY AT A TIME, FOLKS, GEEZ. Where were the Pilgrim and Indian themed ads? Oh, right -- you ran them in July. I only jest, Verizon, and in the spirit of giving thanks let's smoke this peace pipe together. Oh yeah, that's the stuff. Now pass the cornucopia -- I think I saw some chips.
Hit the jump for two more.
Continue Reading " Verizon's AT&T Bashing Holiday Commericals "
Oct 16 2009 Map Shows All Flights Over North America
This is a screenshot from the National Air Traffic Controllers Association (an organization that knows how to party) real-time map of flights over North America. Except it's not actually real-time, it's delayed 5 minutes. Of course, judging from the 2005 copyright in the lower left this may have existed for awhile. But what it lacks in newness I think we can all agree is more than made up for in, uh, little white dots. Don't let Pac-Man see it!
Flight Explorer [natca]
Thanks to e, who's contemplating flying south for the winter. Smart -- I don't jive with the cold either.
Oct 1 2009 Website Maps People's Sexual Escapades
Honestly, I don't even know what a sexual escapade is. But if it's anything like the Ice Capades you can count me in! No, seriously, I love skating. Anyway, IJustMadeLove.com is a website where users can let the rest of the world they just made love and where the deed was done. Because there's nothing more romantic after coitus than rushing to your laptop to tell the world you just touched a vagina. And as you can see from the map above, basically only North and South Americans are doing it. Plus a couple people in Europe, but they don't count because their penises are notoriously small. INTERCONTINENTAL BURN! But seriously, don't stop reading, Euro fans. You can stop sending pictures though.
Thanks to Romeo, who just pointed out I'm the number one contribuer to IJustMadeLoveToMyself.com
Sep 28 2009 McDomination: Map Of McDonalds In The US
This is a graphic representation of all the McDonalds restaurants in the United States. As you might be able to tell, there are a lot of them. Some might even say a McMillion. But they'd be wrong, because there's only 13,000.
This map is the brainchild of Stephen Von Worley, who got to thinking about the strip malls sprawling out along I-5 in California's ever less rural Central Valley: "Just how far can you get from generic convenience? And how would you figure that out?"
There are over 13,000 McDonald's restaurants in the US, or about 1 for every 23,000 Americans. But even market penetration this advanced doesn't mean that McDonald's is everywhere. Somewhere in South Dakota is the McFarthest Spot, the place in the US geographically most removed from the nearest McD's (*). If you started out from this location, a few miles north of State Highway 20 (which runs latitudinally between Highways 73 in the west and 65 in the east), you'd have to drive 145 miles to get your Big Mac (if you could fly, however, it'd be only 107 miles).
So you think the folks in Bumfack, South Dakota, are any skinnier than the rest of the population? Because I bet not. And no, this isn't me endorsing fast food. But one time I did find two onion rings in my fries at Burger King. Yeah, so who's the real king now? Gimme that crown, bitch!
413 - The McFarthest Place: 145 Mi to the Nearest Big Mac [strangemaps]
Thanks to Edminster and twellve, who only go to McDonalds when McRibs are in season.
Sep 15 2009 Eye Candy: Video Mapped Projections
This is a recording of a wicked video projection show perfectly mapped to the front of a mansion in England. You've just got to see it to believe it. It's sort of long, but I recommend watching at least the first minute and then skipping around (there's even some Pac-Man action around 4:00). And speaking of skipping around, I don't do that shit -- I gallop. What? CLIPPITY CLOP, BITCHES!
Thanks to Gilllllll, who once projected his love into a sock. And to whoever sent this earlier: I'm a jackass.
Aug 27 2009 Is This Nessie Spotted On Google Earth?
I'm not even sure what I'm looking at. It looks like a snake chasing a giant squid. But according to some security guard who was busy surfing Google Earth instead of patrolling his beat, it's the Loch Ness Monster (love you, Nessie).
Jason Cooke told The Sun he spotted "Nessie" while browsing the website's satellite photos. Mr Cooke, 25, of Nottingham, said: "I couldn't believe it. It's just like the descriptions of Nessie."
The image can be seen by entering coordinates Latitude 57°12'52.13"N, Longitude 4°34'14.16"W in Google Earth (or playing with the map above).Earlier this year it was reported that climate change may have killed the Loch Ness Monster. There have been "no "credible sightings" of Nessie for over a year.
Veteran American monster hunter Bob Rines thinks environmental conditions in the Highland loch have changed and can no longer sustain the elusive reptile.
Gary Campbell, of the monster's official fan club, said: "I'm concerned. There have been none of the normal sightings that verify that Nessie and her family are still alive and well."
Haha, these people actually think the Loch Ness Monster is real. That's great (bless their special little hearts). You know, these are the same people that keep asking for government grants to go hunt for Bigfoot. Which, SPOILER ALERT: bitch was delish!
Is the Loch Ness monster on Google Earth? [telegraph]
Thanks to Asbo and Praveen, who only hunt for dragons because dragons are real and sit on mountains of treasure.
Jul 7 2009 YOU SLEPT WITH WHO?: X-Men Universe Relationship Map
I know, it looks like a really badass flowchart, but it's not, it's a relationship map for all the characters in the X-Men universe. Giant full-res version HERE. You know, I had forgotten Domino was involved with that man-whore Wolverine. Now I need to get tested.
X-Men Universe Relationship Map [uncannyxmen]
Thanks to Nick and Julian, who have had so many superhero women they can barely count them on one stump.
Apr 3 2009 Angry Villagers Chase Off Street View Car
A group of angry villagers in Broughton, England chased off a Google Street View car because they feared an invasion of privacy and increased crime in the area.
"I was upstairs when I spotted the camera car driving down the lane," resident Paul Jacobs told The Times of London. "My immediate reaction was anger: How dare anyone take a photograph of my home without my consent? I ran outside to flag the car down and told the driver he was not only invading our privacy but also facilitating crime.
"This is an affluent area. We've already had three burglaries locally in the past six weeks. If our houses are plastered all over Google it's an invitation for more criminals to strike. I was determined to make a stand, so I called the police."
Just to be fair, I broke into Mr. Jacob's home and stole his valuables and last bowl of cereal just to prove that, even without Street View, The Geekologie Writer will still rob you blind. But seriously, Paul, if you could pick up some more Raisin Nut Bran, that would be awesome.
Gang of villagers chase away Google car [cnn]
Thanks to Brad, who once chased a Google Street View car six blocks before he realized it was a pizza delivery guy.
Feb 23 2009 Yes!: Google Maps Spots Lost City Of Atlantis
That's right folks, you're looking at the lost city of Atlantis, buried under the ocean off the north-western coast of Africa (the country*).
This location is awfully close to one of the spots Plato, Legendary Smart Dude, had pinpointed as a possible resting place of Atlantis. In addition, the site is about the same size as Plato described.
Google claims that the lines are remnants of the sonar traces left by boats as they surveyed the area. Plus, Plato described Atlantis as being designed as a series of concentric circles, not a grid.
Now I hate to call Google a bunch of dirty liars, but that is clearly Atlantis. Haven't you ever heard that circles look square when viewed underwater? Yeah, it's called refraction. It's the same principal that makes a toot smell worse if you do it in the bathtub. Science, folks, you can't argue with that.
Atlantis Found on Google Earth, Official Explanation Is Dubious [gizmodo]
*Stop emailing me, I'm fully aware Africa is a continent.
Jan 27 2009 Sweet Ride!: A Legend Of Zelda Themed Car
First of all, I am the world's biggest Zelda fan and that's that, no arguing. I mean, I'm wearing a green freaking tunic and everything. TOOT TOOTLE TOOT DOOTLE DOOT. Yeah, that was me belting one out on the ocarina. You got me, it was a skin flute, but still. Anyway two chicks painted their car with an overworld map from The Legend of Zelda because they thought that would make them big fans or something. It doesn't. I'm the #1 fan. Also, I like turtles.
Zelda is a 1978 Ford Fairmont. She drives like a boat. She has a pretty low number of miles, because she sat still for about a decade in someone's backyard. I bought the car for $600 and spent $100 on paint. It has the map of The Legend of Zelda painted on the top of the car and the characters, Link and Zelda, on the sides. There is also a triforce and a small rendition of Sprite on the back sides. "Zelda" is painted on each side in large red letters.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still gonna steal that sucker, but that doesn't mean these chicks love Zelda more than I do just because I didn't paint my car. Because, guess what -- I don't have a car! I ride a damn horse named Epona. To Lon Lon ranch, I've got a date with Malon!*
*Zelda, if you're reading this, I didn't mean it. You know your pointy ears are the only ones for me. Remember that time I went to kiss you on the cheek and one nearly poked my eye out? Yeah, that better not happen again. Also, Malon isn't underage is she?
Obsessed Gamers | Kathy and Becky [mtv]
Thanks Izzy Slypig, and remember: hoot like an owl if Zelda comes anywhere near the ranch.
Jan 15 2009 Somebody Please Make Me One: A Zelda 'Link To The Past' Cross Stitch Overworld Map
It doesn't even have to be 'A Link To The Past' themed. It could be any Zelda, I don't care. I love them all. It took stitcher Servotron four long months to complete this map of the overworld from the SNES classic. As you can see, it's awesome and belongs in a museum. Or shrine -- the Geekologie Writer's Shrine to Zelda And The Pretty Girl Who Lives Across The Street That I'm Always Too Afraid To Talk To But Whose Name Is Karen. It takes up the better half of my closet. So far it consists of: a Zelda poster, all the games, and some of Karen's trash, including, but not limited to, a utility bill (that's how I know her name).
Hit the jump for more cross stitchy goodness, including maps of Oracle of Ages, Link's Awakening, and Super Mario 3. Now get crafting!
Jan 8 2009 Whee: Watch Walmart Spread Like A Virus!
Walmart: where else can you go drink and have shopping cart races at 3 AM? Ha, besides my underground race track? Nowhere, that's where. Now click here to watch an interactive map of Walmart's virus-like growth from 1964 to 2007. As you can see, the big-box giant has been invading America like a disease for 45 years. Just imagine: if every Walmart store was actually a giant robot. We'd all be dead as shit! Now somebody get Hollywood on the phone -- I smell an Oscar.
Watching the Growth of Walmart Across America [flowingdata]
via
The Andromeda Strain [splicetoday]
Thanks to Andrew, who doesn't know anything about viruses because he's clean. Ladies? Sorry Andrew, I tried.
Jan 5 2009 Geekologie Writer's Junk Spotted On G-Maps
Just in case you were curious, that's it. :O
Thanks to TetterkeT for reminding me I passed out on the football field that night. Haha, the visiting team drew on my face with Sharpie!
Dec 31 2008 Google Streets: Porsches & People Pissing
This is a Google Maps Street View of what is allegedly a Porsche prototype being tested in Colorado. Hit the jump for another picture of several different cars, all being covered as the Google Street View van rolls by soliciting children with the promise of free Chupa Chups. And, as a special added bonus, there's a Street View image of some woman pissing behind a car in Madrid, Spain. Because, just like the country song, "sangria makes you piss behind subcompacts".
Hit it.
Continue Reading " Google Streets: Porsches & People Pissing "
Dec 3 2008 Wicked!: Vincent Van Gogh Counter-strike Map
As a guy who's been playing Counter-strike since the fall of 1999, I've shot many of you poor bastards in the head time and time again. What can I say, I am the l337. So anyway, cartographer Nipper went and make a wicked Vincent Van Gogh inspired board in which all the textures were made using Van Gogh paintings. It looks pretty freaking awesome. Hit the jump for a video walkthrough of the map, which features many of the scenes from his most famous paintings. Seriously, it's worth a look. I mean, Jesus, the dude cut his ear off and gave it to a whore. Now that's a present. Also, I embedded the video in high quality because I want to get in your pants.
Hit it like a headshot for the video.
Continue Reading " Wicked!: Vincent Van Gogh Counter-strike Map "
Nov 21 2008 Yarrr, Doubloons!: Live Pirate Map Shows You Where The Plundering Is Going Down
Pirates, they used to wear cool hats. Now? Not so much. But you can still check out their exploits on the International Maritime Bureau's "live piracy map" (based on Google Maps). You know, to see where the booty's being plundered.
Just drill down by using the zoom slider, and click on a flag to see what kind of crime took place. All are labeled with the type of ship, as well as whether the pirates successfully hijacked it or merely boarded. Certain areas, like this one off the coast of East Africa, are pirate paradises. The seas around Singapore and Malaysia are also packed with pirates.
You know where else is packed with pirates? My pants. Isn't that right you little swashbuckling bastards? Haha, just kidding -- they're crabs. I still gave them pirate names though. Stop it Captain Clawhands, that tickles!
Hit the jump for one more map and a link to interactive version in case you can't find the one I cleverly hid in the text of the post.
Continue Reading " Yarrr, Doubloons!: Live Pirate Map Shows You Where The Plundering Is Going Down "
Nov 20 2008 Google Cartographer Takes A Taco Break
A Google cartographer, weary from driving around in the Street View van all day, decided that, instead of actually mapping streets, he'd swing by Del Taco and pick up some tortilla wrapped deliciousness. Can you blame him? No. But you can blame the tacos -- they're yummy!
Del Taco representative: please send me a free burrito for the publicity, or else.
UPDATE: I received no burrito. I warned you, now you will suffer the wrath: Del Taco tacos make your dick shrink.
Thanks to my brother Frank, who once ate four chalupas and still had room for a churro.
Aug 14 2008 What's Google Maps Hiding From Us?
This is a picture from Google Maps from somewhere in Holland that looks suspiciously clone-stamped (see the similar looking light colored treetops?). So, Google -- what're you trying to hide, and why? Is it giant "Yahoo Rules!" sign? A monster penis-and-balls somebody mowed into their pot farm? WHAT IS IT? Inquiring minds want to know. Go here to see the actual spot in Google Maps, then post your guess. Mine is 5' 8", 178 lbs. Step right up folks, I'm a carny!
