Nov 19 2009 Just Make Your Own: Cantena Chain Clock
I like this clock. I can't exactly say why but I think it's because it costs $2,338 and is definitely something my son team of highly skilled artisans could recreate for a fraction of the cost, ultimately saving you, the sucker, a bundle.
one of our favorite wall clocks, the catena wall clock harkens back to traditional mechanical clocks. copper digits mounted onto a bicycle chain place emphasis on the cyclical nature of time. this clock is a striking clock, literally and figuratively.
IT'S A GEAR AND BICYCLE CHAIN. Sure it's awesome looking but you can't justify a $2,400 pricetag. Besides, what if some punk steals my chain for his BMX? Then I'm timeless! Which, God just look at my chiseled features, I really am.
Thanks to Danundertheice and darwyn4, who know what time it is. Am I right, Flavor Flav? Nice viking helmet.
Nov 13 2009 Free Willy!: Whale Penis Leather Interior Dropped As Option On Luxury SUV's
Remember the Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armored cars we reported on last month? You know, the ones that came with a 'whale penis leather interior' option? Ha, how could you forget? -- you called the company to find out if you could just buy seats. Well, after many complaints from whale-loving organizations like Greenpeace, the WWF and PETA, the company has decided to drop the option. Per their absolutely terrible press release. And I mean terrible:
We have no any ideas to kill the whale or something like that. All we want - to make just luxury car. Real luxury car which will be world number one car. [...] All we want to unite luxury and armoring traditions of RussoBalt factory in one car, which brand celebrated 100 years now. At 1922 RussoBalt was renamed to PROMBRON' (ex.RussoBalt).
We just looking for most expensive products for this car - and that's why we choosed whale penis leathure when we checked it is most of most. After wave of protest we realised our mistake and make a decision not to use natural leathure at all. We will focus on world most advanced nanotechnologies to achieve interior highest quality using artificial materials which also was never used for cars. We want to tell our hello to all whales: "Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales - we will keep You live! We don't Earth fall down to Ocean!
I can only assume that's just a horrible, horrible translation job. Because if not, this is the last car I'd ever want to drive. You can't even put a sentence together, how am I supposed to trust your air bags?! *POOF!* Elephant scrotum, nice.
Hit the jump for two more shots of the most whale-hating-est vehicles in the world.
Continue Reading " Free Willy!: Whale Penis Leather Interior Dropped As Option On Luxury SUV's "
Nov 12 2009 You're Doing It Wrong: Super-Rich Idiot Moron Drives $2 Million Bugatti Veyron Into Marsh
An unnamed member of the Illuminati recently drove his Bugatti Veyron into a Texas marsh because he's stupid and can't drive.
The man, who refused to give his name, was looking at real estate in Galveston.
About 3 p.m. a low-flying pelican distracted him as he traveled north on Interstate 45 just south of the hurricane levee near Omega Bay.The man jerked the wheel, dropped his cell phone, and the car's front tire left the frontage road and entered a muddy patch, which foiled his attempt to maneuver away from the lagoon.
The Veyron's powerful engine gurgled like an outboard motor for about 15 minutes before it died.
Low-flying pelican? Really? That's the BEST you could come up with? No, I propose this man was playing a little tickle the moneybags and freaked when he realized he was gonna make a small cash deposit on the leather seats. Watson -- my pipe, please.
$2 million Bugatti crashes into lagoon [galvestondailynews]
Thanks to Demon Spawn, who may or may not have horns and a tail.
Nov 5 2009 Shower With 3-D Wrap Around Touchscreen
Listen, I love standing in the shower watching full-length movies as much as the next water waster (which is why I just had a swimming pool sized hot water heater installed), but what's the matter with a traditional projection setup? I swear, people are always trying to one-up me. Too bad I know how to do that turtle shell trick in world 3-1 of the original Super Mario and can get unlimited one-ups. Suck it -- I will always out one-up you!
The Roca Waterdrop Shower Room surrounds you by a 3D touchscreen, allowing you to watch movies while you bathe. The touchscreen also allows you to control the temperature of the water and the intensity of the jets.
I mean, sure if you want to be tacky about it. I think we can all agree the touchscreen is a little much. I would have gone with voice-control. AND WHERE ARE THE LASER EXFOLIATORS? Cheapskates.
Nov 2 2009 Spanish Space Hotel Still A Go For 2012
Intergalactic Suites, the $4.4 million per 3-night space hotel (you better change the sheets!) that we first reported on back in 2007, is apparently still a go for a 2012 grand opening. I'm skeptical. Also, on the waiting list. God I'm rich!
Galactic Suite Ltd, set up in 2007, hopes to start its project with a single pod in orbit 280 miles above the earth, with the capacity to hold four guests and two astronaut-pilots.
It will take a day and a half to reach the pod -- which Claramunt compared to a mountain retreat, with no staff to greet the traveler."When the passengers arrive in the rocket, they will join it for three days, rocket and capsule. With this we create in the tourist a confidence that he hasn't been abandoned. After three days the passenger returns to the transport rocket and returns to earth," he said.
Interesting, but I can think of a better business model. Namely, taking the customers to the hotel, then pulling away and threatening to leave them there if they don't pay another $10 million (you know they've got it). Geekologie Writer LLC: 2010 Startup of the Year!
Space hotel says it's on schedule to open in 2012 [msnbc]
Thanks to thanks to, who made me do that on purpose to make me look stupid EVEN THOUGH I KNOW ITS YOU FDSY.
Oct 28 2009 Road Rash: Crazy Four-Wheeled Motorcycle
The 2010 Cosmos 4RW V8 Muscle Bike sports four 17-inch wheels, a 250 cubic inch V8 producing 350 horsepower and an extra helping of deathtrap. Want one? Expect to spend $93K. Unless you're Batman, in which case it comes standard in the front end of a Tumbler. Unless he's been drinking, in which case it may come smashed in the grill of an 18-wheeler.
Is a motorcycle still a motorcycle if it has four wheels? [dvice]
Thanks to Chris, who drives a four-wheeled moped which I think we can safely assume has never felt a woman on its Italian pleather seat.
Oct 19 2009 Luxury SUVs: Now With Whale Penis Interiors
Italian leather is okay, but you haven't experienced luxury until you've peeled yourself from whale penis leather on a hot day. And now you can thanks to the $1.6 million Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armored car! Also, penis leather is fundamentally wrong.
The leather is not the only tacky accessory on the Prombron, which Dartz claims is the world's most expensive SUV.
The bulletproof windows are gold-plated, the exhaust is made of tungsten, the gauges are encrusted with diamonds and rubies and the exterior has a Kevlar coating.The car also comes with three bottles of the world's most expensive Vodka, RussoBaltique, although the website does warn prospective buyers not to drink and drive.
Dartz's armoured vehicles weigh roughly 4 tonnes, are powered by V8s putting out between 300kW and 400kW and are "rocket grenade-proof" according to the website.
For those wondering just how may whales may need to be harvested to outfit the special edition, the answer is not many. The penis of the Blue Whale, for example, can grow up to 2.4 metres.
Yeah, no. If I catch anybody with one of these you can rest assured I'm stealing your windows, exhaust, instrument panel and vodka. AND I MAY RUB MY FACE ALL OVER YOUR SEATS.
The 4WD with seats made of whale penis [sydneymorningherald]
Thanks to Russell and Dan the man, who both drive unicorn penises.
Oct 9 2009 Yeah, But Can It Fly?: Amphibious WaterCar Does 60MPH On Both Land And Sea
The $200,000 WaterCar is the lovechild of a Corvette that fell in love with a cigarette boat. But, like having sex with a mermaid, everyone will tell you it was just a manatee.
Get a Corvette engine, rig it up with a Dominator Jet drive, and then strap it into a floating car, and you get the WaterCar Python, the fastest and highest-performing amphibious vehicle in the world. If zipping over the water at a top speed of 60mph doesn't float your boat, it'll accelerate on land at a neck-snapping 0-to-60 speed of a mere 4.5 seconds.
Call me old fashioned, but I like all my vehicles single-purpose. If it drives on the road, I don't want it in the ocean or sky. I mean, that's just more stuff to go wrong. And wrong, my friends, is the opposite of right. And two Wrights made an airplane. ZING! Thanks for that one, dad.
Hit the jump for several more shots and a video of the thing in action (worthwhile stuff starts at 0:50).
Continue Reading " Yeah, But Can It Fly?: Amphibious WaterCar Does 60MPH On Both Land And Sea "
Sep 28 2009 I Would Ride In That: Super Luxuriant Brabus Mercedes-Benz Viano Lounge/Mobile Office
This is the interior of the 2010 Brabus Mercedes-Benz Viano Lounge. As you can see, it has everything a person could want in a van. Except little kids. I'm looking at you, pederast!
Aside from its 426hp 6.1L V8 engine, the 2010 Brabus Mercedes-Benz Viano Lounge features a 32-inch LCD, two Sony VAIO laptops, a PlayStation 3, Nespresso machine, and even a Vertu Constellation phone. Unfortunately, this is just a concept...for now.
"Two power comfort seats provide maximum comfort for both rear passengers. Similar to long-distance flights in business class both seats can be reclined to full sleeping position at the push of a button."
I, for one, would not be ashamed to be driven around in this thing. I don't care if it looks like a soccermom mobile from the outside, I would totally hang out in the back and get my business on. And by business, I quite literally mean business. I've got money to make, son, no time for hanky panky! Mobile counterfeiting lab FTW.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots.
Sep 24 2009 For The Ladies: This Ridiculous-Ass Shoe
Yes, that's a shoe. And it's ridiculous looking, isn't it? I know -- what's the matter with flip-flops? I don't get it either. YES I'M JUST JEALOUS!
And a high heel shoe at that. Designed by London architect Julian Hakes, the Mojito shoe is made of carbon fiber--to give it strength and spring--and laminated with rubber on the bottom and leather--from furniture manufacturers in High Wycombe, England--on top.
I can't even begin to imagine how you put that thing on. You could lock me in a room with a pair of these for an hour, and when you came back and I've one have on dangling from an ear and a high-heel sized bulge in my shorts. Yeah, I'd be waving it at ya.
Wait, This Is a Shoe? [gizmodo]
Sep 22 2009 Crazy $80,000 Projection Pool Table System
This is a projection system designed to work with a pool table that creates all sorts of crazy animations while you're trying to sink your balls. I want one pretty badly, but not $80K badly. It doesn't even come with a table!
In addition to this setup, where the balls reveal an image hidden underneath, you can also set it up to have flames track behind the balls, or water that ripples as the balls pass over it. It's a pretty awesome trick, one that works surprisingly smoothly.
They're working on new software that will make it more useful than flashy, too. Imagine playing pool and having the lines where you should shoot projected down on the table, with a computer doing all the math necessary to show you just where to aim and how hard to hit.
Hell yeah, doing all the math necessary. Where the hell was this system when I was taking geometry? Because my calculator watch didn't do shit. I've been in 11th grade for 13 years!
Obscura CueLight Pool Table Is $200,000 Worth of Fancy [gizmodo]
Thanks trail mix, I love your butterscotch chips!
Sep 21 2009 The World's Most Expensive Booze (Bottle)
The world's most expensive booze is (and I did absolutely no fact checking about this) is a bottle of Chambord valued at $3.24 million. That's too much.
Donald Edge has created with French company Chambord a £2 million bottle of their liqueur to celebrate the new stage version of Breakfast at Tiffany's.
The iconic Chambord Royal orb bottle, hand-wrought from 18 carat yellow gold, will be encrusted with the finest round pearls, over 1,100 exquisitely cut round and pear shaped diamonds, and a square cut emerald diamond.
So, how much if I just want the booze (I've got plenty of empty two-liters!)? Cause, at least according to the Virginia ABC website, they're selling 750ml bottles for $35.50. That means I can get 91,267 bottles for the exact same price! And you know what? That's exactly what I'm gonna do. Glug till I die, bitches!
Chambord Bottle Worth $2 Million [luxuo]
Thanks to Fran, who drinks unicorn blood out of a jewel-encrusted goblet because he doesn't know they're an endangered species.
Sep 11 2009 Crimes Against Humanity, Alternatively, Why I Decided To Rob You: A $135K Blu-Ray Player
Nobody should own a $135,000 Goldmund Eidos Reference Blue Blu-ray player. That's the bottom line. I mean, there are children in Africa who don't even have Laserdisc players. So how someone could knowingly spend six figures on a Blu-ray player makes me sick. BLAAAAAAH! There, I hope you're happy now.
This 66-pound behemoth has such beautiful design, we're thinking it would be right at home in an art gallery. But does it make the Blu-ray movies look any better? Only those with golden eyes and ears will know for sure.
Those precision spring-loaded legs, a completely isolated power supply and fancy Goldmund Magnetic Damping drives the price up into the stratosphere, along with that ritzy Goldmund name.
I've never heard of the Goldmund name, so that doesn't mean anything to me. I guess I'm not an audiophile. Although, admittedly, I did experiment with a girl's ear once in college, but it just wasn't my thing (she got an inner-ear infection and dumped me).
Hit the jump for one more shot of the ridiculousness.
Aug 11 2009 Questionable: The Personal Rockin' Computer
The PRC chair allegedly stands for Personal Rockin' Computer. But how on earth you would ever use a computer in that thing is beyond me. I mean, I couldn't even comfortably fry my nuts with a laptop in it. Plus, it costs a staggering $4,200. Can you say, "tractor tire"? Because I can. No, I'm fairly confident this thing is a glorified sex swing for the rich. Seriously, just look at that provocative tart in the picture. She definitely only knows one kind of hard drive and RAM if you ask me. Gosh what a hussy (let me get those digits, girl).
Aug 10 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Fireplace In A Tool Chest
The 'Mall Fire' by Ataria is a $5,400 tool chest (sans tools) that turns into a romantic ethanol fireplace whenever opened. Well, as romantic as a fireplace in a tool chest can be anyways. Which is very. And also why I just had one mounted in the bed of my truck. What do you say I spread a tarp back there and we make ourselves a little pool? Me, you, a box of wine and a pool with a fireplace. I'm sorry, am I being too romantic? Because I can't help myself. Bathing suits optional. For you. Me? I'm a nevernude.
There's Nothing Dangerous About a Fireplace in a Chest [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, who knows a romantic evening when he hears one (nuclear hot wings and a titty bar).
Aug 9 2009 No, Wrong, No: $32,000 Golden Computers
I don't care if a computer can run a real-time simulation of the Big Bang while playing Crysis at the highest settings and rendering a HD home movie you made of the neighbor's dog humping a stray cat, it shouldn't cost $32,000.
Gaiser High End Design PCs range from $7,820 to $32,300, and it isn't because they've got such great components. No, it's because they have 24 carat parpartial gilding with gold leaf.
Yeah, no. Although, I DID just think of a computer that is worth $32,000. It's called my old laptop, and I'll even sign it for you. And, not to get your hopes up, but it may contain some nudey pics (I'll make sure it does).
Jun 10 2009 Iceberg, Dead Ahead!: Your Own R/C Titanic
Want a 1:150 (~6-foot) R/C scale model of the Titanic? These monster water gobbling whores allegedly have over 300 handmade parts and take over 400 man-hours to complete. You can buy them too, provided you've got a cool $2,500 lying around. Which, if you do, WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE? *sockful of pennies you in the face* Haha, the boat is mine! TOOT TOOOOT! [Insert joke about going down on my ship]
Product Page
via
Remote-controlled scale model of the Titanic is asking for trouble [dvice]
Jun 4 2009 Rolls Royce: Now With Automatic Purse Rack
The new Rolls Royce 200EX has an automatic purse holder. And no, it's not the floor (although those work great too and come standard in most cars). There's a video after the jump that you have to see to believe, but basically a little gripper arm automatically tightens against the purse to ensure your diamonds and gold bars don't fall out during travel. It's stupid. Because when I'm rich enough for a Rolls Royce I'll be damned if I'm carrying my own purse. No, it will be traveling in it's own Rolls Royce. Inside a diamond airplane. Made of platinum. Don't question my logic, peasant.
Hit the jump for a short video of the 'just another thing to break' in action.
Continue Reading " Rolls Royce: Now With Automatic Purse Rack "
May 27 2009 House From Ferris Bueller's Day Off For Sale
The Highland Park, Illinois home of Ferris Bueller's best friend Cameron is currently available for $2.3 million if you're interested. The house is best known for its cantilevered plate-glass garage that Cameron sends his dad's Ferrari through after kicking the shit out of it.
The Ben Rose Home - site of the famous movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Cantilevered over the ravine, these two steel and glass buildings - which can never be duplicated - have incredible vistas of the surrounding woods. This is a unique property designed by A. James Speyer and David Haid, both notable architects of the 20th Century.
Anybody seriously interested? And if so, want to adopt a blogger? Just saying, I'll do the dishes. And, hopefully, the maid. Pool boy too!
Ferris Bueller's Ferrari House For Sale [retrothing]
Thanks to wulk, who knows that people who live in glass houses shouldn't own Ferraris.
May 26 2009 Questionable: The Outdoor Dog Crap Flusher
The Powerloo is an outdoor dog crap flusher that ties into your home plumbing's sewer line and flushes special biodegradable bags of dog shit down the drain so you don't step in it while you're playing badminton with Bubbles and the gang. It costs $1000.
The Powerloo: pick it up, flush it down! Pick up your dog waste, hands free and flush it away with the Powerloo.
Did that make any sense? Does having a bag over your arm constitute hands free? Because if not, when was the last time you saw a bag of dog shit walk across the lawn and throw itself away? Exactly, that summer you tried PCP. The prosecution rests.
Product Site
via
Powerloo dog toilet won't teach Fido to flush [dvice]
