Oct 17 2009 Almost Cute, Almost: A Robot In Love
This is a little video entitled 'Robot In Love' that features a little robot named Bit Beat putting the moves on his woman. I don't want to spoil it for you, but he sadly doesn't get destroyed by a powerful burning laser in the end. Just wait for the break-up, little robot, she'll get ya.
Thanks to Oscar, who has never fallen in love with a machine because automatic coffee makers don't count. What about self-cleaning litterboxes? I need a ruling.
Oct 15 2009 *Sniff* A Street Fighter 4 Love Song
This is a Street Fighter love song. It made me sad, especially after reading about missing balloon boy (who better just be hiding under a neighbor's porch). Anyway, it may not be as good as the Mario Kart love song, but it still got to me. And by got to me I mean I wept like a baby chopped down a sequoia with my bare hands and had sex with ten alligators. Excuse me, crocodiles. And there were twelve.
Hadouken: The Street Fighter 4 Love Song [techeblog]
Thanks to naas, who knows how to throw hadoukens in different colors because he practices black magic.
Oct 3 2009 Twilight: The Way It Should Have Been
This is video from G4's Attack of the Show (featuring Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn) depicting what Twilight would have been like if there was a just and fair God. But there isn't, so guess who'll be watching New Moon opening night? NOT ME! My guess is a shit-ton of 13-year old girls. Plus your girlfriend.
Olivia Munn`s Twilight: Don`t Date Vampires [iambored]
Thanks to me.vicky, who once bit the head off a bat because she thought she heard it talking in vampire-speak.
Sep 1 2009 Geekologie Readers Find Love On Omegle
Remember the article from a while ago about Omegle, the website that gets you randomly chatting to some stranger with candy? Well two Geekologie Readers hooked up on the site after reading the article about it and are now madly in love and totally gonna get married and have a white picket fence or whatever the hell people do whose marriages don't end in bitter divorce. Per Jessica, the lucky lady:
well i'm in this relationship...and i must tell you we met on the infamous OMEGLE. ...no i am not lying....i totally would have saved our conversation if i'd known we would be in this relationship now....annd...i think we'll end up getting married one day.....HOW WEIRD IS THIS???
How weird is this? More like HOW AWESOME AND CONGRATULATIONS GUYS. I took a stab at OMEGLE-ING love myself (picture above) and you can see how well it worked out for me. Promising in the beginning, penis-y in the end: the life and times of the Geekologie Writer.
Thanks Jessica, Geekologie wishes you two the best.
Aug 24 2009 Finally!: Heart And Star Shaped Cucumbers
In Japan's unending quest to grow edibles shaped like other things comes these heart and star shaped cucumbers.
These cucumbers represent the cumulative efforts of an agricultural coop determined to make food preparation a little bit more exciting. Comprised of nine women in Chiba, a suburb of Tokyo, this grass roots organization cleverly uses plastic molds affixed to the stem of the plant, with which they can create heart and star shapes when the cucumber is sliced cross-wise.
These romantic cucumbers are selling at fancy supermarkets in Tokyo and as specially ordered wedding gifts at ceremonies throughout Japan. They cost 300 yen each (about $2.50).
Nice try, growers, but Lucky Charms has been growing marshmallows in different shapes for years. Anybody ever picked through a whole box to make a bowl of nothing but marshmallows? Well I hope you washed your hands first.
Hit the jump for what the vegetables look like ON A SALAD.
Continue Reading " Finally!: Heart And Star Shaped Cucumbers "
Aug 12 2009 "We Don't Date N00bs, We PWN Them!"
This is a video about the problems associated with dating a World of Warcraft n00b when you come from a L337 family. Namely, that your parents won't approve of the relationship. Sadly, watching this video reminded me of the time when I started dating one of those RealDolls a supermodel. I miss you, Silicon Sally hot supermodel with a real name, we just came from two different worlds.
Thanks to jessica, Robert and jack, who PWN both n00bs and non00bs with equal dexterity.
Aug 7 2009 The Most Romantic Love Letter Ever Written
Jessica, you'd be a fool not to marry this guy. I mean, Star Wars references aside, just look at that penmanship! I'll bet you he was at least a solid B student in writing class. And if you won't have him, I will.
Dear Letter Writer,
You know that thing you said about crawling inside Jessica like a tauntaun? I want you to do that to me. Bring your lightsaber.
Love,
The Geekologie Writer
Star Wars Love Letter [emailsfromcrazypeople]
Thanks to G, who prefers Star Trek themed love letters.
Jul 31 2009 I Don't Care What You Say, I Would Eat It
Yes I would. I would cut that cake with a knife and eat it with a fork OR WHATEVER UTENSIL IS AROUND. And if there aren't any I would just use my hand like a neanderthal BECAUSE I AM A SUCKER FOR ICE CREAM CAKE, OKAY? Now I know most of you guys don't like Twilight because it sucks so hard, but a lot of chicks really eat this teenage vampire shit up. Not getting any chicks? USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE. I'm talking fang implants, bro.
Cake of the Day: Needs more sprinkles. [dailywhat]
Thanks to pstone, who doesn't do vampires but did date a halfling.
Jul 29 2009 That's Pretty Messed Up: 2-D Relationships
I think the picture speaks for itself, just listen. "This is sooooo creepy". There, did you hear that? I've written about being in love with 2-D characters before, but apparently the phenomenon is even more widespread than previously thought. Japan, you never cease to amaze me.
As they got to know each other, they traveled hundreds of miles west -- to Kyoto, Osaka and Nara, sleeping in his car or crashing on friends' couches to save money. They took touristy pictures under cherry trees, frolicked like children on merry-go-rounds and slurped noodles on street corners. Now, after three years together, they are virtually inseparable. "I've experienced so many amazing things because of her," Nisan told me, rubbing Nemutan's leg warmly. "She has really changed my life."
Nemutan doesn't really have a leg. She's a stuffed pillowcase -- a 2-D depiction of a character, Nemu, from an X-rated version of a PC video game called Da Capo, printed on synthetic fabric.
DUM DUM DUM! You like where I ended that quote? I did it for dramatic emphasis, and I think it worked. The New York Times has a really long, in-depth article about the phenomenon, so you may want to go check that out if you're a closet pillow humper. But seriously -- 18+ only pillows, please.
Love in 2-D [nytimes]
Thanks to amy, who can only love in 4-D.
Jul 7 2009 YOU SLEPT WITH WHO?: X-Men Universe Relationship Map
I know, it looks like a really badass flowchart, but it's not, it's a relationship map for all the characters in the X-Men universe. Giant full-res version HERE. You know, I had forgotten Domino was involved with that man-whore Wolverine. Now I need to get tested.
X-Men Universe Relationship Map [uncannyxmen]
Thanks to Nick and Julian, who have had so many superhero women they can barely count them on one stump.
Jun 29 2009 I'm In Love
I have never felt feelings like this before. Marry me?
Hit the jump for a couple more of the before and after.
Jun 18 2009 Dinosaur Video Reminds Me Of Budweiser Ad
I'm not going to go into the details about what this video did to me (I don't kiss and tell), but suffice it to say it was magical. Like a wand. In my pants.
Thanks to Robbie, Sterling, cbobgo and Kerri, who know what I like.
Jun 11 2009 Dino Break Ups: The Story Of My Life
If you've ever wanted to get to know me better, watch this video -- it's the story of my life. And, if you can't tell, I don't perform well in relationships. But don't let that stop you. Ladies?
Thanks to helliebee and Megan, who just realized they don't want to date me after all.
May 8 2009 Brotherly Hate: Now With More Lightsaber!
This kid is pure evil -- just look at him. If evil were a Tetris level on Game Boy, this kid would be a 20. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be surprised if, in a few years, I heard he'd brought a lightsaber to school in his backpack.
Thanks to Romeo, who once broke his thumb shooting ping pong balls out of his mouth at his babysitter. Just kidding, that was me.
May 8 2009 Man Builds Scrap Massage Chair For Wife
Lin Shuseng, too cheap to buy his wife one of those $4 battery operated personal massagers (or one of the more expensive ones that looks like a wand that women use to, you know, stir the soup), decided instead to spend 8 years building her a scrap metal massage chair to soothe her painful joints (she suffered in the meantime). Wow, Lin, that's real love right there. Also, the chair from Saw. OMG YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HER!
Chinese retiree uses scrap to create steampunk robo-massage chair [dvice]
Apr 10 2009 Ashley, This Is Joseph, Will You Marry Me?
Ashley, Joseph wants you to marry him. And I trust Joseph's judgment since you're the one that introduced him to Geekologie in the first place. Plus, I'll vouch for him too since he did send me a news tip once and I used it. Obviously you both have great taste. In addition, you two make a very beautiful looking couple. And that's not just the awesome king's throne you're sitting on talking! But if it could, it would say "Geekologie Writer, sit thine rear upon my seat and dine on this most delicious turkey leg". And there would be mead, and I would drink it out of a jeweled goblet. *sniff* I told myself I wouldn't cry.
Ashely and Joseph met during a school musical in 2004 and have been going steady ever since. For their first date they went to see Passion of The Christ, which is arguably the world's greatest date movie. Joseph wailed like a baby.
So, as you two go forth and continue to nourish each other in mind, body and spirit, remember: a couple that Geekologie's together, is really sick has a strong foundation and great sense of humor.
In all seriousness though, I wish you two the best.
So, Ashley, will you marry Joseph?
Mar 10 2009
I Like Turtles Shoes: Pet Turtle Gets Tender With Somebody's Shoe
This is a video of somebody's pet turtle having sex with a shoe. It's possibly NSFW if you carry your house on your back or live in a pond. You need to watch it with audio though, because the little guy makes the cutest squeaky noises while he's going at it. Kind of like me, but with no crying in between.
Youtube
Thanks Marc, who loves animals, but not in the way that shoe loves animals.
Dec 24 2008 Best iPhone App To Date Rejected By Apple
iBoobs, undeniably the best iPhone application to date, has been denied the right to be sold in the iTunes store, because Apple claims the app is pornographic. Which, I think we can all agree, is utterly ridiculous. And by "utterly ridiculous" I mean I popped like 16 boners.
Youtube
Thanks to Dylan, who agrees that Apple wouldn't be where they are today if it weren't for pornography. Remember your roots.
Dec 5 2008 Wicked Awesome Original Mario Kart Song
First a real world Mario Kart video yesterday, and now a Mario Kart inspired emo song by Youtube user blinktwice4y. It's actually really freaking good. And it may or may not have made me cry. But if it did, it's only because I used to have that same Dirt Devil. :'(
Thanks to Krista, who could kick my ass on Rainbow Road any day.
Nov 6 2008 20 Years Of Research For This?: Scientists Develop Way To Grow Blue Roses, People With Incurable Diseases Do Not Rejoice
After much trial and tribulation, scientists have finally developed a safe way to grow blue roses. What was wrong with just putting white roses in a vase of water dyed blue with food coloring? Pfft, that's some unscientific bullshit, that's what.
The blooms are genetically modified and have been implanted with a gene that simulates the synthesis of blue pigment in pansies. "They are attracting lots of attention here because they are so unusual."The creation of blue roses - long thought to be impossible - was masterminded by an Australian-based subsidiary of Suntory, a Japanese company.
A blue rose has long been synonymous with the unattainable, from signifying unrequited love in Chinese folklore to its Victorian era connotations of symbolizing a quest for the impossible.
Well thank Jesus. Finally I'll be able to sleep at night knowing scientists may not have cured cancer, but, screw it, roses now come in blue. Your rose color lesson for the day:
Red: Love. Alternatively: I cheated on you.
Pink: Gratitude. Alternatively: I cheated on you with the secretary. Twice.
Orange: Desire. Alternatively: I want somebody else but they're not having it, so l'd like to continue doing you in the interim.
Yellow: Friendship. Alternatively: you have a butter face.
White: Purity. Alternatively: I know you're a filthy whore, but let's pretend anyways.
Lavander: Enchantment. Alternatively: you should be burned at the stake!
Blue: Mystery. Alternatively: f*** you.
World's first blue roses after 20 years of research [telegraph]
Thanks to Momboelitist, who only sends black roses. And then stabs you.
