Jun 24 2009 Afraid To Sleep: The Sonic Bomb Alarm Clock
The Sonic Bomb alarm clock is powerful enough to raise the dead. Why? For one, it comes with a 113dB alarm (louder than a jackhammer). But if that's not enough to wake you from your beauty fugly rest, it also flashes a bedside lamp on and off and has a 12-volt bed vibrator. Awake yet? The bomb sells for $43 and is guaranteed to make you frightened to fall asleep. Not unlike my creepy roommate, who, damnit, I CAN SEE YOU THERE BY THE DRESSER.
Thanks to Cameron, who BOOM SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE THE ROOM.
Jan 13 2009 Uh-Oh: SWAT Team Called On FPS Gamers
A couple of Danish gamers (Danishers), got the SWAT team called because they were playing a first person shooter too loud one night. Thankfully, they weren't rocking any Wiimote-gun mods.
As far as we can make out from this report, two young men from Valby near Copenhagen were giving it some stick on a large flatscreen telly with the volume cranked up, prompting residents in their apartment block to suspect someone had been shot.
Cue rapid SWAT intervention, with the area sealed off and heavily-armed officers using megaphones to order the pair to surrender. The two apparently came quietly, and suffered nothing more than a temporary cuffing while police ascertained that the only danger posed was to the neighbourhood's peace and quiet.
First of all, "giving it some stick" means something completely different in my neck of the woods. And secondly, I can relate to these guys because I've often had the cops called for "having loud sex late at night". They're called adult films you idiots!
Danish SWAT team surrounds PlayStation shoot-'em-up [theregister]
Thanks to Richie-con-carnie, who once had the fire department called because he set a lover on fire. He's just that hot.
Sep 15 2008 Own Your Own T-Rex Statue With Movement And Blood Curdling Roar!
This isn't actually made from real bones (although for $22,000 it damn well should be), but it is an accurate skeletal statue of a young Tyrannosaurus E-rex (it does me anyway). Hit the jump to see the statue's movement and hear its roar, both of which are pretty freaking impressive. Now they just need to add some silicon skin, a couple life-like entries, a ladder for easy access, and what in the hell is wrong with me? That's right, nothing.
Hit it for the video.
Continue Reading " Own Your Own T-Rex Statue With Movement And Blood Curdling Roar! "
Sep 10 2008 Bronze Vader Statues (Are A Waste Of $)
First the Leia sex statue, then R2 and C-3PO replicas, and now, Vader. The 4-foot, 150lb bronzed bastard was cast by Lawrence Noble and is pat of a limited edition of 30 pieces. Each costs $18,000, which I wouldn't even pay for a peanut butter sculpture of Chewbacca bending Jar Jar over a landspeeder. I mean, it could at least be life-size. And chocolate. Oh shit, and he should have a really pimp belt buckle. Something like "Vader tip goes PEW PEW!"
NOTE: That was a whistle tip reference. If you haven't seen the video, you haven't been living the past two years, so I posted it after the break. Watch the whole thing.
Continue Reading " Bronze Vader Statues (Are A Waste Of $) "
Sep 2 2008 Highly Questionable: The DJ Mobile
The DJ Mobile was built by Dutch artist Olaf Mooij and looks like the lovechild of a subcompact that f***ed a rocketship. The deafening piece was inspired by a song called "God is a DJ" and the Pope-mobile. I'd prefer the bulletproof bubble myself, but I have a lot of enemies. Unfortunately, the DJ mobile isn't meant to be used while driving, making it infinitely less cool than I originally imagined. Which, if you want to get all scientifical, wasn't even cool. Still, I would pour sugar in the gas tank.
Hit the jump for several more pictures of the eardrum popper.
Jul 15 2008 Shouting Vase Turns Yelling Into A Whisper
The shouting vase is a $79 jug that you yell into after you stub your toe on the coffee table or your wife cooks your eggs the wrong way. It drastically reduces the volume of your screaming, as is evident from the scientific picture in the bottom right.
Turn your loudest, most urgent frustrations into mere whispers with the Shouting Vase. The plastic jug is designed to fit over the contours of your mouth and absorb your screams and shouts, "storing" them in the vase and emitting a softer version of your angry cries through the tiny hole at the base. Ideal for when you feel like shouting, but know that speaking softly is more likely to do the trick. Or the perfect gift for the loud one in your life.
The loud one in my life, huh? Why don't you just come out and say "your wife"? Because that's obviously what you meant. I'd get one, but $79 is kind of expensive for a plastic freaking scream jug. Let me know when they're under $20, until then I'm sticking to pillow biting.
THANKS FRANK, THIS THING REALLY WORKS WONDERS!!!
Mar 13 2008 Backpack Has Speakers, Stormtrooper Styling
The Reppo II Backpack is a product design by Joonas Saaranen. As you may be able to tell being the astute observer that I know you are, it's a hardshell backpack with speakers. It was designed with those people in mind that want to subject you to their music no matter how much it sucks. Like Captain Deaf of the USS Busted Eardrums I had to sit next to on the bus yesterday. He was wearing headphones, but he had the volume up so loud the whole bus could probably hear. I mean WTF? I was going to grab his iPod and smash it, but I knew that things would work themselves out. And you know what? I was right. He got mugged after getting off at his stop. Poor bastard, no more music for him. Say, speaking of music -- I've got a nice iPod for sale. Great condition, comes with a pair of really loud headphones.
Reppo II Boombox Backpack Could Have Some Niche Appeal [uberreview]
Feb 22 2008 Sweet Cannon Will Look Great On My Desk
If there are two things I wish I could do at work they would definitely be 1. drink (well, openly), and 2. fire a cannon. And now thanks to the 25-Inch Field Cannon one of my wishes can become reality.
This cannon features an automatic charger mechanism for rapid, multiple firing plus an automatic flint igniter. Weighing 7 lbs, it operates on the same principle as a gas engine in an automobile--using gas, fresh air, and a spark. Powdered calcium carbide "ammo" is added to the water in the chamber of the cannon. The auto flint firing mechanism creates the spark to give perfect combustion.
It costs $150 and I just ordered one. I can hardly wait. I'm going to fire it off in celebration any time I complete a job well done. Like successfully logging onto the computer, making a phone call, finishing lunch, sending an email, etc. The other cubies will probably hate me but they're a bunch of dumb a-holes anyway. Say, that reminds me of a funny joke. I just flew back from a business meeting in Detroit and boy are my arms tired because I had to punch the shit out out of a coworker for taking the window seat.
25-Inch Cannon Goes Boom [ohgizmo]
Jan 29 2008 Device Allows You To Listen To The Quiet
The Otto is a device that you can attach to almost anything via its suction pads/magnets and listen to noises that would otherwise be inaudible. I really, really want one. I used a stethoscope to listen to my Sea Monkeys, but it sucked because you have to be right up against the tank to hear. I just want it playing out loud all the time. I swear, those little monkeys were a riot. "Does this guy really think we're monkeys?" "Somebody needs to tell that dumb asshole we're shrimp, not monkeys -- we can't eat a whole banana." "I actually think he's retarded." That's all I really heard before I emptied their tank into the toilet and flushed them.
Another picture of the device attached to a window, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Device Allows You To Listen To The Quiet "
Jan 15 2008 Hate Waking Up: Fire Bell Alarm Clock Hack
I don't have trouble waking up in the morning because I have a cat that lets me know it’s time to rise by sticking his b-hole to my face. But if you don't have such a considerate cat then maybe you need something a little more serious. How about a fire bell alarm clock? I can guarantee it's loud enough to wake you up or give you a heart attack. While it looks pretty easy to make, I wouldn't suggest it unless you're really hard of hearing or just hate life. While I may install one in my girlfriend's shed to ensure she's not late for work, I'll be sticking (literally) to my kitty’s suction a-hole alarm.
Video tutorial after the jump.
Continue Reading " Hate Waking Up: Fire Bell Alarm Clock Hack "
Nov 19 2007 USB Laptop Alarm: Don't Know How I Feel
Belkin's USB Laptop Alarm is questionable and funny looking. It costs $25. Basically you attach the base to a sturdy object and plug the USB cable into your computer. If someone disconnects the laptop without first inserting the magic key then an alarm sounds. If someone (you) loses the key then you have to steal your own laptop from yourself while everyone watches and you scream "I swear it's mine! I just lost the key to this stupid alarm!" Which is pretty much the technique I use to steal laptops. Except I wear pantyhose over my head for good measure.
Keep your laptop safe with a USB alarm [coolestgadgets]
Nov 16 2007 Personal Cell Phone Booths: Make It A Law
Nick Rodrigues, a Boston artist, has developed the Personal Cell Phone Booth. If you're making or receiving a call you pull this clunky bastard out and put it on over your head. That way no one else has to listen to you talk about why your boss sucks or what you're making for dinner or whatever the hell people talk about. I really wish they'd make these things required by law. Because just yesterday I was at the bus stop putting my moves on the homeless bag lady that lives there, and this other freaking woman was on her cell phone talking about how her colon was acting up again. Talk about a mood breaker! Sure the bag lady was into it, but she's a bag lady. She shits her pants all the time.
A video after the jump, but it's just a guy walking around a city with the thing on. Don't expect much.
Continue Reading " Personal Cell Phone Booths: Make It A Law "
Nov 6 2007 Drunk Driving: V8 Powered Barstools
Featured at SEMA 2007, these Hossfly V8 Barstools are exactly what they sound like. Unless you were thinking they were made from a tomato-based beverage that tastes like ass. If you were thinking that you were wrong. I'm talking engines here. I want one. Oh, and the steering wheel should have a cocktail table attachment for when you're parked. Just make sure to clear the table and stow it before taking off. Otherwise you'll have to explain to police why you were driving a barstool and cocktail table loaded with drinks down the sidewalk with no lights on. Which isn't easy.
A video of them in action after the jump, which allegedly doesn't give an accurate portrayal of the noise these things crank out.
Oct 31 2007 17,000 Watt System Not Good For Your Car
Pack a 17,000 watt system into a 2006 Expedition with 22-speakers and what do you get? A car that rattles a whole lot. A lot a lot. Like shake your balls loose rattling. "Why do this?" you ask. "HUH? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" guy replies. Oh touché my deaf friend. Touché.
This 17,000 Watt Car Stereo Turns Car Into Jell-O [switched, thanks to Ali and Pat for the tips]
Oct 12 2007 Pet Finder Locates Pets, Deafens Them
The Pet Finder from GadgetsUK consists of a remote control and a pet locating siren beacon you attach to your pet's collar. When they're asleep you jam on the button, letting loose an 85db beep that's sure to help your pet on its way to an early grave. The system costs $40, has a 60 ft range, and is basically a glorified electronic key finder. Now call me crazy, but if you can’t locate your dog or cat, I think you should reevaluate whether you have an actual pet, or a wild animal living in your home.
Pet Finder - Useful And Cruel! [ohgizmo]
Oct 2 2007 Man Attaches Train Horn To Car, People Crap
My dad hooked an old 18 wheeler's horn up to his Pinto station wagon, and when you honked it the headlights would basically dim off. But damn was it loud. The dumb bastard in this video specializes in mounting train horns to cars so you can go out and honk so loud people crap their pants. Based on the video I would say several people got a case of the ookey dookies that day. Now I don't promote this kind of behavior. I'm confident these guys are penis-less jackasses. But that's because they use this horn for evil. I'm mature enough to only use it for good, like getting jerks off their cell phones while driving. I'm practically a superhero.
Train horn on a car - Havoc on the streets [newlaunches]
