Sep 17 2009 OMG!: Kids Kill Gollum By Panama Lake
A group of teens hanging out by a lake in Panama saw the elusive Gollum climbing out of his cave and did what any respectable youths would do: beat it to death with sticks.
According to reports in Panama, the teenagers spotted the creature crawling out of a cave while playing in the town of Cerro Azul north of Panama City.
Fearing for the safety as it moved towards them, the youths claim they attacked the beast with sticks before throwing its lifeless body into a pool of water.A hooked claw visible in one of the photos has been cited as evidence for the popular theory that the creature was a sloth that somehow lost its hair.
Wow you little assholes, you beat a hairless sloth to death. That's low. I mean, aren't sloths slower than turtles? You could have gotten high, had a four course picnic and taken a nap afterward and the thing would have still been like a foot from where it was before you packed the bong. That said, did you get the One Ring?! BECAUSE I MUST HAVE IT. I collect jewelry!
New 'Montauk Monster' spotted in Panama [telegraph]
Thanks to spoon platoon, Pesche and DoucheBag, who would have at least asked the poor bastard for an autograph first.
Mar 31 2009 Wow: Minas Tirith Recreated In Matchsticks
Minas Tirith, the City of Kings from J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord Of The Rings trilogy is painstakingly being recreated using matchsticks by wood-loving Patrick Acton. The project started in March, 2007, and Patrick expects to be completed by late 2010. Good looking, Pat, say -- mind if I do a j? *whoosh* Oh, uh-oh.
Hit the jump for several more of the progress and a link to Patrick's work-in-progress page.
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Mar 26 2009 Who Will Win?: Bruce Lee Vs. Iron Man
This is a short stop-motion video of Bruce Lee and Iron Man duking it out. Now I don't want to ruin it for you, but I will say there are hobbits involved. Intrigued? Choose your own adventure! If you decide to watch the movie, turn to page 68, if you decide not to watch, turn to page 89.
Page 68: You die.
Page 89: You die and an animal eats your corpse. Actually, it was a dinosaur. You provide just enough nourishment to the beast for a steamy romp in the mud with yours truly. I love it. Your life was not in vain!
Iron Man vs Bruce Lee: FIGHT! [gizmodo]
And a very Happy Birthday to Holly, who once punched Iron Man in his little glow-y thing and then called his mother a robot-lover.
Jan 28 2009 One Cake To Fill Them All: LOTR Desserts
That's right folks, that's a freaking cake right there -- the city of Minas Tirith in all it's fondant-y glory. Wow. Now I'm confident I speak for all of us when I say 'my God would I lay siege to that city -- with a fork!' Am I right? "Thou shall not pass....on seconds!" Thanks Gandalf, I'll have another. Oh, uh-oh -- whipped cream fight!
Hit the jump for several more LOTR cakes, including a pretty solid looking golden ring.
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Jan 4 2009 Sexy Pole-Dancing LEGO Minifig Works For Tips In The Everfrost Mountain Brewery
High atop the snow-covered peak of Everfrost Mountain the elves brew a wicked batch of grog -- a grog so powerful it can etch diamonds and make a Goron's pee burn. I'm telling you, that stuff will even put hair on an infant's chest. It's true, look at my newborn. Just kidding, that's a Furby. Anyway, this is a LEGO brewpub built by a guy named Andrew. And what brewpub is complete without a pole-dancing LEGO minifig? None. And this particular dancer is powered by a 9v motor, so she spins about the pole like a champ -- in both directions (video after the jump)! Which is a lot more than I can say for the last stripper I saw -- she tried to slide down the pole upside down and fell on her neck! Needless to say, I took my dollar back while she was dazed.
Hit the jump for a short video of Plastica doing her thing on the pole.
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Apr 2 2008 Problem Solved?: Tree Produces Diesel Fuel
The Brazilian tree Copaifera langsdorfii (aka the diesel tree or kerosene tree) produces a natural diesel fuel that requires very little filtering (one pass through a coffee filter) before it's ready for use. Just kidding about the coffee filter thing, I don't know what it takes. You stab the tree and presto, delicious, natural diesel. Unfortunately the fuel only has a shelf-life of 3 months. I was still excited at this point, until I started doing a little further research (being the intrepid reporter than I am) and found a source (wikipedia) that states "despite its vigorous production of oil the tree does not grow well outside of the tropics and does not show promise as a reliable source of biodiesel." So yeah, shit. But who knows, maybe with a little genetic modification we can have them walking around and talking like the Ents in Lord Of The Rings. Then we won't need cars, we'll just ride those leafy bastards.
Gasoline Grows On Trees [gizmodo]
Thanks to Bigjerm, who doesn't need gas to run because he's a solar powered sex machine, for the tip
Feb 20 2008 Get Green: Build Your Own Hobbit House
Let's be honest, the Hobbit houses from Lord of the Rings were awesome and we all wanted one. Maybe not to live in all the time, but at least as a vacation home or secret get-away from a nagging spouse. Well now is the time to build your own low impact woodland home.
You are looking at pictures of our family home in Wales. It was built by myself and my father in law with help from passers by and visiting friends. 4 months after starting we were moved in and cozy. I estimate 1000-1500 man hours and £3,000 (~$5,825) put in to this point. Not really so much in house buying terms.
Wow, I totally want one. I'm going all out Hobbit. Now somebody come over and help me saw my legs off below the knees.
Another picture, some specs, and a link to the build page after the jump.
Jan 15 2008 LOTR: Battle Of Pelennor Fields Is All Candy
Well some guy and his brother made a recreation of The Battle Of Pelennor Fields from The Return Of The King entirely out of candy. And to think all I made over Christmas was a lame gingerbread whorehouse. From the look of things they did a pretty good job, and I must say it ranks high on a scale of deliciousness. I'm actually speechless. Partly because this is so cool, but mostly because I just scarfed a bunch of gummy orcs and the White Chocolate Pretzel Tree of Gondor.
A bunch more pictures, a video, and a link to the dude's website (with more pics) under the cut.
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