Nov 20 2009 Google: Perfect For Searching AND Wiping
Google toilet paper: made with 100% virgin pulp and available in Vietnam. Per a questionable translation of the text on the bag: "Very long, soft, smooth. Of high vacuum, because you always!" HIGH VACUUM, OF COURSE I ALWAYS! Dingleberry free, just sayin'.
This Google's made from 100% Virgin pulp, not chrome [engadget]
Thanks to wes, who only wipes with Charmin because the dude's a bear.
Sep 14 2009 Norwegian Viking Man Changes Name To Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov
The beast seen here, best known for once sinking a rival Viking's ship with a single whip of his fiery mullet, has changed his name. He used to be Andreas Jankov. But nooooow he's Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov. You've got to admit: it does have a ring to it.
"I wanted to show that it is possible to be serious and at the same time take the name you like," said the film enthusiast. "I wanted to see how far I could take it with respect to the number of names. I started thinking about this three years ago and it was approved in January this year."
Thanks to our commenters, we've been able to break down the name:- Julius is an homage to the famous chimp at the Kristiansand Zoo
- 'Arn' is a Swedish knight movie
- Elessar and Gimli are from 'Lord of the Rings'
- 'MacGyver', just the greatest Richard Dean Anderson show ever!
- 'Highlander' could refer to either the movie or TV show
- Chewbacka (aka Chewbacca) is from 'Star Wars'
Can you guess the name that doesn't belong? Me neither. I loved 'Lord of the Rings'!
Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov: Norway's Longest Name? [huffingtonpost]
Thanks to TT likes little boys and Steve, who named their sons Sue to make them tough.
Jun 25 2009 BK Ad: The King Used To Be Respectable
In what might be the smartest piece of advertising in recent history (whee, I just posted your whole freaking ad for free!), Burger King has released a print ad for their new Super Sloppy Seven Incher chock full of sexual innuendo. I don't see it, but allegedly it's there.
BK Goes Crude With 7-Inch Burger Ad [newser]
Thanks to solid and Pat, whose minds can't be blown away because they're in a lockbox.
May 5 2009 But Wait, There's More: Beer Pong Trick Shots
This is like 900 hours of beer pong trick shot footage cut down to 3:41. I'm sure most of you will hate it, but there will always be a soft spot in my heart for college-aged boys playing with their ba...ba...ba...buddies. Haha, you thought I was gonna say balls. I HAVE WHAT THEY CALL SELF CONTROL! Also, a Master's degree in Geekologie. mE=mcAwesome!
Thanks to Dave, who, for the tip, can play on my team at the weekly beer pong tournament at Orange Ball in Rockville, MD. Airfare not included, sorry buddy.
Mar 19 2009 I'll Never Work Again!: Giant Tetris Online
Looking for a great way to piss away your work day? How about starting a giant game of Tetris? Even after a full eight hours of gameplay you'll probably be nowhere! The screencap here is of me playing for five minutes, and then letting it drop shapes on its own for another 2 hours and 42 minutes (larger version HERE). You can leave your desk, go take a nap in your car, and have barely missed a thing. WHEE! I double-dog-dare somebody to fill the whole thing except for a line on one of the sides. You would be my hero! And also, a loser. Mostly a loser. DO IT!
UPDATE: Added a screen cap of some art Geekologie Reader Colunista created with the game, after the jump.
Continue Reading " I'll Never Work Again!: Giant Tetris Online "
Mar 8 2009 Wow: Over 64,000 Years Of Halo 3 Played
That's right folks, if you add up all the individual hours people have played Halo 3, it comes out to over 64,000 years.
The billionth game of Halo 3 was played last Saturday. Bungie then calculated the play time of every online match - not counting custom maps - and it reaches 2,023,153,340,764 seconds, which equals out to roughly 64,000 years.
To further drive home the point of how huge of a number that is, they mentioned that 64,000 years ago neanderthal walked the Earth and modern man hadn't yet set foot in Asia.
Some guy in the comments went on to speculate that a low-ball estimate of World of Warcraft gameplay was up around 750,000 years. Either way, I'm crying. And not because we haven't cured cancer either it's just that *sniff* I'm so damn proud of you guys.
Halo 3 reaches one billion matches and 64,000 years of play time [omghalo]
Thanks to Mark, who contributed not one but 10,000 of those years.
Mar 6 2009 Wicked Stop-Motion Video Of LEGO Minifigs Building The Millennium Falcon
We've already featured two different videos of people constructing the 5,195 piece LEGO Millennium Falcon, but this one is better. Why? Because LEGO minifigs are the ones doing the building! An ungodly number of hours went into the making of this video, so I'm really glad somebody else made it before I had to. Because I don't have time for that. Or getting up to go to the bathroom. Now somebody come empty my bag, but whatever you do: DON'T SQUEEZE IT LIKE YOU DID LAST TIME. You ruptured my bladder and now I've got urine floating around inside me.
The Building of the Lego Millennium Falcon: The Definitive Movie [gizmodo]
Feb 10 2009 Boredom: Ever Wanted To Scroll A Mile?
Ever wanted to scroll a mile with your computer mouse? Me neither, which is why I just grabbed the sidebar and dragged it. A mile in less than a second! I must be Mercury, the text messenger of the gods. I want gold shoes. Anway, onemilescroll.com is a website where you can scroll for a whole mile and read about objects and their lengths along the way.
The One Mile Scroll transforms virtual space into an actual, physical distance. Take your computer for a scroll. Participate and add heights of things. Please only add the vertical heights. Be sure to check your measurements (with Google or other service). Once submitted entries can only be modified or deleted by site admin.
I give it less than an hour before "The GW's junk" is added right there beneath ant. And, to whoever does it: I'd like to thank you in advance for your generosity.
Thanks to Momboelitist, who once scrolled 800 miles in a week and lived to tell about it. Unfortunately, he developed carpal tunnel and had to chew his arm off.
Jan 22 2009
Strange Lights In The Sky Can Only Mean One Of Two Things: The Aliens Are Coming Or Some Boring Natural Phenomenon
It's a well-known scientific fact that aliens have a light fetish. So these columns of light seen above the town of Sigulda, Latvia can only mean one thing: they're here. Needless to say, there's a cover-up in effect.
But experts are agreed there may be a more prosaic explanation - ice crystals in the air.
The air above the town was notably cold and filled with suspended ice crystals.It is believed that the columns were formed by those reflecting light from the bright streetlamps and other lights on the ground - beaming it back downwards again.
Yeah, no. Aliens, bitches, they're coming. Now I'd hate to start a bunch of fearmongering without doing something to help, so I'll cut straight to the chase: I'm selling tin-foil hats and butthole tape on eBay.
Hit the jump for several more pictures of the mysterious alien beams.
Sep 17 2008 World's Shortest Man Meets Leggiest Woman
The Guinness Book of World Records held an event yesterday in Trafalgar Square to celebrate the release of the 2009 edition. Among the attendees were Svetlana Pankratova, world's leggiest woman (at 52"), and He Pingping, the world's shortest man (at 2' 5.37"). As you can see, the photoshoot gave He the perfect opportunity to score a worm's eye view of Svetlana's love nest. Nice He, but if I was you I would have climbed one of those legs and built a treehouse.
Shortest Man Meets Leggiest Woman [aol]
Thanks to Pat, who swears he dated a chick with even longer legs and had to use a grappling hook to have sex.
Jul 9 2008 The Jedi Gym Is Awesome, How Do I Join?
Kind of like the Jedi Academy, comes the Jedi Gym. The video is six minutes long, but actually is worth watching if/when you have the time. Mainly for the guy playing Lando Calrissian (that's him in the still) and the awesome plot twist around 4:00. Now I don't want to ruin anything, but let's just say it was pleasantly unexpected. Kind of like the time I walked in on my girlfriend with another chick. Now I know what you're wondering, and no, I was sadly not invited to participate. I was asked to leave and shut the door behind me. And that, my friends, is the story of how I was almost happy once.
Thanks Brennan, that's just what I needed after the last few traumatizing Star Wars videos
Jun 20 2008 Woman Died Watching TV In 1966, Found 42 Years Later, Probably Stunk In The Interim
A woman in Croatia died in 1966 while watching television in her apartment, and was just now discovered.
Hedviga Golik made herself a cup of tea and sat down to watch some television in her hometown of Zagreb, Croatia. Sadly, she died in her chair. This was in 1966. She was just found, 42 years later, in her time capsule mausoleum where she's been sitting ever since. She never finished her tea.
Apparently her apartment was never checked, despite a missing person report being filed when she went missing. Only recently did the authorities break into the unit and discover the woman while trying to determine who owned the place.
Damn, that's freaking nuts! I can't imagine how the place went unchecked for 42 years. It had to have stunk like shit for a good long while. Kind of like my place. Isn't that right, Grandma? Grandma? Awh, shit.
Woman Who Died While Watching TV Sat Unfound For 42 Years [gizmodo]
Thanks Shawn, say, you mind calling the funeral parlor?
Jun 20 2008 Video: Epic NERF Battle In Cubeville
I said give me a damn minute, I'm trying to post here.
This is a video made by what is probably the least productive company on the planet. It's a 5:00 epic NERF battle complete with horrible over-acting and, sadly, no nudity. Contrary to popular belief, it is not a scene from the offices here at Anticlown. We don't do NERF guns -- we use real thing. But The Superficial Writer still makes little pew pew noises when he fires and, more often than not, shoots himself.
Okay, now we can go to the hospital. But we're taking your car or the bus -- that's a lot of blood and I just got my shit detailed.
The Great Office War [ohgizmo]
Jun 13 2008 Smera Electric Car Concept Is Mad Skinny
The Lumeneo Smera is an electric car concept that's 8 feet long but only 31 inches wide (insert something about your penis here). It can reach 80 MPH and gets about 93 miles to a charge. Not too shabby.
Both of the front wheels on the Smera have their own 20hp electric motor which have a life expectancy of around 200,000 km. Those electric motors, as well as the rest of the vehicle, are all powered by a 144 volt lithium ion battery which weighs in at 180lbs.
The company is hoping to garner enough interest in the project to have models available for sale by the Paris Motor Show in October. Unfortunately, they'll be going for $30,000 - $46,000 and disintegrate if you get sideswiped, leaving you Smera'd (!) all over the road. HAHA! Okay, one nut punch, I deserve it.
May 5 2008 Super Long Foosball Table Is Mad Super Long
This is allegedly the world's longest foosball table (but not the bathtubbiest). It was made by Amstel (purveyor of that fine Amsterdamian beer) to coincide with the European Champions League Finals. It takes 22 players (two soccer teams worth) to play a game. Being a lover of foos, I'd love to give it a go on that sucker. It'd certainly be the longest game of foos I'd ever play! Get it! There was a double meaning there. Long time-wise and long like someone should punch me in the nuts because I deserve it. Unfortunately I could never actually play on this table because I hate strangers and have no friends. Something about being "no fun to hang out with" and "a major fruit-flavored douchepop".
Table Football XXL, the largest Foosball table in the world [dvice]
Mar 21 2008 End Of The World Clock Is Inaccurate
Artist Gianni Motti had a dream. A dream of a really long LED timer that displays an approximate countdown to the sun's demise and resulting destruction of the earth. It started in 2005, so we're at about 5 billion years minus a few. But I've got some bad news for you Gianni. The world will end when I say so. And it's going to be a hell of a lot sooner than 5 billion years. That's right, and there's nothing that blue douche Captain Planet and his kiddy companions can do about it either. MUWHAHAHA!! *cough, cough* *chin falls off* F***ing leprosy.
clock counts down to the end of the world [technabob]
Feb 5 2008 Canon Printer Costs $280,000, Takes Up 33 Feet Of Wall Space, Is Ridiculous, Blocky, Complicated And Poorly Named
The Canon ImagePRESS C7000VP has one of the lamest names for a printer ever. Why not the Canon Big F'er? Or maybe the Canon Baller?
The C7000VP requires 33 feet of wallspace and costs a shade over $280,000. It comes with a trimmer, finisher, inserter, stacker, binder, capacity for 10,000 sheets of paper, and can print 70 pages per minute at 1200 dpi. The internal computer is a dual core 3.0ghz Xeon with 2 gigs of ram and a couple raided 80gb HDs.
Wow. I paid $160 for my printer and it takes up one-cubic-foot of space on a stack of books next to my desk. Obviously mine wasn't made for an office setting though. And apparently neither was the outfit I wore to work today. But I contest -- nowhere in the company's dresscode are assless chaps explicitly prohibited. I think my boss is just jealous he doesn't have junk in his trunk like I do. And by junk I mean remnants of toilet paper.
