Sep 15 2009 'Today Was A Good Day': The Flow Chart
If there's two things I learned to love in college it's flow charts and communal showering. And this is by far one of the awesomest flow charts I've ever seen. It's right up there with the What Should I Eat? chart. Click HERE to see the flow chart in its entirety, which outlines all of Ice Cube's iconic 'Today Was A Good Day'. Now I know what you're thinking: how the hell can you even think about starting a good day with a hogless breakfast? Because one time I only had dry white toast and a poached egg and then got hit by the school bus. Coincidence?
Hit the jump to watch the music video and follow along with the chart.
Apr 25 2009 Bear Grylls Drinks Elephant Dung Juice
This video is like two years old so if you've seen it, congratulations, free Geekologie bumper sticker. Just leave an 'OLD' and your bank account info in the comments and I'll have it transferred first thing Monday morning. Anyway, did you know that in an emergency situation you can drink the juice out of elephant shit? No, because you'd rather die. And I'd imagine puking afterward would probably end up doing more harm than good. But Bear Grylls is all man. Also, I love how a piece of shit almost falls in his mouth at 0:34, classic.
Thanks to Tim, who tried it with baby shit and *HORF*
Apr 2 2009 What's Under The Zipper?: Sackboy Anatomy
This is another anatomical rendering by Jason Freeney of Sackboy's innards. As you can see, there are guts under that zipper. Of course, I already knew that because I got all stabby on him once when he wouldn't give me his wallet. Yeah, and all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't stitch Sackboy together again. So, let that be a lesson to the rest of you.
Jason Freeney's Website
and
The Anatomy Of A Sackboy [kotaku]
Thanks to Julian, who took one for the team and pointed out Sackboy's genitalia was modeled after his own so I wouldn't have to.
Feb 11 2009 Chinese Death Bus Kills You, Pilfers Organs
Wow. The bus seen here is one of forty in China used as a mobile execution chamber for criminals sentenced to death. And no, it doesn't run over you.
The buses provide a setup for lethal injections, and the acts are carried out on streaming video so local authorities can observe and ensure that everything is done legally.
Critics say that the buses help the government secretly harvest organs to sell to the west, as there's already a doctor on hand to administer the injection and they never show the bodies between execution and cremation.
The government is secretly harvesting criminal's organs for sale to the west? Wow, that is freaking wrong. China, get with the program, that shit ain't right.
China's Death Buses Deliver Executions, Organ Harvesting On the Go [gizmodo]
Psst. Over here. Looking for a liver.
Thanks to Hector, who doesn't ride the bus because he bought a car. Nice, Hector, wanna scoop me and go to the mall?
Jan 28 2009 It's Like Bathing In The Forest!: The Moss Mat
Moss is like nature's carpet that never has to be vacuumed. So why not bring a little of the outdoors in with a mossy bathmat?
Nguyen La Chanh's ingenious design is made from a decay-free foam called plastazote, and populated with three varieties of moss: ball, island, and forest. Maintenance required for this little patch of green is limited, as the moss thrives off of the humidity released from daily bathroom rituals.
I want one. I just question how much traffic the mat can stand. Granted, that wouldn't be a problem for me -- I only shower bi-weekly. It's called cologne, folks, and I'm saving the planet one less shower at a time.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.
Continue Reading " It's Like Bathing In The Forest!: The Moss Mat "
Jan 22 2009 Get Away From The World And Die Alone And Miserably In The 'Generic Escape Capsule'
'The Generic Escape Capsule' was fashioned by Australian artist Adam Norton out of an old wardrobe after he discovered it wouldn't transport him to a magical land where he could f*** lions and witches and goat-people. Basically, Adam included everything a person would need to survive a couple days away from the world, should one get tired of their nagging wife/girlfriend or get buried in an earthquake. Plus, as a bonus, it doubles as a masturbation chamber. Triples as kindling.
Hit the jump for a close up of the last thing you'll see before you decide it's just not worth living anymore.
Dec 26 2008 New Mercedes Feature Alerts Sleepy Drivers
Mercedes, in their unending quest to save the lives of the rich, is installing a new feature in its E class automobiles (sorry, you C class peasants are still f***ed).
Mercedes studied the brain waves of sleepy drivers, and matched those up with lackadaisical steering tendencies, resulting in a car that can sense if you're spacing out.
Attention Assist uses precision sensors on the steering column to watch your attention level, and if you start to fall asleep, it sounds an obnoxious alarm, accompanied by an icon in the middle of the speedometer suggesting that you pause for a cup of coffee.
No word on whether it can distinguish if you're just masturbating.
Mercedes cars now smart enough to wake up drowsy drivers [dvice]
Oct 1 2008 Flatshare Refrigerator Keeps Your No Good Thieving Roommates Out Of Your Food
Not really, it just separates everyone's food so it doesn't get mixed up. The Flatshare is a finalist in the Electrolux Design Lab 2008 competition and is the brainchild of Austrian design student Stefan Buchberger, who has obviously had it up to here with getting his freaking Eggos stolen. The unit consists of a base on which you can stack four separate refrigerator/freezer modules. Neat concept, but pretty worthless in real-world application. This won't stop a roommate from stealing your cold cuts, trust me. But you know what will? Poison. Haha, I poured rat killer in the OJ. I think it worked too, because I haven't heard a peep from the loud bastard in a few hours. I'll go check on him just as soon as I finish this screwdrive....oh Jesus -- quick, somebody call poison cont
Flatshare Fridge Separates Your Roommate's Rotten Food From Yours [gizmodo]
Thanks to Sophia, who agrees it's a sin punishable by pissing on their clean clothes pile to steal a roommate's last pudding pack.
Sep 11 2008 Buy Your Own Creepy Bioengineered Pet
GenPets are bioengineered pets specifically created to make petcare as simple as possible. They come in a state of hibernation, but awaken when the sleep inducing protein serum is removed from their nutrient supply tube. Some highlights from the FAQs:
Are Genpets Real animals? How?
Genpets are living, breathing mammals. Bio-Genica is a Bioengineering Company that has combined, and modified existing DNA to create the Genpets lineup. Genpets have blood, bones, and muscle; they will bleed if you cut them, and die if mistreated just like any other animal. The electronic components are only in the packages and are for basic life support, outside of the packages the Genpets are wholly organic.
Do Genpets feel pain?
Yes. However the Genpets have limited vocal chords so they will not create a large amount of noise when disturbed.
Can Genpets become angry or violent?
The Genpets are designed to be docile, combined with that, the nutrient packs keep them well tempered. If a Genpet were to be taken off of its nutrient pack it would die long before any behavioural issues could develop as the nutrient packs are also the Genpets sole source of food.
If you haven't guessed by now, GenPets are faker than my girlfriend's bra busters, but not nearly as fun to poke at in the car while she's trying to drive. GenPets a hoax and art exhibit by Adam Brandejs, and are meant to start an open discussion about the benefits and drawbacks of bioengineering. But they did a bangup job on making the website look believable, so send friends and family there to freak them out. Or, if you're really aiming to scar them, make em watch 6 girls + 2 pitchers.
More pictures after the jump, and stop searching you sicko, there is no 6 girls + 2 pitchers (I hope).
Aug 20 2008 ZOMG, She's Not Real -- She's CG!
You see that chick? She's not real -- she's a CG version of actress Emily O'Brien created by facial animation studio Image Metrics. And let me tell you, she definitely kicks the shit out of last week's CG facials.
Using (USC's) Institute for Creative Technologies' special scanning system that can capture facial details down to the individual pore, the face of actress Emily O'Brien was transformed into a digital representation of herself, which could then be entirely machine-manipulated. A special spherical lighting rig captured O'Brien in 35 reference facial poses using a pair of high resolution digital cameras. The facial maps were then converted into 3D data using Image Metrics' proprietary markerless motion capture technology.
Hit the jump to see a high-res video of the CG Emily talking and moving. It's freaking amazing. Did I mention she kind of looks like Keira Knightley? Because she does. Now I'm not sure what kind of implications this has for the adult-entertainment industry, but if I had to guess, I'd say a series of wicked pirate-themed skin-flicks. Pirates of The Caribbean: At World's Rear End! Or, alternatively, Pirates of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chesticles.
Hit the jump for a few more pictures and a very worthwhile video.
Jul 22 2008 Drunk Driver Blows 0.491, Is Still Alive
No, it wasn't me. I don't drink and drive. I drink and walk. And already have enough trouble with that. Stanley Kobierowski though, he's another story.
Stanley Kobierowski, 34, of North Providence, was arrested after he drove into a highway message board on Interstate 95 in Providence, Maj. Steven O'Donnell said.
Smooth move, dipshit.
The legal limit in Rhode Island is .08. A blood alcohol of .3 is classified as "stupor," .4 is "comatose" and .5 is considered fatal, according to the health department. "Our only assumption could be that the person has a serious alcohol problem," O'Donnell said.
Uh, yeah, amazing assumption there, Major O'Donnell. Really, you sure he's an alcoholic and not just a robot that runs on gin?
Seriously though folks, no drinking and driving. I'll call you a taxi or come and pick you up myself if I have to. Because if I catch another one of you floundering around in my pool after you've driven through the fence and off the diving board, I'll kill you myself.
UPDATE: That's not a picture of his accident. That's just something I found on the interwebs to use as the picture.
Driver Charged With .491 Blood Alcohol Level [wbztv]
Thanks Mark, and like I said before, I wasn't in Rhode Island this morning, I swear.
Mar 26 2008 London Tower To House 100,000 People
London needs to find room to house 100,000 more people by 2016. One solution is this thing, a massive 5,000-foot tall tower (must see picture of the whole thing after the jump) design by the Populararchitecture firm. Reminds me of the plans for Japan's massive building, but this one is less pyramidal and more phallical.
The tower, which at this point remains simply a novel idea, would take up little actual ground space and run like a proper democracy. It is literally broken up into municipal areas--the "neighborhood" is a singe floor of 600; the village is 20 floors and houses 6,000. There are also three super-districts that house 33,000 people each.Elected reps serve in a local government and have regular meetings to decide what to do with common areas, which would include an ice skating rink, a botanical garden, an open-air theater, and tennis courts.
Shit, did that just say tennis courts? Sold! How soon can I sign a lease?
Make sure to hit the jump to see the ridiculously tall tower in full effect.
Mar 3 2008 Apartment Building With Hydroponic Gardens
There's a new apartment complex going up in Wuhan, China. Big deal you say? Well what if I told you that each apartment includes a 100-square-foot trellised hydroponic garden? Now I know what you're thinking -- "Yes, weed!" And you are correct. Indeed, all the weed you need. No but seriously, you're supposed to grow vegetables and stuff like that. Although that girl in the picture does look kind of high. And kind of like a ghost. So you can count me out. No number of hydroponic gardens is enough to get into a haunted apartment complex. Am I right? High five!
An apartment building with private hydroponic gardens [dvice]
