Nov 16 2009 Bedtime Stories: Bioshock Told In 3 Minutes

This is a three-minute video of a woman reading the tale of Bioshock to a ~~little kid~~ old-ass man as a bedtime story. And, as a guy who recently played through Bioshock with his older brother (with all the lights on, and never after 7PM), I thought it was pretty good. But don't watch it unless you want the whole story spoiled. Because that's what it does, it spoils. Just like bad parents. YOU'LL GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT!

One Upon a Pixel [gametrailers]

Thanks to Jaker, the Joker's less clown-y brother. No makeup for him!

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Aug 5 2009 Dang, You've Got It Rough: Video Game FML's

MORE: big daddy , characters , damn , failure , funny , life , little sister , mario , real life , reality , rough life , sucks to be you , sucky , video games , zelda

Even if you were just born this morning you've probably heard of FMyLife. The concept is simple: you make up some cheeselog story about how much your life sucks and then you post it on the internet (which is magic) so people can feel better about how much their lives suck. It's really a victorious feeling. So yeah, these are some FMyLife's written by famous video game characters. Now, I encourage you all to write your own video game inspired FML's in the comments. I'll get you started:

I think I'm in love. Unfortunately, every attempt I make at sweeping my love interest off her little feet is thwarted by a Big Daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks (0) - you totally deserve it (24933024 jillion)
On 08/05/1960 at 8:24am - love - by Jack - Rapture, Atlantic Ocean

Hit the link for a couple more.

Video Game FMyLife [collegehumor]

Thanks to Joemo, whose life is awesome. Good for you, Joemo. No, really, I'm happy for you.

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Aug 4 2009 Okay: Lamps That Look Like Security Cameras

MORE: big brother , camera , clever , design , eye in the sky , form , i like , lamp , little sister , neat , security , security camera , sure why not , video camera , who keeps stealing my paperclips?

The Antrepo 'I'm Not A Security Camera' is a desk lamp in the form factor of a security camera. Set it on the desk or hang it on the wall -- either way you'll think twice before looking at what you and I both know you looked at online while at work. Tsk, tsk. Plus, it might help deter stapler theft. Better than a loaded gun? No, but safer. Remember when you shot yourself in the leg trying to fill up a cup at the water cooler? That was funny. Your blood makes me laugh.

Spoticam Lamp [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Steven, who just booby traps everything instead.

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Jan 29 2009 Swiss Pot Farmers Busted Via Google Earth

MORE: big brother , busted , damn , drugs , drugs are bad , drugs are good , eye in the sky , google maps , high , illegal , legalize it , little sister , pot , pot of green , satellite , smoke , smoking

Swiss police happened upon a 'marijuana plantation' while viewing parts of the countryside via Google Earth. 16 people have been arrested, and 1.2 tons of marijuana and $780,000 in cash and valuables confiscated.

The plantation, measuring almost two acres, was hidden inside a field of corn. But officers using Google Earth to locate the address of two farmers suspected of involvement in the drug operation quickly spotted the illegal crop.

The gang is alleged to have sold up to7.7 US tons of hashish and marijuana between 2004 and 2008, with an annual turnover of 3-10 million francs a year, officials said.

Damnit Switzerland, whatever happened to being neutral? I mean, it was just a little chronic. Okay, probably schwag. Whichever the case, I'm still boycotting your knives.

Police Google farmers, find marijuana field [msnbc]

Thanks to chad, the man, not the country.

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