Nov 16 2009 Glowing Booze!: Electroluminescent Bottles

Apparently battery-powered illuminated liquor bottles are becoming all the rage. They're supposed to grab your attention when you're trying to decide what to order at the bar. Yeah, TOO BAD I ALREADY KNOW WHAT I WANT (one of everything -- and keep the cherries coming).

Ballantine's new "Listen to Your Beat" campaign includes an electroluminescent label with graphic equalizer display. Designed by London-based "The Core," this label is more evidence of a trend towards animated, self-illuminating liquor labels. Similar to these battery-powered T-shirts, audio references seem to occur frequently in youth-oriented liquor packaging. (The J&B bottle above is another example.)

You know if you really want to sell liquor you don't need ridiculous gimmicks like light-up bottles. No, what you need is me. I could sell firewater to a teetotaler AND get him to drink it. CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! Aaaaaand you're vomiting on my shoes. Now wipe your mouth, we're doing it again.

Hit the jump for several videos of light-up bottles in action.

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Aug 14 2009 Booze Detector Reveals Purity Of Your Drink

Product designer Emilio Alarcón designed the Rotgutonix booze detector in order to determine if you're imbibing the real deal or just some economy swill poured into a nicer bottle.

Just dip the Rotgutonix pen into a glass of alcohol (no mixers, please), and let it soak for 20 seconds. The pen's liquid-crystal display will tell you if you're about to drink some real whiskey or some nasty rotgut, it'll tell you.

Unfortunately the device can currently only detect the chemical composition of 6 brands of liquor: Johnnie Walker, JB, DYC, Havana Club, Pampero and Brugal....The good news is that makers of the Rotgutonix are working on a future update that should allow it to detect up to 20 different booze profiles.

You know, there's any easy way to get around the need for a Rotgutonix detector. It's called ALWAYS ORDERING THE CHEAPEST BOOZE POSSIBLE. Any funny switch-o change-o business works out in your favor! Well, provided they're not just watering the alcohol down. Which, FYI, is grounds to stab a barkeep with a little plastic sword or umbrella. YES I DRINK FRUITY DRINKS, WHAT?!

Hit the jump for one more shot.

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Apr 21 2009 Cocktails For The Trekkie Boozehound

Let's face it, even Trekkies like to get all crunk on spacejuice and get into Vulcan Death Grip fights at the bar. Completely understandable. These are only two of ten Star Trek inspired cocktails, so be sure to hit the jump to see eight more. Then make one. However, I was a little sad to see there was no Red Shot (with significantly increased chance of death). Or Khaaaaanikazi. Or 3 Buttery Nipples.

Also, you show me a bar that actually keeps figs in stock and I'll show you a guy whoring himself out for drinks. Ha, or you can tell The Superficial Writer yourself, whatever.

Hit the jump for the rest. You'd howl too if your figs were frozen. Anybody?

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Apr 16 2009 I'll Have Another: The Triforce....OF BOOZE!

The Triforce is a shot made of equal parts dark rum, banana liqueur, and Goldschläger. It sounds delicious (minus the combination of rum, banana and cinnamon), and I'm going to drink them until I start seeing fairies. You know, like Julia Roberts in Hook. But way nakeder. YOW YOW, TINK!

So all you Zelda fans know the Tri-force has three parts. Link (courage), Zelda (wisdom), Gannon (strength), and The Geekologie Writer (awesome). That was the inspiration for this drink. I chose a dark Rum for Link, since he represents courage, and the nick-name for rum is "liquid courage." Then there is 99 Bananas for Zelda. It's smooth and refreshing (and since she is a girl, she gets the fruity part - duh!). And lastly there is Goldschläger for Gannon, representing strength, because it is the part of this shot that really kicks your ass.

Cool, but Goldschläger doesn't really kick your ass. I mean, it's 87 proof cinnamon-flavored mouthwash. No, I suggest we ramp up the "strength" aspect of the drink. I'm thinking moonshine. And by thinking I mean manufacturing. Unless you're a cop, in which case I really did mean thinking.

Meet me by the old oak tree.

Gamer Drink: The Triforce [thedomesticscientist]
via
Slam Down A Triforce, Go Back In Time [kotaku]

Thanks Julian, I bought a round on your tab while you were in the bathroom. And drank them all. They tasted like happiness.

Apr 2 2009 Today's Awesome Failure Award Goes To....

Well, actually, it's a tie. First, a liquor store robber who probably had his mommy drive him there while he finished his juice box.

Police say a 19-year-old who tried to rob a liquor store sat down and cried after 76-year-old owner locked him in the store. The man was accused of trying to rob Sykes Liquor Store in Trenton Monday night. Police said the owner, who was behind the counter, triggered the lock after the man grabbed a bottle of Hennessy cognac and bolted for the door.

The man then allegedly pulled out a handgun and demanded to be released. But the owner said he saw that the gun was a fake, refused to unlock the door and called police.

Police said the suspect threw away the gun, slumped to the floor and was crying when officers arrived to arrest him.

Wow, that is both sad and awesome at the same time. Kind of like the first time I had sex, but without the -- oh wait, he was crying. Yep, exactly like that then. Next, an idiotic failure at life who called 911 after "locking" herself in her car.

A woman called Kissimmee police to say she was locked inside her car at the Walgreen's on John Young Parkway near Poinciana.

"My car will not start. I'm locked inside my car," the unidentified woman said. "Nothing electrical works. And it's getting very hot in here, and I'm not feeling well."

The dispatcher asked the woman if she was able to manually pull the lock up on the door. The woman said she would try, and then, she said, "Yes, I got the door open."

Can we please get that woman's license revoked? And also, oxygen supply. If only she hadn't gotten reception....damn you, Verizon network!

Man cries after attempt to rob liquor store fails [yahoonews]
and
Woman to 911: Help! I'm locked inside my car [orlandosentinel]

Thanks to Joemo and Jason, who have never cried because when they feel a tear coming they just punch themselves in the eye until it goes away.

Mar 5 2009 It'll Get You Drunk!: The McNuggitini *HORF*

The McNuggitini is a cocktail inspired by the deliciousness that is a McDonald's (all clay) milkshake and Chicken McNuggets (which do constitute an emergency).

Ingredients:

2 McNuggz (plus more for snacking)
1 tub McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce (plus more for licking off pinky finger)
1 lg. Mcdonalds Brand Chocolate Milkshake (plus more for bringing all the boys to the yard)
1 bottle Vanilla Vodka (recommended brand: Absolut)

Open the McDonalds bag. Eat one McNugg each, followed by two bites of the Filet-o-Fish (make sure you don't tell anyone that you eat Filet-o-Fishes).

Rim each martini glass with McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce, and pour milkshake/vodka mixture into the glass. Garnish with a McNugg (which is to be swiped along barbeque sauce rimmed glass after the milkshake has been finished, and consumed with pure, unadulterated glee).

My goodness that sounds....puke in my mouth-y. I do like vodka though. But I only take it ultra-neat. I'm talking straight to the vein, folks -- mainlining! ALL ABOARD THE PASS-OUT EXPRESS, NEXT STOP: BATHROOM FLOOR. CHOO CHOO!

Hit the link if you want to see a pictorial of the McNuggitini experience featuring Alie and Georgia.

In Which Georgia Gives You The McNuggetini [thisrecording]

Thanks to Tank and Bronson, who, not to be outdone, invented the Fillet O' Fishtini.

Feb 20 2009 Talented Geekologie Reader Makes Mario 1-Up Mushroom From Tequila Bottle Cork

It never ceases to amaze me the talent you Geekologie Readers possess. In this particular case, reader Bexx B. made a 1-Up mushroom out of the cork from a bottle of tequila she chugged. *swoon*

So, because I am a drunkard. After finishing off my bottle of Trader joes Tequila - I looked @ the cork.. and thought WELL goddamn! it looks like a mushroom.

So I made this from it. A 1-up Mushroom! HA!

Wow, creative AND an alcoholic. Really reminds me of somebody I know -- The Superficial Writer! Half burn?

Thanks Bexx, now eat it and tell us what happens.

Feb 16 2009 Luxury Ice Comes At A Cost (Hint: $8 A Ball)

I had no idea there was a market for luxury ice and I'm still hoping there isn't but California-based Glace Luxury Ice Company is hoping differently. The company is selling 2.5-inch "luxury" ice spheres for $8 a freaking ball.

The Glices are supposedly hand-carved in Canada (sure they are) and delivered in "elegant packaging" complete with dry ice, and are designed to compliment even the most expensive of drinks. And besides their claims that a sphere is "among the most efficient ways to cool your drink" the company does use purified water to ensure there are no contaminates in the ice spheres to alter the taste of premium drinks or liquors.

I swear, you people and your "premium drinks or liquors". You know what I drink? Radiator wine. Recipe: Set one bottle of apple juice on the radiator in front of your dorm window for one semester. Drink. Also, Skittle Brew. Recipe: Add your favorite flavor combination of Skittles to one bottle of vodka. Shake and let sit overnight. Drink with breakfast. Speaking of which....

Mmmm, grapealimey.

Hit the jump for more ridiculous pictures of expensive spherical ice.

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Jan 12 2009 Luke, I Am Your Mobile Drink Cart: BaR2D2

BaR2D2 is a mobile robot bartender complete with everything you need to get crunknasty and puke on yourself and everyone around you.

BaR2D2 is a radio-controlled, mobile bar that features a motorized beer elevator, motorized ice/mixer drawer, six-bottle shot dispenser, and sound activated neon lighting. The robot is driveable so you can take the party on the road! It was created in my garage using standard hand/power tools and readily available parts and materials.

Now I know he's a robot, and that I should be scared, but Goddammit, he serves booze -- AND plays the Zelda theme (around 1:00). So yeah, I'm having a hard time hating him. And also, tying my shoes. Laces can be so tricky sometimes.

Build A Mobile Bar - BaR2D2 [instructables]

Thanks to Manwai, who doesn't need a robotic bartender because the dude pisses moonshine. And also, to Jamie, who actually made the thing -- NOW MAKE ME ONE PLEAAAASEEE!

Dec 18 2008 'Tis The Season: Beer Bottle Christmas Trees

With Jesus' surprise roller-skating party just a week away, I thought I'd spread some holiday drunkeness in the form of beer bottle Christmas trees. This first one is made from 1,050 bottles, and there's a video after the jump of a Heineken tree with over 2,000. Also, I added a video of some drunkard making a Jagermeister tree out of a big piece of plywood and airplane bottles. It's amazing the time and effort people put into these things. A thousand bottles, 200 lights, 60 man-hours of labor, and one drunk Geekologie Writer to bring it all crashing down. Feliz cumpleaños, Jesus! And tell Santa I'll post nudey pics of Mrs. Claus if he pulls that coal shit again this year.

Hit it for the other videos.

Continue Reading " 'Tis The Season: Beer Bottle Christmas Trees "

Dec 17 2008 Just Plain Classy: Crown Royal Bag Quilts

My brother Frank knows classy shit when he sees it, and this is living proof. Personally, I can't remember the last time I had 100 Crown Royal bags, but that's because I drink too much. Did that make any sense? It shouldn't have, I've been drinking. For $350 ebay seller misteria0 will quilt you up some warmth in the form of stitched-together Crown Royal bags (for those of you that don't know, each bottle of Crown Royal comes its own little embroidered velvety bag). Quilts come in both 100+ bag and 150+ bag options, and are sure to keep you toasty on a cold winter's night. Alternatively, drink heavily and set yourself on fire. Ha, or turn the heat up you cheap f***er!

Hit the jump for a blurry closeup of the quality stitching.

Continue Reading " Just Plain Classy: Crown Royal Bag Quilts "

Dec 8 2008 Gun Booze Dispenser Just Makes Good Sense

Let's face it, guns and booze go together like trebuchets and LSD: they were made for each other. So the $22 Shots Gun Drink Dispenser comes as no surprise. You just jam the topper (complete with holster) on a bottle, pump the pump, and PEW PEW drinks to your hearts content. Load Bacardi 151 or everclear and a lighter and your gun magically transforms into a flamethrower! *PEW PEW* Whee! Oh -- *WHOOOOSH* Haha, my cubicle's on fire. MEDIC!

Shots Gun Drink Dispenser makes you the new Sheriff in town [slipperybrick]

Thanks to Richthegringo, who never drinks without packing heat. And also, Mylanta. The dude drinks some pretty nasty shit.

Jun 13 2008 Guy Scores Himself A DWI On Cooler Scooter

Well folks, they finally got me. After months of (relatively) incident free cooler scooting around town, I finally scored my first DWI while doing 13 MPH down the sidewalk.

Leslie J. "Bomber" Marr, 57, was charged with driving while intoxicated and aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle after the police saw him swerving on the street and driving on the sidewalk in his "Cruzin Cooler," Whitehall Police Chief Richard LaChapelle told the Post Star newspaper.

Marr's electric-powered cooler was filled with 14 beers and has room for 24 cans and ice, Fox News reported.

These jackasses have the story all wrong. First off, my name is Leslie J. "Mad Bomber" Marr, and secondly, there were only 12 beers left because I slammed two before the cop got out of his car.

Under New York state law, driving any motorized vehicle must be done without alcohol, including motorized coolers. In various states, other modes of transportation in which driving is prohibited while intoxicated include lawnmowers, boats, bicycles, golf carts, wheelchairs and horses.

Wow, no drunk wheelchairing, huh? Why don't we just go the extra mile and make being handicapped illegal too?

Man Gets DWI After Riding Motorized Cooler [wgal]

Thanks Jacob, now everyone's gonna make fun of me

Apr 14 2008 Halitosis Detector Also Features Alcohol Meter

We featured another stink-breath detector on Geekologie a while ago, but that one didn't have a back-lit screen or breathalyzer, so it sucked. But the Etiquiette Checker ($59) does, so while it still sucks, at least it's the lesser of two suckages. You just blow into the device, and it gives you a score from 1-6, 1 being go French kiss the hottest chick you can find, 6 being you may have just licked a dog's ass. But this marvel doesn't end there, no sir. It also gives you a blood alcohol reading in 0.05 increments (kind of useless). Remember the first time one of your friends got a breathalyzer and you all went out to see who could blow the highest? I do, it was great. I thought for sure I was going to win with a 0.27, but my buddy Shitty Bill ended up blowing us all out of the liquor with a 0.38.

R.I.P. Shitty

UPDATE: Glad this guy wasn't there.

Electronic Etiquette Checker [ohgizmo]

Mar 6 2008 Keyboard Offers Storage Underneath, My Liver Rejoices At A Place To Stash Airplane Bottles

Stashing airplane bottles at work is getting to be a hassle, and quite frankly the whole "up the rear" method is getting old (and probably wearing my O-ring out). Well now all my problems have been solved thanks to the Keyboard Organizer. It's a keyboard with a storage compartment underneath and retails for $50.

Key Benefits

*Low Cost
*Organizes the desk
*Makes use of space
*Quality touch and feel
*Blister Packed
*1 year return to base (BNI) warranty

Okay, when "Blister Packed" (aka clam shelled) is a key benefit of your product it's a sign you need to go ahead and fire the entire marketing department. Who in the hell likes blister packs? Are these people freaking crazy? The damn thing probably wouldn't fit any airplane bottles anyway. Hold on, phone.

Sorry about that, it was my girlfriend. She was all excited about a storage keyboard she just bought because it comes blister packed. I'm going to cut her brake lines when she comes home for lunch.

PS2 Keyboard And Desktop Organizer [nerdapproved]

Dec 19 2007 Liquor Lock Protects Your Precious Booze

The Liquor Lock is a little $15 combination lock that's supposed to protect your stash of the good stuff from others. Unfortunately the thing works on the premise of an expanding stopper, which makes me wonder just how safe your booze really is. I do like the idea though, because many a party I've thrown only to find some dick has been sneaking into my hidden bourbon stash. That’s why now I lock all the good stuff in a safe and fill a couple of top-shelf bottles with bleach and hide them in a cabinet. Not only is my bourbon safe, but the jerks who snoop around for the good stuff end up drinking bleach. It's win-win. Me: 1 and very drunk, Thieving bastards: 0 and very dead.

Liquor Lock puts a halt to theiving partygoers [dvice]

Nov 27 2007 Umbrella Flask Hides Liquor, Costs Too Much

This Brigg umbrella features a Malacca cane two-piece handle with a fitted screw-in drinking flask. That's all well and good, but the damn thing costs around $880! Now correct me if I'm wrong, but if you have $880 to spend on a freaking umbrella, I'm pretty sure you're allowed to drink anywhere you damn well please. Because you're filthy rich. Who would want to be caught drinking out of a cane/umbrella anyways? You'd look ridiculous. Like I do right now drinking out of my girlfriend's purse. The bartender looked away for one second last night and I had that thing filled to the brim with bourbon. Sure it tastes like makeup and tampons, but that's a small price to pay for free liquor.

Umbrella Flask: Swigin' in the Rain [boingboing]

Nov 19 2007 Martini Maker: James Bond Would Be Sick

The Waring Pro Automatic Martini Maker is an electric martini maker that costs $100. "Simply add your favorite ingredients using the 1-ounce shaker cap, turn it on, wait for the green olive to light up, press shaken or stirred on the touchpad and you've just made the perfect martini." So basically it's a piece of junk that shakes or stirs ingredients for $100. Notice how James Bond, a martini connoisseur, does not endorse this product. He thinks it's stupid. Like making out with ugly chicks, he just doesn't do it. I do though, because I'm desperate and ugly.

James Bond Gadget - automatic martini maker [popgadget]

Nov 14 2007 Roly Poly Shot Glasses Will Spill Your Liquor

The Roly Poly Shot Glasses Cordial set costs $33 and make your precious liquor wobble around on the table. This is the last thing I need, because I have a hard enough time getting the goodness to my lips without spilling anything, and I'm tired of drinking off the table/floor. Allegedly if you fill them properly they won't spill, but it looks like I may have filled that shot in the front a little too much. Hey! Who the hell keeps leaving their hors d'oeuvres on my table with no napkin? This table is a family heirloom people, my grandmother gave it to me. Get the hell out of my house you disrespectful a-holes! F you all, I'm getting sloshed alone.

Roly Poly Drink Set Falls Very Short of Classy [uberreview]

Nov 6 2007 Drunk Driving: V8 Powered Barstools

Featured at SEMA 2007, these Hossfly V8 Barstools are exactly what they sound like. Unless you were thinking they were made from a tomato-based beverage that tastes like ass. If you were thinking that you were wrong. I'm talking engines here. I want one. Oh, and the steering wheel should have a cocktail table attachment for when you're parked. Just make sure to clear the table and stow it before taking off. Otherwise you'll have to explain to police why you were driving a barstool and cocktail table loaded with drinks down the sidewalk with no lights on. Which isn't easy.

A video of them in action after the jump, which allegedly doesn't give an accurate portrayal of the noise these things crank out.

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