Aug 30 2009 Crazy Fool Is "Friends" With A Pack Of Lions
This crazy damn fool, Kevin Richardson, runs a wildlife refuge in South Africa and has become a member of a pack of lions. It is probably the awesomest and stupidest thing I've ever seen (and I once saw a friend jump off the top of his parents' townhouse with a trashbag parachute). Just sayin', you remember how Grizzly Man ended, don't you? SPOILER ALERT: As a giant Timmy Treadwell-shaped grizzly turd. But who am I to judge? I'm just a regular guy who bangs dinos. RAWR! YES....YES....EAT ME NOOOOOOOW!
Thanks to Asbo, who was once accepted into a pod of whales but was later rejected when he tried to suckle one's teat.
May 15 2009 A Day In The Life Viewed Entirely In Logos
You may have already seen this before, and if you have, congratulations, you're a real internetellect. But for those of you who haven't, this is a day in the life of some woman named Jane viewed entirely in logos. Pretty clever. I thought about making one for myself, but then realized it would just be HP, Geekologie, Maker's Mark, Jurassic Park and Kleenex. I'm a simple guy, really.
Fun with brands - Jane's Brand-timeline Portrait [dearjanesample]
Thanks to Caroline, who only uses off-brands because she's thrifty. OR MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE SHE KNOWS SOMETHING WE DON'T! Caroline, is there something you'd like to share with the rest of the class?
Apr 17 2009 A Whole Bunch Of Inky Sadness: LOLTATZ
LOLTATZ is like LOLCATZ but instead of cute animals there's a bunch of questionable tattoos. Obviously some people don't recognize a Metroid when they see one, but that's okay. I posted a bunch of my favorites after the jump, which you should definitely look at because most of them are hard to fathom. Like the fact that we've been to the moon. THE FREAKING MOON, MAN. That shit looks so small at night. You know what I mean -- like when you think about the universe and how tiny man is but how big we are compared to mice. What? I'm not stoned, you're stoned. Ice cream sandwiches. Jinx!
Hit the jump for a bunch more and a link to the website.
Apr 10 2009 Anything Can Happen: Stripper Turns Nun
Anna Nobili is a 38-year old stripper veteran who has been dancing the lap for 20 years all across Europe. But not anymore! She has seen the light, and now only dances for Jesus. I'd tithe her.
Sister Anna, originally from Milan, says she was 'inspired' during a visit to the shrine of St Francis in Assisi. Deciding she wanted more out of life, Miss Nobili has joined the the order of the Sister Workers of the Holy House of Nazareth.
"I was throwing away my life dancing for men. I was being used as a drug by people who wanted to see me dance."Next week she will be in Rome to perform a ballet called Holy Dance, dedicated to episodes from the Bible, for senior cardinals and bishops.
I apologize if you already watched the video, I meant to warn you it makes no sense, features no quality strip-club action, and only briefly shows Anna doing her new dance for God (around 2:45). The rest is an interview in Italian that I couldn't understand. Still, for 38, she's not the worst looking stripper I've ever seen. Fun fact: they let the dancers perform pregnant in West Virginia. It's true. And I can say that because I was born there. THAT'S RIGHT, I'M WILD AND WONDERFUL, BITCHES, WHAT?!
Sister Anna dances for God after 20 years as a lapdancer [couriermail]
Thanks to Julian, who allegedly saw an arm pop out during a lap dance and *HORF HORF HORF HORF HORF* I can't believe I just wrote that.
Apr 3 2009 I Want: Jackets Made From Blow-Up Dolls
You heard right, 31-year old Utrecht-based designer Sander Reijgers modifies track jackets with parts from blow-up dolls to make them mad sexy. It's about time!
I customize existing tracksuit tops with parts of the blow-up dolls: the head, the breasts, the vagina, the anus. These dolls are so ugly and vulgar that turning them into something beautiful has become a challenge for me. The doll is a means to convey something else.
ZOMG, I want one! Except I want mine to have like a hundred vaginas and two nipples on the head like little antennae. Wait till the people on the bus seem me! "ZIP ZAP, I AM FROM MARS."
Hit the jump to see several better ones, I only chose this picture for the front page because of that junkie's ass.
Continue Reading " I Want: Jackets Made From Blow-Up Dolls "
Nov 21 2008 Yarrr, Doubloons!: Live Pirate Map Shows You Where The Plundering Is Going Down
Pirates, they used to wear cool hats. Now? Not so much. But you can still check out their exploits on the International Maritime Bureau's "live piracy map" (based on Google Maps). You know, to see where the booty's being plundered.
Just drill down by using the zoom slider, and click on a flag to see what kind of crime took place. All are labeled with the type of ship, as well as whether the pirates successfully hijacked it or merely boarded. Certain areas, like this one off the coast of East Africa, are pirate paradises. The seas around Singapore and Malaysia are also packed with pirates.
You know where else is packed with pirates? My pants. Isn't that right you little swashbuckling bastards? Haha, just kidding -- they're crabs. I still gave them pirate names though. Stop it Captain Clawhands, that tickles!
Hit the jump for one more map and a link to interactive version in case you can't find the one I cleverly hid in the text of the post.
Continue Reading " Yarrr, Doubloons!: Live Pirate Map Shows You Where The Plundering Is Going Down "
May 6 2008 Geek Flowchart From The New York Times
This is a flowchart from The New York Times that explains that if you're exposed to Dungeons and Dragons too early in life you end up developing an intense relationship with computers and never get any sunlight or chicks. It's pretty accurate. Especially the part about LOLCATS, those little guys are just too precious. And I love they way they talk. HAY I IZ IN UR POST BEIN CUTEZ. See, that was my cat. Just kidding, they don't ever talk. They just shit on the guest bed, which the dog eventually eats.
NOTE: To the friends that stayed at our place this past weekend, that was totally a joke*.
* Psyche, you nasty!
geek flow chart is way too accurate [technabob]
Nov 27 2007 Umbrella Flask Hides Liquor, Costs Too Much
This Brigg umbrella features a Malacca cane two-piece handle with a fitted screw-in drinking flask. That's all well and good, but the damn thing costs around $880! Now correct me if I'm wrong, but if you have $880 to spend on a freaking umbrella, I'm pretty sure you're allowed to drink anywhere you damn well please. Because you're filthy rich. Who would want to be caught drinking out of a cane/umbrella anyways? You'd look ridiculous. Like I do right now drinking out of my girlfriend's purse. The bartender looked away for one second last night and I had that thing filled to the brim with bourbon. Sure it tastes like makeup and tampons, but that's a small price to pay for free liquor.
Umbrella Flask: Swigin' in the Rain [boingboing]
Nov 19 2007 Martini Maker: James Bond Would Be Sick
The Waring Pro Automatic Martini Maker is an electric martini maker that costs $100. "Simply add your favorite ingredients using the 1-ounce shaker cap, turn it on, wait for the green olive to light up, press shaken or stirred on the touchpad and you've just made the perfect martini." So basically it's a piece of junk that shakes or stirs ingredients for $100. Notice how James Bond, a martini connoisseur, does not endorse this product. He thinks it's stupid. Like making out with ugly chicks, he just doesn't do it. I do though, because I'm desperate and ugly.
James Bond Gadget - automatic martini maker [popgadget]
Nov 12 2007 Boeing 727 Street Legal Limo Doesn't Fly
You take a 727 jet, throw it down on a Mercedes bus, and TA-DA, a Boeing 727 limo. It runs on the original Mercedes turbo diesel engine and weighs 24,000 pounds fully fueled. It's fairly long, at 53', and has a passenger capacity of about 50 people. All the crap you normally find in a limo is included -- like ceiling mirrors, bar, novelty lighting, televisions, etc. What's not included is the ability to fly. The thing just sold on eBay for $274,100, so it was kind of expensive. The only problem is that even if you do bang a couple hookers in it, you won't receive a Mile High Club membership. Because you're not a mile high. You're like a couple feet high. And maybe high on crack cocaine.
thanks to Jordan, who is cool, for the tip
Nov 6 2007 Make A Life-Size Jabba The Hutt Puppet
Want to make your own life-size Jabba the Hutt puppet? I don’t, but maybe you do. If so there’s a tutorial online at Star Wars Crafts. You get to use all sorts of fun crap like irrigation tubing, mattress padding, PVC, and LOTS of glue. If you do everything right you end up with a mediocre looking Jabba puppet capable of being controlled by two people. I know I said earlier that I didn’t want to make one, but maybe if a few of you ladies out there volunteered to be my chained Princess Leias I would reconsider. Any takers? No? Screw this project. I hate crafts anyway.
A few more pictures and a video after the jump.
Oct 24 2007 Ferrari Segway Is Wrong On So Many Levels
It all started when staff at Ferrari's Maranello plant fell in love with the Segway and started using them to get around the facility. Next thing you know, BAM!, Limited Edition Ferrari Segway PT-I2 ($10,000). Really makes you wonder about the caliber of individual that's assembling those expensive-ass sports cars doesn't it? I'm sure as hell not driving anything put together by someone who rides a f'ing Segway. Expensive or not. That just moved Ferrari's place in my mind from right under Lamborghini to between Daewoo and Kia. I'm sad to say my Ferrari induced boner days are over.
Ferrari Sells Its Soul to Segway [uberreview]
Oct 24 2007 Flower Urinals: Pee On Something Beautiful
Flower Urinals, from Clark Sorenson, are flower shaped urinals. They sell for anywhere between $6,500 and $9,500, making them ridiculously expensive for a bunch of urine receptacles. Nice try Clark Sorenson, but I developed these things years ago. I had a line of Venus Penis Trap urinals that bit your pollinator off when you were done peeing. I only sold a single unit. Which kind of makes me the Van Gogh of urinal design.
Flower shaped urinals - Nature enters your bathroom for a price [bornrich]
Oct 19 2007 Tag Your Living Room With The Graffiti Sofa
Designer Teruhiro Yanagihara has introduced the 'Grafitti Sofa', which you can mark with your fingers to design. Whatever you scratch in will remain until the sofa is ironed. Now call me crazy, but I could have sworn these were introduced, oh I don't know, forever ago. I've been scratching sofas for years. Ah yes, it seems like just yesterday I was scratching "I banged your girlfriend right here" into a friend's couch. Oh wait, that was yesterday. Hold on, doorbell. Oh Jesus, it's my friend. It looks like he has a gun.
Leave Your Mark [yankodesign]
Oct 12 2007 URWERK 201 Watch Is The Nastiness
The URWERK 201 is not just a watch that tells time in a unique way, no sir -- it's a watch that tells time in a unique way and probably costs more than your house. Designed to appeal to sports car buffs, this thing is ridiculous. It tells time with three hands that rotate to display the hour, and telescope to point to the exact minute (it's 3:18 in the picture). Ten are being made, and the unit must be serviced every 3 years. If you buy one I want to be your friend. Did I mention it shoots laser missiles and comes with a ball massager? Well it should.
URWERK 201 watch [ubergizmo]
Oct 12 2007 Now You Can 'Call Shotgun', Literally
Alexander Reh designed the 'Fully Loaded' chair awhile ago, but now has 30 available for purchase. You have to contact him for pricing information though (read: they're expensive). Each contains 450 .12 gauge shotgun shells, and are allegedly comfortable. If ammunition really close to your a-hole is your definition of comfort.
Two more pictures if you pull the trigger.
Oct 11 2007 Toilet House Won't Flush, Smells Like Ass
In celebration of the first General Assembly of the World Toilet Association, the founder, Sim Jae-duck had this commode house built south of Seoul. The home boasts four deluxe toilets -- whatever the hell those are, and its center has a showcase bathroom, where "the toilets have features that range from elegant fittings to the latest in water conservation devices." The Assembly's goal is to provide clean sanitation for the more than 2 billion people who live without toilets. So why they're building a giant toilet house is a mystery to me. If you happen to be in South Korea go check it out, right at the intersection of Shit Street and Urine Avenue. You can't miss it, it's the house shaped like a f'ing toilet.
One more from the ground after the jump.
Continue Reading " Toilet House Won't Flush, Smells Like Ass "
Oct 10 2007 Working At Waffle House Isn't So Bad After All
When I first saw this I thought the guys were getting strapped in for some sort of new roller coaster ride. Well it turns out that new ride is called "The Worst F'ing Job On Planet Earth". Build a damn robot China, Jesus. What do you do for a living? I stack metal pots and duck. Thank you poor Chinese factory worker carpal tunnel bad neck guys. I will never complain again about working at Waffle House. Or about giving handjobs in the bathroom for extra comic book money. Anything is better than what those guys do.
Oct 8 2007 Stick Chair Looks Like It Could Be Painful
Carlo Volf displayed his Stick Chair at the recent Made In Denmark exhibit in London. He actually made the chair back in 2000, but it's still drawing oohs and aahs from crowds for some reason. "The chair directly references the classic Spindleback Chair, but with a modern twist, as Volf's style reflects newness found within traditional Danish design." Not really sure what that means, because I'm not a seating expert. But to me it looks less like a good chair, and more like a horrible way to lose your anal virginity.
Carlo Volf's Stick Chair [core77]
Oct 8 2007 Robot Suit Makes You Strong, Look Stupid
Scientists at the Kanagawa Institute of Technology in Japan unveiled their air-pressure robot suit at a recent trade fair. The long term goal of the technology is to strap these on the elderly to make them more mobile. For now though they're focusing on caregivers, suggesting that having such a suit would make it easier to pick grandma up if you needed to. Allegedly you can pick up a 220 lb. person, even if you're only half that. The suit weighs 66 pounds and takes 10 minutes to put on. Which means you're not picking anyone up in a hurry. So if grandma needs to go to the bathroom she'll have pissed the bed long before you've transformed into a mechwarrior.
Robot Suit Gives Elderly Super Strenght, Attitude [therawfeed]
