Nov 6 2009 Wow: LHC Shut Down Over Piece Of Baguette
Apparently coming back from the future to destroy itself isn't the only problem the Large Hadron Collider has to face, now it's being sabotaged by crumb dropping birds. CODE BREAD! CODE BREAD!
The Large Hadron Collider, the world's most powerful particle accelerator, just cannot catch a break. First, a coolant leak destroyed some of the magnets that guide the energy beam. Then LHC officials postponed the restart of the machine to add additional safety features. Now, a bird dropping a piece of bread on a section of the accelerator has, according to the Register, shut down the whole operation.
The bird dropped some bread on a section of outdoor machinery, eventually leading to significant over heating in parts of the accelerator. The LHC was not operational at the time of the incident, but the spike produced so much heat that had the beam been on, automatic failsafes would have shut down the machine.
Wow, that's -- what's the word I'm looking for? Pathetic. And by pathetic I mean damn yeah I left that baguette there. YOU AREN'T DESTROYING MY WORLD, LARGE HADRON COLLIDER! Next time I'm bringing jelly.
Baguette Dropped From Bird's Beak Shuts Down The Large Hadron Collider (Really) [popsci]
Thanks to Futuju, Stephen, Kristi, you've got mail and sham, who tried to train squirrels to sabotage the LHC with acorns but the little bastards just kept hiding them.
Oct 15 2009 Wait, Whaaaaat?: Large Hardron Collider Trying To Destroy Itself From The Future
According to a couple nutjobs that I'm actually starting to believe, the Large Hadron Collider is actually destroying itself FROM THE FUTURE to prevent the discovery of the Higgs boson particle. Whoa.
According to the Times, two physicists posit that the reason that the Large Hadron Collider (and, previously, its unbuilt American counterpart) keeps running into problems isn't bad luck or shoddy workmanship. It's that the LHC's quest to discover the Higgs boson--a heretofore only theorized particle that scientists believe is what gives objects mass--is creating problems to keep itself from being discovered:
"A pair of otherwise distinguished physicists have suggested that the hypothesized Higgs boson, which physicists hope to produce with the collider, might be so abhorrent to nature that its creation would ripple backward through time and stop the collider before it could make one, like a time traveler who goes back in time to kill his grandfather."
I didn't even think about that. But now that I do, it makes perfect sense. And by perfect sense I mean none at all. Unlessssss the LHC is actually a giant T-1000! Then we're back to making perfect sense. I think. I dunno man, I smoked weed for breakfast.
Destroyed by Malicious Forces from the Future? [good.is]
Thanks to ffffffffffffff, Patrick, Elizabeth and burntout, who have secretly been sabotaging the LHC for the sake of humanity. Don't worry guys, your secret's safe with me.
Jul 9 2009 Just When You Thought We Were Safe: LHC
That's right folks, the people over at CERN are getting ready to fire the Large Hadron Collider back up this fall. And, well, it's been nice knowing you. Most of you anyways. Okay, just a few of you. Kidding, I love you all. GIMME KISSIES!
To that end, CERN gave the LHC's massive network a thorough stress test at the end of last month. The Collider sent out data to 11 computer centers across Europe, Asia, and North America, which in turn relayed the data to 140 locations in 33 countries to be crunched. A whopping 4 GB a second was cranked out from the LHC, though researchers predict that, while operating, the LHC will only send out around 1.3 GB of data. In other words, the Large Hadron Collider's network should be good to go.
If all goes well, we should hear more about the LHC in the near future, as it ramps up for it's firing in October.
You know, this reminds me of the time when I was a kid that I was so afraid there was a monster in my closet that I couldn't fall asleep. And then, exhausted, I finally passed out only to be abducted by aliens and viciously probed. Yeah, this is just like that.
Large Hadron Collider completes massive stress test [dvice]
Thanks, or should I say no thanks, to Retroprofile, who keeps his Facebook page oldschool.
Feb 10 2009 Large Hadron Collider Still Not Colliding
Apparently now that the LHC has Google doing its bidding, it's taking it easy and won't become operational anytime soon. Unless September is considered soon, in which case, shit, I won't live to see the finale of LOST.
The Large Hadron Collider could be switched back on in September - a year after it shut down due to a malfunction and several months later than expected.
An investigation into the LHC's problems concluded the initial malfunction was caused by a faulty electrical connection between two of the accelerator's magnets. Cern had also said new protection systems would be added as part of £14m repairs.It blamed the shutdown on the failure of a single, badly soldered electrical connection in one of its super-cooled magnet sections.
I applaud you, nameless faulty solderer. I just hope you and the other saboteurs have something planned for September, lest we all get sucked into a worm hole and wind up in some alien's petting zoo. Which, I think we can all agree, would -- wait, you think they have dinosaurs?
Hadron Collider relaunch delayed [bbcnews]
Thanks to Richie-Con-Carne, who tastes delicious with Sriracha hot sauce.
