Sep 15 2009 Snake With Foot Found, Killed In China

I am seriously reconsidering my decision to procreate in China. What with all the winged cats and footed snakes, I don't want my children to grow up with three legs like their father, you know? My beneficial defects aside, I must admit: as an amateur herpetologist, I'm a little skeptical about a footed snake. It seems almost like it swallowed a lizard and then that bastard was all like, "oh hell naw!" and kicked through the snake's bitchass stomach.

Dean Qiongxiu, 66, said she discovered the reptile clinging to the wall of her bedroom with its talons in the middle of the night.

"I woke up and heard a strange scratching sound. I turned on the light and saw this monster working its way along the wall using his claw," said Mrs Duan of Suining, southwest China.

Mrs Duan said she was so scared she grabbed a shoe and beat the snake to death before preserving its body in a bottle of alcohol.

I call shenanigans. Everybody knows snakes lost their right to feet after that one in Eden kept trying to touch Eve's boobs. Yes, I've read the Bible. He ended up stealing her nipples. And that, my flock, is where dried apricots come from. Amen.

Snake with foot found in China [telegraph]

Thanks to carmen, Matty and Chuck Nunchuck, who all have snaked feet. And this little piggy went to GAAAAAAAHH!!

May 21 2009 Girl Miraculously Escapes Darwin Award Despite Diving In Front Of Truck For iPod

Apparently some 16-year old girl dove into traffic because she dropped her iPod in the street and had already blasted her remaining brains out at level 11 volume.

The girl was walking across the street on Tuesday when she dropped her iPod. She went back to grab it in moving traffic and was, unsurprisingly, hit by the approaching pickup truck. She suffered a broken leg, but hey, her iPod is OK!

Now this is the time where I close my eyes and daydream about being the person driving the truck. OH. UH-OH! LADY LOOK OU.... There were no survivors.

Brilliant Girl Jumps In Front of a Pickup Truck to Save iPod [gizmodo]

Apr 17 2009 Legway: Segway's Steampunk Predecessor

The Legway was the original inspiration for Gob Bluth's preferred method of transportation, the Segway. As you can see, it's made out of copper piping, wood, and a heaping portion of leg muscle.

It's actually a variation of the Universe Cycle, with handlebars. I'd love to see a video to see how wonky it is to drive. The builder says it's not that hard and he's gotten pretty good at it.

"Gotten pretty good at it". Ha, that's just techno-babble for "WTF was I thinking tearing the pipes out of the guest bathroom?" Also, do you think the pet store will let me return a frozen dove for a full refund?

Hit the jump for a steampunk snowboard, because, why the hell not?

Continue Reading " Legway: Segway's Steampunk Predecessor "

Mar 6 2009 Giant Remote Controls Windows Media Center

Why? Because pushing little buttons with your thumbs is for little sissies. You need MAN-LEGS to stomp MAN-SIZED BUTTONS to prove you are a REAL MAN. *SHA-POW* Look, I just punched a hole to the center of the galaxy with my MAN-FIST. That doesn't even make sense but it doesn't have to because I am so full of MAN-RAGE. NOW I'M HUMPING A SODA MACHINE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO MORE DR. PEPPER? RAWR!

Our intrepid modder achieved his goal by stitching together two PS2 Dance Dance Revolution mats, a PS2-to-PC controller converter box, and some homebrew source code.

What were we just talking about? Oh right, a giant controller. That thing is mad stupid. I would stomp right through that sucker and into the apartment below mine because my legs are like tree trunks -- wooden. 'Tis true, lost 'em both to the Kraken. YAAARR!

Hit the jump to see a video of the controller in action.

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Feb 25 2009 Woman Gets Custom Mermaid Tail Prosthetic

A New Zealand woman has had a custom mermaid tail prosthetic made for her by Weta Workshop (special effects studio responsible for Lord Of The Rings, etc.). Nadya Vessey lost both of her legs below the knee as the result of a medical condition when she was young.

Ms Vessey told a little boy: "I'm a little mermaid" when he asked what happened to her legs and the idea stuck.

Weta costumer Lee Williams, who worked on the suit between film projects with seven other staff, told Close Up she "wanted [Nadya] to be beautiful and sexy".

After seeing Ms Vessey test the tail in Kilbirnie pool then frolic in the harbour, Ms Williams was stoked. "It was absolutely amazing. It's beautiful to watch Nadya swim and to see that dream come true and to be a part of that. I feel quite blessed."

Beautiful. That's beautiful, isn't it? You think she can still make love with the tail on? Because if so, I'm interested. And also, in the market for a snorkel.

Continue Reading " Woman Gets Custom Mermaid Tail Prosthetic "

Feb 23 2009 Yay, Get Your Own Spider Drawing T-Shirt

Like the saying goes, "a picture's worth a thousand words, but a picture of a spider should be worth at least $233.95". I couldn't agree more. And now you can own a t-shirt with the iconic drawing of a spider for only $14.50. Or, you can print this picture out, tape it to an undershirt, and effectively save yourself $14.50. Now I'm not saying that's what you should do, I'm just saying that's what I did -- and I'm a fashionista. Suck it, Karl Lagerfeld, you....you are creepy.

Product Page

Thanks to jigga, who wears a scorpion-drawing shirt, but it just doesn't have the same appeal. It does, however, have pit-stains.

Feb 10 2009 'Immaculate' Prosthetic Aims To Make Fake Limbs More Attractive, They Totally Succeed

The currently conceptual 'Immaculate' prosthetic was designed by Hans Alexander Huseklepp and looks like a robot's arm. Am I running? No, but I am typing this standing up.

The concept "immaculate" from Hans Alexander Huseklepp explores the idea of turning a handicap into a high-performance, cybernetic fashion statement. The neurological prosthetic is clad in technology-packed corian plates with dome-joints that offer a larger degree of freedom than that motherly-issued arm of yours.

Hey, anything that makes a prosthetic more efficient and those wearing them feel better is alright in my book. I just wish they came with a wood veneer option. What can I say -- I'm a pirate at heart. A really classy one who wears a monocle over his eyepatch. YAAAR, anyone for tea?

Hit the jump for one more picture sans model.

Continue Reading " 'Immaculate' Prosthetic Aims To Make Fake Limbs More Attractive, They Totally Succeed "

Jan 9 2009 Pre & Post Dump Weighing: The Toilet Scale

The Toilet Scale was designed by Haikun Deng so you can weigh yourself while using the john. Personally, I like to sit down while I pee. I'm not sure why I just shared that. Anway, the only problem is you have to make sure your feet aren't touching the ground while it's weighing, or it won't work. So you have to kick your legs out in front of you. Which, let's be honest, we all do anyways. One time I kicked the towel-bar off the wall! This scale is perfect for determining the weight of turds so you can brag to your friends about them later. Wow, a six pounder -- somebody call Guinness! Seriously, I think this warrants a free beer.

Hit the jump for another picture and a little comic of a rabbit sitting on a toilet, in case you've always wanted to see that.

Continue Reading " Pre & Post Dump Weighing: The Toilet Scale "

Jan 2 2009 Yaaaaar!, A Custom Davy Jones Munny Figure

This is a custom Davy Jones Munny figure. You might recall Davy from such blockbusters as Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chesticles, and Ass Pirates of the Caribbean: The Geekologie Writer's Cave of Treasure. This particular pirate was made by Mallory Carson of Fullerton, CA.

Mallory is a 21 year old animation major and currently in her senior year at CSU Fullerton. While she's a full-time student, she manages to score some extra cash by selling her artwork.

And to think I sold my soul (and genitals) to pay my way through college. Art -- who would have known? Seriously though Mallory, good lookin'. I mean it -- I'm handsome as hell. We should date casually.

Hit the jump for two more, including one of Davy-in-progress. Also, his peg-leg looks like a summer sausage and is making me hungry.

Continue Reading " Yaaaaar!, A Custom Davy Jones Munny Figure "

Dec 22 2008 Wow: Man Breaks Knee Playing Guitar Hero

Some guy broke his knee playing Guitar Hero. Well, it wasn't actually the game that did it, he was trying to do a Rockette high-kick or some shit for extra style points. He failed.

I was face to face with my Arch Nemesis/Very Good Friend/Roommate Craig. It was time to see who could out rock each other while playing Texas Flood.

We were neck in neck in points... I had to do something special. I needed STYLE points. I breathed deep, my rock meter was maxed out and I was going to make this audience feel it. I twisted to the right and threw my guitar in the air! Instead of a roaring audience I heard a loud snap! My knee slid to the outside of my leg and my leg bent sideways as I fell to the ground.

Half the people in the room were concerned the other half called me a pussy. One guy, the Geekologie Writer, spilled a drink my couch and then puked everywhere. It was projectile. He left without cleaning it up.

Ha, and don't you ever forget it. I don't just puke, I PEW PEWK.

GuitarHeroBrokeMyKnee.com (complete with grody picture section)

Thanks to Jennaiii, who once broke my heart during a game of Rock Band.

Nov 27 2008 Guy Gets Stephen Hawking Tattoo

"Science fan" Jack Newton got Stephen Hawking's likeness tattooed on his leg in tribute to the world famous physicist (who is 66 and still rollin').

The tattoo - complete with a Monty Python line from the classic Life of Brian film 'He's not the messiah. He's a very naughty boy' written underneath it - has already won two trophies at tattoo conventions.

Mr Newton said: "I read A Brief History of Time, but to be honest I didn't understand a word, but I respect the man and that's why I got his face tattooed on my leg.

Good looking, Jack, but check this tat out -- BADOW! -- Carl F***ing Sagan bitch!

Science fan has Stephen Hawking tattooed on leg [telegraph]

Thanks to louis, who looks just like a handsome Aristotle.

Nov 11 2008 Fire: Set Your Wrist Ablaze! (Metaphorically)

Tokyoflash is back at it, this time with their new Fire design.

Created from a fusion of plastics carefully wrapped around a solid, seamless sheet of highly polished stainless steel, Tokyoflash Fire features a new formation of multi-colored LEDs and is a lightweight design, built to last.

Each hole, with two LEDs beneath the surface represents one unit of time. Yellow LEDs indicate hours 1-12, red LEDs indicate groups of 10 minutes and green LEDs indicate single minutes 1-9.

So it's a fairly easy to read model too. Go ahead -- test yourself on the watch in the picture. Did you get it right? If so, pat yourself on the back. If not, put your helmet back on, your mommy's probably worried about you. The Fire is available now for about $130 and makes the perfect Christmas gift for the person who has everything -- particularly wrists.

UPDATE: F*** it, kankles work too.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and a link to the product page.

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Nov 7 2008 Thanks But No Thanks (I Value My Ass): Honda's Assisted Walking Device

Honda's taking another stab at the growing assisted walking market (that's a market!?), this time with what appears to be a robot that hides between your legs and pokes you in the genitals.

The device will supporting a portion of user's body weight whether they're crouching, walking or climbing stairs and is meant to help both those physically weakened with age or injury as well as workers who would need to reduce the stress on their bodies from heavy work or unusual positions.

The device will support users within two inches of its preset 5-foot, 7-inch user height. The entire system, including its lithium ion battery and shoes, weighs 14.3lbs, and uses two electric motors to assist users' leg movement for up to two hours before a re-charge is required.

Interesting, but I'm going to have pass. You see, I accidentally violated myself with a pogo stick once, and ever since, well, I just couldn't imagine ever cheating on it. I heart you Springy!

Hit the jump for another picture of the barebones device, along with a video of the piece in action.

Continue Reading " Thanks But No Thanks (I Value My Ass): Honda's Assisted Walking Device "

Oct 31 2008 Happy Halloween!: A Scary Dancing Robot

Ah, Halloween. The holiday where I dress up like a ninja turtle and all the girls dress up down to see who can wear the least amount of clothes possible. And they still have the nerve to tell me to watch where I'm swinging my nunchucks (I'm Michelangelo, damnit!). Well, to herald in this holiest of holy days, here comes a scary video of a dancing hexapod robot. Yeah, one with a freaking human head on top. With glowing red eyes. Just imagine the creepy little bastard scuttling across the floor and humping your leg tonight when you're trying to get your spook on. Oh, oh no --my own vivid imagery just ruined my Halloween pants.

Horrifyingly wonderful hexapod dancing [hackaday]

Thanks Monique and Jason, I'll be sleeping with the lights on tonight.

Oct 24 2008 Walking House Can Run Away From Floods

Art collective N55 built a walking house complete with bathroom and kitchen that can start hoofing it should shit hit the proverbial air-exchanger. It was allegedly designed to move to higher ground should a flood hit Britain. WTF, do they not have mobile homes in England? And if not, I'm moving there.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and a video of the leggy bastard in action.

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Oct 16 2008 The Future Is Now, And Not What I Expected: Walking Powered Shoe Chargers

I hate walking. That's why I run. Or Hoveround (screw you Rascal!). But for those of you that don't mind, how about making the most out of your two legged transportation. NTT has developed a shoe that promises to charge your gadgetry while on the go.

Their soles are filled with water, displaced as the wearer walks and forced through a tiny turbine. Current prototypes generate 1.2 watts of electricity, enough to power your iPod as you strut, but by the time these things hit production in 2010 the hope is to more than double that to 3 watts so that you can charge up your mobile, too.

Sure, why not. But I'd still prefer to see the breast-powered charger instead. Literally, I want to see it in action. And, I dunno, maybe some light touching.

NTT says one of these days these boots are gonna charge your gadgets [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who's currently out on the the hunt for the best damn burrito in NYC.

Oct 10 2008 The I-Foot: Toyota's New Mobility Suit

I don't really have any more information on this robotic suit except the i-foot is a terrible name, it was made by Toyota, and appears to be the lovechild of a MechWarrior that stuck it to a Tyrannasaurus Rex (wish I could have been there). Oh, and two thumbs up on the choreography, Toyota, I love the theater. Okay, strip clubs.

Toyota Mobility Suit [useloos]

Thanks to Tytus, who, in his quest to build a mobility suit, invented the jetpack.

Sep 5 2008 Epic Failure: How Not To Parachute

This is a video of basejumper Hans Lange vampire suiting around in Norway. Everything goes smoothly until his parachute fails to deploy properly and he ends up tumbling down the mountainside until he's stopped by a tree. He caught it all on film thanks to a helmet cam. Hans, you are one lucky mother -- an improperly deployed parachute is better than no deployment at all. Seriously, I went on one of those discount skydiving adventures once, and, long story short: they pushed me out of the plane with a freaking bookbag. Thankfully, my ghost is a hell of a blogger.

First Person View of an Epic Parachute Fail [gizmodo]

Aug 27 2008 Robotic Legs Allow Paraplegics To Walk

Amit Goffer, who was paralyed in a 1997 accident, has invented ReWalk, which gives paraplegics the chance to walk again. Unfortunately, Goffer can't use the system himself, as it requires the use of your arms, which he doesn't have full use of.

The system, which requires crutches to help with balance, consists of motorized leg supports, body sensors and a back pack containing a computerized control box and rechargeable batteries.

The user picks a setting with a remote control wrist band -- stand, sit, walk, descend or climb -- and then leans forward, activating the body sensors and setting the robotic legs in motion.

"It raises people out of their wheelchair and lets them stand up straight," Goffer said. "It's not just about health, it's also about dignity."

Damn, that's probably the awesomest thing I've heard all day. Good looking, Goffer. I just hope these things don't fall into the hands of the non-paralyzed, lest they build a superhuman army.

Again, awesome. Hit the jump for three more pictures, the second of which is Goffer himself.

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Jun 30 2008 Sweet Wheels: Dog Born With Back Legs Only

I love dogs more than I love people and that's the truth. Ask my girlfriend if you don't believe me, she has to sleep on the floor.

Hope, a Maltese puppy, was born with two little nubbins instead of front legs. So what did the people at Southern Comfort Maltese Rescue in Chattanooga, Tennessee do? Simple, they made her a pair of wheeled front legs.

The wheeled device was created by orthotist David Turnbill free of charge with makeshift shoulder joints connected to model airplane wheels. Each of the device's 'arms' can move up or down independently of the other, allowing Hope to pivot and turn. The spring-loaded prosthetic arms hook to a custom-fitted chest plate to allow Hope to lay down or sit up without removing the prosthetic.

The wheels she uses as front legs took some getting used to and at first the tiny lap dog would tip over to one side.

Now Hope is completely accustomed to the legs and can runs laps around her other puppy pals (but please, no stairs). Wow, that really warms the heart, doesn't it? Mine sure feels like it's on fire. And that's not just the spicy breakfast tacos talking. I just hope this doesn't start some sort of sick two-legged pet craze. I catch you brandishing a saw anywhere near an animal and it's gonna be you needing wheels.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and a video of Hope before her wheels.

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